CONSTIPATION?
Posted on February 7th, 2006 by Reformed Pope into the Uncategorized, Pastor Hank category
I was surfing the world wide web today and I came across this gem: CBC is putting out a magazine (only Tithe knows why) called In Community. Now, I have to admit they have a great marketing plan. On the cover in big bold letters it says “Find out why Pastor Frank is all revved up”. I’m hooked.
Why is Pastor Frank Damazio of City Bible Church in Portland, OR getting all revved up? I can only assume that the latest Member Tithing Report came out and that the numbers are up, but then I thought…what if the leaders just gave in and approved getting the helicopter he’s wanted so badly? That sure would get my engine going.
But what if he’s revved up because he’s angry? Maybe he saw our City Business’ Logo and thought “What the Tithe?, that looks similar to our logo. Why don’t we have that thing Trademarked yet?”
Or even better, perhaps he just read the lyrics to Frankie the Titheman.
“Clinkety clink clink Clinkety clink clink Look at Frankie go
Clinkety clink clink Clinkety clink clink into the bucket it goes”
While I am dying to find out what it is, I guess I’ll just have to wait like everyone else.In the mean time, lets have a contest: It’s the WHY IS PASTOR FRANK REVVED UP contest. I’d like you, the reader, to take a stab at why Frank Damazio is so hyped. There won’t be a prize handed out (I’m saving our money to fight the impending lawsuit), but there will be the satisfaction of knowing that you guessed WHY PASTOR FRANK WAS SO REVVED UP?
PASTOR FRANK DAMAZIO IS SO REVVED UP BECAUSE:
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February 7th, 2006 at 6:11 am
PASTOR FRANK DAMAZIO IS SO REVVED UP BECAUSE:
He finally got the “who’s been bad and who’s been good” list… and guess what side you’re on?
February 7th, 2006 at 6:13 am
The Daniel Fast ended and he just found out there’s a new drink at Starbucks?
February 7th, 2006 at 6:14 am
The Daniel Fast ended and he just found out there isn’t a new drink at Starbucks?
February 7th, 2006 at 6:14 am
The Daniel Fast ended and he just found out it wasn’t really a fast?
February 7th, 2006 at 6:15 am
While listening to an old sermon he got to hear how HE pronounces City Bible Church?
February 7th, 2006 at 6:23 am
>> While listening to an old sermon he got to hear how
>> HE pronounces City Bible Church?
lol. That’s a good one.
February 7th, 2006 at 7:23 am
He just heard Estes use the phrase “Damazio Schmazio”
February 7th, 2006 at 9:22 am
He just found out his degree from PBC isn’t worth anything?
February 7th, 2006 at 9:29 am
He received hundred’s of requests to pray for young single ladies to find a husband!
February 7th, 2006 at 9:44 am
1. People magazine contacted him to be on the cover of sexiest megachurch pastor of the year.
2. He chews, chew. That would “rev” anyone.
3. Just awoke from long dream that he was a cast member on “Bay Watch”.
4. Received year supply of Vicadin.
5. Entire staff agreed to work for free! “Free labor, No backtalk”
6.TriMet & MAX trains will be carrying his picture & church address.
7. Heard IRS is investigating Morton boys.
8. Saw “Curious George” at a theatre and became inspired with a new sermon.
9. Had revelation “Big Bird” is really a person in a costume.
10. Was gifted an alarm clock that makes bacon to wake you up instead of buzzing. (There really is such a thing) It’s called Wakin Bacon.
LMLab
February 7th, 2006 at 9:49 am
Just found out City Business Church got it’s 100,000 hit!!!?
(Congratulations Catalyst)
February 7th, 2006 at 10:24 am
He preaches in a giant boob
February 7th, 2006 at 12:05 pm
“He just found out his degree from PBC isn’t worth anything? ”
Ouch! Ain’t that the truth?! My favorite so far!
February 7th, 2006 at 12:20 pm
Pastor Frank is all revved up because he found out most of CBC’s members have a better reationship with thier financial planner then with God.
February 7th, 2006 at 12:26 pm
He’s all revved up because God revealed to him in a dream the principal of the “Tithe Tax”. Every time you pray for somebody and that prayer comes true, the recipient has to tithe 10% back to you. YAY!!!
February 7th, 2006 at 12:26 pm
Yea, I spelled relationship wrong. I was educated at City Christian. What did you expect?
February 7th, 2006 at 2:17 pm
Someone convinced him to sell his house and move into one of Marc’s rentals… and now he isn’t a homeowner.
February 7th, 2006 at 2:50 pm
He found out Meth works better than Starbucks “kinda like a quicker route to God.” And it is much much cheaper than he originally thought.
February 7th, 2006 at 3:05 pm
Starbucks refuses to name a drink “THE FRANK”.
February 7th, 2006 at 3:07 pm
Sharon refuses to call him Mr. Damachiato
February 7th, 2006 at 3:59 pm
Frank just got the profit sheet from the Generation Unleashed conference.
February 7th, 2006 at 4:02 pm
February 7th, 2006 at 4:09 pm
Jimmy Swaggert and Jim Bakker just called…They want him to start a t.v. show with them…called Frankly, Jim and Jim…It would answer all questions about finances and how to deal with women.
February 7th, 2006 at 4:25 pm
His new book is being published next week. It is called Receive Wonderful Things When You Give. 10% of the proceeds will go to his new charity, Stop The Blog!
February 7th, 2006 at 4:45 pm
We aren’t stopping the Blog?
February 7th, 2006 at 5:41 pm
Hooraaay for the little people
February 7th, 2006 at 5:59 pm
Sharon refuses to call him Mr. Damachiato
THAT ONE IS FUNNY
February 7th, 2006 at 10:29 pm
A strongly worded letter from the CBC attorneys is on its way to Justin and John Paul Moron.
February 8th, 2006 at 8:22 am
February 8th, 2006 at 10:34 am
Why would a church need an attorney? Unless they’ve become a corporation…
February 8th, 2006 at 11:14 am
”Why would a church need an attorney?”
What if someone were to break they’re hip, after falling, while recieving a ”BE HEALED” up in front of the church for a back ache? That would require a lawyer if the “healed” person decided to sue, right?
February 8th, 2006 at 5:28 pm
Oh my…I love this place….I’ve grew up at CBC…..Yeah…I’m not entering the contest, but I am going to see who wins. Oh and I wish whatever attorny good luck in fighting freedom of speech….Please!
February 8th, 2006 at 6:52 pm
CBC vs. The Mortons…sounds like a ball game!
Mortons, Mortons you’re so right…
Please put up a hell of a fight.
Go Team!
February 8th, 2006 at 11:24 pm
Pastor Frank Damazio is so revved up because…
Robert Jameson just gave him the totals for parking passes sold for the upcoming Breakthrough conference.
February 13th, 2006 at 12:02 pm
because he just realized that this blog is all the cry babies that had and have issues with: keeping commitments, keeping their dicks in their pants, having any character what so ever, not tithing because they have no control over their spending habits and are so far in the hole with credit cards and such that they couldn’t muster up a biblical principle of ten percent. Or he realized that the founders of City Business Church Blog are actually Muslim terrorists, which explains the lack of wisdom, knowledge of the Bible, morality, values and a brain. Or how about, that he found out why the Pope is so bitter at him, which is because he realized he couldn’t Pastor a church if he had Christ in physical form helping him.
February 13th, 2006 at 12:12 pm
“couldn’t pastor a church…”
How about head-to-head, PF vs. RP playing this http://echurch.cf.huffingtonpost.com/
February 13th, 2006 at 2:01 pm
Locutus,
I love it.
Frank Damazio vs. Reformed Pope first to 100,000 members wins.
Let’s do it.
February 13th, 2006 at 3:26 pm
Myself being the person that wrote the apposing long winded paragraph can’t speak for Pastor Frank, but I know that if he knew I was wasting my time with you morons he would be disappointed, but man it’s fun!!!! So I dare you to start a church. Within 1 year you will have a blog of your own called the “The Reformed Pot Smoker”. All the people you tried to turn from losers into winners will revolt against you …….. Sound familiar? …….hahahahahahahaha
February 13th, 2006 at 3:26 pm
Frank Damzio is so revved up because:
He just over paid his lawyers to send a “Cease & Desist” letter to the wrong guy.
February 13th, 2006 at 5:02 pm
This is the blogger of Anonymous Feb. 13th 12:02pm and 3:26pm….
Well, I decided to name myself …”Reformed Toilet”….you ask “why toilet?”, well one of the “founders” of this sites name is John Paul which is the Reformed Pope and when I go to the restroom i say that “i am going to the John”.
I know, how appropriate…. So if I can find the time, I will take the crap that he throws and shove it down his throat.
Just like a toilet….hahahahahaha
February 13th, 2006 at 5:22 pm
“Reformed Toilet”
That’s a good choice…you know we love poop around here.
Triumph would be proud.
February 13th, 2006 at 6:01 pm
ooookkkkk
February 13th, 2006 at 7:34 pm
You do know that the crap usually goes down the Toilet’s throat, don’t you?
February 13th, 2006 at 8:13 pm
Locutus:
If you had a brain between those ears you would understand that I am making fun of the “Reformed Pope”…………..
You know what? I’m not going to explain….read it again moron!!!!
ok ok ok let me spell it out……here is an example…..City Bible Church apposed to City Business Church….hense John Paul is the toilet…….I can be more clear for the slower people?…..hahahaha
February 13th, 2006 at 8:26 pm
You learned english from PACES, didn’t you?
February 13th, 2006 at 9:50 pm
well you got me there…..a instead of o….wow that was good, tell me another….
February 14th, 2006 at 6:48 am
apposed is spelled with an “o” not an “a”. It’s opposed.
The More You Know.
February 14th, 2006 at 7:02 am
Hence not hense. And just so you don’t get confused, it is dense not dence.
February 14th, 2006 at 10:37 am
Is that the best you girls can come up with? I’m talking about the issues that you have in life which effect everything you do and you come back with spelling? Wow things are getting more and more clear, you guys really have no depth do you? That explains this site a little bit more, but I’ll keep digging, its takes awile to get into the mind of such a looser…..
PS. I put an extra “o” in loser just in case you can’t think of something else…..hahaha…..I’m almost getting bored with this blog……give me something to work with!!!!
February 14th, 2006 at 10:43 am
You misused the word “effect.” It’s “affect.”
Affect is usually a verb and means to influence something.
Effect is usually a noun and causes a result.
Just so you know…
February 14th, 2006 at 10:49 am
Awhile, not awile.
February 15th, 2006 at 11:55 am
Poop IS funny.