I apologize for not posting much this week. I recently got a new job and am trying to make a good impression with my boss. I expect this will last about another week, and then I’ll be back to checking the blog hourly and reading every page on espn.com and craigslist.

In the meantime, allow me to share some gossip and clarify a misunderstanding. Apparently, the business community at City Bible believes this blog was set out to attack them personally. This could not be further from the truth. At the risk of offending our resident anti-consumer Nader-voter (Jiminy Cricket), me and JP are big believers in business and money. We both work hard every day to make money, and we would love to have a successful business. We’re not attacking business, we’re attacking a church that runs itself like a business.

Anyway, apparently City Bible is beginning to feel a backlash from their Business Leaders. The leaders are feeling manipulated. They feel the church expects them to be fundraisers. They feel City Bible values them because of their money and nothing else. (You think?) They feel used.

Side note and blind item: Which long time BT/CBC business member is privately fueding with Pastor Frank?

This all goes to support our claim that the problem with City Bible isn’t the individuals who attend the church. It’s the mindset of the leadership. A mindset that places an inappropriate emphasis on money, and a leadership that uses Christ’s grace for fundraising purposes. (not cool).

It’s the comments that keep bringing me back.

I would like to discuss a comment that was posted after the wonderful song I am an A… Let’s recap the song and then I’ll give you the comment.

I am an A.
I am an A-S
I am an A-S-S-K-I-S-S-E-R
And I will T-I-T-H-E to my home church C-B-C
Or God will C-U-R-S-E me for all Eternity
I am an A…

This is what Financial Blessings had to say about the song. (Here’s your 15mins buddy)

I’m torn in two; on the one hand, I loved the song; on the other hand, it’s really bad. Shame on your poopy mouth. It’s full of poop. Shame. Poop.I may be an asskisser, but I want a prophet’s reward. Kinda like the Centurion (US Soldier) in occupied Israel (Iraq) asked Jesus (a dirty Iraqi) to heal his servant (the platoon chef). In the modern vernacular, that’s prime A Ass kicking goodness. But that’s a kingdom reality. Ass kissing involves two kingdom postures. The first is kneeling, the second is kissing a part that you don’t deem holy. PRIDE won’t wash feet. PRIDE won’t die to rights and opinions and serve another mans vision. PRIDE will criticize from a distance.

This leads me to a few (serious) questions:
1. Do you think you can earn a “prophet’s reward” by tithing?
2. What is a “prophet’s reward”?
3. How do you earn it and when do you get it?
4. Did you really just call Jesus a “dirty Iraqi”? (I don’t think racists qualify for the “prophet’s reward”. Sorry dude.)

I would really like to hear from FB on what this all means. I’m sure he knows what he is talking about. I would think a “prophet’s reward” might be reserved for a prophet, but I don’t know; I guess I’m kinda old school that way.

I know it didn’t make sense, that’s why they always put the answer in the back of the book. Let’s all turn to the pretend back of the book and see that the answer is… C – The Gays.

The story goes like this.

Catalyst is in hanging out in Central America with the CBC crowd and he’s talking with someone who works for one of CBC’s political sister companies (Oregon Family Council, I believe). This guy is telling him how he’s tired of having to react every time “the Gays” do anything. They put out an email, he puts one out. They hold a rally, he starts painting signs.

When Catalyst was telling me this story it occurred to me that we do the same to City Bible. They advertise a conference, we write a post. They start a campaign, we write a post. They preach a sermon, we write a post.
Yes, all we do is write posts, but we are working with a very small budget (the F.U. campaign hasn’t brought in as much cash as we had originally projected).

We talked briefly about a Defense of Grace Campaign (DOGC), but quit when we realized the commitment it would take.

Recently, my close companion Anonymous, asked “what personal vendetta does the person(s) who birthed this hate-filled site have against the church?”.

Well Anony, to help you understand this “hate-filled” site I’ve created this little quiz.

Try this analogy*:

The Morton Boys: City Bible :: City Bible : ____________

A. STANDING IN THE GAP
B. APPLE
C. THE GAYS
D. YOU GUYS ARE SO STUPID. I’M NOT TAKING THIS QUIZ.

I would like everyone to take this quiz very seriously. I’ll post the answer later (Hint: One of those choices actually is a real answer).

*For those who went to TCHS I’ll help translate for you. Read the quiz as follows:
The Morton Boys are to City Bible as City Bible is to _______.

Johnpaul (RP) called me today, and informed me that I have not been pulling my weight on the blog. This sounded a little odd, coming from a guy who’s dedication to the blog is in direct proportion to his wife’s mood. When JP’s wife is happy, I get long phone calls discussing all the things we should write on the blog. When she’s not happy, I get short phone calls from JP, who is usually in his backyard whispering into the phone.

Nevertheless, I haven’t written that much lately. So, I sat down to listen to Mr. Damazio’s latest sermon. Entitled: Growth - There’s More.

I guess Mr. Damazio will be spending the next two months talking about personal growth. There’s not a chance in hell I’m listening to all these sermons, but I figure to make JP happy, I can listen to at least one and then blog my thoughts.

Due to some technical glitch, there was only 11 minutes of the sermon available online. I was thrilled. Eleven minutes is definately possible. This I can do.

(Note to future pastors. I’m pretty sure eleven minutes is the attention span of the average parishoner. If you want people to remember your speech, keep it short.)

Frank starts the sermon talking about growth. He then throws in this odd example of how a mother shouldn’t nurse her child, if the child is a teenager. And then mentions that its even odd for a mother to nurse a child when the child is four years old.

I have no idea what this has to do with the rest of Frank’s sermon, but it reminded me that my mother nursed our brother Joel until he was four. And yes it was weird. It also reminded me that recently when our brother Joel was describing his new girlfriend, he said "She’s Mom." To which, JP, who is admittedly not a hipster, asks "What does that mean?" (thinking maybe its some new slang for "hot chick") Joel replies "No, she’s just like our Mom. I love our mom, and she’s just like her." hmmmm…

The lesson here, mothers. If you want your son to develop some weird obsession into his 20’s, nurse him until he’s four…. ….I recognize this has nothing to do with the sermon, but I thought I’d throw in a little family history.

In setting up the sermon, Pastor Frank asked four questions. I’m sure there was more to the sermon, but luckily for me, it cut out after that. So this is all I have to go on. Anyway, I’m going to list the four questions and then my own anwers.

Am I becoming the person God wants me to be?

Actually, yes I am. I’m not perfect, and I certainly have my faults. But I try to put others first. I try to share Christ’s grace and compassion with every one I meet. So, yeah, I think I’m on the right track.

Is your prayer life any different now than it was five years ago?

I probably prayed more five years ago then I do now. I haven’t noticed a difference in my life, due to the lack of prayer. But I’ll keep you posted if something comes up.

Is your response to authority any different now than it was when you were first saved?

I was saved at three years of age. And according to my mother, I didn’t like authority back then. Well, I don’t really like authority now, either. So, I’m gonna have to say my response to authority is probably the same.

Are you being the husband that you should be?

Thankfully, I’m not married. So, I don’t have to worry about being a good husband, praise the Lord.

So that’s what I got out of the sermon. Yes, I realize this post is a lot more about me, than about Frank’s sermon. But whatever…

…your turn JP.

We just recently received visitor number 50,000. According to our tracking service, the visitor came from a computer in the Portland area. I believe the computer is from a local company that deals in surface and design. It appears that not only was this person visitor number 50,000, but he or she was also visitors 49,953 - 49,999. We have some very loyal readers.

Me and the pope would like to thank all who visit and comment on this blog. There are a billion websites to visit and yet you choose ours, thank you.

Here is the letter that City Bible sent to all parents warning them of myspace.com. I love these types of letters and thought you might enjoy reading it as well.

Dear Parents

We hope that you are enjoying the beginning of your summer and warm weather that the Lord has blessed us with this week! I am writing you to inform you of something that you may or may not be aware of concerning a web site called “myspace.com”.

Myspace.com is a BLOG. In simple terms it is a site where anyone can post information and pictures of themselves. After the information is listed other young people can post comments like a bulleting board and direct comments to that person. Young people are using this site to communicate with their friends and “have fun”. The problem is that the site contains material that is questionable. The web site has no filters or controls over what can be posted or written. On this site you will find nudity, bad language and content that is inappropriate.

It has come to our attention that young people from youth ministries and Christian schools all over the area have posted pages. Portland Christian School recently in a letter informed their parents of their concerns for the site and several youth ministries have done the same.

We feel that parents should be aware of the site and know if your children have pages on the site. If your child has posted a page we feel that it would be wise to have them remove it. Although they may be innocently commenting and communicating with their friends, they are only a couple of clicks away from inappropriate material.

In Christ,

Pastor Doug Lasit

I got a call from my brother Joel last week. He had just received a letter from CBC which warned of the dangers of “myspace.com”. According to the letter “myspace.com is a BLOG… on this site you will find nudity, bad language, and content that is inappropriate.” Joel is angry because he rather enjoys having a myspace.com site and for some reason feels threatened by this letter. He wants me to write about how stupid this letter is.

Well, like any good blogger, I wanted to do research before I rushed to condemn CBC for this letter. What my research revealed may surprise you. On myspace.com I found “nudity, bad language, and content that is inappropriate” (and this was just on Joel’s site.) So based on what I found I would have to agree with CBC, myspace.com does “contain material that is questionable”, sorry Joel.

I will say one thing though. If your children have access to the internet then they have access to “content that is inappropriate”. For those who believe they have “protected” their families with Integrity Online: the French word for BOOBIES is POITRINE.

What amazing timing. Right when I’m posting CBC’s top ten list from "Who Burns First" they release an updated version for 2006. Good news for Samuel John Klein it looks like Catholics have dropped from the list and have been replaced by the dreaded Non-Tither (CBC’s most feared).

Here is the new list for 2006:

1. Irreverent Bloggers
2. Gay’s (w/aids)
3. Non-Tithers
4. The Poor
5. Aaron Tuck
6. People who drink alcohol in public places*
7. Pregnant Teens and their promiscuous partner.
8. Feminists
9. Those who voted NO on Measure 36
10. Democrats

*There is a slight loophole for drinkers. If you only drink on vacation, preferably while you are out of state, you will be exempt from burning. This rule does not apply to other area’s (i.e. – If you get pregnant out of state, you will still burn)