This website is a parody of City Bible Church. We are not owned or operated by Frank Damazio or affiliated with City Bible Church. Please do not send us your tithe.
It is not by grace that one enters the kingdom of heaven, but by tithing.

- Damazio 3:16


Archive for August, 2005

Looting

Posted on August 31st, 2005 by catalyst into the Uncategorized category

Apparently, looting in the city of New Orleans is getting out of hand. Thieves are taking everything from TV’s to jewelry. As such, I’ve been cruising neworleans.craigslist.org looking for some good deals.

Chaos

Posted on August 31st, 2005 by catalyst into the Uncategorized category

I was going to write a post about the New Orleans TV coverage and jokingly ask, “Do any white people live in New Orleans?” And then I read this link:

Email attributed to NOLA rescue worker; economics of disaster
My friend Ned Sublette passes along an email attributed to a rescue worker in New Orleans.

Ned says:

The poorest 20% (you can argue with the number — 10%? 18%? no one knows) of the city was left behind to drown. This was the plan. Forget the sanctimonious bullshit about the bullheaded people who wouldn’t leave. The evacuation plan was strictly laissez-faire. It depended on privately owned vehicles, and on having ready cash to fund an evacuation. The planners knew full well that the poor, who in new orleans are overwhelmingly black, wouldn’t be able to get out.

The resources — meaning, the political will — weren’t there to get them out.

White per capita income in Orleans parish, 2000 census: $31,971. Black per capita: $11,332. Median *household* income in B.W. Cooper (Calliope) Housing Projects, 2000: $13,263.

Katrina

Posted on August 30th, 2005 by catalyst into the Uncategorized category

Is anyone else as fascinated by this storm as me? I have been trying to do work all day, but instead keep refreshing www.wwltv.com instead. Katrina hits the region knocking out all power, destroys a couple of levee’s and now the city is slowly filling up with water. It looks like the worst case scenario is actually coming true.

Under the Banner

Posted on August 26th, 2005 by catalyst into the Uncategorized category

I recently read the book Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakeur. The book is a stirring criticique of Fundamental Mormonism, Mormonism and religion in general. Part of the book focuses on Colorado City, Colorado where polygamy is common practice. In this city of several thousand, girls as young as twelve are forced to marry men four times their age, Incest and pedophia are rampant. Sadly, all these acts are committed in the name of God. If a girl resists, the leaders tell them its what God wants.

(Before Christians get too sanctimonious, remember that our founding father, Abraham, almost killed his son, because he believed its what God wanted.)

For me the most compelling quote in the book came from an excommunicated member of the fundamentalist church in Colorado, named DeLoy. This father of 16 left the church after he realized the leadership was lying. Deloy still lives in Colorado City, but the church leadership is trying to evict him. His life is conflicted, for he continues to love the church, he just no longer believes. Here is his final quote:

“If you want to know the truth, I think people within the religion -people who live here in Colorado City- are probably happier, on the whole, than people on the outside…. ….but somethings in life are more important than being happy. Like being free to think for yourself.”

Home School Hero, This is for you

Posted on August 20th, 2005 by Reformed Pope into the Uncategorized category

My brother Joel recently showed me this list that he had written. He says “You might be homeschooled if:” but I say it sounds more like “You might be a Morton if:”

YOU MIGHT BE HOMESCHOOLED IF:
1. You are over twenty and still dont know your address
2. You have a toy, name it, then make it your imaginary friend.
4. You laugh at sentences containing the word: “Poop”
5. You send in your “good” ideas to ZOOM.
8. You memorize and sing theme songs to afternoon cartoon shows.
9. You have 3 or less friends.
10. You have your mom arrange play-dates for you.
13. You have theatrical plays with your siblings.
16. You thought the word shut-up was going to send you to hell
17. You tried to kill the air with your wiffle bat
18. Your family ever owned a station wagon (wood panelling of course)
20. You don’t ever wear shoes!!!
21. You were ever slightly attracted to your mother. (makes sense shes the only women you ever seen)
22. You breast fead until you were four.
23. You if your seat belt has ever been a bunji cable
24. You ever thought that a night out on the town was you and your mom going to blockbuster
25. You dont know how to spell
26. You are over 15 and still sing the bunny loop song to tie your shoes
28. You ever picketed outside abortion clinics
30. You have ever had a 5 gallon paint bucket for a car seat.
34. You ever thought Jantzen beach was a place to swim
35. You have ever taken fencing lessons
36. You are misteriously obsessed with buried treasure
38. You ever had to memorize a scripture just to eat dinner.

Just Out

Posted on August 16th, 2005 by Reformed Pope into the Favorites category

I work for a flooring/countertop store called Surface and recently we decided that the homosexual male was by far the best kind of customer we could have. The typical gay guy has both money and style; 2 key ingredients in a good customer.

Because of this we started thinking about advertising in Just Out magazine which is a local gay paper. Some of the people here felt a little conflicted about advertising there because they don’t approve of the lifestyle, but still have no problem working with gay customers.

The question was “Does this ad support gays and if so is it wrong?”

I skipped right over that question and jumped to a better one “What could our tag line be in the ad?”

These are the blog-appropriate ones that I came up with: (F.Y.I. - Our current slogan is THE LAYER BETWEEN HOUSE AND HOME. I think theres a good chance that might get changed)

AD Ideas for Just Out Magazine:

We help solve husband-husband quarrels.

At Surface there’s no He said He said Bullsh*t

Surface: The layer between house and Oh my God!

We dream about designing Brad Pitt’s house too.

Surface: When you’re ready to decorate more than the closet

Surface: Our first showroom was a closet.

Surface: Sassy, Sexy, and SUPER

All gaydar points to Surface (not that there’s anything wrong with that)

Surface (Pronounced THURFATHE)

Will and Jack have nothing on David and Johnpaul

Interview

Posted on August 12th, 2005 by Reformed Pope into the Uncategorized category

Recently, Pam Hogeweide from http://www.pamhogeweide.blogspot.com/ was asked to write an article about disillusioned Christians for an online publication called Off the Map (http://www.off-the-map.org/). For some reason she seems to think that I would fall into the “disillusioned Christian” category. - I’m not sure why she would think that; I know I’m disillusioned but calling me a Christian was a little low. - Regardless, I agreed to answer a few questions for her.

While writing my answers for the questions I found that they really caused me to think and since that is what we are all about here at City Business Church I thought I would post one of the questions for you to consider.

What is your perspective on gays and church…just asking…can a homosexual come to Christ, be part of church, and continue to identify themselves as gay believing that God created them that way? What are your views on this and do you have any thoughts about how the church responds to homosexuality and same-sex marriage…

Feel free to comment:

Investigative Reporting

Posted on August 12th, 2005 by catalyst into the Uncategorized category

So for those who don’t know, I live in Washington DC. And currently in this fair city, there is a scandal brewing over remarks made by a local pastor. Reverand Willie Wilson, pastor of an 8,000 member church, recently made disparaging remarks about homosexuals in a sermon. And in typical homo fashion, the gays got fired up.

(At this point, I don’t care. Sexuality is a moral issue. As such, the church is free to speak out against it, and the gay community is free to stand up for themselves. I really don’t care.)

But then I read what Wilson said that got everyone so fired up. Here’s his quote.

My son in high school last year, trying to go to the prom, he said, ‘Dad, I ain’t got nobody to take to the prom because all the girls in my class are gay. And ain’t but two of them straight and both of them ugly.” —the Rev. Willie F. Wilson, July 3

I’m not sure why the gay people are so angry, really it should be the girls in Wilson’s son’s highschol class that should be upset.

Neverthless, in the vein of Woodward and Bernstien, a local newspaper (DC’s version of the Willamette Week) went to Wilson’s son’s school and interviewed all his classmates, specifically the girls in his class to determine whether the quote was true. Here is a LINK to the article.

Producing this nice quote from the principal:

Asked whether her school has a particularly high number of gay students, SWW Principal Sheila Mills-Harris can’t say: “I have no idea about their sexual orientation, nor am I concerned about it.” It’s enough of a challenge, she says, “trying to keep a roof over my children’s head that doesn’t allow the rain to come in [and] trying to make connections with universities so I can offer students opportunities.”

However, for me, the best part was that some reporter went into a local highschool to check up on gossip. I want that job. That’s the greatest job in the world. I would be perfect at it. Interviewing all the students to see whose gay. Finding out whether the girls in the Junior class are cute or ugly. These are things I am excellent at. I will be submitting my resume to the City Paper tomorrow.

The other thing of course is that pastors often run fast and loose with the facts when sharing a sermon. And will often say anything to prove their point. Unfortunately, Mr. Wilson got caught.

I love it.

Grow. There’s More.

Posted on August 9th, 2005 by catalyst into the Pastoral Staff, Sermons category

Well, I’ve been feeling pretty unmotivated lately. But I flipped to the sermons this evening to see who had spoken recently. And what do you know, Marc "Barista" Estes was speaking. This was gonna be a gold mine I knew it. So allow me to briefly recap the sermon.

-He begins sermon by apologizing for bringing coffee into the sanctuary. Calls drinking coffee a habit. (No Marc, a habit, is when you read the Bible and Pray every morning. What you have is an addiction.) In the interest of full disclosure, I have a similar addiction.

-He then proceeds to tell five or six of the stupidest coffee jokes I have ever heard. Here’s one. "Most people wouldn’t like my coffee, they would think it was oil. And I proceed to tell them its the Holy Oil of Yashua." (I can’t believe I’m saying this, but someone get Frank back up on stage. This guy is bombing.) Of course, As I write this I realize that the one person who probably finds these jokes funny is my father. So maybe its a generational thing.

-Marc has dropped the name Starbucks in his sermon 6 times, and it hasn’t even been five minutes. I swear they’re sponsoring him. Someone check this out.

-He is know describing Frank’s Starbucks drink and his daughters drink. Its a freaking commercial. He’s advertising for Starbucks. Unbelievable!

-Now Marc is telling us we need to grow more in Christ. Its a good message. But still kind of sad. He really is a far cry from the guy who came up from Lake Tahoe and ran Operation Portland back in 1995. I would love for 1995 Marc Estes to meet 2005 Marc Estes.

-Your habits shape your character. (good point)

-He is now describing specific church members and how they dance and clap during worship. He’s trying to be funny, but no one is laughing. (It kills me, because Marc used to be edgy. But it appears he has been neutured. Neutured by a desire to be successful. Congratulations, Marc. You sold out.)

In closing, let me say his sermon was nice. Nice and boring.

Verse of the week (or last 5 months)

Posted on August 8th, 2005 by Reformed Pope into the Scriptures category

Romans 10:1-4

Brethren, my heart’s desire and my prayer to God for them is for their salvation. 2 For I testify about them that they have a zeal for God, but not in accordance with knowledge. 3 For not knowing about God’s righteousness and seeking to establish their own, they did not subject themselves to the righteousness of God. 4 For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to everyone who believes.