This website is a parody of City Bible Church. We are not owned or operated by Frank Damazio or affiliated with City Bible Church. Please do not send us your tithe.
It is not by grace that one enters the kingdom of heaven, but by tithing.

- Damazio 3:16


Archive for February, 2006

HOW TO LOSE FRIENDS AND PISS OFF PEOPLE

Posted on February 18th, 2006 by Reformed Pope into the Favorites category
Someone recently suggested that I write a book on Insults. And while I sensed a hint of sarcasm in his comments I’ve decided that I’ll accept the compliment and take the challenge (I’ll be covering “Turning Sarcasm into Compliments” in chapter 3) and so here’s the first (and probably last) entry in my book.

I’ve decided to call the book “Witty Comebacks and Humorous Banter, a Morton's guide to life” which is a terrible name, I know (Chapter 4 covers “Beat them to it” When you say/do something that isn’t very good… beat them to the insult. It totally diffuses them.), but it gets the general theme across rather well.

I may get ex-communicated from City Business Church for sharing these Morton (and Saucier) traditions which have been passed down from generation to generation, but I’m tired of winning every argument. So here we go.

Chapter 1: THE KEY TO IT ALL

Before we can get to great rebuttals we first need to discuss how to handle insults.
When someone makes a comment about you (good, bad, or otherwise) there are two ways to take it.
  1. They are telling the truth.
  2. They are lying.
Option 1 (the Truth) If what they say is true, well… then it’s true. If you don’t like it, then decide to fix it; if you don’t mind it, move on. The truth only hurts if you are lying to yourself.
Option 2 (the Lie) If what they say is false, well, then they are a liar. Enough said. Defending yourself against a lie only makes you look guilty.
Understanding this simple concept is the foundation for getting under someone’s skin. It all starts with how well you can handle their comments.
If someone calls you and Idiot, how do you respond? If someone says you’re a complete sucker, what do you do? If someone calls you an M-F’ing SOB how do you take that? 

Some say laughter is the best medicine; I say laughter is the best weapon.

You see, it isn’t about what they say or even what you say…it’s about how you take it. If you can put yourself in a position where nothing bothers you, then you can’t loose. It isn’t really a battle against someone else it is actually a battle against yourself.
Either it’s true or it’s not, but it doesn’t really matter. Maybe I am an idiot, a sucker, an M-F’ing SOB; so what? As long as there is a smile on my face I’m sending the clear message that I enjoy my life. And that is why you can’t win.
When in a debate, always remember the golden rule of verbal combat: IF YOU AREN’T LAUGHING THEN YOU AREN’T WINNING.
Laugh with. Laugh at. Laugh.
It’s really that simple.

Open Letter to the Business Leaders at City Bible:

Posted on February 17th, 2006 by catalyst into the City Boobie Church category

Dear BWAP:

It has come to my attention that despite the satan-esque writings of this website, many of the Business Leaders at City Bible Church continue to read our blog.  And since I have their attention,  I would like to say something directly to the Business Leaders of City Bible.

Here it goes:

You are wealthy and successful because you work hard and are smart, not because you tithe.

(Let me say this again, since I know some of you are confused.)

You are wealthy and successful because you work hard and are smart, not because you tithe.

I know the Pastoral Staff makes you feel special. I know they put you in positions of leadership and shower you with attention. But trust me, that is not love, that is manipulation. Stop giving them money and see what happens. Try it; I dare you.

Your giving to the church has little to do with your current financial situation. God rains on the just and the unjust. (Matthew 5:45) God may spite you, (Read the Book of Job) or God may bless you. (Read Song of Solomon) He is God. It’s His world, you just live in it.

Your Faith should be based on more than just being blessed. Real Faith is knowing that rain or shine, God still loves me and I will continue to serve Him.

So please, I beg of you, stop being manipulated by your church. Stop believing that somehow your attendance or tithing is responsible for your success. You are successful, despite tithing to City Bible Church, not because of it.

Lastly, don’t stop giving. Give because giving is the right thing to do. Give, because a giving attitude will bless you spiritually and make you a happier person. 

Remember, God loves a cheerful giver.

Sincerely,

Senior Pastor at City Business Church

Catalyst

Unity Contest

Posted on February 16th, 2006 by Reformed Pope into the Lawsuits & Logo's category

The Big Bible Logo Battle continues…the scorecards are in and WE won round 1 (My letter was way better than theirs), but don’t start celebrating yet. There are still 11 rounds to go.

I really hate to see our two churches fighting over something as silly as a logo. That is why I have decided to hold a UNITY Contest. We shall now begin the CITY "B" CHURCHES LOGO CONTEST.  The winning entry will be used by the church who loses the rights to our current logo.

Here are the rules:

You must create an original logo* which properly reflects the image of both churchs. The logo must be emailed to tightingisgood@citybusinesschurch.org. This contest is open to both members of City Business Church and City Bible Church. The winner shall receive the standard "Blessing from God" prize given by CBC.

To get things started I shall submit the first entry:

With great pride I give you:    

 

“THE RECEIVING TREE”

  receivingtree.jpg

*All submitted logo’s become the official property of City Business Church for use on their website. City Bible Church is not affiliated with this contest in anyway.

Playing the Cooler

Posted on February 16th, 2006 by catalyst into the City Boobie Church category

I find Evangeline Lily helps calm people down. Well, she makes me smile at least.

People are getting pretty fired up in the comments section of this blog. I, of course, have no problem with this. In fact, I find it amusing.  But the comments are feeling intense, so I am going to switch gears and blog about music. Hopefully, this will get everyone to relax a bit.

Apparently there’s some blogger running around the internet tagging other bloggers. If you are tagged it means you have a writing assignment. Recently, I was tagged by Couv Operator.  To be honest, if it was anyone else, I probably would have ignored the tag. But Couv Operator is my political blogger by proxy. If you want my take on the current political scene read his blog. It’s great, and as such, I’ll do the assignment.

Here’s the assignment: List seven songs you are into right now.

Here are my songs:

Perfect Situation - Weezer - The music video to this song features Elisha Cuthbert. Enough Said.

Wordless Chorus - My Morning Jacket - I am not sure what the song is about. But the "wordless chorus" is amazing.

Hide and Seak - Imogen Heap - Not since Take Six performed I L-O-V-E You, have I enjoyed an accepella performace so much.

Testify - Kanye West - Say what you want about Kanye, but his Gold Digger Album is amazing. It also includes this gem of a lyric "Testify. Come up in the spot looking extra fly." I wish some preacher would shout that out during testimony time.

Inside and Out - Feist  - The only woman who could make a Bee Gees song better. Best.Cover.Ever.

First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes  - Good Love Song.

You’re Beautiful - James Blunt - A guy sees a beautiful girl on the subway, but knows he’ll never have her.  Yep, pretty much sums up my life.

As always, thanks so much for reading our blog… and remember …good times… good times…

Frank Damazio really is Revved up.

Posted on February 15th, 2006 by Reformed Pope into the Uncategorized, Pastor Hank category
Here are the Top 10 reasons Frank Damazio is so revved up:
 
10. He just over paid his lawyers to send a “cease & desist” letter to the wrong guy.
9.   He just heard Estes use the phrase “Damazio Schmazio”
8.  He just found out his degree from PBC isn’t worth anything?
7.  Starbucks refuses to name a drink “THE FRANK”?
6.  Sharon refuses to call him Mr. Damachiato?
5.  Robert Jameson just gave him the totals for parking passes sold for the upcoming            Breakthrough conference?
4.  Heard IRS is investigating Morton boys?
3.  He received hundred’s of requests to pray for young single ladies to find a husband?
2.  While listening to an old sermon he got to hear how HE pronounces City Bible Church?
 
And the number #1 reason Frank Damazio is so revved up is because:
 
1.  He preaches in a giant boob?
 
 

Congratulations Locutus you are today’s big winner. I still laugh every time I read that.

Bing Bing Bing! (Round 1 begins)

Posted on February 14th, 2006 by Reformed Pope into the Lawsuits & Logo's category

Here is the letter I received from CBC’s lawyers, Davis Wright Tremaine LLP:

Letter from CBC's lawyers

 

 (Click the image to open in a new window)

 

 

And here is my response:

Response to CBC lawyers

 

(Click the image to open in a new window)

 

 

 

Parody or Infringement

Posted on February 14th, 2006 by catalyst into the Uncategorized, Lawsuits & Logo's category

Here is an interesting link that was sent to me by a friend of the blog.

Question: When is parody protected from a charge of trademark infringement?

Answer: Parody is a usage of a mark that pokes fun at the mark and does not confuse the public as to the source of the usage. In determining whether there is infringement the court balances the public interest in free expression against the public interest in avoiding consumer confusion. "A parody must convey two simultaneous–and contradictory messages; that it is the original, but also that it is not the original and is instead a parody. To the extent that it does only the former but not the latter, it is not only a poor parody but also vulnerable under trademark law, since the consumer will be confused." From Cliffs NOtes, Inc. v. Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing Group, 886 F. 2d 490 (2d Cir. 1989)

Let me know if someone accidentally tithes to our site instead of City Bible’s.

Dear City Bible: MSNBC called, they want their logo back

Posted on February 14th, 2006 by catalyst into the Lawsuits & Logo's category

We are still trying to find a way to post the letter from Davis Wright Tremaine. We will also be posting JP’s letter in response. However, it is proving to be a little more difficult than imagined. Nevertheless, the letter is coming… trust us, the letter is coming.

In the meantime, there were a couple of interesting comments I thought would make for a good post. One individual posted Romans 8:1 "There is no Condemnation to them that are in Christ Jesus" and closed with this comment:

May you be lifted up from unprofitable endevors to the hights of knowing Christ and His love and proclaim and defend the gospel of Christ and His grace.

Which was followed by a comment from another elusive Anonymous:

I read the blog, I like a lot of it. I dislike a lot. But thanks to the Anonymous that post the thoughts about Christ and how lovely and wonderful He is. The new logo is so fitting for CBC. It’s not that they don’t love God or that they don’t love the things of God, they just make financial gain the first love, the first teaching , the first tithe……

I have never denied that City Bible does good. I have just always argued that what little good they do is overshadowed by the harm they cause to their members and to the Christian Community as a whole.

So let me ask, "Does City Bible’s good outweigh their harm? Does CBC do so much good that we should not point out the flaws in their preaching and actions?" 

The Big Bible Logo Battle

Posted on February 10th, 2006 by catalyst into the Lawsuits & Logo's category

If you have been paying close attention, you may have noticed that there is a bit of a logo battle brewing between City Business and City Bible.

See, when this new blog site initially started, we took the logo from City Bible’s website, just to give our site a little more color and flair, believing that imitation is truly the sincerest form of flattery.

And while we questioned the legality of this, we also carefully reviewed City Bible’s website and failed to see any trademark insignia around their logo. We also mentioned this lack of a trademark several times on our blog.  

Oddly enough, a couple of days ago, City Bible put a small TM near the bottom corner of their logo. This naturally caused us some alarm. We had not seen this before. And in the interest of fairness, we added a small TM to the bottom of our logo as well.

I was also a little skeptical and took it upon myself to do some research. Just because you put a tiny TM next to your logo, does not necessarily mean your logo is trademarked.

I performed a fairly exhaustive search on the US Patent and Trademark Office website, looking for City Bible’s name or logo, and I was unable to find City Bible anywhere on the site. Not wanting this fabulous logo to fall into the wrong hands, I promptly sent off my own application, claiming a trademark for this beautiful colorful logo.

The results are still pending, and I will not know for a while whether my application is approved. However, in the meantime, I would like City Bible to know that I respect their need to use the logo, and I will be happy to let them continue to keep it on their website for a small fee, or a tithe, if you will.

I have also taken the liberty of searching other logo’s for City Bible to use, in the off chance they do not want to pay me:

Here is the best one I have found.

dollar_sign.jpg

I believe this logo truly captures the essence and sprit of City Bible Church. An insignia that screams Faith, Love and Giving, without so much as saying a word.

Posted on February 8th, 2006 by catalyst into the Uncategorized category
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