Single Song Saturday
Posted on July 29th, 2006 by catalyst into the Uncategorized categoryLast week there was a request for a song to the tune of Green Acres. And in City Busines Church, you ask and you shall receive.
From future Grammy Award Winning Songwriter Anonymous, I give you:
TTTO: Green Acres
Tithe buckets bursting at the seams
Ushers bug-eyed at the piles of green
Frank's bullshit spreadin' far and wide
Oh my God, there's no place left to hide
Three Cafés serving mean lattés
Gen Church throwing once-a-week par-tays
Vancouver even meets on ice
They've got it all except for Jesus Christ
…Big bucks!
…This sucks!
…The crowds!
…Too loud!
This ain't for me.
Good bye, CBC.
Kel's Pub here I come.
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July 29th, 2006 at 7:03 am
I think this might be the best parody song yet. It even has the same overall tone/theme of the Green Acres theme song - this place sucks, I’m going somewhere better. Nice job.
July 29th, 2006 at 9:52 am
Love Boat…City Style.
Tithing, exciting and new
Come Aboard. We’re expecting you.
Tithe, life’s sweetest reward.
Let it flow, it blesses back to you.
Tithe Boat soon will be making another run
The Tithe Boat promises nothing for everyone
Set a course for your giving,
Your mind on a new donation.
Tithing won’t hurt anymore
It’s an open door to a friendly shore.
Yes tithe! Open the door, it’s tithe!
July 29th, 2006 at 12:58 pm
Well, this isn’t a song, but since PF did a big series on Acts 2 last year, I thought it would be appropriate to share:
from sacredsandwich.com
July 29th, 2006 at 1:04 pm
I’m curious as to why Jiminy doesn’t join in on the song writing. In the past she has never been one to hesitate at calling worship leaders hack musicians, all the while extolling her classical training. Perhaps she could grace us with a funny fugue or a silly sonata or two?
July 29th, 2006 at 3:01 pm
Surely she could come up with an obnoxious opera. Even an opus will do.
July 29th, 2006 at 4:03 pm
Easy big fella’. I wasn’t taking a swipe at Jiminy, just a little good-natured ribbing. I’m here for the humor, not the dogmatic catfights.
July 29th, 2006 at 4:17 pm
Me too.
Hymns vs. Praise Choruses
An old farmer went to the city one weekend and attended a big city
church. He came home and his wife asked him how it was. “Well,” said
the farmer, “It was good. They did something different, however.
They sang praise choruses instead of hymns.”
“Praise choruses?” said his wife. “What are those?”
“They’re sort of like hymns, only different,” said the farmer.
“What’s the difference?” asked the wife.
The farmer said, “Well, if I said, ‘Martha, the cows are in the
corn,’ that would be a hymn. But if I said, ‘Martha, Martha, Martha,
Oh Martha, MARTHA, MARTHA, the cows, the big cows, the brown cows,
the black cows, the white cows, the black and white cows, the COWS,
COWS, COWS, are in the corn, are in the corn, are in the corn, are
in the corn,’ that would be a praise chorus.”
==================================================================
Now, the rebuttal, so to speak:
==================================================================
A young Christian went to his local church usually, but one weekend
Attended a small town church. He came home and his wife asked him
how it was.
“Well,” said the young man, “It was good. They did something
different, however. They sang hymns instead of regular songs.”
“Hymns,” said his wife, “What are those?”
“Oh, they’re okay. They’re sort of like regular songs, only different,”
said the young man.
“Well, what’s the difference?” asked his wife.
The young man said, “Well it’s like this: If I were to say to you,
‘Martha, the cows are in the corn,’ well that would be a regular
song. If, on the other hand, I were to say to you:”
Oh Martha, dear Martha, hear thou my cry.
Inclinest thine ear to the words of my mouth.
Turn thou thy whole wondrous ear by and by,
To the righteous, inimitable, glorious truth.
For the way of the animals who can explain?
There in their heads is no shadow of sense.
Hearkenest they in God’s sun or His rain,
Unless from the mild, tempting corn they are fenced.
Yea, those cows in glad bovine, rebellious delight,
Have broke free their shackles, their warm pens eschewed.
Then goaded by minions of darkness and night
They all my mild Chilliwack sweet corn have chewed.
So look to that bright shining day by and by,
Where all foul corruptions of earth are reborn.
Where no vicious animal makes my soul cry
And I no longer see those foul cows in the corn.
“Then, if I were to do only verses one, three and four and do a key
change on the last verse, well that would be a hymn.”
July 29th, 2006 at 4:37 pm
Ah, this is why I keep coming back here! That’s some funny stuff.
July 29th, 2006 at 5:26 pm
Hilarious, John 444!
July 29th, 2006 at 6:44 pm
OK…..bait-taking, here I come.
I generally restrict my funny-song skills (abhorrently lacking though they be, I’ll be the first to admit) to things like singing the Dies irae in Latin to the tune of “Camp Grenada” or re-texting Hungarian folk songs. Or, things like:
I’m too geeky for this blog
Too geeky for this blog,
Home-schoo-led, yeah!
So much for my classical training…..classically trained is as classically trained does, and I don’t extol it and deride the Jesus-is-my-boyfriend genre because of myself. Indeed, my classical training was helped along a lot because of skills I learned in the contemporary idiom. It’s a nice “place to be from” as it were….the world of K-LUV is necessarily limited beyond a certain point, however.
I respect classical training because and when it acts as a transmitter of culture. I’m all for church music that’s culturally relevant…..I just don’t think that both the music and the musicians have to suck in order for that to be the case. I also don’t think that “good” music is good just because it’s complex or difficult or has lots of thee and thou in it. As usual, the answer isn’t on one side of the fence or another.
July 29th, 2006 at 6:58 pm
Ok, point proven. Stick to the non-funny stuff.
July 29th, 2006 at 8:12 pm
Jiminy,
WOW!!! You’re “classically trained”?
You don’t say………..FIVE TIMES
July 29th, 2006 at 8:32 pm
I wish there were more classical training of Christian musicians today. Perhaps the bulk of modern Christian music wouldn’t be so lame.
July 30th, 2006 at 10:21 am
Classically trained….meh. Too rigid.
I’m suprised all the lattes don’t lure in
more acid jazz players. That’s what
the church needs.
July 30th, 2006 at 11:15 am
Perhaps if you come from a smallish church with a dearth of good musicians, your concern seems a valid one. Having come from CBC and other churches of various sizes who do have really good (many even classically trained) musicians, I can say with some authority that it has less to do with the quality of the musicians and the culture of Western church which has a strange way of defining what is “good” or even “acceptable” in religious music, and it can vary from church to church. But that’s like a whole ‘nother conversation (or debate) right there. I’m content with TV theme parodies about tithing, myself.
July 30th, 2006 at 3:44 pm
Didja ever see this one? I wanted to include it on my new CD, but several religious people who heard the demo started looking around for rocks, tar and feathers … so, I dropped it from the lineup.
Blest Be (the Guy Who Tithes)
(Sung to the old hymn: Blest Be the Tie That Binds)
(Lyrics Copyright 2003 - Jack Helser - posted at CBC with permission)
(Big stinky pipe-organ intro, Rev. Elvis sings the 1st verse)
Blest be the guy who tithes
His tenth in fiscal love
And if he doth hold back so much as one dime
He’s robbing from God above
(Rev. Elvis asks widow Bighouse to sing the 2nd verse)
Before the minister’s throne
We empty our pocket books bare
Our fifties, our twenties, our tens, fives and ones
All vanish as into thin air
(Rev. Elvis scolds widow Bighouse, and asks Elder ‘Yesman’ to sing)
In rapturous song we enjoin
While filling the offering plates
The sound of checks ripping – the ring of lose coin
Brings joy to the minister’s face
(Rev. Elvis, exasperated, pleads for someone to sing the truth - transition to guitar)
When Jesus commissioned the twelve
To seek out the Father’s lost sheep
He told them “take nothing, ask not for yourselves
Give freely as you have received”
Not once did Christ ask men for tithes
Nor e’r did He ask them to pay
The Good Shepherd taught us to lay down our lives
His children will follow His way
…
My comment concerning classical music, has more to do with modalities, melodies / chord structure of songs. I get tired of the I/IV/V7 progressions with a downbeat - verse chorus lead verse chorus. By comparison, todays music is simple compared to the complexities of classical.
Years ago, I entered a song-evaluation type competition at a seminar for Christian musicians in Seattle - my songs are not commercial in that they are wordy by todays standards and many longer than commercial length. So the reviewers are grooving on a song I wrote, until it transitions to a different tempo / feel - and then they trash it. They were like “stick with the groove you first established” … I just think that the industry czars have over-simplified music, dumbed it down, turned it into Christian ‘trance’ - what challenge is it to write something like that? Or perform it?
I write most song lyrics in about 30-60 minutes - typically 3 vs. and a chorus. But the more complex songs, with a deeper message, come about through hard work - and especially those of a deep spiritual nature, have to be “walked out” first.
There’s one song, Resurrection Power, on my new CD, that took 3-1/2 years to write. The labor involved in writing something like that song, teaches me respect for classical music … at least, respect for the writing process. What modern music compares to the ‘Messiah’ and and ‘Hallelujah Chorus’ …
I just think that a lot of the music today, lacks soul, lacks the voice of experience, takes no chances … it’s just nice, safe, non-offensive material, sure to appease the industry and listeners and sell a bunch of CDs.
It’s hard to express, FICM - perhaps I’m not doing well explaining.
Guess I just wish Christian music today was written more for the Father, than it was to sell records and make the authors popular.
July 31st, 2006 at 7:26 am
John444,
Dude…..if you were going to vote for yourself as the hardworking composer type, y’should’ve picked somebody other than Handel (who stole a huge percentage of what he wrote from other people and when he did write something original, he recycled the same material 13,000 ways from Sunday…..not to mention his whole gay thing, which I’m sure doesn’t endear him to you) and a work other than Messiah (which was composed in about 3 weeks and revised in patchwork bits and pieces as needed). Also, I/IV/V7……well, good luck escaping that one in the first place, and in the second place, your man Handel seemed pretty ok with I/IV/V7….seeing as how that’s the backdrop progression to all of tonal music. Maybe Bruckner or Brahms is a little more your speed for the sake of argument….and perhaps if I/IV/V7 isn’t doing it for you, you should look into some Schoenberg…..heehee
FICM…..yeah, you’re right. It’s not about the fact that there aren’t good musicians at these big churches, it’s about the fact that churches by and large embrace mediocrity for political reasons. However, it’s also true that people can have a respectable aesthetic experience in church and still worship. It’s a tough spot, though….trying to sell people on a better product that they don’t know/think they need. And yes, the “business” type vocabulary is intentional. Church-goers in the US have definitely come to see themselves (intentionally or not) as a consumer group, and pastors have come to see themselves as business people trying to sell a product. I don’t think this is a new idea, but I do think that the consumer group is less culturally literate than they’ve ever been, so how can we expect them to demand better? We either have to get people NOT to think of themselves as consumers in church, or we have to educate them as to what’s really available to them.
July 31st, 2006 at 10:58 am
I didn’t know that about Handel, Jiminy. Probably a poor example on my part.
Thinking some more about it, because I don’t think I’ve explained well, it makes a big difference whether the author is writing songs based on doctrine / dogma, or based on is heard from the heart of God. I’ve seen and experienced the difference in my own writing - from my first “go to church” type song (cheerleading), to a song of worship and adoration sung directly to Him. The former was born of men and their silly religious admonitions, the latter from a prolonged time of worship “in the Spirit”.
Several years ago, I experienced a strong vision - in which I witnessed the resurrection of Christ, and watched as Mary came to the tomb and recognized Him after thinking he was the gardner. As I watched the vision unfold, I was moved / directed by the Spirit, to respond in song - I played and sang what I was seeing in the vision, in real time. It was truly beautiful, and powerful. The experience lasted perhaps 10 minutes, and then was over.
The experience left a permanent impression on me. One impression is, that we scarcely scratch the surface with modern Christian music. By comparison, all the music written to date, is shallow, lacking power. There is limitless music through the Spirit - so much so, we won’t be able to record it all - transcribe it - nor will we be able to take credit for it as authors or musicians, except that it is a gift of the Father through the Spirit.
Having tasted the music of heaven, all other music is a poor reflection. Some at least, warms the heart … but most of it, for me at least, just gives my ear drums a work out, including all but a couple of the songs I’ve written.
Ah well - I can get with the party: “Shout it out, shout it out” …
July 31st, 2006 at 2:11 pm
Why are we so opposed to the idea of taking personal credit for musical work? Why do we have to constantly tack on the qualifier, “Oh, it’s not from me, it’s from God,”? Shouldn’t that go without saying?
The way I see it, we should all do the best we can. We should work out our craft as whatever we are, do it to the best of our ability, and then let it go. For me, to constantly say the it’s-from-God line is just a little silly and probably a lot arrogant, because it looks a lot like either namedropping or kind of a lame excuse for not being better at what one does (or even providing churches with one more crappy excuse for why they don’t employ and adequately compensate good musicians).
I feel pretty pragmatic about the whole thing….and I don’t think any of us is objective enough about our own work to say that it’s divinely inspired or not. It’s a conflict of interests….for myself, I think it’s best to let other people’s discernment over the course of time make the call. In the meantime, I’m seeking do my best work, earnestly work out the gifts within, and (insofar as it’s possible) detach my ego from the idea that other people do or don’t perceive what I produce as being “of God”. We’re responsible for what we produce and for doing it as well as we can, and when we do, we should be able to stand up and take accountability for it, whether the response is favorable or unfavorable.
July 31st, 2006 at 5:37 pm
Who said that?
It’s not all from God; some songs are entirely from the flesh, some from the spirit, and most a mixture of both. Each I suppose a reflection of where the author is at in their walk with the Lord. Perhaps that’s why we are admonished to “sing a NEW SONG to the Lord” - a song that is our song, and a reflection of the truth / revelation we are currently walking in.
Looking back, I can see the progression in my writing; from songs birthed in the flesh - specifically, songs with lyrics born of doctrines of men, written to appease men; to songs birthed in the truth and revelation of the Spirit, written for the Father. Funny thing is, today’s song that I refer to as “birthed in spirit and truth”, will be old news a few years from now, to me anyway, because I’ve walked farther, and see more clearly, where I expect to be singing a new song.
I agree.