Defense of Honesty Coalition
Posted on December 21st, 2004 by megachurchsurvivor into the Politics categoryFollowing the recent success shared by the Defense of Marriage Coalition comes a new coalition for the pastors of Portland to join. It seems we’ve successfully eradicated homosexuality by virtually making it illegal to be a homosexual. We started with a goal to eradicate the most notorious sin on God’s hierarchy of sin list, and I think we succeeded brilliantly! We’ve opted to ignore infidelity, divorce, pornography, incest and abuse as threats to the marriage covenant and chosen to concentrate solely on those tens of gays and lesbians who for some reason want to get married. Yep, the Defense of Marriage has come and gone now that the threat is finally over, and we heterosexuals can finally get back to what we do best, breaking half the marriage covenants we enter in to. Now comes a new coalition to join. The Defense of Honesty Coalition. That’s right lying, cheating and all other forms of dishonesty will not be tolerated! We will start by taking all the pastor’s names and the name’s of their churches, then we’ll publish them in the Oregonian so that liars know which congregations they are not welcome in. Then we’ll send out spam and junk-mail to all our church members asking them to support our coalition and our measure with monetary donations (don’t forget to still give to Pay if Forward Together Campaign, Faith Harvest and your tithe). If we come up short on funds we’ll just ask pastors to dip into the churches piggybank and maybe we’ll take a $200,000 "loan" from CCLI, that we’ll be sure to pay back, because there’s a lot of revenue to made in founding coalitions. Once we’ve made liars feel just about as awkward and unwelcome in our sanctuary as possible, we’ll begin with anti-liar rallies to really drive home the point. Once we’ve legislated our brand of righteousness and imposed it on this unbelieving world, we’ll retreat to our sanctuarys and wait for them to pour in by the thousands. We here at the Coalition Foundation truly believe that if He were alive and walking the Earth today, Jesus would join one of our many coalitions, because He feels as strongly as we do about those disgusting sinners…those dirty, dirty sinners!
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December 21st, 2004 at 5:54 pm
I was thinking of discussing this same topic. But you covered it very well. Well done.
December 21st, 2004 at 6:03 pm
You deserve a medal.
I feel better about society just knowing that the DOHC (Defense of Honesty Coalition) is out there.
Don’t forget you can still take advantage of the Political Tax Credit (also tithe deductable)
You know, as we prayerfully enter into this campaign, we have determined that honesty is far too crucial to lose for a lack of money. So please donate now, because we are going to spend as much money as it takes to alienate all of the liars in Portland.
Don’t forget about the political tax credit. This is really great. You give to us, uncle sam gives back to you, and God blesses you greatly.
Remember, God honors that kind of faith.
December 22nd, 2004 at 1:04 am
Ah, very good. Both humerous and poignant. Speaking of honesty, I feel I should confess that I’ve been sitting on the cite for hours at a time hitting the refresh button. By my calculations I’ve done this approximately 5,250 times. So I apologize for this deception to the other participants of the site, which I calculate to be about 20 people or the blog hosts and their immediate family.
December 22nd, 2004 at 2:02 am
Hey, I’ve commented a few times on this site.. I just wanted to say hi to you all, I’m a attender of this church, and of gen church. I basically grew up in the church. I don’t think you guys know me though. Anyways, I like what you guys are doing.. the posts you make are well thought out, smart, and also of course hilariously funny. Which I’m sure you already knew.
But, I’ll be sticking around here for a while..
By the way, this is a good one, this post. I know exactly what you mean.
December 22nd, 2004 at 7:27 am
Sounds like Anonymous has a problem with how popular this site is.
Somebody hit a nerve.
December 22nd, 2004 at 9:22 am
Hey folks, The Angel Moroni here. I know I should just be minding my own business but I was sitting here in Salt Lake taking a break from tooting my golden horn and thought I should drop you a line. Seems to me that you guys should stick to your original goal of addressing the issue of tithing and money in the church.
I think you might be geting off course. Seems to me that measure 36 didn’t “virtually make it illegal to be a homosexual” as you put it–it just doesn’t allow gays to call their unions marriage. That doesn’t seem like a big deal to me. Also your logic doesn’t play out. Beacause the leaders of your religion have not been doing a very good job on other issues doesn’t mean that soemthing shouldn’t be done in other areas. Maybe your religious affiliation should work on -all-of the concerns: gay marriage, incest, divorce, dishonesty, pornography, etc. Two wrongs don’t make a right.
December 22nd, 2004 at 9:33 am
Angel:
Yeah, but I’m running out of tithing jokes. I mean we had two straight weeks of it. At this point, I’m trying to get Former Cup Bearer to write out the lyrics to “Do you tithe like I tithe?” Which I was singing this morning on the way to work. (Just try it,
“Said the King to the Shepherd Boy… Do you tithe like I tithe?” I love it.)
Some people really have a problem with City Bible focusing so strongly on the issue of gay marriage, Especially since its really the only strong political stance they’ve taken in 10 years.
But Angel, you come up with a good tithing joke, I’ll post it.
December 22nd, 2004 at 10:14 am
Why so defensive Reformed Pope? Is the humor of worth only when it’s pointed at someone else?
December 22nd, 2004 at 12:48 pm
Hey Catalyst
whats wrong with this one:
I’ve got a mortgage payment, a car payment and bills up the wazoo plus all the money I’ve got to spend for Christmas but I’ve got some great news…I just saved a bunch of money by not tithing and switching to GraceCo.
December 22nd, 2004 at 2:25 pm
I definitely appreciate that one!!!!!!
December 22nd, 2004 at 2:59 pm
hello everyone, I know the stance that you are taking against all the “you have to tithe to be blessed” talk from the pulpit, but you serously don’t believe that gays should get married……right? if so it seems like you have thrown all of you morals out the window. I am pretty sure what the message that God speaks about homosexuals is not a “grey” area. And if that is the way that you are going it seems that you are looking for a church that has no moral values and preaches that you can live how ever you want because the grace of God. SO………..Live how you want to. OH wait…………………..you already go to the Well. Never mind.
December 22nd, 2004 at 3:59 pm
Anonymous,
That last comment was just silly. It’s already been stated more than once that the bloggers on this site come from a variety of churches. Please keep that in mind.
December 22nd, 2004 at 5:34 pm
Anonymous, if that’s your REAL name, you are as pharisaical as they come. I think Mount Hood Community College teaches an entry level class on sarcasm, if you’re interested, and I think you should consider it. I know what God’s Word says about homosexuality and I’m sure He hates it along with all other forms of sin, but campaigning from the pulpit is a violation of a churches status as a non-profit organization (or should be at least). This measure will not stop gays from getting married anyway, but it will insure that they never step foot in your church and that is the real tragedy.
December 22nd, 2004 at 10:19 pm
oh yeah your right megachurch, Christians should just put all moral issues aside and not speak out against them because that would discourage them from comeing to our church, and we shouldn’t say that murdering is wrong from the pulpit because we dont want those murders to not want to come. very enlightening megamoron, good call. You are one smart cookie.
December 23rd, 2004 at 2:57 pm
I should hardly think that two people who love each other and want to be together could be considered in the same light as murder. That’s the dumbest comment I’ve ever heard
December 23rd, 2004 at 3:10 pm
SIN IS SIN MORON, God does not measure it.
December 23rd, 2004 at 4:19 pm
“…very enlightening megamoron, good call. You are one smart cookie.” - anonymous
that’s awesome! you took megachurchsurvivor and added moron to the end, brilliant! let me try! catalamoron, ooh ooh, ReformedPopamoron, how’s that? I’ve got one, how about anonymoron, how ’bout them apples?!
I’m pretty sure mega was saying he was yes on 36, but no on DOMC, at least that’s how I read it. frankly, I agree with him, Jesus had an entirely different approach to sinners; He wasn’t afraid to approach them. last I checked, He had the most significant and effective ministry in all of history.
December 23rd, 2004 at 6:31 pm
“So I apologize for this deception to the other participants of the site, which I calculate to be about 20 people or the blog hosts and their immediate family.”
You forgot to add readers of Willamette Week as well.
December 23rd, 2004 at 11:41 pm
More like Jesusismyrolemodelamoron, how do YOU like dem apple’s
December 24th, 2004 at 5:03 am
there’s no argument for that! can we have an age limit for our posters, please. Let’s say no one 12 or under can contribute without written consent of a parent or guardian. I can’t believe you actually argued a Scriptural referrence by calling me a moron. Classic!