Top 10 Signs You are a Fundamentalist Christian
Posted on June 15th, 2006 by catalyst into the Uncategorized category10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.
9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.
8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.
7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!
6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.
5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.
4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs — though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."
3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.
2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.
1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.
RSS feed for posts
June 15th, 2006 at 9:29 am
Me, me, me again…I am really close on this one.
June 15th, 2006 at 10:28 am
I think you missed one…
All your conclusions and interpretations about God, God’s will, and the Bible are absolutely correct. Anyone who disagrees is an agent of Satan.
June 15th, 2006 at 1:23 pm
Ouch…this really takes the fun out of being a fundamentalist
June 15th, 2006 at 6:50 pm
dangit… ya got me.
Now what do I do to become a true follower of christ?
June 15th, 2006 at 7:19 pm
What happened to me? It used to be so simple.
Love God with everything I had
Love everybody around me
When did it get so complicated? Oh! now I remember, when they started calling me a leader.
June 15th, 2006 at 7:40 pm
one Leader
Guess were all followers?
It’s easier to follow with one Leader. Amen
Kinda makes PF a tongue twisted idiot… like us all, in the whole spectrum of things.
June 15th, 2006 at 7:49 pm
PF does have a lisp, so making fun of him being a “tongue twisted Idiot” is sort of sad on your part.
But rage on Michael, rage on!
June 15th, 2006 at 8:08 pm
Funny, Catalyst. Is this all your original material?
June 15th, 2006 at 11:49 pm
www.wittenburgdoor.com
June 16th, 2006 at 3:00 am
Seems like a nice satirical mag for 8th grade Christians. I had a hard time getting past the Hip-Hop use of language on the first page.
I’m too old
June 16th, 2006 at 5:51 am
Blah blah blah … I have an opinion on everything … blah blah blah
June 16th, 2006 at 5:53 am
Very funny again. Care to dialogue on that thought?
June 16th, 2006 at 5:56 am
Wow, I think I just got my own groupie.
Thanks IW
AW out
June 16th, 2006 at 6:08 am
Blah blah blah … this blog is all about me … blah blah blah
June 16th, 2006 at 6:15 am
Let my minions arise!
Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha
June 16th, 2006 at 12:22 pm
true that
June 16th, 2006 at 12:29 pm
Uh no. I didn’t write this. I probably should have said that. I took this from the Best of Craigslist. And I would have linked to it, but A) I was in a hurry and B) It’s kind of a raunchy site, and I thought I would just pass on the link.