Brother from another planet
Posted on March 9th, 2007 by Samaritan into the Uncategorized categoryFollowing Christ exclusively can be a lonely proposition in terms of human fellowship. After years of going to church, listening to yet another sermon filled with churchy platitudes, anecdotes and not even a hint of solid spiritual food, but rather just another moral message of the week, reasonable persons find themselves asking "is this all there is" or perhaps relegating the faith to irrelevancy and putting in their church time out of habit or for appearance / conformity's sake.
I guess it's not quite so bad in a so-called "charismatic" church, but man it can be like going to a wake in a mainline, non-charismatic, traditional denomination church. Questions abound concerning various church traditions and practices, but there never seem to be any answers forthcoming, rather, honest and straight forward answers. Pastors can get really testy when a visitor asks "what the hell was THAT about?!?"
Sitting through a church service one time, the teenage liturgist (?) stepped onto the platform with a clear pitcher filled with water, poured it into a clear bowl on the altar, and said "these waters are symbolic of your baptism, please take a moment to remember your baptismal vows and keep them". Since that particular denomination practices infant baptism by sprinkling, I asked the pastor just what vows a month old infant took that they were supposed to remember and keep? The pastor launched into a foggy explanation of their baptism and confirmation process, which seemed to suggest that baptisms in that church took some 14-15 years to complete, that is IF the infant grew up to complete confirmation and joined the church, thus confirming their infant baptism. Stickler that I am, I asked where I could find scriptural support for the practice? Obviously perturbed with my line of questioning, the pastor terminated the conversation with "our members like it".
That was just one of a hundred traditions I observed that left my head spinning and asking God "where's the beef?!?" Finally, sitting through yet another dead religious service because I thought I had to ('forsake not the fellowship of the saints' and all that crap), the Spirit whispered a question to me: "My son, what do you see?" I replied "I see a pipe organ Lord" and He followed up with "that is correct, this church worships the pipe organ". The Lord's Q&A with me during worship services there lasted many months, each one opening my eyes just a little bit more, until finally I could no longer stand even a moment in such a religious service. How I prayed for release! "Please don't make me go there any more Lord", but there was no release, as my wife was still of the "go to church" mindset. So I labored to fix what I saw were the problems and errors to improve my situation, but there was NO effecting change. Fasting, prayer, intercession, warfare, prayer walking, anointing pillars, doors and pews with oil, absolutely NOTHING helped, in fact, it got worse for us there. It felt to me like the place was trying to expel us! Like forces were rising up to oppose us. Finally came the day that KK saw what I had been seeing and the Spirit directed us: "GET OUT OF THE WAY AND LET IT FAIL". We left that place and never went back.
It's been 6 or 7 years now since I last attended a religious service in the IC, other than the obligatory appearance at mom-in-law's church when we visit family. Even that is like fingernails on a blackboard for me. Still, that's better than the family squabbles and hard feelings of stiffing mom's church service.
The deprogramming (pruning), trials (dunging), hostility of religious people, and teaching by the Holy Spirit has been a roller coaster of pain and joy in my own transition from religious slave to being a free son of God. What no one told me however, is that coming out (Revelation 18:4) is lonely and that submitting to the Lord's teaching will completely alter your perspective of life in Christ. Buildings, denominations, religious services, the covering of clergy, buying and selling of religious warez, ALL become irrelevant to Christ, because they all serve to obscure the view of Jesus and interfere with simple relationship with the Father in Christ. In time, a person simply learns that it is not "Jesus AND … ", it is simply "Jesus".
On the path of growth, there are really few mileposts by which to gage how far a pilgrim has come. Persons on the path simply know they have to press on - there is no option of going back to religious slavery once you've been called out and begin following Christ exclusively. Like Peter said "where else would we go, Lord? You alone have the words of life" … Once you've tasted the bread of life and tasted the living water, how can you go back to religious stew?
Well, the other day I saw a milepost … while channel-flipping, I stumbled onto the TBN channel and saw about 5 minutes of some program where several dozen people were sitting around a grand piano, on gold fabric wing-back chairs, with gilded coffee tables, flowers, banners and bows all about, listening to some elderly man who was a baritone singing an old hymn. As he sang, the hand not holding the microphone was lifted shoulder high, and the look on his face was enraptured. All the people listening to him were alternately looking heavenward, with hands raised, smiling ear to ear non stop (like their teeth were waxed), or occasionally singing a few words along with the man. When the song was over, the man hugged the host, cried, mouthed a few words about the lost or the 2nd coming (I don't recall), but the emotionalism was right on queue - he held it together for the song performance and then made an emotional plea when it was over.
And there I sat, feeling so completely disconnected from what I was seeing on the TV, like I was a visitor from another planet. For just a moment, I wondered if there was something wrong with me because I wasn't having a religious / spiritual experience even remotely similar to the people on the TV. Why wasn't I smiling ear to ear, hands raised, singing along with the man? Why wasn't I moved at all? And then I thought about it as a musician - you know - evaluating what I saw as a performer. It wasn't a particularly moving song or performance - frankly, I couldn't understand most of the lyrics - not only were they unintelligible, but they were churchy, and therefore no longer relevant to me. And then it occurred to me that I was watching a performance from NOT only the singer, but everyone who was listening to him - everyone whom the camera focused on was a performer - they were all putting on a "charismatic" show for the camera … While I do not doubt that the people on the program are believers, even spirit-filled, I can't relate to them because the practice of their faith has become a performance, AND the exercise of their faith requires a religious vehicle (a service, TV show, etc.) to carry it out.
Hebrews 11:9 "By faith, he lived as an alien in the land of promise, as in a land not his own, dwelling in tents, with Isaac and Jacob, the heirs with him of the same promise."
After coming to the realization that following Christ has made me a foreigner here, I resumed channel flipping. Not sure, but I think I caught an episode of Celebrity Death Match. As a foreigner, it's all fiction, so may as well watch something funny.
Sam
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March 9th, 2007 at 12:58 pm
Sam,
I completely identify! I know that many seem to receive much from the Lord in such environments, and I want to honor their belief that they do, but the centrality of man in such places is so distracting for me, that my discomfort pushes me towards the door.
It’s such an interesting phenomenon. Some brethren, such as FICM and others here, are certain the IC has sufficient edification to justify and enjoy remaining, and others have seemingly heard a strong call from the Spirit to come out.
In the end, each of us are called to submit, not to the callings of this brother or that, but to the call of the Spirit upon each of our lives. I don’t like the entire religious system that is connected with the IC, but I accept that some still do.
I’m reminded of Romans 14:
I also find it very interesting that systems religion is not just a symptom of the IC, but I’ve walked with brothers in the house church approach, who were just as control oriented, just as religious, and just as man centered, as anything I found in the IC. To be honest, I’ve seen all this junk in myself too, though I’ve come out. It is one thing to come out, but another thing for it to come out of me.
In the end, it seems to all come down to knowing the Lord, listening to His voice as best we can, and following Him wherever He leads. Some will join us, and some will villify us. But, because our hearts are fixed on pleasing Jesus more than man, we go wherever we believe He is leading us.
March 9th, 2007 at 2:25 pm
I can relate to this totally. After leaving CBC a number of years ago, my wife and I thought we could settle down at Sunnyside Foursquare. It seemed like the Holy Spirit was moving and we were finding a place to call home but within a relatively short time there, major problems started popping up and people began to leave by the droves because leadership wasn’t taking care of the problems. Needless to say, we still haven’t found a place to call home and really the only thing I miss the most is the fellowship of the people. I know things are changing, God is up to something in our own lives, but it is hard feeling like you don’t belong to a place. It has forced me to take more spiritual leadership in my own home though and that has been good for me. Most of the churches we’ve been to simply go through their programs and you feel like your going through the checkout stand or your sitting in a movie theater waiting to be entertained. The pastor shows up but the Spirit doesn’t or if perhaps He gets in there somehow, it’s only for a minute or so. I just don’t understand totally what is going on and why pastors think that they can fill the void of the Spirit’s moving. Help, please.
March 9th, 2007 at 3:53 pm
Wow. Touching … Samaritan. I know what you mean.
I know Christ when I see Him and hear Him. It is clear when the Holy Spirit is doing the singing or ministering through someone.
Yet and despite the grace for people to “try” and experience God and box Him in their camp of what “experience with God is” … well … bless them … but I hunger and thirst for the real and He seems to meet “outside the camp” well before it forms into one … let alone where it has been one so long that the smell of mildew seems even to come across the airwaves. (Fire should kill that in a pinch)
I know Gods grace is still in much of the old wineskin. Just not for me. No judgment … not dishonor to “Saul” … no even cutting the corner of his garment.
Just a longing for real Jesus … real love …. real unity of the Spirit and the Bond of Peace.
March 9th, 2007 at 4:03 pm
Hope this alligns with what you were saing in a way Sam … I also hope it doesn’t get flamed … not sure if it is postable or how to do it on its own thread …. but here is some poetry that stirred in me a while ago in a somewhat similar vein.
___________________________
The wind catchers:
As if it wasn’t enough trouble in life … the wind was blowing outside. Fierce I tell you … not some breeze that cools, but a fierce wind as though some strange anger was in it to close house doors and cause people to cover themselves.
Yet all I heard were my children playing and their joy and fun-making ringing through the house. Some strange issue here has beset me; some challenge of heart has troubled my soul. Shall I join them and turn my face from the tasks at hand that would cause me to face the turmoil of the outside elements and the menacing beatings of the wind? Or should I turn my heart towards home and allow the joy of my family to settle this unsettled feeling I have?
I do not know … I have faced this decision somehow before; somehow I face it all the time … but I feel like the memory of this choice is wispy and dreamy. How can that be, I am not dreaming but awake and alert and about the responsibilities of a husband, father and provider. Yet something very deep is churning in me … something so deep I dare not guess as to the revelation of it. Again the turmoil of the outside realm beats and howls at the edge of the house, reminding me that unseen forces challenge our reality … our perspectives.
I decide to turn my heart to my children and have peace settle over my home … knowing I should have done this earlier. But in a moment I am satisfied and caught by a pile of wrestling small people who find joy in just being around their father. I laugh even though their enthusiasm can be rough. It seems with every moment of joy we share they become stronger and more enthusiastic about life and play.
The winds have settled down now and there is a break in this saga like a pulse beat of life has timed itself past a mark … so I venture out to do the responsibilities I have set out to do. The churning in my heart will not subside however and I become keenly aware of something quite new … as though a vision is forming in front of me I begin to see something quite strange.
I see two winds, two natures, two types of influence cover the globe … swirling and moving as though in some cosmic wrestling match … they churn out some battle that few see and few know of … I am sure it is the Lord and a foe who loves mixture, subtlety and force. These are new winds, these are new sounds and they fill the earth.
“What is this sight I am seeing,” I wonder. A very small cloud begins forming out of this misty turbulence … something very small but increasing in brightness as though a furnace was behind a veil … as though great shining gold were behind a pure white cloud; and then a voice speaks and says, “behold man and his hour is soon over and the time of my sons approaches.” I am shaken and thankful I am not driving a car as this scene unfolds.
I ask, … “What does this all mean?” The voice from this now great and blazing cloud says, … “You are seeing the battle of the ages my son, a defining of times, a separation of events, an order of agreements.” I somehow understand what is being said to me but am also quite perplexed as to what it all means still. Then I am taken to a scene within this scene … I can only tell what I see … I see these two winds again and the great consuming cloud. The dark wind is blowing what looks like soot and grease through the air and is carrying all manner of filth and creatures of filth.
The white wind is coming from the throne of God and from the King of Kings … it is proceeding from the mouth of the Lord Jesus. It seems as though the wind of the Lord goes through the saints and makes them brighter and brighter until they become part of the wind itself. The scene changes yet again and I am at the mount of transfiguration seeing the Glory of the Lord and the scene there with the apostles; yet there is another scene transposed on this one as though someone has taken a transparency and layered it over the scene … I see a group of ministers aware of these great winds … they are all over the globe … some are bent in prayer … others are broken in intercession … and this amazing aroma fills the air … the wind has the smell of heaven in it … as though some great incense … some great wind is filling earth with heavenly glory and hope.
Then my attention is drawn to other ministers who are also aware of the wind. Something is wrong … they are not bent … they are not broken … yet they are aware … I stand puzzled at this scene and ask the Lord (who is now standing next to me) … “Lord what is the meaning of this scene?” He motions with his right hand as though sowing seeds … and the scene clears up with the two superimposed visions … He then says, … “Look and see and hear what fruit comes from my vineyard.” I look intently and now notice this other group all with their right hands in the air … at first I want to rejoice because I think they might be praising God … but it doesn’t feel right … I look closer to see them all pointing their finger in the air to see which way the wind is blowing.
The breath of the Lord is now very low to the ground like a mist or a white linen comforter and only those who are bent and broken are in this mist. The others who are standing with their hands raised are feeling for a wind … but the only wind that they can detect is that wind of the foe, who’s retreating is caused by the wind of the Lord. They are missing the real wind … oh no! They think the pressures and changes are showing them the direction of things to come!
I am about to gasp and scream to warn them when the rest of the vision unfolds at the mount of transfiguration. I heard the group of ministers say almost at the same time, like a stereo recording as I heard from the mount. “It is good for us to be here, let us build.”
Matt 17:1-6 Now after six days Jesus took Peter, James, and John his brother, led them up on a high mountain by themselves; and He was transfigured before them. His face shone like the sun, and His clothes became as white as the light. And behold, Moses and Elijah appeared to them, talking with Him. Then Peter answered and said to Jesus, “Lord, it is good for us to be here; if You wish, let us make here three tabernacles: one for You, one for Moses, and one for Elijah.” While he was still speaking, behold, a bright cloud overshadowed them; and suddenly a voice came out of the cloud, saying,”This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased. Hear Him!”
March 9th, 2007 at 4:17 pm
That is interesting — I went from Sunnyside Foursquare to CBC.
March 9th, 2007 at 5:02 pm
As someone who has always gone to church out of habit, there have been times I related to your feelings about church — especially in evangelical/pentacostal services that were entertaining but lacked substance. Even when I became disillussioned with Christian biblical fundamentalism, I still found churches to attend each Sunday — even it was just to sit quietly.
I came to accept the fact that there is no perfect religious community. The first Christians struggled with how to be community and many of the New Testament books are letters about resolving early church disputes. Two thousand years later, no Christians have yet discovered the best way to fellowship — although there are thousands of branches, sects, denominations and churches that have split over the best way to worship and commune. So, maybe you can give the pipe organ church a break. You didn’t connect with their community, but shouldn’t you give them credit for at least trying?
My concern about your view is that you don’t really explain how you find fellowship with others. Fellowship doesn’t have to take the form of a weekly meeting, but it is helpful to have a regular gathering place to meet others, share your faith and doubts, and support each other. Finding God’s calling in your life doesn’t have to be lonely — even Jesus had his disciples.
March 9th, 2007 at 5:46 pm
Norm said,
I guess, for me, recognizing that when the early Church first began gathering they had personal struggles with one another, and their approach to gathering was as simple as I can imagine, it seems odd that as time went by they layered on even more guarantees of conflict, by all the religious accouterments that came to be identified with “formal Church.”
I favor the simplest approach as possible - living room, on a walk with a couple of brothers in the faith, sitting in a restaurant discussing the things of God, etc. However, I know some derive seemingly great benefit from the more formal and ritualistic environment, and I know God blesses those environments too, so I’m fine with those who desire that…I just need it as simple as I can get it these days.
I admit to being a promoter of the “simple” approach, but I’m also realistic enough to recognize the more “formal” will likely be with us until Jesus returns.
The concerns I have stretch beyond “style,” and into specific issues of how gathering is approached, I.e. issues of money, leadership, focus, etc. I see such disparity of thinking as relates to these issues, and I tend to believe the more complicated the gathering approach the more likely abuses will reside there.
March 10th, 2007 at 8:30 pm
Hi Norm!
My view of “fellowship” has changed a lot since I left the “pipe organ” church. I used to think that “fellowship = going to church”, but on closer analysis, there’s no fellowship in staring at the back of someone’s head for 60 minutes while listening to a religious presentation from the platform, nor is Sunday school fellowship where everone sits in rows and listens to someone lecture from a book.
The closes thing I came to fellowship in the IC, was one church which had “cell groups”, where we met for 2 hours, the first hour was discussion over coffee and dessert, the 2nd hour was study … the discussion always ran overtime and we usually cut the study portion short, because we enjoyed the real, face to face fellowship more than the study.
One thing that came tom mind as I pondered your question last night, is that the view of fellowship with other Christians / believers is potentially mistaken. Consider Jesus and the apostles with whom he fellowshipped - Peter followed Jesus for 2 years before he made his confession “you are the Christ, the Son of the Living God” … up to that point, could it be said that they were unbelievers since they had not yet made a public confession of faith in Christ, had not been baptized in the name of Jesus, etc.? I don’t have a Bible handy, but I believe there is a scripture where sometime shortly before Jesus death, Jesus exclaims something like “finally, you believe” … so I suppose it could be argued that Jesus did NOT fellowship with believers, but certainly for awhile, fellowshipped with UNbelievers.
Believers have, in general, been my worst persecutors … (things are much different out here in the extremely traditional rural midwest, Norm - it’s not at all like the PNW where I’m from) … once I getaway from the local churchy folk, and among UNbelievers, I find a greater measure of fellowship, for they seem to recognize that I’m a n outcast as well, so there is some common ground - THEY are rejected by religionists because they are UNsaved/UNwashed, etc., and I am rejected by religionists because of Christ in me.
I have a wonderful group of friends - a mix of believers and unbelievers - we’re all musicians - have written and recorded several dozen songs togethher, online - talk on the phone regularly, love and help each other - and yes, I mean financial help, prayer, etc. Some of us have met, others not - we’re getting together this summer in a beach house in NC for a week of fun and music and fellowship. There are also several local friends, but none of those friendships are through a church. They know I believe in Christ, am a writer/artist, and talk with me about spiritual things in addition to any/everything else … there’s just no “churchy” organization to confine/define the relationship we have.
What I’ve learned in this walk Norm, is that I don’t need a religious institution between me and the Lord, between me and my friends … I have no trouble thinking and praying for myself, hearing the Lord, serving communion (breaking bread), etc. Who needs a church building or a paid cemetery trained pastor to do what Christ says? To live and be free? In my experience, the IC serves up imitation / pretense, and I want real.
Jack
March 11th, 2007 at 12:14 am
Hi Samaritan,
Thanks for clarifying what your fellowship. My real concern from your critique of IC was that you were an anti-social, reclusive, type of person unwilling to give any other church/community a chance. (An old friend who still concerns me because he developed his own obscure, rebellious form of reclusive Christianity. He has determined all other brands of Christianity fall short and is making-up some bizarre theology).
Your community sounds amazing and very much like what I would Jesus and the first Christians had. I especially like having believers, non-believers, and ‘outsiders’. That is what authentic fellowship and church should be about. Church, fellowship, community or whatever we call it should welcome those with strong faith, those with weak faith, and those simply don’t know.
I agree with much of criticism about churches and admit that I’m a little envious that you have found such a fellowship. While I attend churches every Sunday, I rarely ever connect with others. If I’m lucky, I will befriend one or two people as ‘pew buddies’ and leave it at that. The church I now attend is pretty small and after a year of attending, I’m just now beginning to make connections.
I agree that often ‘believers’ are unfortunately the worst persecuters. I was raised as a fundamentalist/evangelical Christian and I often catergorized everyone as either Christian or not-Christian, saved or unsaved, or a club member or not a club member. Often the nicest Christians were only nice because they believed you were in the club or they were trying to recruit you into the club. It wasn’t until I left Christian fundamentalism that I really felt that judging spirit decline. (Although even among liberal/progressive Christians, there is still a holier-than-fundamentalist/conservative-Christiant attitude — including myself). What I try to keep in mind is that we all fall short and are on our own journeys.
Well, it’s really late and I don’t know if any of this makes sense. Thanks again for clarifying.
Thanks again for clarifying and I hope all goes well with you.
March 11th, 2007 at 7:19 am
It makes sense Norm. My so-called fellowship is ‘ad-hoc’ … I call the other guys when they are on my heart - and spend awhile listening - seems like when the Lord causes them to be on my heart, it’s because they’re struggling .. I do wish some of them lived locally - but they’re scattered from England to Seattle. Locally, there’s just a few friends through Karen’s school, and family with whom we enjoy meals and an evening now and then.
After writing last night, I realized it looks like a contradiction where I said in the original and follow up posts above (respectively):
In terms of “lonely”, I meant there are few people with which to share my “pearls” collected along the way - while I have many friends, few are at a faith point that they want to hear anything different than what they’ve been taught by their IC pastor. Walking with the Lord, He’s shown me many things, has stripped away a lot of the “IC-think”, shown me a much more organic/ad-hoc approach to the faith, all of which contradicts the much more common “go to church” and do programs approach of the IC.
For example, experience in this area has taught me not to talk to people about spiritual gifts, such as tongues, unless of course I want to see them bolt … sharing faith pearls is a great way to cull friends it seems … not unlike Jesus in John 6, who after telling his disciples ‘eat my flesh, drink my blood’ saw many leave him. The closer persons get to real / truth / spiritual intimacy, the fewer people there are …
So many of those friendships are spiritually shallow. Family-wise, I can’t talk about Jesus with anyone, or the Holy Spirit, for their side of the conversation always and very quickly turns to “my church” and their programs. Some friends can’t talk about Jesus / faith without launching into how the IC wronged them or how they disagree with religion. A few friends have lost someone very close to them, and harbor anger against God for not healing them. Among people I can share spiritual revelation with, there is sometimes an annoying competitive spirit of ‘one-upsmanship’ or they can’t just listen to a story/experience/pearl and talk about it, without sharing their own similar / better story.
Jesus I imagine, was lonely in that sense too - some of His emotional expressions near the end suggest that He was encouraged by someones belief (Mark 16:31, etc.) … His statement during the last supper wherein He talked about longing to have that meal with them - to break bread with them in fellowship … He ate with them every night, presumably, so why the excitement about the last supper? Is it because they were all believers then, that they were ‘brothers’ in the sense of sharing faith? “yet one of you will betray me” suggests the other 11 had a close bond of love and trust - relationships that took years of daily living together to build to that point …
At 51, I can count on one hand the people with whom I can share anything spiritually, who can receive it openly … that is the sense in which I talk about being alone, Norm, even though being surrounded by people. I hope this doesn’t sound like spiritual pride - that’s not what I intend.
March 11th, 2007 at 11:14 pm
Thanks again. I think I now understand what you’re saying about being ‘lonely’.
I don’t think it unusual for people to have small group of confidants who either share or understand one’s faith. Sharing what we believe and, often more importantly, what we lack faith in or question, is pretty intimate — not necessarily a large group thing.
I’ve always thought it interesting that Jesus would preach a parable to a crowd, but afterway his disciples would question him in private about the story. It seems that even Jesus and the disciples had a public image and a private community.
I have to admit that I’m not sure what my reaction would be if someone were to share their spiritual gift — especially something unusual like tongues. I dabbled in charismatic Christianity for a few years in high school and college. I’m still not sure what to make of the tongues, but I understand that we all experience God in different ways.
March 12th, 2007 at 3:42 am
Ha! I hadn’t thought of that before, Norm. Conjures up an image in my mind, of Jesus preaching to the multitudes, the 12 standing around nodding their heads and saying “Amen Lord” and later asking Him “uh Lord, what was it we just agreed to”?!?
In the same vein, I remember noticing the scripture where Jesus and the disciples came upon a man who was casting demons out of people, and the disciples wanted Jesus to put a stop to it saying “he’s not one of us” (he’s not a member of our church) … and Jesus told them “leave him alone - whoever is not against us is for us” (or whatever His exact words were).