Once again I thought I had it figured out, and once again I was wrong. It’s amazing how that keeps happening to me over and over.

You see, for me, learning the truth about the gospel of Jesus Christ was such a strong revelation that I actually thought I had it all figured out. But, I am slowly realizing that I haven’t changed as much as I first thought.

Sure, learning about God saving me, as a sinner, is powerful; understanding grace is the first step, but that’s all. It’s just one step, it’s a step on the right path at least, but it is only the beginning. Salvation is what Jesus has done for me, but what can I do for Jesus? That is the question I keep asking myself.

When I figured out grace, I stopped trying to earn my salvation and subsequently all those little “sins” that once had controlled my life, slowly began to stop. As this began to happen I thought I had done it. On top of the Christian ladder; tough climb, but worth it for the view. Just me, PF and Jesus…

Here’s the problem: I don’t like people. I really don’t. It’s not some sort of prejudice based on race or religion or sex; I pretty much don’t like all people the same. Blame my parents, they home-schooled me and now I have “social issues”. That’s my excuse anyway. I think that my personality isn’t meant to reach people; so I crawl in and out of my cave every day, trying as hard as I can to avoid meeting anybody new and all the while thinking that I’ve figured Christianity out. Right.

I write a blog, pointing out the flaws of a church that I believe is completely self absorbed; so self centered that they can’t even see they aren’t being effective. Um, but wait, yep this where I am forced to insert a scripture. It’s Matthew 7:3-5 (NIV)

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? [4] How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? [5] You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

Are the things I write about CBC true? Yes. Am I just another self-serving, un-Christ like Christian? Yes (for the record I have no intention of stopping this blog, see my previous comments on maturity).

A couple of weeks back my cell group went to go feed the homeless. Boy was I excited; my first Christ-like act of 2005, this was going to be great. I was convinced that this was really going to make me feel good about myself. We showed up; brought tacos, sound pretty tasty right?. This, I thought, was how you receive blessings from God. It’s not how much you money you give; it’s how much you do for other people. Wrong. Again.

I spent most of the evening talking with the people in my cell group. Yes, I met about 10 new people, but I couldn’t tell you any of their names. You see, I am pathetic and that is how it hit me. I was sure that feeding the homeless once a month was going to carry me through my Christian life, but I missed the point. All of them.

It isn’t about the food, this is America not Ethiopia, none of these people were on deaths door. It also isn’t about how it will make me feel. We are called to be like Christ, and I don’t think he went to the cross thinking “Wow, this is going to be great. For the next 100,000 years every Christian out there will owe me big time”. The cross wasn’t for Jesus, it wasn’t a test from God. It was sacrifice; as pure as sacrifice can be.

Catalyst, you’re a betting man, what are the odds of Johnpaul ever laying down his life for anyone? It just wouldn’t happen, but wait it gets worse. What are the odds of Johnpaul laying down his Sunday afternoon nap for anyone? Damn, it hurts; it really truly hurts.

Let’s dig deeper. A couple of Sundays ago I was sitting in church during worship and the worship leader started telling some story, I’m not really sure what about, because I was to busy thinking about how lame worship was that morning. At one point I actually muttered to myself “Just sing the damn song”. Not exactly what you would call a heart of worship.

I thought that worship was about me. I’ll praise God and in return He’ll make me feel all warm and fuzzy. Of course to do that I’ll need a great performance from the worship team.
No half-ass act will do, I need my laser light show (ok, maybe it’s not that bad…yet). It’s only now starting to hit me that worship is about honoring God for all He’s done and not about God emotionally touching me.

I could go forever. The point it this: I am not living a Christ-like lifestyle and I need to change. If only I could find a way to do it without all the sacrifice.

Here is an email from an old college roomate discussing Christian Musicians and the money they make. I thought it asked some interesting questions.

Okay, so my wife won tickets for the SCC concert this Saturday night and we talking about how we probably wouldn’t be going had she not won them due to cost.

Now, the question becomes, what is an appropriate price for a Christian concert ticket? At it’s core it’s just a show, but it’s under the auspices of being Christian so there is a bit of evangelism to it and thus shouldn’t fall under the laissez-faire idea of letting the market set the price.

I grant that CA Arena is going to charge more than the typical concert hall because of the higher cost of everything in the NYC metro area. So, let’s say that NJSEA takes a $15 per seat cut. Then there’s the cost of running a show - musicians, roadies, equipment, transportation, lodging, etc. That is probably around $5 per ticket. That makes our base price $20, which I feel is reasonable. Anything above and beyond this (not including merchandise sales) is pure profit in Stevie’s pocket.

I can understand that he wants a little something for his effort and to help his ministries. Assuming that there will be ten thousand people there (and there will most likely be more than that) every dollar over 20 gains $10,000. Now at his usual concerts he may not make a lot so he needs to average that out with big events like this one. I wouldn’t be too mad if he tacked on $5 more, earning $50,000 for one night’s work. An excessive sum, yes, but justifiable in my mind. However, the cheapest tickets are $35!!! My cost estimates are probably a little high, but even with them he is raking in 150,000 clams for one night.

And all the truly poor people in the area who could use a message of salvation can’t afford to go. Now, perhaps 90 percent of that money goes to compassion international or Wycliffe bible translators, but I doubt it. Just another example of what’s wrong with the church and I dig SCC.

At least I’m going for free!