About my sophomore year in college, I realized the key to getting a good grade on my papers was to include Bible references. This ran contrary to what everyone told me before I got to college. I was often reminded, "You are going to a secular school, Justin, they won't let you talk about God. They will mark you down if you profess to believe in Jesus."

This, of course, was ridiculous. My professors loved it when I incorporated Bible verses into my papers. So long as I didn't try to convert them and respected other people's beliefs, they thought it was great.

I discovered this in my Introduction to Shakespeare class. One of my kiss-up classmates had written a paper comparing Juliet Capulet (Romeo and Juliet) to Jesus Christ. The teacher loved the paper and had the kid read it out loud in front of the class. It was quite possibly the stupidest thing I had ever heard. But I was like, if it gets this kid an A, I'm going to try it myself. So, after reading Othello, I wrote a paper comparing Iago with Satan from the Bible. I took passages of Othello where Iago speaks and compared them to verses of the Bible describing Satan.

I got a B-. I was thrilled.

This is a long way of saying I am going to apply these same skills to the following blog post. I am going to compare the God of Malachi 2:3 to Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.

Let's start with God: In Malachi 2:3 he claims, "I will corrupt your seed and spread dung on your faces." In Ezekiel 4:15, the Lord proclaims, "See, I have given thee cow's dung for man's dung and thou shalt prepare thy bread thereon." 

The lesson here is when God faces someone he dislikes or wants to curse, he spreads poo on their face. Hmmm, now how would Triumph handle this situation.

Triumph would say something like, "Malachi, no no feel free to keep your money and your grain. Your store-house looks great…. FOR ME TO POOP ON!

I keed. I keed. No, no… you're doing great. Bring all your tithes into the store-house. I will open the windows of heaven and pour out a blessing. Your vines will be plentiful… ….FOR ME TO POOP ON! No, no no… I keed. I keed."

In conclusion, the God of Malachi 2:3 is not so different than Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. Both use poo as a way of dealing with individuals for whom they dislike.