Here is your logo contest. 

Because of the huge response we recieved I’ve decided to create 2 different catagories: Logo’s and Poster Boys.

The first catagory is Logo’s, and out of all the logo’s we recieved these are the best. Please vote on your favorite. 

Ok I’m not sure why we got sent these first two. They don’t look much different then the one we already have. Besides, I’m sure City Bible Church isn’t interested in hearing from MSN’s or NBC’s lawyers.

 #1: MSN as CBC

#2: NBC as CBC

This next one is classic because of it’s name. Who doesn’t want to know this guy?

 #3: 1970’s Frank

And finally we have…

#4: CBC Latte

Thank you all for sending in your logo’s. We recieved a lot of logos that weren’t "mature" enoughfor publication (read: I don’t want to get sued), but thank you all for the laugh’s.

 On to catagory 2, the Poster Boy (or girl). We have 3 choices to vote on, let’s get it started.

These next two have nothing to do with CBC but…

…I’m in love with this girl, are you? 

#5: Morton Salt (The Morton’s really are the salt of the earth)

Ok, so my son Aiden spends a little to much time watching the Spiderman Dancing clip. What can I do?

 #6 Spider Aiden

 And here we have everyone’s poster child…

#7: I TITHE

Send in your votes for both Logo and Poster Child. The winner gets a blessing from God and we all know how important that is.

It’s Testimony Time. Here’s a recent email I received.

Greetings and Salutations:

(Actually, after reading the above title, I realized that if my TV breaks, I am much more likely to just go out and buy another TV rather than pick up a book, but you get the idea.)

There is a terrific book review in yesterday’s Washington Post. The book is titled My FUNDAMENTALIST EDUCATION: A Memoir of a Divine Girlhood by Christine Rosen. Essentially the book is about growing up in a fundamentalist Christian home and attending a Christian school. The review makes the book sound spot-on. And the reviewer (who had a similar upbringing) captures many of the core experiences; experiences which were eerily similar to my own.

Here are a few:

To those of us who grew up in and around fundamentalism (while I didn’t go to a Christian school, I lived through 18 years of Baptist church, Sunday school, youth group, retreats and camp), the tale rings true in a way that is at once simpler and more profound than that. Rosen, now a fellow at the Ethics and Public Policy Center, didn’t become a right-wing fanatic; nor did she break from the church in dramatic and rebellious fashion. She presents instead an account of what it’s like to be immersed in fundamentalist ideas as a child, slowly sort out your own beliefs and eventually learn to balance faith and inquiry.

Ahhh, Faith and Inquiry. How do the two coincide? If your pastor says it, it must be true. What’s to inquire?

So Rosen was not relieved but discomfited when questions about fundamentalist beliefs and teachings began to worm their way into her world. While investigating potential conversion targets, Rosen developed a sympathy for Mormons and their tales of persecution, despite the fact that she was supposed to think of them as cult members.

• Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
• The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
• If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

• Frank Damazio doesn’t preach, he simply speaks until someone tithes.
• Frank Damazio once got tithe from a turnip.
• Frank Damazio once gave a message on tithing that was so moving, God tithed to Frank Damazio.
• The second dome of CBC is smaller than the first one, because Frank Damazio tithed on it.
• Frank Damazio tithed on his luxury SUV by having its suspension lowered.
• Frank Damazio was actually about 6" taller in college but then he tithed himself.
• Frank Damazio no longer uses the word "Sunday". It is now "Titheday".
• February originally had 31 days until Frank Damazio tithed on it.
• Frank Damazio can solve any math problem by subtracting 10%.
• When Frank Damazio goes bowling, he only uses nine pins.
• People are only capable of flying on cloud nine, because Frank Damazio tithed the tenth cloud.

So my 20 year-old brother Joel is upset that he continually gets lumped in with JP and I with regards to this blog. He says he rarely reads the blog and only finds about 1/3 of the posts actually entertaining.  But if he’s going to get blamed for the blog, then he wants to post something. And as usual, that posting is in reference to Doug Lasit.

So with apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, Joel has ripped off You Might Be a Redneck and instead offers,

You Might Be a Dougie If:

• You think the Three Wise Men are Grande, Tall, and Venti.
• You think WWJD stands for We Will Judge Dem.
• You ever upgraded your coffee for Christ.
• You think the French named their coins after Frank.
• Your favorite band is the Gen Unleashed Worship Band.
• You were in the room when they decided to to paint the boobs a silicone color.
• Your mom is the only reason you are married.
• You think the Rapture was the new name for CBC’s coffee shop.
• You voted for ATM’s in the church

Becuase I know Doug reads the blog, let me close by saying, "We kid because we care, we kid because we care."

Be Cool. Be Cool.

While I really enjoy cruising the internet looking for hot pictures of Rachel Bilson, I can’t do this every week.  I also recognize that when you allow people to comment anonymously, you are going to get a lot of comments that are borderline harrassment. And I also recognize that when you start a blog that is both funny and borderline harrassment, you are going to attract like-minded readers.

But please, if I could just ask our readers to try to keep the comments civil. Please no racial slurs or homophobic jokes. Please no threatening other readers with violence. You are welcome to make all the attacks on me that you want. I truly don’t care. And if you disagree with another person’s comment, feel free to air that disagreement, just try not to threaten their lives with physical harm. It makes life go smoother that way.

Lastly, please try to be funny. Please. Life is too short to be angry all the time. And thanks for reading. Most of your comments are great, and I really do appreciate the feeback.

We finally got around to adding a blogrol on the right side of the blog.  There is really no rhyme or reason as to any of the links, and as with everything we do, it is a work in progress. But if you have any links you feel we should add, please let us know.

Lastly, here is something funny you can watch for hours:

http://www.citybusinesschurch.org/blog/spiderman-will-make-you-gay/

In the fifteen months or so that this blog has been in existence, the Pope and I have received thousands of questions. A lot of the questions are similar. And to save everyone time, we are going to post some of the more common questions we hear.

Why are you so bitter?

Trust me we are not bitter. Bitterness does not laugh, and if you could hear us howling as we write this stuff, well, it’s pure entertainment.

Both of you guys have taken quite a lot of abuse for starting this website, does it ever get to you?

Sadly, no. We actually enjoy it. Our parents were heavily involved with an anti-abortion movement for years. Most of our homeschool fieldtrips were to picket abortion clinics. And let me tell you , there are a lot of hostile people that drive by abortion clinics. At a young age, we learned how to take an insult and how to duck. The pope still has a very vivid memory of almost being hit with a dirty diaper.

Why do you hate Pastor Frank?

We do not hate Pastor Frank. We don’t hate anyone at the church. We disagree with Frank’s church policies, but as a person, we think he’s a pretty good guy. And yes, we make the occassional disparaging comment, but come on, the guys got a lisp and he changed the name of the church from Bible Temple to City Bible… that’s comedy gold. You can’t pass up an opportunity like that.

Why don’t you get a life and stop blogging about tithing and City Bible?

There is nothing more we would like than to stop the blog. We quit about once every three months. But to be honest, every time we quit we get a ton of email from ex-members, who love the blog and ask us to keep it going. If City Bible is such a great church, then why are there so many ex-members with hurt feelings?  They really should ask themselves that question, because that is why this blog continues. It really has very little to do with us? We’re just here to make ourselves laugh and share the occasional tithing joke.

Dear Justin:

Do you find it hard to hide the fact that you’re gay?

Love, Mom.

OMG!!! I am not gay. Just because I love American Idol and think Oops I Did It Again is the greatest song ever. This does not make me gay.  Gayish, perhaps. But not gay.

A breakdown of City Bible Church versus Bob Jones University would probably be fun. However, it would also require a significant amount of work.

And I’m lazy.

So, let me just share this blog post with you.

Apparently, Bob Jones University is banning Starbucks from their campus because Starbucks supports gayness. (I don’t know if that’s a word, but I like it.)  Starbucks shows their rabid support for the homosexual community by posting the following quote from Armistead Maupin on the back of their cup

"My only regret about being gay is that I repressed it for so long. I surrendered my youth to the people I feared when I could have been out there loving someone. Don’t make that mistake yourself. Life’s too damn short."

This does not concern me, since I drink Starbucks for it’s caffeine not its gayness. 

But I imagine a church that spent a lot of time and money to make sure gay people couldn’t get married, well, I bet they’re conflicted.

(Hat Tip: www.andrewsullivan.com)