My brother Joel recently showed me this list that he had written. He says “You might be homeschooled if:” but I say it sounds more like “You might be a Morton if:”
YOU MIGHT BE HOMESCHOOLED IF:
1. You are over twenty and still dont know your address
2. You have a toy, name it, then make it your imaginary friend.
4. You laugh at sentences containing the word: “Poop”
5. You send in your “good” ideas to ZOOM.
8. You memorize and sing theme songs to afternoon cartoon shows.
9. You have 3 or less friends.
10. You have your mom arrange play-dates for you.
13. You have theatrical plays with your siblings.
16. You thought the word shut-up was going to send you to hell
17. You tried to kill the air with your wiffle bat
18. Your family ever owned a station wagon (wood panelling of course)
20. You don’t ever wear shoes!!!
21. You were ever slightly attracted to your mother. (makes sense shes the only women you ever seen)
22. You breast fead until you were four.
23. You if your seat belt has ever been a bunji cable
24. You ever thought that a night out on the town was you and your mom going to blockbuster
25. You dont know how to spell
26. You are over 15 and still sing the bunny loop song to tie your shoes
28. You ever picketed outside abortion clinics
30. You have ever had a 5 gallon paint bucket for a car seat.
34. You ever thought Jantzen beach was a place to swim
35. You have ever taken fencing lessons
36. You are misteriously obsessed with buried treasure
38. You ever had to memorize a scripture just to eat dinner.
#34 – Jantzen Beach used to be a place to swim. Way back in the day they had two indoor water slides.
For number 4 you would also laugh at it if you were Canadian! Right HB.
I don’t care who you are? That funny right there. Get ur gone
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I think our anonymous contributors might be homeschooled. Who else would know that much background info on Jantzen Beach, or take that much liberty with spelling and sentence structure?
Boy #38 sure brings back memories….
While I appreciate the sentiment, I think you should probably tag that as “You might be a Morton if…” since only two of those apply to me. I did think “Shut up” would send you to hell (And got my mouth washed out with soap for calling someone “stupid” once”) and we did own a station wagon. In fact if my little sister hadn’t wrecked it, my mom would STILL have a station wagon.
…You still can’t do basic math. (There are a disturbing number of missing…numbers in that list.)
I edited his list.
I almost cried just now….that’s maybe the most priceless thing I’ve ever read….ever.
Brian: Ahh, the days of scripture-food contingencies….yah, ’cause that’s not gonna give anybody issues…
Issues? WHO has issues?!?
I posted the one about #34. I wasn’t homeschooled, but I attended City Christian from K-12 and was responsible for starting a little petition that was mentioned in the ” I will not be redefined” post in late December. The Morton boys always kept things interesting.
Bring back any memories?? Rubber Chicken Power!!!
How about, “if you’ve ever been spanked with a wooden spoon”. And “if your wardrobe consists of 3 denim jumpers and 3 denim skirts”. And best of all, “if your family was on the cover of ‘The Teaching Home’” (unless, of course, your family was turned down because your little sister had her hair cut short.)
I’m not a Morton, but did go to private school and was homeschooled a little, too. One to add to the list:
- your basketball team played “home” games at the Salvation Army