Dating Rule: No Pastors
Posted on February 14th, 2007 by catalyst into the City Boobie Church categoryTemple Christian High School and PBC graduate, Christy Moorman, explains her dating habits to the Willamette Week. It's surprisingly normal and very honest:
Age: 29
Nightly obsession: Jane Austen novels.
Christy Moorman has three no-nos when it comes to the man she wants to marry: No pastors, firefighters or cops. A petite, perfectly made-up blonde, Moorman has spent the past two decades soaking up Christian culture and teachings at a local religious grade school, high school and college. These days, she splits her waking hours between her job as an executive assistant at a Christian music licensing firm, hanging out at City Bible Church (a 4,000-plus member megalith based in outer Northeast Portland) and at her community college web design classes. That leaves little time at home, which she shares with her sister and brother-in-law and their five kids in Camas, Wash. And while she's not actively dating right now, she does attend singles events sponsored by her church…just to practice putting "the vibes" out there. —Kelly Clarke
WW: Why aren't you dating right now?
Christy Moorman: I often only have about one hour to myself every day [between work and school]. [But] I have a very diverse group of friends. I've got my church friends, who sit around and play card games…and my friends that like to go clubbing…. It's two worlds, and I don't fit into either.
Where do you go clubbing?
Downtown…Barracuda, Noche, Voodoo Lounge. It's uncomfortable sometimes; I'm there to have fun, and I feel like I'm fighting off these guys that I don't want near me. I'm looking for a deep relationship, not a one-night deal.
What's a night with your church friends like?
I have some very cool, not uptight church friends. But there are the ones where church is like their entire lives. It's like, "Can we go deeper than who led worship on Wednesday " I'm more interested in what's going on in the world, business, politics….
How has your faith affected your dating in Portland through the years?
I went to Portland Bible College, which is part of my church. A lot of the guys were there to find wives. And a lot of the girls were there to be pastors' wives. That was their goal. Not me…. I was very innocent about sex. And I still am. I haven't had sex ever…. Sometimes, it's like, "Oh my God! I'm gonna die [if I don't have sex]." And other times, I'm fine. It's a factor if I'm attracted to somebody mind, body and soul. But it's never been, "Oh, they're hot. I wanna have sex."
Do you only date guys from City Church due to your no-sex stance?
In the 19 years I've gone there, I've had one boyfriend from that church. He was non-churchy. He'd been around the block, had six tattoos and an earring. Ambitious. All the things I'd never seen. You look around the church, you see a bunch of guys who look bored. You get bored just looking at them. We dated for six months [in 2003]. He wanted to get married. I didn't.
Have you ever dated outside the church?
There was a guy I met at Barracuda that I went out with once last summer [for lunch at Stanford's at Lloyd Center]. He was looking me up and down. He was talking about getting me drunk and up on the table taking my clothes off. I was kind of hoping for something deeper than that.
Biblical personage you wanna date?
Joseph [of Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat fame]. He went through so much crap, and he knew how to handle himself. I see him as this muscley hot guy…no scraggly beard. I like hairless people.
What's the biggest problem with Portland men?
I get very frustrated with the lack of manliness I find here. It's like guys don't want to be men. There are tons of them in my church. I mean, if [me and my boyfriend] get mugged, I wanna know that I wouldn't have to fight off [the attacker] while he went running off screaming….
Are there openly gay people dating in your church?
No…I do feel frustrated by gay men because they lessen my chances to find a husband…. When I see a hot gay guy I just wanna slap him—I mean, you're so hot!
I went to high school with Christy, and she was just as wonderful and sweet back then. You can send her a Valentine by clicking on the Willamette Week link and scrolling to the bottom of her profile.
(H/T - Chris Snethen)
RSS feed for posts
February 14th, 2007 at 11:47 am
What a great interview with Christy. Refreshingly honest.
Two things jumped out at me quickly.
Holy crap, I can’t tell you how emphatically I felt like this my whole life at BT! I attended TCS my 6-9th grades, then went to public school for two years, only to return to TCHS my senior year. I had great friends in both worlds but never felt like I fit into either.
I feel for you Christy! Hopefully you’ll get to a point where you just feel like you fit into YOUR world, and that’s enough!
This topic has bugged me more and more over recent years. I once heard (second hand) a sermon Bob MacGregor preached about how men have a “warrior spirit” in them that we should embrace and cultivate. And while I don’t agree with everything Bobby Mac says, I do agree with that. Only problem is…it often smacks in the face of “political correctness” or whatever social standard has turned men into turds now-a-days.
Oh…you want a “manly” man…ok, are you ready for him to take off a bunch of weekends in the fall to go hunting? Are you ready for him to be a little rough around the edges? Drink a beer or two? I’m not saying he should be a jerk, but it just seems like women want this gorgeous metrosexual that is soft and sensitive, but also has some secret badass side like Jesse James or Bruce Lee. Good luck finding that.
I’m not saying Christy doesn’t understand that a man’s man will have just as many issues as a softy boy, but it’s a vibe I’m picking up more and more in society today and it’s frustrating.
Oh…and btw…if you want a manly man, Christy…
Testosterone is linked to increased hair growth in the male body! Sorry!
February 15th, 2007 at 5:44 am
Hmmm….is it time for cataylst to head back to Portland?
February 15th, 2007 at 6:18 am
Why would catalyst head back to Portland? Christy said she gets frustrated with all the gay guys.
February 15th, 2007 at 6:38 am
Only the hot ones.
February 15th, 2007 at 7:03 am
Yeah - I’m sure guys are just lining up to date a chick with NO FREE TIME … she has an hour a day to herself, after school, work, and the church get done with her? I can hear her response to the guys now as she scrolls through her blackberry: “um, we can meet for coffee 3 weeks from today at 7:45.”
To me, her schedule suggests someone who is potentially easily used / taken advantage of and who has trouble prioritizing their life - I mean, if she really wanted to find and seriously date someone, wouldn’t she make a little more effort to be available? To establish some boundaries with work, school, church and say “this much and no more” …
February 15th, 2007 at 8:26 am
I remember Christy. Very nice girl, and while it’s easy to wonder why she’s still single, I can see now how similar we are in our frustrations with the CBC dating scene. I was happy to move away from Portland because I felt like my only options were to date boring Christian girls or deal with the tatooed-pierced-dreaklocked Hawthorne girls. Many of the CBC girls had no interest in things like a real college education (PBC and intern program didn’t count), or any real world interests outside of the church. And the few that I did ask out, most turned me down because I wasn’t pastor material. I think it’s funny that she’s done the opposite and refuses to date guys with power-trip aspirations.
Scrupe, don’t judge her too harshly about the time thing. I’ve been there, having to work full/part time while going to school, and having no personal time left over. Although I do think it would be good for her to get out of both CBC and CCLI to broaden her dating opportunites (not to mention life and career opportunities as well).
February 15th, 2007 at 9:29 am
I get ya, FICM … on the one hand, her comments suggest she wants to date, on the other, her schedule says she’s not available. So which reflects her real desire: her words or actions? She’s sending a mixed message to the guys, you know?
She sounds like a good girl tho. If only guys could see beyond their pointy cowboy boots and big belt buckles …
February 15th, 2007 at 10:28 am
FICM says….
Move over Dr. Laura!!
February 15th, 2007 at 11:00 am
A CBC girl doing such! I’m shocked and amazed!
February 15th, 2007 at 11:18 am
I wouldn’t necessarily call what she had to say a “mixed message”. I understand where she’s coming from - she’s a busy gal and doesn’t have a lot of time to go out looking for a guy, but if someone came into her life she’d probably make time for it. It’s a matter of prioritizing. I don’t think it’s healthy for single girls to make themselves overly available while putting the rest of their life on hold until they meet “Mr. Right”. She keeps herself busy with things that are important to her and if/when a man comes along she’d probably re-prioritize.
You do NOT want to get into the CBC girl v. boy thing. Believe me, the guys have no room to talk on this. I was there in High School and through my young adult life and I can tell you first-hand those boys leave A LOT to be desired. I’m sure there are some really great ones in the mix and this is just a generalization, but at least some of these girls know what they actually want!
February 15th, 2007 at 11:49 am
Simmer down now, CG. I’ll be the first to second the notion that CBC guys have left, and continue to leave, a lot to be desired too.
BTW…
I assume that was a slip. Most guys don’t appreciate being referred to as an “it.”
For what it’s worth I do genuinely respect the fact that Christy seems to have a better than most attitude towards understanding what she wants, and not being a brainless CBC drone.
And Scrupe…she does note in the interview that…
so I wouldn’t grill her too hard on the observation you make on her time usage. While it’s correct, I don’t think it necessarily applies in this instance.
If she’s as sharp as she comes across, then I’m sure she’ll reprioritize once she decides to re-engage.
February 15th, 2007 at 12:02 pm
Nope, not a slip at all, I am referring to a “dating relationship”, not the date himself. You know what they say about assuming…
February 15th, 2007 at 1:34 pm
I think I just found my 12th identity on this blog
Grey Sheep,
Haven’t you figured out by now that I form my opinions first and get the facts later? For God’s sake man, I’m a recovering REPUBLICAN
‘Scrupe
February 15th, 2007 at 1:52 pm
I don’t understand why there aren’t more “manly men” in these places with role models like Judah Smith setting the pace. Remember guys, he’s having more sex than all of us and loving it. I wonder….is it manly sex?…Boy there could be a few different ways to interpret that……..What we need in the church today is a few more Clay Aikens to lead the manly way!
I usually post with my own name but because of the following I am skating anonymous. I actually went out on one date with Chrsity one time while we were both in college. Christy is a very sweet and wonderful girl; I don’t think there is anything wrong with her. To be honest, I think the main problem with alot of poor B.T. Beauty singles is their parents, their upbringing and the fact that they go to a church that supports a fruitcake like Joshua Harris….what’s the name of his book again…..”I Kissed My Chances at Getting Married Goodbye”?…something like that. The whole concept of Courting and taking the initial steps of a romantic relationship SO SERIOUSLY scares off alot of guys (yes, even manly ones). When you go to ask a girl to go to a movie and she says you have to talk to her father first to tell him your intentions are to aim towards marriage you have the tendency to think “wait a minute….are we just going to a movie?” Alot of these Fathers, who are well meaning, will give these innocent, well intentioned fellows a third degree questioning session that would challenge some of the Geneva Convention’s guidlines to make sure his “intentions are pure” before he even goes out on the first date! Are they honestly trying to figure out whether or not the guy has never had an impure thought towards a woman. No wonder the only thing left for these girls to pick from are hot gay guys; the parents scared off all the straights and ended up with lots of guys who have absolutely no impure thoughts towards their little girls!
I have a daughter myself now so I feel that I can completley relate to the paternal instinct to want to protect your little girl’s virtue but I hope by the time she is old enough to date that I will be confident enough in the way I rasied her to let her go out and brave it on her own. While trying to keep it vague, I know quite a few of the girls who run in these circles who are approaching their 30s and are as lonely as hell and are scared to death of being an old maid who can’t seem to understand why the men go running when they want to pick out rings on the first date and they can’t seem to fit him in between running “Super Church”, a career, leading a small group in “GenChurch”, and their personal devotional time. Sadly I have seen more than one girl end up settling for some loser out of desperation and being very miserable afterwards I agree with Grey Sheep when he states
I feel for you Christy! Hopefully you’ll get to a point where you just feel like you fit into YOUR world, and that’s enough!
These girls have grown up in CBC. They have gone to school in CBC all of their lives, they have gone to College at CBC, all the camps they went to in their childhood were CBC camps, their social circles are CBC circles, their entire identity is wrapped between the domes and they haven’t taken time out to become who they are and let that shine. I could go on but I won’t. I wish Christy a lot of happiness and a really hot straight guy.
February 18th, 2007 at 9:33 pm
[…] Original post by City Business Church […]
February 21st, 2007 at 5:12 pm
Christy says ~ The men in the church are boring and not really men…
Christy: Right on! Great interview ! I’d like to ask: Why do you think that churches like CBC have so many guys who lack attactive manhood? I’m developing some theory for this for my manuscript on Spiritual Abuse in the Church and I’d love your input to add to or correct the following factors:
(1) Over-controlled environments dash true ambition;
(2) When the most ambitious thing to do is to become an “elder” or work in the safe environment of the church staff, it discourages originality and initiative
(3) When education is replaced with indoctrination, true men go elsewhere
(4) When one can’t question the senior pastor (pope), one does not grow.
(5) When all the elders are Yes Men to the senior pastor, it provides no model for strong manliness
(6) When the only reason to go into business is to that one can tithe to the local church, manly pro-activity is doused
(7) When the local church becomes an idol and all para-church groups, e.g., YWAM are not encouraged as good options for Christian training and ministry, it creates an inbred, “old lady” atmosphere
(8) When the senior pastor gets the lion’s share of salary, benefits, and the only one with retirement benefits (according to Larry Wade 6 months ago), then all the real male energy is spent in conforming to please the pastor-king
(9) Overly-submissive environments perpetuate the status quo and the “doing what Dad did” mentality
(10) When the leaders form a Good Old Boys Club, there is a lack of fresh virility all through the group
(11) In a perfectionistic atmosphere in which the leaders hide instead of share their weaknesses, weak men are formed.
What other factors do you think contribute to the lack of male development at CBC-like churches?
If interested, I’d recommend the book, The Church Impotent: the Feminization of Christianity by Leon J. Podles.
February 22nd, 2007 at 9:17 am
For the so inclined, I would suggest the book, No More Christian Nice Guy by Paul Goughlin. It tackles the issue of passivity in the Christian male, the feminization of masculinity within the church, the common myth that men are more sinful than women, etc. The forward was written by Dr. Laura Schlessinger, which was pretty corny in my opinion, but if you can get past that, the rest of the book is a must-read.
February 22nd, 2007 at 10:17 am
Bloggy McBlogster: Thanks for the biblographic refereence! I will put it into my file for that section of my research.