At one point last December I decided it would be worthwhile for me to attempt to speak with Frank Damazio and try and reconcile. Clearly, as I have previously stated, there are things that I have done in the "wrong spirit" which I felt I owed Frank an apology for. Here is the email I sent him and the following is Frank's reply (I actually didn't have Frank's email address so I just guessed that it was Frank@citybiblechurch.org and the response was from a "Frank Damazio" so I'm assuming he read it, but who knows what liberties his secretary is willing to take):
Tue 12/12/2006 9:51 AM
Frank,
I would like a chance to meet with you so I can apologize for the mistakes I have made on my blog over the past few years and also so we can share with each other our hearts and hopefully find reconciliation. Would you be interested?
-Johnpaul
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Wed 12/13/2006 1:46 PM
Dear JohnPaul,
I accept your apology and forgive you. I have never read the blog so I really don't know all that was done and I don't want to know. I have no offense towards you, John Paul, and I pray that whatever has created bitterness or offenses in your heart will be removed. Life is meant to be lived. Go on with your life and be freed from the past. Whatever happened is over years ago. As far as I'm concerned, we are reconciled.
Pastor Frank
Translation: buzz off. I don’t care what we did to offend, and you can work it out on your own.
This response seems to go against what Jesus taught.
Jesus makes it clear that reconciliation should be a priority, not an inconvenience.
It would be more beneficial for them to take these thing seriously. They should at least take it more seriously than tithing.
I find this unlikely, because I (the web host) received at least three phone calls and one certified letter from the CBC lawyers.
I find it unlikely, because I don’t believe CBC would engage in such action without first consent from their CEO.
Does anyone seriously think the head “pastor” would say, “yes ok sure, we should hire a lawyer and have her call the web host and try to shut the blog down…”…
… and they haven’t even read the blog?
Not in this reality. Sorry. Does not computer.
But then again, maybe he’s just so busy that he makes these decisions based on someone’s claim of libel against them?
Some dude on the board: “Hey, there’s this blog.. it’s making CBC look bad. They made a parody of our logo. We should hire a lawyer to try and shut it down.”
Frank: “Great idea. That’s excellent use of tithe funds. Go for it.”
I don’t care if he has read the blog or not…I just love the fact that he calls it “The Blog”.
It’s great the we have become “The BLOG” much like CBC is “The Church”.
Hmmm … do you suppose the man who lay wounded in the ditch on the road to Jericho apologized to the thieves for moaning so loudly?
Here’s how I read that email…
Dear JP,
I’m too afraid to meet with you, so I’ll accept an apology you never offered (you offered to meet to apologize) and I’ll hope you go away. I’m in denial about the blog, so I’ll lie about never being offended in the hopes that you go away (even though I threatened you legally and bullied your family). Life is meant to be lived (ie. please go away) and I hope you can get on with your life (please, please go away…your bad PR is affecting our income stream!) As far as I’m concerned, you can kiss my tele-broadcasted butt!
Pastor Hank
Here’s their thinking…I virtually guarantee it:
“Ignore them and they will get tired of mocking us and go away.”
We are, to them, a distraction, and a useless group of malcontents, who are just bitter, unforgiving, and backslidden.
For them to waste their time on us would be to cast their precious pearls before swine.
They have deemed us unworthy of any reconciliatory work, any relationship building, any credibility, and any dialogue.
One time, when Sis Edie was addressing the Elders wives, regarding those who were upset with Pastor Iverson for his position on counseling and psychology, she told the ladies he had a file drawer full of angry letters from the congregation. She said she told Dick “I think you should just toss out all those letters…forget them…they can’t be helped, they aren’t worthy of your time, and they are just distracting you from the great work God has called you to.”
If Church were a business, or some political venture, then perhaps such conclusions would be valid, but JP is a person…whom Jesus died for, values, and matters. The Church is not just a business, with a bottom line consciousness, some goal orientation that supercedes all else. The Church is people. When those people hurt we meet with them, we walk with them, we pray with them, we listen, care, and crawl inside their wounded hearts and feel their pain with them. To ignore them, as if they were just so much sewage, is completely outside the nature of who we are. We are the very household of God, the bride of Jesus, the body of Christ.
Such descriptions tell us, that when someone wants to get together with us, and work on reconciliation, we cannot just turn a deaf ear and a blind eye. Everything about Jesus, and Who He is, tells us every member of the body matters. We don’t have the luxury of giving up on anyone.
I understand the mentality from which Frank speaks, but it scares me. I too would love to sit down with him, discuss past interchanges, in a private meeting, seek to restore what can be restored, and leave the other to Jesus in the areas we don’t have agreement on. I’m not going to change his understanding of Church, nor he mine, but Jesus can change both us, when we honestly desire His will.
My prayer is that the body will put away both mocking and rejection, and in love come into agreement with Jesus and find a place of healing for His body.
I don’t actually believe Pastor Frank penned the email response, perhaps didn’ even read it. He and other elders, yacky-jacky, et al, … they have office assistants who deal with the bulk of their correspondence.. reading and answering….
Well, JP maybe you need to take it to the next step. Bring all of us with you. I’d be happy to sign a petition or pen a letter asking Frank to meet with you and I’m sure everyone else here would too. You kind of represent all of us. If he is truly a man of God, I’m not sure how he could refuse. But if he did, then take it to the eldership. If they still refused, we could excommunicate THEM.
I love a dreamer.
Thanks, JP for posting this correspondence with Frank and the other
CBC elder/pastor on this blog!
I think that the more that we post things like this and the more that CBC members, or those in similar church situations with aloof leaders who care more about using the people as “good building materials” to fulfill their own visions rather than serving the people on their hands and knees with a towel in their hands like Jesus did (John 13), can see their canned, insincere political brush-offs, the more we can sow questions and doubts into their minds about what kind of kingdom they are supporting. Great job!
Thus the reason for this name “StopBuildingTheirKingdoms” One of the leaders wives once told my wife that if they were to stop and talk to someone after a service, they would be there for hours and thus would quickly leave so they wouldn’t get caught sticking around and thus get nothing done for the rest of the day. Now doesn’t that sound like the heart of Jesus. Don’t want to stick around them malcontents. Sounds like we’re unclean, doen’t it. Just give us your tithes and get lost.
Thusly thus, indeed.
What’s sort of sad about all of this is that JP felt he needed to email Frank in the first place, even though it’s obvious that his heart is noble to want to reconcile, and typical of our Christian way of thinking. However it does cast a shadow doubt on the whole reason the blog was started in the first place. And depending where we are each situated in the process of healing, it also may cause some of us feel like we are naughty Christians because we may still need to get some of the angst off our chest.
Isn’t it merely leftover religious guilt that pulls us back into the former way of thinking of the churches we left? Just because we aren’t reconciled doesn’t mean we aren’t trying to forgive. If we have overstepped our bounds from time to time in trying to shed the layers of religiosity that their skewed teaching placed upon us, isn’t it safe to say that we are no more responsible for fixing things than they are? i.e. They aren’t trying to patch it up in any way either. Instead, for the most part, they are happily sailing through life without a second thought to any of us. When I was blogging here earlier, I was told they never even think of us, and then asked why I even continued to talk about my former world at all, etc. I tried to explain it’s where I was in the process of shedding the layers.
Speaking of layers, even though I feel I’ve come a long way, I still may have more to shed. It seems to happen in stages. For the most part, I don’t think of the former world much anymore. My life is full and I’ve moved onto to a safer haven. However, its effect resurface here and there and part of the getting free of it, for me, is talking it out with a few people who know me well and are going thru it too, or here on The Blog.
What seems to be common in those of us who have left controlling churches is we flipflop between shades of anger and various degrees of 2nd guessing and then forgiveness until the process is done for good. Some people have said it’s taken them 5 years to finally be free from all effects; and these are folks who have walked with God for years and show fruitfulness in their lives.
JP, I’m wondering if the need to reconcile back in December may have been part of the process of getting rid of the residual effects of your leaving. Maybe you are in the last phase of the process. If Frankie HAD met with you, it may have gone well enough but chances are you’d have still felt like a schmuck in the end if you wouldn’t have agreed to re-enter the church or whatever.
TCR, thanks for you comment. Let me try to clear some of this up. First of all, this blog was started as a joke, no one was supposed to read it, but Justin, myself, and a few friends…who knew there would be this many people interested?
Like it or not, I believe the “Christian†thing to do is reconcile. This is not because I feel guilty for this site but simply because it’s the right action to take. In my opinion, it would be great if everyone on this site sent Frank an email looking to reconcile. That being said, we all know it won’t really get you anywhere…at the same time, there is something freeing about being willing to take that step.
Bitterness is dangerous, Anger is dangerous, Spite, Malice, and whatever else people accuse us of is all dangerous. Maybe we are bitter and maybe we aren’t. Being willing to meet face to face to try and sort things helps show where your heart is at. Of course, not everyone is at a point where they would feel comfortable with that. This is just fine. I was at a place where I could make that move and I did.
You are the only person who really knows the reasons why you blog. There are plenty of good reasons so don’t feel like you are a “naughty Christian†for doing so. If however, you find yourself writing things to get revenge for some hurt in the past you might want to try going directly to the source. It is entirely up to you.
I feel that we are responsible for what we do. We should not expect them to fix something if we are not willing to try ourselves. This blog has been therapudic for many people, just giving them a place to release the frustations they held onto for so long has helped free many people from the CBC cloud of despair. Some may want to take things further while others are happy to vent and move on.
Reconciling with Frank would definetly have been part of “the process†for me. It was not an attempt to re-enter their church or their world at all. I’ve moved on and am happy. However, when you have spent 2+ years of your life writing negative things about one group, it’s hard to say you aren’t bitter. I had hoped to show Pastor Damazio that I held no bitterness or anger towards him. He didn’t want to meet, so I guess he gets it.
Hey JP,
Thanks so much for the response to all I said or suggested. It’s good to know that you were motivated by something other than residual guilt or by the obligatory rules of the faith so to speak. I agree with you on all you are saying, actually, and am aware of the dangers of bitterness and unresolved offenses. However, I do think anger on an initial level is healthy because it’s usually a signal that some line or boundary has been crossed, yet if left to fester, it’s no longer healthy.
The Lord leads us all differently and within different time frames so emailing Frank to reconcile was what you felt you needed to do when you did. I do appreciate you clarifying why, though, becauses you’ve answered the questions your original Emailing Frank post created in me.
TCR