This website is a parody of City Bible Church. We are not owned or operated by Frank Damazio or affiliated with City Bible Church. Please do not send us your tithe.
It is not by grace that one enters the kingdom of heaven, but by tithing.

- Damazio 3:16


Archive for October, 2006

Tithe your Trash

Posted on October 12th, 2006 by catalyst into the Uncategorized category

Last night PBS aired a fascinating documentary discussing Environmental Evangelicals. Bill Moyers filmed the documentar,y and here's how his website describes it:

A number of conservative evangelicals are joining the environmental fight, arguing that man's stewardship of the planet is a biblical imperative and calling for action to stop global warming. But they are being met head-on by opposition from their traditional evangelical brethren who adamantly support the Bush administration in downplaying the threat of global warming and other environmental perils.

I'm not a big believer in global warming, and yet I was moved. The best part of the documentary was the Bible verses used to support a pro-environment stance. Every pastor used several compelling Bible verses to argue that Christians have a duty to support the earth  And these were pro-life, anti-gay pastors. Not liberal at all.

One church in Boise even had a Tithe your Trash day, where the congregation brought in recyclable goods to the church.

I challenge you to watch the entire documentary on Moyers website. Or if you just want a preview, you can check out a quick Youtube clip here.

Should They or Shouldn’t They?

Posted on October 11th, 2006 by Reformed Pope into the Uncategorized category

 

The NY Times has an interesting article about Religion-Based Tax Breaks which always makes me wonder, are these tax breaks valid?

When you look at a large church, which clearly is not hurting for money, and when you see pastors living in large homes, driving nice cars, wearing nice clothes you often think something is just not right. But what about the little guys? What about the pastors of smaller churches with only a few hundred young and poor members? If we eliminate these tax breaks do these smaller churches disappear?

Here is a quote from the article:

The housing deduction is one of several tax breaks that leave extra money in the pockets of clergy members and their religious employers. Ministers of every faith are also exempt from income tax withholding and can opt out of Social Security. And every state but one exempts religious employers from paying state unemployment taxes - reducing the employers' payroll expenses but also leaving their workers without unemployment benefits if they are laid off.

I guess I'm just not sure how I feel at this point. Maybe Jeremiah, our resident blogging elder, would be able to shed some light on the situation.

Are Creationists the new Rosa Parks?

Posted on October 11th, 2006 by catalyst into the Uncategorized category

My old college roomate sends in the following link and story from Answers in Genesis.  Evidently AiG had a table at the recent National Education Association teachers convention. And while also advocating a creationist stance, AiG also provided a booklet on Gay Marriage, which caused some concern among NEA officials.

A witness describes the situation:

We received a press release from the American Family Association about a new NEA proposal that would “promote homosexual marriage in public schools.” Because of this new controversial proposal, AiG determined to actively engage this battle.

An official from the NEA leadership stopped by our booth. He requested/demanded that we move those gay marriage booklets to the back of our tables so they wouldn’t be in plain view. If we didn’t, he would take it to the next level—a not-so-veiled threat.

If I was to acquiesce to the humanists’ demands this time, what would be next? Surely sooner or later, someone would find our banners—or our creation message—to be offensive. If we backed down from preaching the whole counsel of God in this instance, it would not stop there.

What we were doing did not go against the NEA by-laws (we checked). So we decided to “obey God rather than men” (Acts 5:29).

An NEA official came by again. This man was noticeably nervous, and repeated the request/demand that we move the gay marriage booklets to the back … or else face the consequences. With gentleness, I told him that we would not—and showed him the NEA by-laws.

I mentioned to this gentleman that we felt like the late civil rights pioneer Rosa Parks being asked to move to the back of an Alabama bus. I told him, “We will not go to the back of the bus. We will not move our booklets to the back.” And praise the Lord, we never heard back from them again.

I'm not sure I agree with the Rosa Parks reference. Nor do I think it's smart for Creationists to oppose gay marriage. (It just confuses the message. I don't have a problem with gay marriage, but I am sympathetic to the Creationist's message.) Still, in this overly PC culture, I love it when people stand up to censors. 

On an unrelated side-note, I met my college roomate, Peter, when we were freshman in the same dorm. The Dirty Dorm as I would later tell prospective students on a campus tour.  About a month into college, me and Peter had an argument about the Bible. He interpreted it very liberally, and I took a more conservative approach. And while it annoyed me at the time, we remained friends.

Ironically, during our four years of college we completely switched positions. And by our senior year, I was taking the liberal approach to the Bible and he was a strict constructionist.  And now he's currently President of the Upstate New York Creationist Chapter, and I suspect will soon be homeschooling his young son. There's no point to this, it's just funny how people change.

Blogging is a Sin

Posted on October 9th, 2006 by catalyst into the Uncategorized category

Or at least that's what the Restored Church of God argues.

The church wrote an article discussing blogs. The article goes through the elements of a blog, applies Biblical principle and then determines that almost no one should blog.

Some of their reasons:

  • Bloggers could be molested.
  • Bloggers are idiots and have nothing useful to say.
  • Your life needs to be private.
  • Blogs are for the vain.
  • Again, you're an idiot and have nothing useful to say.
  • You're only blogging because you're bored.
  • Blogs "appear" evil. And you must avoid all "appearances of evil."

The article concludes:

Should teenagers and others in the Church express themselves to the world through blogs? Because of the obvious dangers; the clear biblical principles that apply; the fact that it gives one a voice; that it is almost always idle words; that teens often do not think before they do; that it is acting out of boredom; and it is filled with appearances of evil—blogging is simply not to be done in the Church. It should be clear that it is unnecessary and in fact dangerous on many levels.

Of course, they do have an exception. If you can legitemately make money off the blog, then it's okay.

Let me emphasize that no one—including adults—should have a blog or personal website (unless it is for legitimate business purposes). 

Looks like I'm going to have to start putting up ads on this site. You know to turn this blog into a business. Reminds me of my favorite Bible verse, "If you're making money, it's not a sin."

(H/T: Wonkette)

You’re On Notice!

Posted on October 6th, 2006 by catalyst into the Biblical Parody category

OnNotice.jpg

(Thanks Jack)

Where did all the Christian Teenagers go?

Posted on October 6th, 2006 by catalyst into the Uncategorized category

That's what this New York Times article asks. According to a recent study only 4% of teenagers consider themselves Christians. And this "recent" development has Evangelical pastors worried.

Clip:

“I’m looking at the data,” said Ron Luce, who organized the meetings and founded Teen Mania, a 20-year-old youth ministry, “and we’ve become post-Christian America, like post-Christian Europe. We’ve been working as hard as we know how to work — everyone in youth ministry is working hard — but we’re losing.”

The board of the National Association of Evangelicals, an umbrella group representing 60 denominations and dozens of ministries, passed a resolution this year deploring “the epidemic of young people leaving the evangelical church.”

Color me unconvinced. This article could have been written fifteen years ago when I was a teenager. I heard the same things. It's an Evanglical recruiting tool. Make the teen feel outcast, so they will feel that their only home is the church. I imagine the proportion of teenagers who are Christians hasn't changed significantly in the last 50 years.

Of course it may be that many teenagers do not want to identify themselves with the "Judah Smith" type of Christian. The insecure teenager who identifies himself or herself through what they don't do rather than by what they do do.

Avoiding smoking and drinking and abstaining from pre-marital sex are all very good decision, especially for teenagers. But making those decisions doesn't make you a Christian. And smoking, drinking and having sex doesn't make Jesus love you less. "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God."  If Evangelical teens were a little more accepting, they might find there are more Christians in their school than they originally thought.

Sexy Christians

Posted on October 5th, 2006 by Samaritan into the Uncategorized category

An Oregon church is encouraging its members to talk about sex. KGW's Keely Chalmers reports. (Links to a 2 minute video on the CNN.com web site)

(That sound you hear would be the apostle Paul rolling over in his grave ..) 

Sam

City Banking Church

Posted on October 5th, 2006 by catalyst into the Uncategorized category

Locutus sends in this article about a church in Georgia that has installed ATM machines or "Giving Kiosks" to help facilitate the tithing process.

As Locutus said in his email:

I heard about this on All Things Considered today while driving home from work.  The whole time I was thinking how the leadership "team" at CBC is going to be pissed they didn't think of this first, because not only is the guy getting donations through the use of the machine, but he's also making a profit on the sales and monthly licensing fees (albeit not that much, yet). 

Of course these are the types of stories you get when you listen to that liberal NPR. Why isn't NPR doing more stories about how great everything is in Iraq. But I digresss. It's a great article. As they say, read the whole thing.

And here's a brief clip:

Baker came up with the kiosk idea a couple of years ago. He had just kicked off a $3-million building drive, but noticed that few people seemed to keep cash in their wallet anymore for the collection bag.

So he began studying the electronic payment business. He designed his machine with the help of a computer programmer who attends Stevens Creek, and found ATM companies willing to assemble it for him. In early 2005, he introduced the first machine at his church.

Since then, kiosk giving has gradually gained acceptance among his upper-middle-class flock. The three kiosks are expected to take in between $200,000 and $240,000 this year — about 15% of the church's total donations.

"It's truly like an ATM for Jesus," Baker said.

The pastors also leave us with hope for the future:

The Bakers figure most people will give up on checks before they give up on their faith. The question is whether churches will adapt.

If they do, the Bakers say they will be ready with their next idea: donation machines that attach to the backs of pews.

Someone call the patent office, quick!  

Blind Man; Schmind Man

Posted on October 4th, 2006 by catalyst into the Uncategorized category

Well, I just ran my first (and probably last) marathon on Sunday. And although I enjoyed Portland's course, when the 60 year old blind gentleman passed me at mile 23, I swore under my breath that I would never run another marathon again.  Here are a few of my Marathon observations:

  • There is a stark difference in how the runners behave in the first five miles and the last five miles. Early in the race, the runners are chatting with friends, laughing at silly jokes, encouraging other runners and complementing the musicians on the side of the road.  The last five miles are filled with the dull sounds of plodding feat, interspersed only by the occasional obscenity quietly uttered by a runner about to die.
  • Most runners paid $80 to run in the race, and they are tired. Would it kill the marathon volunteers to top off the water and Gatorade? This passing out mouthfuls of water is just not going to cut it. And please, no questioning looks when we take two glasses. We just ran 14 miles. We are a little thirsty.
  • The spectators are encouraging and uplifting… for the first 15 miles. By the last 10 miles, the cheers get a little old. After one particularly perky young lady told me to keep moving because there were only four more miles to go, I thought "Why don't you try running 22 miles and then sit in that chair and scream only 4 more to go."
  • The Course Volunteers passed out cowbells to the spectators to help cheer the runners on. However, unless you are Will Ferrell on Saturday Night Live, cowbells are not encouraging. They are at best amusing. And at worst, the most annoying sound in the world.
  • The live music was fun and Portlandesque. However, when training with my I-pod, I do not usually listen to a Harpsichord or a folk band. When rounding the bend on mile 19, I do not really want to give "peace a chance". I just want my legs to keep moving. 
  • While a space blanket, medal and t-shirt are nice, what I really want after finishing a marathon is a chair to sit down in. I respect the young volunteer's advice to keep walking in order to keep my muscles from feeling sore or cramping up. However, I just ran 26.2 miles. My cramps are cramping. Also I am quite confident my muscles are going to be sore no matter what I do. So please, find me a chair. Sitting down for five minutes is not going to hurt anyone.

Anyway, I am glad I did it once; it was kind of fun. However, I do not plan on running it again… …unless of course that old blind guy wants a re-match. Then maybe I'll come out of retirement.

Lastly, let me say that Samaritan is doing an amazing job as a "guest blogger". JP and I are extremely thankful for his help, and he is welcome to contribute to this blog as long as he likes

Judah Can’t Pray Naked

Posted on October 2nd, 2006 by Samaritan into the The City Church category

Whenever the City Business Church has blogged about Jonah Judah, a few of his blind devoted followers whine about it rise up in defense of him despite his immature antics as an anointed man of God. And so, to cheeze off Judah's groupies I listened to an entire message oh the nausea of it, to experience the hot air anointedness for myself.

Reference: Judah Smith, The Way of the Water Pot, from John 4:1-29 (Woman at the Well) and John 7:37.

Message summary: God is a river, a limitless source of living water. We are wells, but thirst because we still rely on worldly water, and when we go to God, we have a water pot mentality. Once we have met the Messiah we should, like the woman at the well, leave our water pot behind, and go to the river that is God.

The message however was very difficult to listen to, for several reasons. Here's a breakdown of some of the things that troubled my spirit:

:00 Plugs church membership seminar / trumps free breakfast; but doesn't know all the details and has to call on 2 other pastors to confirm the date and time. He knows enough about the event to announce it, but not the details. (Seemed awkward. Is he unprepared, or was that just a device to recognize the other pastors, or portray himself too important to be bothered with details? Seems like self exaltation, as in "I don't know the details - let me ask my assistants.")

:50 Acknowledges someone named Luke.

1:00 Plugs the Huskies. "Hey the Huskies are 2 and 1, football. Come on; TWO and ONE! Did you notice that AFTER Sean came to GC, the Lord just anointed him; got almost 100 yards and a touchdown. I told him I said 'Sean you just keep comin' to GC the Lord's just gonna keep blessin' ya.'"

1:20 A nearly 9 minute long animated and contemporized reading of the scripture. Scolds people for talking in the 3rd person - says only the Messiah should do that - declares that to be "good preachin' already". Several personal anecdotes. Calls the woman at the well the first "Desparate Housewife" … says "you should not watch that show by the way - I've never seen an episode - shame on you."

10:00 Prayer

10:40 Supposedly beginning the message now following the prayer. Judah announces "There's a green Honda Accord and black Impala about to be towed behind the building - run screaming from the building now - sorry brother that's kinda awkward - Shalom" (audience laughter).

11:00 "I'm a … I'm a shower guy … my father in law takes a bath every morning" … On honeymoon his wife asks "what are you doing" … Judah replies: "I enjoy the feeling of cascading water on my naked body" … talking about taking baths, he says: "Forgive me, I can not pray to God naked" … "OK, that's awkward … awright … I don't know about you, but it's like, Lord, um, anyway Lord, uh …" … "But I've tried the bath thing … Baths freak me out because there's no like suction - there's no removal of the dirty water - it's clean until you get into it and then you're sitting in the cesspool of yourself … think about it folks … what is up with this bath thing …"

14:00 Talks about his house and shower, and showering … talks about washing his armpits - does animation of arm-pit washing.

16:00 Talks about his wife flushing toilet on him while showering.

18:00 Talks about his house's water pressure and his wife saving money for fixing it.

19:50 Finally starts talking about "living below our means" in terms of God's available resources.

21:30 Tells the story of a guy who he met in High School and led to the Lord, who's dad owns a state-wide chain of businesses, they're millionaires, but the young man has chosen to work elsewhere saying "I want to make my own way." Three times Judah says he told his friend "You're an idiot", then tells him "that is ridiculous … that is your inheritance … go to work for your dad, he'll make you a manager …"

23:00 - 35:00 Comments on the scripture passage. Some points repeated from the original 1:20 - 10:00 scripture reading, but re-told in more detail with stage antics (showing off / entertainment), vocal impressions, with many pop culture expressions, from whispering to yelling for effect. In his retelling of the account, he resorts to some conjecture, and imputes motive to Jesus and the woman at the well for why the conversation unfolded the way that it did. One funny comment about 'noon' being the typical lunch time for the Israelites, as if that was a revelation or the result of scholarly study.

36:00 "Pastor Judah can you fill up my water pot - oh man that was a good word - fill it up … feels so good" - bangs on a pot … (this seems to be a mocking of people who come to GC and rely on Judah to fill them up - a strange comment - for without those people, Judah has no audience). Having seen some videos of Judah, I also imagine he's strutting the stage during the several long pauses. He's part evangelist, part stand-up comic, part child who needs to be the center of attention.

37:00 "You just come back next week, I'll share part II …and you, you might even go to hell unless you come and hear part II …"

39:20 Sings version of "I'm a little Teapot" 

41:40 "I am not here to fit in … We are here to take over"

47:10 Closing prayer. Queue background music.

47:50 Closing exhortations.

50:10 End.

Margin note: Message peppered with belittling epithets such as "watch this" (must think the audience blind), "think about it" (must believe the audience doesn't think) and "come on now" (must think the audience is mule-like).

CONCLUSION: After listening to the message, I don't doubt Judah's love for God, his passion for people, or that the Holy Spirit resides within him. The essential meat of the message was thoughtful, but could have been delivered in 5 minutes and the scripture read in 2. The rest of the message (about 40 minutes) was largely repetition, self-exaltation, entertainment, crude references, and mocking of others through ignorant-sounding vocal impressions which at times, sounded to this author like a sometimes stereo-typical inner-city black person. For me, the message was very nearly lost amid Judah's worldly performance. Based on the audiences obvious amusement, this author is convinced that Judah's groupies do NOT know the difference between "anoint-ment" and "entertain-ment".

I have mixed feelings after listening to Judah's message. Judah is a good kid, and I think if I knew him personally, I'd like him. His youth, zeal, humor, and caricatures remind me of someone I once knew well, but who needed his butt kicked routinely by someone older, wiser and more mature. Judah's zeal is consuming him, and ultimately, the message. He is relying entirely too much on theatrics to promote himself and sell his message. True anointment doesn't need theatrics. If Judah's friends or 'inner circle' of supporters had room for a mature and seasoned elder in the body of Christ, someone who has endured the cross unto the crucifixion of the flesh, who through the years had learned humility, I have no doubt that elder's advice to Judah would be to rely on the Holy Spirit to convey the message while making a humble and mature presentation of the gospel, and to quit relying on his water pot filled with feel-good quick-fix worldly water (antics and theatrics).

That leaves me with just one recommendation. Judah, you need to lift up Christ Jesus more, and Judah Smith less. Sorry brother that's kinda awkward. 1 Corinthians 2:2. Shalom.

Sam