MERRY FRANKMAS
Posted on November 23rd, 2005 by Reformed Pope into the Songs that mock, Pastor Hank categoryFor those of you who were concerned about having to spend this Christmas @ church, I have good news: CBC has decided to cancel church (read: close business) for the weekend of December 24th and 25th. Apparently they decided that business would be slow that weekend and so it would be best not to bother.
Ok, so maybe they aren’t into celebrating birthdays, right? Except, it wasn’t that long ago that I remember being stuck in a rather long service celebrating the birth of Frank. This thought led me to believe that while Jesus is the reason for the season…He isn’t the reason for CBC.
And now we sing…
The first Christmas song of the year:
WE WISH YOU A MERRY FRANKMAS
we wish you a merry Frankmas
we wish you a merry Frankmas
we wish you a merry Frankmas
and a Damappy new year
a Lasit we bringto you and Louman
a Lasit for Frankmas
and a Damappy new year
we wish you a merry Frankmas
we wish you a merry Frankmas
we wish you a merry Frankmas
and a Damappy new year
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November 23rd, 2005 at 10:25 am
I was in such a rush to get to Christmas that I seem to have forgotten to wish you all a Happy Franksgiving.
May the Frank bless your holiday season.
November 23rd, 2005 at 2:15 pm
i cant breath that is ridiculous i love it, it may be our best one yet.
hapazio franksgiving and a damappy new year to every one!!!
November 23rd, 2005 at 2:32 pm
Holy S batman, can’t wait for Hank’s next book about the A2 church. Reminds me of Carmen A2J song. No church on X-mas, why the H not, not enough people will come and pay their tithe (err. bring their tithe.) Will the be asking double tithe the following sunday? Mail it in? I’ll stop.
PS I think easter falls on a sunday this year too.
November 23rd, 2005 at 2:45 pm
Heehee…
I’d like to second anonynmous’ concern about Easter falling on Sunday this year.
Happy Franksgiving to all…
November 23rd, 2005 at 4:04 pm
>> hapazio franksgiving and a damappy new year to every one!!! Oh man.. I am having a hard time breathing I'm laughing so bloody hard. That is definately a keeper. Where can I buy my cards?
November 23rd, 2005 at 9:19 pm
Good tithings to you…
To you and your kin!
Good tithings for Frankmas
And a damappy new year!
Now bring us some Dougie pudding…
November 25th, 2005 at 8:28 am
I was browsing CBC’s web site and looking at the conferences and I can’t figure out how at the northwest breakthrough conference has $20.00 parking passes with 250 available. $5000.00 per conference , a and b. And genereation unleashed, the nothwests largest nondenominational youth conference has no parking passes. Both very large conferences with A and B sesions. Do the youth get a break just for being youth, or is the $20.00 just bs and they don’t have the nerve to charge the youth, but they feel they can get away with it with the adult conference.
Perhaps that is a foolish controversy, but I am listening to Franks latest message 11/20 and he is using starbucks as a model for christian community, to create an atmosphere where gunuine community can happen. I thought christian community is about Christ? If starbuck’s community and the churches community start with man centered thinking won’t they both end the same, lots of people and money coming in, both promising an experience to those who show up, a successful business or church. It is all about people and there experience, church marketing does suck.
Maybe on Christmas morning we can all meet and have communion at Starbucks, I think they will be open.
PS at the end of PF’s message he instructs the congregation to close their bibles stand up and read aloud , not a bible verse, a man made statement pleadge about what kind of people they will be, all without a mention of God or Jesus or the Holy Spirit. “weep for those who make a desert in the name of the Lord.”
November 25th, 2005 at 9:41 am
Anonymous,
I’m glad you noticed. I listened to that same sermon and couldn’t believe that he was trying to inspire his congregation to be more like Starbucks.
In last weeks bulletin he writes all about Starbucks. It’s pretty funny and I’ll post it later.
November 25th, 2005 at 1:44 pm
interesting that this blog gets mad when PF uses too much “christian lingo,” but then gets mad when he tries to be “relevant” as well…starbucks is something that almost everyone in the NW can relate too, but then again, why put something in terms that someone as a new christian can relate too. maybe you guys should start a blog about starbucks too… it seems that no one can never win, unless they agree with you. and also, as for the “man-made pledge”, what about praying to receive christ, or the “sinner’s prayer”? that’s not verbatim scripture, should we not ask people to pray to receive christ if it’s not exactly what scripture says? I don’t see you speaking only in scriptures, but then again, you’re not encouraging anyone to walk with Christ, so maybe that’s different. as for me, I don’t go to CBC anymore, we moved to the bible belt…if you are looking for churches to rip on, come check out the ones here, you’d be running back to cbc in a heartbeat, but it sounds like you don’t like church at all, so i guess it doesn’t matter.
November 25th, 2005 at 2:54 pm
Last anon, what I was getting at with the “man made pledge” was that CBCer’s were making a statement to be better people, good asperation, but your own determenation will take a couple of days at best, our flesh is to week. Only the Father , Son , and Holy Spirit at work in our lives can cause this to happen. New years resolution christianity is an endless cycle of disapointment and depression. I could make that same pledge as an unbeliever or mormon or gay vegan for all that matter. As long as we rely on our own ability to fullfill vows or pledges or whatever we nulify the work of Christ. By the way I go to church and I love the Church and am not content to not be a barean, to see if things line up with scripture. God’s grace to you in the bible belt.
November 25th, 2005 at 4:08 pm
Anonymous from the Bible Belt,
I have never said anything about PF using too much “Christian lingo”, you made that up. Furthermore, I’m not mad that he’s trying to be “relevant”, I mad that he neglects the Bible.
You probably didn’t listen to the sermon in question here. I would imagine that if you had, you would not be arguing; but who knows, Anonymous, you are always changing your mind.
As far as saying the sinner’s prayer goes… if you think that asking God to forgive your sins and repeating “I will not be stingy with my money” to your pastor are the same thing, well… no wonder you want to run back to CBC.
As far as church goes, I do go to church and I like it (except on missions Sunday…of course).
November 25th, 2005 at 6:19 pm
“unbeliever, mormon, or gay vegan”
Even from you, anonymous, this kind of commentary is disappointing. You’re establishing polarity for the sake of your argument, and I get your point, but it’s childish and narrow-minded, really. I understand (though I cannot condone it) if your conception of your faith causes you to judge the “lifestyles” of certain social groups. However, what do you have against people who don’t consume animal products for reasons of health or conscience? The Apostle Paul actually speaks quite directly on this very topic….perhaps you’d do well to take a look. It seems that you’re seeking to establish “otherness” for certain people purely for your own sake, and I am deeply sorry for the circumstances in your life that drive you and so many other so-called people of faith to do this.
November 26th, 2005 at 8:54 am
Jiminy, I was just stating that our own determination will always fail no matter who you are, and I threw out some examples. Nuke gay whales for Jesus. Have fun with that one, and seeing the forest through the trees.
November 26th, 2005 at 2:50 pm
Anonymous,
A very smart person once said that God is in the details. Perhaps it’s better stated, “out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.” I got your general idea, as I stated before. I’m just saying that your delivery makes clear certain prejudices of yours…and it’s ill-fitting. Until you have any close up and personal experiences with nukes, gays, or whales, perhaps you should learn to watch what you say. The forest is nice, really…but it’s still made of tress.
November 26th, 2005 at 11:03 pm
From one anonymous to another; you really have to improve upon your spelling and capitalization. Did you attend an accredited college? Pretty soon we are all going to have to attend Anonymouses Anonymous and go through some kind of twelve step program or something.
November 28th, 2005 at 10:11 am
My church is NOT HAVING service on Christmas morning either and quite frankly I’m GLAD about it.
People in our church, including the many volunteers it takes to run a service, have family traditions. To hold church and demand they be their and serve would be rude.
Besides, we don’t celebrate the birth of Christ with a Christmas morning service any other year, why should we this year?
To do something “just because it’s Sunday” goes against every legalism-hating aspect of my being.
Yes, we will have church on Easter, because we celebrate Easter with a church service EVERY year.
I applaud CBC for not having service that day. And besides, if they were the money grubbing whores this blog claims them to be, wouldn’t they HAVE service regardless of Christmas just to get a few more bucks?!
November 28th, 2005 at 10:31 am
Gay vegan? Are you kidding me? People are always lumping alternative lifestyles together. If it isn’t mainstream, it must be stereotyped. And, if it is mainstream, it is stereotyped. I buy organic & recycle, and was recently dubbed by a suburban friend as ‘earthy.’
November 28th, 2005 at 10:36 am
Nick:
This blog is dedicated to poking fun at City Bible Church. But I’ll admit that sometimes our criticism’s are a stretch…. just go with it.
November 28th, 2005 at 11:19 am
Nick,
They are having a special service on Wednesday night. I’m sure they’ll take an offering.
Don’t most churches have a special service every year????
However, I always hated going to church on Sunday’s when I was young, but it just seems like the right thing to do.
November 28th, 2005 at 12:24 pm
Jiminy and now Karli, I thought sarcasm and humour were fair game here. You have never heard or seen the bumper sticker “Nuke gay whales for Jesus”? One of my best friends is a vegan. I guess things are only funny if they are aimed at CBC. Go get pissed at Jesus for being intolerant towards blind people because He did say ” if the blind lead the blind won’t they both fall into a ditch”.
I like this line of yours the best ” and I am deeply sorry for the circumstances in your life that drive you and so many other so-called people of faith to do this.” Way to show your tolerance and non-judgemental attitude towards the authenticity of my faith.
November 28th, 2005 at 2:42 pm
Dude, Anonymous,
If the non-assholes talk like the assholes, people who don’t know in advance are still going to think they’re assholes.
While I have seen the “whales” bumper sticker, I haven’t seen the “for Jesus” tag on the end of it. I’m a little out of the American pop culture loop at the moment, living in Eastern Europe. So, I apologize for not understanding you. However, clear communication is a two-way street, so if I am responsible for knowing when you’re joking or not, you’ll have to make it clear in some way. Signing your name might be a good start….people tend to be more on-guard with strangers.
And just to be clear, I do stand by my commentary. You presented the face of a person who was talking trash about things s/he didn’t understand or feared…for my money, compassion is the appropriate response. I don’t see any need to apologize for attempting to give you the benefit of the doubt under those circumstances. Remember, everybody’s got their baggage….mine happens to involve being treated badly by Christians for (among other things) not eating meat. It’s kind of a hot button. Sorry you found it by accident.
November 29th, 2005 at 6:43 am
Jiminy, this is non-asshole dude. I appreciate your response, sorry that you were ridiculed by Christians who may have grace only for people like themselves. Not all “conservative” Christians are like this. For the record I made the comment about easter falling on a Sunday this year. I will try to be clearer with humour ( no way to have tone of voice on print, my writting skills suck). Grace and peace
November 30th, 2005 at 1:32 pm
FB is back, with blessings for anyone.
Firstly, Karli A. Kuhn has been slacking in the tithe department. You owe Pastor Doug a personal tithe of 300 dollars (with interest); so if you want financial blessings, you might want to give in faith towards Brother Lasit’s ministry a total sum of 300 dollars (USD).
Secondly, Jason Leach told me that Karli A. Kuhn has a potty mouth, and Jeremy Calley agreed.
Thirdly, you guys are slackin’ on the christmas carols this year. Hurry up and get on that.
Fourthly, God’s so good to me it’s not fair to you.
Well I just thought I’d treat you girls to a nice little blog from me about jack all, seeing as the blog has pretty much become that. My Frankmas wish this year is that you guys would make this stuff funnier and ease away from the effigies attempting to wax intelligent.
YOU’RE A BUNCH OF THEOLOGICAL, PHILOSOPHICAL, METHODOLOGICAL NAR-NARS.
You’re really good at entertainment–which is, for you, a psuedo-intelligence…and hey, it works; my advice, stick with it.
Keep the site funny. Until you implement any of your stratagem on “the right way to do church”, and I read in charisma magazine about the new record time it took for a church to implode, keep it funny.
blessings (financially, of course)
November 30th, 2005 at 4:00 pm
Who the hell are you? I’m a mother now, not a f*cking poddy-mouth. Karli
November 30th, 2005 at 4:53 pm
Well Well Well. Mr. FB better watch his potty mouth!!First of all Jeremy Cali( you spelled it wrong which means you must be pretty close to him!), and Jason Leach, knew both of us, and I doubt either one would like you using their names in some random retarded blog about how your finacially blessed and the rest of us can go and fuck ourselves. In fact I don’t see your name out in the open…are you too scared?
Now for the word Nar Nars…did any one else find that to be extreamly funny?? If it wasn’t for the *big words* befor it I would have thought it may have been comming from a second grader.
By the way humor is a sign of intelligence. Looks like its time for you to go back to school and grow some balls. I find this sight very clever…thanks you to all who add, may your frankmas be bright, and full of Starbucks coffee….
FB…must have a little pecker…don’t be dissin’ Karli again or I’ll be forced to you my muscles…grrrr
December 1st, 2005 at 9:04 am
I don’t think I’ve ever said poddy mouth…
December 5th, 2005 at 9:22 am
karli and tara, huh?
I’ll have to ask the boys. Ya I’ve heard some great stories about Karli A. Kuhn, the cross-dressing east-coast freak-show. Hey, that was fun.
Tara must be the local checkers champion, talkin’ all that trash to me. Man was I ever embarassed to read that blog you wrote me. You’re intellectual seed was staggering. Stop bustin’ my chops so bad….did you even graduate high school? Oh, I know…you’re one of the bitter TCS grads, chiefly caus’ you can’t read very well. Take advil for headaches.
The blog is great…especially when it’s funny. Oh, I feel a financial blessing going on right now, so I’d better go and get it before I miss it.
blessings (financially, of course)
December 5th, 2005 at 10:11 am
I don’t know who you are, Mr. Financial Blessings, but you obviously don’t know who I am, so stop making comments like you do know, because you obviously have your wires crossed. I’m a west-coaster, so don’t mistake me for east-coaster Karl Kuhn, who, by the way, is no cross dressin’ freak-show. My last name was Gilliam back in the day that Leach knew me, and he would never say shit like that, so stop quoting him like he’s your best friend. And know how to spell Cali before you quote him, too. Tara, on the other hand, IS an east-coaster, not a west-coaster who graduated from TCHS. Better know your shit before you start throwing it, pal. And stop quoting people like Leach & Cali, because they would never have hung out with someone like you.
Karli
December 5th, 2005 at 12:14 pm
FB…Obviously money CAN’T buy personality, or a penis enlargment.
Good luck with that. Money can however buy you a lay, which you need.
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