Someone recently suggested that I write a book on Insults. And while I sensed a hint of sarcasm in his comments I’ve decided that I’ll accept the compliment and take the challenge (I’ll be covering “Turning Sarcasm into Compliments” in chapter 3) and so here’s the first (and probably last) entry in my book.
I’ve decided to call the book “Witty Comebacks and Humorous Banter, a Morton's guide to life” which is a terrible name, I know (Chapter 4 covers “Beat them to it” When you say/do something that isn’t very good… beat them to the insult. It totally diffuses them.), but it gets the general theme across rather well.
I may get ex-communicated from City Business Church for sharing these Morton (and Saucier) traditions which have been passed down from generation to generation, but I’m tired of winning every argument. So here we go.
Chapter 1: THE KEY TO IT ALL
Before we can get to great rebuttals we first need to discuss how to handle insults.
When someone makes a comment about you (good, bad, or otherwise) there are two ways to take it.
- They are telling the truth.
- They are lying.
Option 1 (the Truth) If what they say is true, well… then it’s true. If you don’t like it, then decide to fix it; if you don’t mind it, move on. The truth only hurts if you are lying to yourself.
Option 2 (the Lie) If what they say is false, well, then they are a liar. Enough said. Defending yourself against a lie only makes you look guilty.
Understanding this simple concept is the foundation for getting under someone’s skin. It all starts with how well you can handle their comments.
If someone calls you and Idiot, how do you respond? If someone says you’re a complete sucker, what do you do? If someone calls you an M-F’ing SOB how do you take that?
Some say laughter is the best medicine; I say laughter is the best weapon.
You see, it isn’t about what they say or even what you say…it’s about how you take it. If you can put yourself in a position where nothing bothers you, then you can’t loose. It isn’t really a battle against someone else it is actually a battle against yourself.
Either it’s true or it’s not, but it doesn’t really matter. Maybe I am an idiot, a sucker, an M-F’ing SOB; so what? As long as there is a smile on my face I’m sending the clear message that I enjoy my life. And that is why you can’t win.
When in a debate, always remember the golden rule of verbal combat: IF YOU AREN’T LAUGHING THEN YOU AREN’T WINNING.
Laugh with. Laugh at. Laugh.
It’s really that simple.
