Clearly anytime you can capture Dougie shouting "I love poo" you’ll make the top ten. This is one of my favorites. Here we go with #6:

Friday, December 10, 2004
Running Diary of Gen Church Sermon

This is my running diary of last weeks Gen Church Sermon. The sermon is entitled,"Generation Church Culture Part 4". I missed the first three parts, but I’ve got a feeling I’ll still be able to pick it up in the middle. Pressing play and here we go:

8:20 - Pastor just asked audience how many people love the bible. You hear a faint "Woohoo" in the background. (I’m gonna see about getting him an audition for Saved Part 2).

8:22 - Mentions Willamette Week article. I’m getting excited. Will he read the Abercrombie section?

8:24 - Excitedly reads this quote from the WW article. "Portland’s Christian soldiers may seem queer, but they’re here. Get used to it." Did I hear that correctly? I think he just called himself a queer? And how did I miss that quote. I apologize to all my blogging fans for missing that one. (5 minutes into this sermon, and I know its gonna be great).

8: 25 - "This paper is so big its like an octopus, eight arms." - This must be some tithing humor.

8:30 - Of course he skips over the Abercrombie quote. I should’ve known.

8:35 - He just yelled out "Greater is he who is in" and then the audience yelled back "Me". Did it again. And, yes he did it again. Can’t believe it, he did it again. Now he’s doing it and screaming "Oh" after they say "Me". Just yelled, "Someone needs to get into the Bible."(Forget sequal to Saved, this guy could be the whole movie himself. He’s also really supporting my hype theory.)

8:37 - Erik and Natalie are getting married. Natalie has huge wedding book she carries everywhere. Editors note - Erik needs to rethink the marriage.

8:40 - Just used a "talk to the hand" joke. Apparently pastor didn’t get the "Its not 1995" memo.

8:42 - His jokes are bombing so bad, he’s asking the audience if they’re doing okay. One girl in the front row is giving him the only courtesy laugh, and she sounds like she’s getting hoarse. Someone better pick up the slack.

8:50 - Starts talking about Pilgrims and their look. Mentions high school Pilgrims. Pulls random kid out of audience and says kid is high school pilgrim. Mentions that the Willamette Week article calls the youth group an Ambercrombie youth group. Says this is what makes the youth group so different. (Pastor must subscribe to the, "Any publicity is good publicity" motto, at least he mentioned the Abercrombie section, and Abercrombie & Fitch makes you different? Different from what? Gap, Banana Republic, Nordstrom?)

8:51 - "Pilgrims can even look different. Pilgrims can even be from a different country." Sounding incredulous, "Pilgrims can even be women." (Wow, he just offended everyone who isn’t an American male. This is really quite impressive. And he has an odd obsession with Pilgrims.)

8:53 - Acknowledges that the rapture might not come for another 5,000 years. (First statement, I’ve actually agreed with. Good for him.)

8:55 - Acknowledges that he shouldn’t have taken his wife to youth camp for their honeymoon. (Second thing I agreed with.)

8:58 - Tells story about his young daughter on vacation at Disneyland and how much she loves Winny the Pooh. The whole time at Disneyland she’s carrying around a pen and paper looking for Pooh’s autograph. Time comes to leave, she still hasn’t found Pooh, and so she starts screaming, "Pooh, I love you." (This is actually a really cute story. But if you happend to walk in and missed him talking about his daughter, you would just hear the pastor screaming at the top of his lungs, "Poo, I love you. I love Poo.") I’m telling you, this stuff writes itself.

9:00 - Finishes up with a bunch of nice stories about martyrs. (I really liked his Pooh story, and after that, I kind of feel bad for making fun of him. I don’t think he’s the greatest speaker, but he sounds like a good father. I’m starting to become sentimental. I probably shouldn’t have drank that fourth glass of wine.)

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