This website is a parody of City Bible Church. We are not owned or operated by Frank Damazio or affiliated with City Bible Church. Please do not send us your tithe.
It is not by grace that one enters the kingdom of heaven, but by tithing.

- Damazio 3:16
14 unique visitors in last 30 min. 49 unique visitors today. 441,476 unique visitors since Feb 06. 1,966,362 total hits since Feb 06.

More Sexual Tension at Abstinence Rally

Posted on April 10th, 2007 by Samaritan into the Uncategorized category

Looking for blog fodder, I googled up a blog post titled GCTV IS ON THE AIR (Oh joy! Undecided )

At the bottom of the page, a young man made an enthusiastic post about a Teen Abstinence Rally he had attended. In it the young man wrote:

After Pastor Bob got the crowd all revved up, he introduced the guest speaker. And guess who it was? Deborah White, Miss Teen Plovis County! Can you believe it? Wow, she sure was pretty. A girl like that could really make you want to glorify the Lord within the confines of the holy matrimonial bed, if you know what I'm saying!

I used to harbor sin in my heart, staying up late trying to watch the scrambled channels on our family's cable TV. But now I know that the desperate urges that grip my immortal soul's mortal vessel, causing me to think about Becky Lundegaard for hours on end while I'm supposed to be studying, are nothing to heed right now. The Lord put those feelings in me for a very beautiful reason: so that one day, when I'm 18, I can fall in love, get married, and–hot-diggety!–immediately impregnate my wife! Then, nine months after my 18th birthday, I can experience the joy of bringing into the world a child who will one day grow up to be part of a whole new generation of Christ-loving abstinent teens, to continue His divine work here in Springdale.

This young man has been listening to Judah; I just know it. Uh, good luck with that, sonny.

 Sam

 (Credits )

Permalink | Add a comment? | E-Mail This Post/Page
 

4 Comments To This Post

  1. priv8pete said:    
    April 11th, 2007 at 5:36 am

    I Googled “Becky Lundegaard” just to see if she was perhaps “Miss Teen Plovis County” but only came up with with Onion article that was posted 2 weeks after that really long abstinence post that Sam referenced. I’m not sure if the two are interrelated or if it is just coincidence that the name “Becky Lundegaard” was used in both.

    [ Quote this comment ]
  2. catalyst said:    
    April 11th, 2007 at 5:53 am

    I love that Onion Article. It always cracks me up.

    [ Quote this comment ]
  3. John444 said:    
    April 11th, 2007 at 5:58 am

    I love whoever posted it on that Vancouver blog after Krypton or Kosmo or whatever had pimped Judah several times. That person should blog here, if they aren’t already. ;)

    [ Quote this comment ]
  4. Former Inner Circle Member said:    
    April 11th, 2007 at 6:42 am

    Wow, that was some amazing satire. I was lucky that my coworkers were all in a meeting because I couldn’t stop laughing.

    You need to hire this guy.

    [ Quote this comment ]

Leave A New Comment

Enter the validation code from the image