I’m panicking, I’m panicking
Posted on May 6th, 2006 by catalyst into the Uncategorized categoryJP has been taking a bit of a beating from our readers on this blog for softening his stance on City Bible after meeting with Howard. Having grown up with JP, I have a little insight into his thought process when it comes to handling pressure. So alllow me to share a quick story that illustrates how JP operates in a stressful situation.
JP and I grew up in a large house in North Portland only a couple of blocks from the Columbia Villa. (Don't let the Villa fool you; it wasn't a charming neighborhood.) Every summer our cousin Erik would fly out from Vermont and visit us. One of our favorite activities when Erik was in town was to hide behind the bushes in our front yard at night and throw water balloons at the cars driving up the street. A brilliant idea.
As the cars passed, we would all jump up from behind the bushes and throw the water balloons. Inevitably, when the car screeched to a halt, we would flee to the backyard annd wait it out. A foolproof plan. In case of a real emergency, if for example a driver got angry enough to come to the front door, our plan was to hide in the garage. Our garage was the size of a small house and filled with the furniture of random hippies my father had let live with us. It was a perfect hiding place.
We had several wonderful nights of waterballooning cars, until one unfortunate incident when the car we hit swerved and almost ran into a police car driving up the street in the opposite direction. The cop flipped on the siren and we decided that this constituted a "real emergency". However, while JP and I may be crafty, we're not necessarily bright. And unfortunately, only our cousin Erik ran to the garage. JP and I headed straight to our bedroom in the basement. I crawled under the bed, while Johnpaul watched the events unfold from the basement window. This led to the following conversation:
JP: The cop is coming up to the House!
ME: Johnpaul hide somehwere. Get under the bed!
JP: She's talking to dad now! What are we gonna do?!
ME: For the love of all that is sacred and holy, HIDE Johnpaul HIDE!!!!
JP: I'M PANICKING!!! I'M PANICKING!!!!
Needless to say, my dad came straight downstairs found JP standing in the middle of the bedroom… …panicking… …and asked JP where me and Erik were hiding. JP promptly told our father that I was hiding under the bed, and then led us all to Erik's hiding place in the garage. To Erik's credit, he gave us the worst "What-Happened-To-The-Plan" glare, as our father led us all to the cop. The cop was actually really nice, and she just lectured us on the dangers of throwing water balloons at moving cars.
So all in all, a good story with a happy ending. However, more importantly it illustrates JP's pressure mentality. And now whenever I'm in a stressful situation with JP, I harken back to that night in the bedroom, remember Johnpaul screaming, "I'M PANICKING I'M PANICKING". And I thnk to myself,
I'm screwed.
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May 6th, 2006 at 1:13 pm
It’s during sensitive situations like these, where I have absolutely nothing useful to say, that I like to recommend a book - not that it will do anything for Johnpaul, but that it will make me feel better about making him feel like shit. That is the Christian way, isn’t it?
For RP’s panic disorder, I highly recommend the writings of Patrick F McManus, and in particular, the book “A Fine and Pleasant Misery” and the short story “Modified Stationary Panic”, which is vastly preferred to the “Full Bore Linear Panic”.
May 6th, 2006 at 3:57 pm
The story actually makes me think of Lake Wobegone….anyone else a Garrison Keillor fan? I’m a little too stressed out these days to be arguing theology, but I have to admit that I’ve always been a sucker for family stories…..and that was a good one.
May 6th, 2006 at 7:25 pm
That story is just precious.
May 7th, 2006 at 3:05 pm
We used to throw water balloons at cars too. We thought we were being original. Shoot!
May 7th, 2006 at 5:51 pm
As I recall, we normally would post someone across the street who would signal if the car coming was a police car or not…
I’m not quite sure where they were on that one, but ever since I’ve had these damn panic attacks.
May 7th, 2006 at 5:56 pm
… and then the cop saw the puddle on the floor where JP was standing… laughed.. and figured that was punishment enough.
haha.
Oh wait..
I thought this was a “write your own ending” story?
:)
May 7th, 2006 at 6:54 pm
Henri that's funny.
It's even funnier if you know the "Johnpaul pissed his car" story from a couple of months ago.
I'm tellin you, these damn panic attacks really suck.
May 8th, 2006 at 9:02 am
Uncrupulous said-
It’s during sensitive situations like these, where I have absolutely nothing useful to say, that I like to recommend a book - not that it will do anything for Johnpaul, but that it will make me feel better about making him feel like shit. That is the Christian way, isn’t it?
Ditto friend… books are almost as exilerating at bitch slapping.
May 15th, 2006 at 9:19 am
In the Northeast we did the winter equivalent of snowballs at passing motorists. We would hide in the alley between buildings at night and hit anything with lights that drove by, then run down alleys, over walls and through darkened backyards until our pursuer gave up. Since we didn’t have a lookout I actually hit a cop car one night! We must have run around in circles for a half hour before he gave up.
June 8th, 2006 at 7:15 pm
Thanks for the bedtime story Justin. Brings back a lot of great memories of my brothers and I.