Tithe Club
Posted on May 9th, 2005 by catalyst into the Uncategorized categoryA close friend of the blog just sent this in:
I was busy doing my Saturday research and I wanted to see if there were any new conferences going on at CBC. Much to my surprise there weren’t any new ones, in fact one was missing. The Total Leadership Experience was no longer listed as an upcoming conference. I quickly checked the online church calendar to make sure that it was listed there, but no luck. It looks like the Total Leadership Experience has now become the Secret Leadership Experience. SHHHHHH!
Don’t tell anyone but Leadership Uncensored was so hardcore, so hard hitting, so intense that they have to keep it a secret. T.L.E has now gone underground and they’ve added one new event “Tithe Club”. Here’s the secret ad:
TITHE CLUB
You are not your job. You are not your khakis. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. What happens first is you can’t sleep. And what happens next is you meet Pastor Hank. Let me tell you about Hank. He had a plan. In Hank we trusted. Hank says the things you own, end up owning you. It’s only after you’ve tithed everything that you’re free to do anything. Tithe Club represents that kind of freedom.
First rule of Tithe Club: You do not talk about Tithe Club.
Second rule of Tithe Club: You do not talk about Tithe Club.
Hank says Tithe might be the answer.
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May 9th, 2005 at 9:45 pm
How do I join, you ask? It’s very simple. Most churches, especially the older orthodox ones recite a statement of faith — you know, like the Nicene Creed — and then they have Eucharist, or communion to reaffirm their faith in salvation through the remembrance of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ.
Well, if you want to be in the Tithe Club, every Sunday you will recite the “As I Give In Today’s Offering” statement of faith. Then you will reaffirm your faith by giving. It’s Damazio 3:16 in action.
May 10th, 2005 at 6:50 am
for those of you who haven’t been to CBC, that isn’t a joke. They really do recite a posted script that starts out ,” As I give into todays offering…” Some of it is scripture and some of it is out of context, and then some CBC doctrine on giving. Everyone stands and proclaims together. perfect unity, on the outside anyway.
May 10th, 2005 at 1:23 pm
Whoa, whoa, whoa - wait a second. Are you telling me that they now recite some kind of tithing liturgy during the offering? I’m speechless…
FICM
May 10th, 2005 at 3:04 pm
Hey, check out www.scripturist.com
It’s part of this complete breakfast.
May 10th, 2005 at 3:10 pm
Every Sunday PF stands up and tells everyone to get a tithing envelope and hold it up in the air. Then he gives a speech about giving. Then he instructs everyone to read aloud in unison the faith statement that can be read on several of the plasma screens.
He has written a different one for every week. (They have been published in a book and are for sale for other pastors to use in their churches for enhanced tithing results!) Anyway, each statement begins with the words, “As I give in today’s offering….” and goes on to say something about God’s character or His generosity or whatever.
Then there’s a Scripture (like my favorite about “pressed down, shaken together” … which we all know is about money, right? Oh, well, look it up. It’s about judgment and forgiveness. The verse right before is the famous “Judge not and you shall not be judged” verse. — Luke 7:37,38)
Since I don’t want to judge or be judged, I am just giving the facts. And since I want mercy and forgiveness given to me “pressed down and overflowing,” …
May 10th, 2005 at 6:36 pm
I don’t know what kind of exchange PF has with his church before T-time but if Jesus were there it might go something like this:
PF to church: “Will man rob God? Yet you are robbing me. But you say, ‘How are we robbing thee?’ In your tithes and offerings. 9 You are cursed with a curse, for you are robbing me; the whole nation of you. 10 Bring the full tithes into the storehouse, that there may be food, I mean money, in my house”
Jesus to PF: “Which commandment is the first of all? The first is, you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ 31 The second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”… “and to love him with all the heart, and with all the understanding, and with all the strength, and to love one’s neighbor as oneself, is much more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices.”
May 10th, 2005 at 7:04 pm
a slight correction:
It isn’t Luke 7 it is Luke 6.
But we get your drift. I’m not sure I agree with it only being about judgement and mercy, I read that it could be money or other things. Well we will know when we get to heaven. And it is good to be a giver.
May 10th, 2005 at 9:36 pm
I am not my grande latte.
HILARIOUS, catalyst! I LOVE “Fight Club.”
To the last Anonymous’ comment, are you kidding me that your only substantive comment (besides your correcting the Scriptural reference…I bet you’re a “corrective pray-er”) is that “it’s good to be a giver”???!!! Are you a current CBHS student or WHAT?!
Of course it is “good to be a giver.” In what galaxy does that magically translate into a pentecostal liturgical “statement of faith” immediately preceding the “tithe” ceremony? The tithe is an Old Testament practice which Christ replaced with heart-motivated, non-formulaic, cheerful and proportionate giving. You know, the new covenant is all about the heart rather than the law? Do you find the term “tithe” in the New Testament? Don’t you think that Christ calls us to a higher, heart-level of giving?
The whole “give 10% of your income, and the only real question is whether that 10% is on your gross or net” is similar to the post-modernistic apochalyptic view, in which the only real question is whether the “rapture” (which is a term, by the way, NEVER mentioned in Scripture) occurs pre- mid- or post- “trib” (which is the only apochalyptic view sold in all the slimy “Christian Supply” stores–never mind premillenialism or amillenialism–only one of many reasons I get the creeps going into those places). Oh, I digress. Please forgive me. I guess my point is to THINK.
CBC’s obsession with tithing is fear-based. Churches need to trust the Lord to provide, through their people and through other means, rather than guilting and manipulating members to tithe, and using tithe records as a means of judging members’ spirituality, commitment, worthiness to climb the ladder, etc.
OK, my red wine is kicking in…mind, you, I’m NOT drunk (because that’s a sin), but I think my ability to debate is decreasing.
I am Jack’s burgeoning sense of outrage.
(aka “Free From the Matrix”)
May 11th, 2005 at 4:58 pm
dear congregation,
we are gathered here today to point and laugh at the last blogger, a lonely and pathetic bachelor, alone in his studio apartment with Colonel Sandwich, his Golden Retriever, and a bottle of ‘89 Merlot. a true theologian. this mans brilliance is clearly evident, as he took the time to systematically break down eschatology for us idiots. amen
now…you pathetic raca; I’m sure that you feel the need to impress the rest of the congregation with your mental gymnastics, (or should I say Grudems systematic under your pillow) you uneducated wine-bibber. however, the elders here at “the blog” have voted. you are hereby the village idiot.
I haven’t the patience nor the time to wax theology with you. You are truly West Virginia’s elite; inbred and lovin’ it. did you forget, oh toothless wonder, that Jesus draws his doctrine from the pentateuch?
Einsteins like you should stick to passages like I Corinthians 13 and the maps. this is a safe place for you.
your brother, Financialblessings
May 11th, 2005 at 5:59 pm
If I get a vote for village idiot I’m nominating Financial Blessings. Anybody read his post under Worst.Blog.Ever?
Besides the complete lack of spelling and grammar* he wrote this sentence “(you cloak your poverty by mishaps, Oregonian tree bark shirts, tea and sympathy.
I’m sure that was supposed to be incredibly witty, but unfortunately it wasn’t.
If only the interrupting cow could have gotten to him before it was too late.
*since you obviously didn’t benefit from Mrs. Coleman’s English class, try writing your posts in Microsoft Word. They have a built in spellchecker for people like you.
May 11th, 2005 at 6:24 pm
While I appreciate ReeforedPope coming to my defense, I have to admit I’m quite fond of Mr. FB, I learn a lot from his posts.
Because of FB, I now know that Mr. York is the lead singer for Radiohead. And he sings a song about a “thief” and eating someone alive.
I know that “raca” means “worthless”
And I know that the pentateuch are the first five books of the Bible.
But mostly, I know that FB makes this blog interesting.
Thank you and please keep ‘em coming.
May 11th, 2005 at 7:53 pm
I’m having to reach over my beer-stained t-shirt to grab my half-empty bag of pork rinds…damn, where’s the hot sauce? The faint strains of a banjo tickle my hound-dog’s large floppy ears, while my lovely wife, Lurleen, fetches me my nightly mason jar of white lightin’…damn, that flea dip smells bad. Little Lurleen looks just like our mother (BELCH, scratch, scratch). Enough about me.
“Financial blessings,” you crack me up with your own ingorance.
Have you forgotten the new covenant? That Christ fulfilled the law? That he’s concerned about our hearts, not outward appearance? That Pharisees anger him? That the word “tithe” isn’t in the NT (anymore than “rapture” is)? That giving to the Lord is not based on a formula, but on our hearts and spirits? Since you didn’t respond to any of the substance of my message, I guess we can draw our own conclusions about your IQ…or at least your willingness/ability to have an authentic dialogue about giving, CBC’s cermonialization of the sacred tithe, etc.
I agree that spellcheck needs to become your pal.
If you hate this blog so much, why do you visit/comment? This inquiring mind wants to know.
OK, this isn’t supposed to be a nasty blog where we attack each other, is it? My bad.
Lurleen, bring me that ’shine.
FFTM
May 12th, 2005 at 10:17 am
First of all, I so appreciate all of this banter — it’s a smarty-pants beauty to behold. And references to Mrs. Coleman’s English class….it brings a tear to my eye….
I’m a former member of CBC, of the same generation as catalyst and Reformed Pope, a recovering student of homeschooling and the School of Discipleship, and a recent recipient of a Master of Music degree in Choral Conducting from the University of Colorado at Boulder. I spent 17 years of my life at CBC, and I never really felt like I was visible. I did everything I could. I was a good kid. I tithed my babysitting money. I spoke in tongues and went to camp and prayed for the harvest. I led worship for Bible studies and TREK LIFE Groups (guess that dates me as a pre-City-Celler). When the door was open, I showed up, just like they said. There was no community there for me. When my family fell apart, no one saw. People knew, people talked about it, but no one saw. There was nothing for me there as far as I knew, and no means for me to get the acceptance and love I so desperately needed.
I left for college, and instantly everything changed for me. Amongst a community of Buddhists, gay men, agnostics, Mormons, intellectuals, political liberals, etc., I found an acceptance and love that I never knew in church. I discovered that the things that CBC-ers attributed to the presence of Jesus in human relationships weren’t attributed to Jesus by the people who actually gave those things to me for the first time. Acceptance and love come from the divinity, the image of the infinite in the human heart. I can’t account for it any other way….and what else could it mean to be made in the image of God?
So, I’d like to thank CBC for their neglect. If they had noticed me at all, ever, for any reason, it’s likely that I would have stayed. But, because they were so very thorough in their carelessness, I am now free. I know I am worth something. I can see that their brand of religion is very much more like a psychological disorder than a faith. The anger I once felt towards the church has been transformed into a profound gratefulness for all I am now free to know and believe and feel.
On a different note, I’d like to thank catalyst and Reformed Pope for providing this forum, this virtual community as a point of commonality and means of expression. It’s so good to know that I wasn’t really as alone as I felt all that time. It makes me smile wryly to myself to think of us as the “chosen generation” (a la Doug Lasit) in a way that they never expected…casting off the blinders they crafted for themselves and for us….proclaiming and pursuing our own freedom.
I look forward to watching this blog in the future.
May 12th, 2005 at 11:46 am
Ah Jiminy,
I remember back in ‘95 when we… OK I don’t really know who you are, but your story touched my soul deeply. How did we ever survive home school and school of discipleship?
I applaud your courage to look past the bitterness (which is currently rotting your soul) and thank them for their ineptitudes. You sir, are a bridge. One day soon, I hope, we will bring the “Chosen Generation” together with the “Prosperity Generation” and bridge the bitterness gap.
May 13th, 2005 at 12:05 pm
Jiminy Cricket— you sound like a SNOB. “Ahiii did this, and ahiii did that, and ahiii got my mahstahs degree.” Who cares… Sounds like you still live in a bubble of self-importance.
May 13th, 2005 at 3:30 pm
In reply to Anonymous: I apologize for the appearance of snobbery…I only said the bit about the master’s degree because it’s brand new, and I’m excited about it. Just a little schoolgirl giddiness, really. As for self-importance, here’s what I’m wondering: what’s it to you? What fear does it trigger in you for someone else to rejoice briefly (and with only biographical intentions, I might add) in their achievements? And why are you passing judgment on someone who you only know from a couple paragraphs on a blog. Feel free to email if you are interested in having a broader perspective in lieu of stone-throwing.
And, RP: thanks for your reply. I graduated from TCES in ‘98 (the year after yours, I believe), and I’m not exactly certain how we survived homeschooling, either. But, I bet you’ll agree that it feels good to be learning how to flourish now.
I’m hoping this just clarifies a couple things…I’m not trying to start a bathroom stall-style commentary war…just wanting to join in the reindeer games.
May the light of truth dispel the darkness and save all beings from suffering.
May 13th, 2005 at 5:10 pm
Thanks for commenting, JC.
And congratulations on your Master’s Degree. That is impressive.
FWIW, I didn’t think you were being a snob. You were honestly sharing your experience with CBC, and I find that refreshing.
May 15th, 2005 at 12:08 pm
welcome, congregation. everybody please file in quickly–timid and bitter homeschoolers to my right, and fruitless fault-finders to my left–careful–don’t spill your beer.
I’m so glad you could all make it today. I think we all know what the ’spins’ can do to a man the next morning, so I congratulate you all.
As you all know, it’s been quite the coup de force around here, what with the leadership scramble and all, but I managed to retain a thread of spiritual influence over the past week.
Who I’m referring to, mou teknia, is the few of you who are simply disagreeable doctrinally, and lead up the pack of disgruntled and deeply offended. I delineate between two groups here–those justified in their conscience to oppose my methedologies by way of reason and argument, and those who possess within themselves the power to forgive yet cling to the scraps of stale bread and look for a leader who would manipulate their wounded souls and weak minds by way of indoctrination.
Upon these observations I must tender my resignation as head Shepherd over this local flock. I shall be superceded by Friar Double It, Lord and Co-Keeper of the Fellowship of the T.W.O.T. (Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament)
Please give him all the respect and admiration that you have so graciously bestowed upon anyone that would challenge you–which is none.
Please forgive my horrible grammar, as I am a product of the public school system, educated in the East, unfamiliar to the nitpickings of such an elite cohort such as the CBC bloggers. I shall spend my spare time in search of an editor, to whom I shall dictate my future blabberings.
“May the peace that accompanies financial blessing accompany thee”
Financialblessings
May 16th, 2005 at 3:03 pm
Wow FB. You’re really not funny.