Taking the college out of PBC
Posted on June 3rd, 2005 by catalyst into the Songs that mock, PBC category(Warning: This post is rated PG-13)
So it sounds like CBC is trying to make the school less Bible College and more Internship (i.e. Timothy program). This may be a little bit obvious, but how long before we can start calling it Portland Business College?
I guess they want to raise up an army of ass-kissers. Don’t you want to be a part of “Generation Kiss Ass”?
And if PBC is going to become the Timothy Program. At least, I hope they include a class about safe sex, or at least hand out condoms at orientation. Last I checked, the Timothy program was less about serving the Lord and more about servicing your co-intern… but whatever…
Anyway, here is the new theme song for the School of Internship at City Bible. Led by General Hank and his army of ass-kissers.
I am an A.
I am an A…
I am an A-S
I am an A-S-S-K-I-S-S-E-R
And I will T-I-T-H-E to my home church C-B-C
Or God will C-U-R-S-E me for all Eternity
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June 3rd, 2005 at 2:06 pm
Hilarious.
And to think I wasted all that time trying to be a C…
June 3rd, 2005 at 5:19 pm
You’re full of B
You’re full of B-I
You’re full of B-I-T-T-E-R-N-E-S
And you are full of H-A-T-E in your H-E-A-R-T
And you will S-P-E-N-D eternity in HELL
You’re full of B…
June 3rd, 2005 at 5:51 pm
Wow, they’re both funny. Just remember folks, whenever you start to come up with your own opinion on something, it’s probably just a root of bitterness taking hold. And naturally you’re on your way to hell, while the Pharisees are tithing their way to heaven.
PS: Way to complete the ABC’s with that post. (asskisser, bitterness, christian)
June 4th, 2005 at 9:22 am
Anonymous’ song “Bitterness” is retarded. I find it so amusing that whenever an ex-CBCer stands up and speaks freely about the church, a current member always has to go and call them “bitter”.
June 4th, 2005 at 2:18 pm
Oh really? I find it amusing that whenever someone stands up and supports CBC or PBC, bloggers here call them blind and/or deceived.
June 4th, 2005 at 6:35 pm
That’s because this blog is called City Business Church, not City Bitterness Church. The point has been proved why CBC is run like a business; please explain why Cat is full of bitterness.
June 4th, 2005 at 7:15 pm
This post shouldn’t be rated PG-13.
It should be rated “Make sure you don’t have a full bladder when you read it ’cause you might laugh until you pee your pants.”
So - ho - ho damn funny!
Also, Anon. 1, it might be advisable when damning people to hell to check your spelling (bitterness has a second “s”…although your version is more palatable from a sung/metric perspective). Last I checked, damning people to hell was God’s job, and seeing as how God is omniscient and all, incorrect spelling definitely damages your credibility….that is, if you’re willing to acknowledge that you’re playing God by sending people to hell.
June 4th, 2005 at 10:38 pm
i do enjoy a good public debate
June 9th, 2005 at 9:58 am
Come On!!! Taking a famous Christian song and changing the word to imply a negative characteristic. That’s a little immature don’t you think. And that’s why I love it.
July 2nd, 2005 at 8:46 pm
I’m torn in two; on the one hand, I loved the song; on the other hand, it’s really bad. Shame on your poopy mouth. It’s full of poop. Shame. Poop.
I may be an asskisser, but I want a prophet’s reward. Kinda like the Centurion (US Soldier) in occupied Israel (Iraq) asked Jesus (a dirty Iraqi) to heal his servant (the platoon chef). In the modern vernacular, that’s prime A Ass kicking goodness. But that’s a kingdom reality. Ass kissing involves two kingdom postures. The first is kneeling, the second is kissing a part that you don’t deem holy.
PRIDE won’t wash feet. PRIDE won’t die to rights and opinions and serve another mans vision. PRIDE will criticize from a distance.
July 13th, 2005 at 12:58 pm
So you earn a prophets reward by Tithing?
July 13th, 2005 at 1:00 pm
…and further more:
What exactly IS a prophets reward?
How do you earn it?
When do you get it?
July 13th, 2005 at 1:01 pm
…and even further:
Why is the Iraqi “dirty”?
Does Jesus think the Iraqi is dirty or is that just you. (I wouldn’t think that racists qualify for the “Prophets Reward”)
July 5th, 2006 at 5:49 am
Allright. Since when has tithing been considered Asskissing?? God has called you to do it and that ought to be enough, but supposing it’s not, let’s look at this at a very worldly view. You wouldn’t go to a movie for free; The theatre would go out of business. Why would you expect to go to anywhere else for no charge? Your church supports you in the spirit. You support them by paying the electric bill to keep the mics working to keep them supporting you in the spirit. If any, it’s a selfish reason, but nevertheless a sensible one.
July 6th, 2006 at 11:56 am
Disclosure statement: I tithe
That being said, the obligation being heaped upon congregations is wrong. The churches have taken something holy and made it normal, common, and expected. There will be judgement.
There are two priciples that I rely on for giving. Give joyfully, give sacrificially. I have to want to do it and I need to be giving something that matters to me. If not, the offering is unacceptable to God. Sure the pastor still takes it, he doesn’t seem to mind.
What would happen if we told our congregations to make an offering based upon these two NT principles? “If your offering isn’t joyful or sacrificial, we would like you to keep your wallet in your pocket. We don’t take “that kind” of offering here.” What would God do?
I do agree, that if you are part of a church, you have a responsibility to support it. But, the teaching of the tithe week after week is beginning to wreak of dead men’s bones no matter how they dress it up.
Your entertainment analogy lends itself to much fodder. But I’ll leave that for someone else. They yell at me enough for blogging too much. God, it’s good to be back.
July 6th, 2006 at 2:12 pm
The tithe goes to the store house. The store house is where you are fed. Since obviously you are being fed by City Business Church, you owe City Business Church your tithe.
(OK - so I’m being silly - however, honest to God, I heard Joyce Meyer say that at a conference in Rockford, IL a few years ago - though not about CBC - rather about her ministry. She said “if you are not being fed by that dead church you’re going to, but you are being fed by my ministry, then you owe me your tithe” (or something very close to that). And yes, I got up and left.)
July 7th, 2006 at 2:29 pm
I will be in the Portland area for the first 2 weeks in August. Where do they accept the beer-tithe-offering? I would love to buy the boys a round.
February 16th, 2007 at 4:56 pm
I caaan’t….stooooop…..reeeading this blog. I am an addict and still catching up soooooo….I am a former Timothy Program Intern and THANK GOD no one who did the program at the same time as me was “servicing” their co-interns. I might have had a breakdown –mental, emotional, whatever. And that is on top of all the vomiting I would have done due to mental images and such.
I liked being an intern, but it occurs to me - only now mind you - that I had to pay them a lot of money to serve them. I am glad for that time in my life though because it provided me with a safe place when I went through my first crisis of faith. I might not even believe in God now if I had not been surrounded by people of faith every day. Still, the program was always trying to be something that it wasn’t and ALL of my lessons were learned or at least were fully realized when it ended.
Of course, I think the Timothy Program is now defunct.
February 22nd, 2007 at 8:51 am
Arcane Warrior said: I tithe.
Hi AW: Thank you for sharing with us that you are a tither. If you don’t mind, may I ask you why you tithe? The reason I ask is because you also criticized the obligatory nature of giving heaped onto the people in your comments. Is tithing not regularly taught as obligatory? I don’t think I understood what you were saying exactly.
You also said that the two principles you use to guide your giving are joy and sacrifice. Do you genuinely feel joyful every time you tithe? And, if you tithe regularly, and, I assume, you adjust your standard of living accordingly, then how would tithing really be a true sacrifice?
I feel a bit confused by your statements. Can you help me?
February 22nd, 2007 at 9:36 am
David,
Arcane Warrior hasn’t been around the blog in ages. About the time he was posting here he received a diagnosis of advanced MS. I contacted him privately a time or 2 but haven’t been in touch with him for many months.
Sam
February 22nd, 2007 at 10:26 am
Sam: thank you for the update, even though it is a sad one. If you find it appropriate, please feel free to forward this to Arcane Warrior:
My sister, who has MS, feels much better now after having her amalgam fillings removed from her mouth and chelating the toxic mercury out of her body. Heavy metal toxicity is one major contributing factor to MS because it attacks the nervous system. We have had doctor’s tell us about people who have gradually come right out of their wheel chairs as the mercury has been chelated out of their bodies. I would be willing to get some information to you, if you’re interested. My personal email is davidmackin@intheworld.org. FYI and prayers…
February 23rd, 2007 at 7:28 am
David, I emailed your note to Arcane Warrior yesterday afternoon, to all 3 email addys I have for him.
Sam