Jesus was…
Posted on April 21st, 2007 by Reformed Pope into the Uncategorized categoryI found this while wandering aimlesslly around the internet and thought it was funny enough to post:
THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS JEWISH:
1. He went into his father's business.
2. He lived at home until the age of 33.
3. He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure he was God.
THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS IRISH:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.
THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS MEXICAN:
1. His first name was Jesus.
2. He was bilingual.
3. He was always being harassed by the authorities.
THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS ITALIAN:
1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He worked in the building trades.
THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS CALIFORNIAN:
1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot.
3. He invented a new religion.
THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS BLACK:
1. He called everybody brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He could never get a fair trial.
April 23rd, 2007 at 10:02 am
Dude, you could calm down for a second. This is just a stupid blog. I don’t think it’s worth getting this angry over.
April 23rd, 2007 at 10:28 am
Schneidt-dogg,
You are going to “Report me”?
To whom?
April 23rd, 2007 at 10:43 am
Once again you’re WRONG schneidt! Lord you are so dumb it hurts. This blog is a JOKE! The crap you posted on the other board about black people speaking and acting a certain way you REALLY BELIEVE!!!
He didn’t say: “now you and I all know all black people love gospel and yadd yadda yadda.”
It was a joke from the internet. A JOKE!
He was joking NOT ACTUALLY BELIEVING IN IT LIKE YOUR BEHIND! That’s the difference. Now stop hi-jacking threads and riding my nuts and YES I SAID IT RIDING MY NUTS! lol On my behind worse then my momma Lord have mercy!
April 23rd, 2007 at 10:46 am
Wow,
LOLOMBWTMMLHM…
That’s intense.
April 23rd, 2007 at 10:47 am
Now THAT’S funny!
April 23rd, 2007 at 11:07 am
And if he doesn’t stop messing with me it’s gonna get worse. The other thread was closed because he was acting like a total tool and I was done with him and had forgotten him but now I come to a completely different thread and he has opened his big mouth here and used my name again.
April 23rd, 2007 at 11:15 am
Just curious… who are you going to report to, and do they have the power to superceed freedom of speech?
April 23rd, 2007 at 11:15 am
Wow, this guy continues to amaze me. It’s actually entertaining, in a way.
Boys, you can add “racist” to the list of things that people have called you on this blog. And you thought that “angry” & “bitter” were the worst of it. LOL
But according to him, only the Jews and Mexicans were offended. Whew!
April 23rd, 2007 at 11:17 am
I am offended that he did not think that my ethnic group would be offended.
I am going to have to report him now.
April 23rd, 2007 at 11:25 am
Ah, I love the acrid smell of a total meltdown …
April 23rd, 2007 at 11:26 am
3 Proofs that Jesus was a BLOGGER:
1) He started with a small following that grew to thousands by word of mouth.
2) He lived off donations from subscribers.
3) He was crucified by the establishment for speaking the truth.
April 23rd, 2007 at 11:31 am
Maybe Reformed Pope should leave his wife and marry you Jennifer, you guys are obvious closest RACISTS yourself. WHAT IS A CLOSEST RACIST?
A true Christian does not find what Reformed Pope posted here funny. WRONG, I AM A TRUE CHRISTIAN AND I BELIEVE JESUS LAUGHED WHEN HE SAW THAT.
Maybe MLK, Jesse Jackson, or Al Sharpton should talk to your white ass MY, WHAT REVEALING WORDS and then scold Jennifer for being a naive little 23yo. SOMETIMES THE YOUNG SEE THINGS CLEARER THAN THE OLD
Jennifer, BTW, what are your credentials. All you have is the bible GEE, ISN’T THAT ALL THAT ANY OF US HAVE? ISN’T THE BIBLE GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU? , but what else can you bring to the table to even be at my level. WHY WOULD SHE STOOP?
You cant, you havent lived life, LOL!!! even Reformed Pope and all his sheltered white life GEE, THERE’S THAT RACIST TALK AGAIN in Portland can even touch my jock. HE SURE SEEMS FASCINATED BY ALL THIS ASS AND JOCK STUFF, DOESN’T HE?
When you guys have some really thought to what you say, GRAMMER IS FUNDAMENTAL TO MAKE A POINT then I will talk to you, otherwise STEP OFF and take your RACIST HUMOR to the black community and see if they really think what you posted is funny. JUST WONDERING, HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT COLOR I AM? I MEAN, YOU CANNOT SEE ME, PERHAPS I AM A MINORITY.
You, RP and Jennifer belong together, people that got hurt from being church members and now rant and rave like babies because they didnt have the balls THERE’S THAT SEXUAL OBSESION AGAIN to stand up to their church. UMM, LEAVING *IS* STANDING UP, AND WALKING OUT
Reformed Pope, what the hell OH, THERE’S A GOOD CHRISTIAN ATTRIBUTE, NICE USE OF THE WORD HELL do you know about Church leadership, you and Anonymous started a freakin blog as a joke, but did nothing to the SOLUTION of church leadership problems. I DISAGREE. THIS BLOG ALLOWS THOSE HURT BY THE CHURCH A FREE VOICE AND EXPRESSION OF THEIR EXPERIENCE WITH THAT CHURCH, IT ALSO SERVES AS A WARNING TO OTHERS THAT SOME CHURCHES ARE IN IT FOR THE MONEY!
I feel sorry for you guys and on my path back to my relationship with God, I will pray and eventually get out of stupid stuff like this. WELL, DON’T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU ON YOUR WAY OUT!
Its funny, but if you guys every saw me face to face, you wouldnt have the guts or nuts DOES ANYONE ELSE HERE THINK THIS FELLOW IS GAY? (NOT THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT) HE SURE SEEMS OBSESSED ABOUT MALE BODY PARTS to even step to me. MY, HOW VERY MACHO OF YOU! So lucky you are hiding in blogland, all of you and your chronies of fake christianity. UMM, NO, THE FAKE CHRISTIANITY IS AT THE CHURCHES BEING CRITICIZED HERE.
April 23rd, 2007 at 11:32 am
Hey Schnitzel,
I’ll bet you teach at Highline, don’tcha? They’re the K-Mart of colleges.
‘Scrupe
April 23rd, 2007 at 11:33 am
Oh yeah, gotta love it when people cannot defend their beliefs without resorting to impotent posturing.
April 23rd, 2007 at 11:34 am
LOL!!! TOO TRUE!!
April 23rd, 2007 at 11:35 am
You lose again.
Just curious, what *IS* “Your excuse”?
April 23rd, 2007 at 11:36 am
“So what you are saying is Reformed Pope and Anonymous are collecting money or tithes to keep their website and blog open just like CBC?”
Nope. They earn an HONEST LIVING.
April 23rd, 2007 at 11:37 am
That’s an insult to K-Mart. (Which, by the way, I thought was impossible to do!)
April 23rd, 2007 at 11:48 am
Ah yess… this fine “Christian” reveals more with every post.
April 23rd, 2007 at 11:50 am
I’ll get a job as soon as I’m get out on parole …
April 23rd, 2007 at 11:50 am
“What you people in this stupid blogland dont get is I am an ass”
Oh no, trust us, we got that part right away.
April 23rd, 2007 at 11:51 am
You’re ELIGIBLE???
April 23rd, 2007 at 11:52 am
In the interest of fairness…
3 Proofs that Jesus was a spoiled CAUCASIAN:
1) He was an only child.
2) Even though he was convicted of crimes against humanity, His Dad got Him a full pardon and commuted his sentence.
3) His Dad put Him in charge of the family business even though He didn’t go to college.
Feel better, Schneit?
April 23rd, 2007 at 12:02 pm
“R U acting like a good Christian?”
Better than you are.
April 23rd, 2007 at 12:02 pm
Henri, O Henri! Does Wordpress have flood control? Used to be I only had to contend with SPAM® - now my Inbox is full of Wiener Schnitzel!
April 23rd, 2007 at 12:04 pm
“Et tu, Brutaii?”
April 23rd, 2007 at 12:05 pm
” It’s actually entertaining, in a way…”
I was gonna ask for an ip ban because he is such a little twerp but he is actually rather entertaining. He just keeps digging his grave. Let him stay! lol!
“Jennifer, BTW, what are your credentials. All you have is the bible, but what else can you bring to the table to even be at my level.”
Hmm for most true Christians the bible is enough but hey what do I know.
“You, RP and Jennifer belong together, people that got hurt from being church members and now rant and rave like babies because they didnt have the balls to stand up to their church.”
I did dork and then I left but you just ASSumed we didn’t because that what you do best. It was rough too at 19 doing it but I did. The only one ranting and raving here is you. You were the FIRST person to post on this thread and what did you leave….a rant! And an ignorant one at that!
“and eventually get out of stupid stuff like this.”
INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO EXIT (THAT MEANS LEAVE) THIS BLOG:
1. Okay Schniedt, see that big thing in front of your face that is bright with colors and which you are reading this message on, that’s called a COMPUTER SCREEN.
2. Ok now right below it on your desk should be this little board with buttons you can press. Each button should have a letter on it or a number or maybe even a symbol. That thing is the called the KEYBOARD.
3. Now, next to the keyboard there is this funny looking thing that looks like a rat. It has two clickable buttons on it, a left one and right one. If you lift it up you will see a little door on the buttom of it. If you open the door this cool little ball comes out! Don’t play with it though or let the dog get to it. That would be very bad. Now pop the ball back in, replace the little door, and put this object back down next to the keyboard and move it around! Look! It rolls! Cool right? This object is called the MOUSE. (Sometimes the computer screen, mouse, and keyboard are all in one and portable. If you feel that this is the situation you are in please inform me.)
4.Now listen carefully: Look at thats object we discussed earlier called the computer screen. What do you see? Words right? Now look at the screen again but look alllll the way in the northeast corner ( that’s up and to the right, up and to the right). There should be a little white x inside a large red box located there.
5. Now listen carefully because this place is tricky if your hand/eye coordination is off!! You might have to practice this part. Place your hand on that mouse thing we talked about earlier and move it around on that big thing under your computer screen called a desk WHILE looking at your computer screen. What do you see?! You should see a little white symbol. We here on earth call that an arrow! Now, move the mouse on the desk while looking at the computer screen and make the arrow go over the white x we discussed earlier. It’s rough but I have faith in you. Now while over the white x click the left button on the mouse!
Oh screw it! Just open your window and throw it all out!
See all that stupid stuff is gone!
April 23rd, 2007 at 12:13 pm
You’re giving him too much credit for intelligence.
After all, intelligent people know when they are beaten, and they know when they are not wanted.
He doesn’t know either.
April 23rd, 2007 at 12:17 pm
So, all the other jokes about Jesus are OK, but this one isn’t? Are you from Bizarro World?
As far as blasphemy, everything I said is absolutely true, as were all the other jokes about who Jesus was. Additionally, none of those statements were negative statements about anyone’s worth or character! (Something very hard to do in the world of humor, especially when joking about race.) The humor is in finding the commonality between Jesus and stereotypes of different races. I’m sorry I had to explain that to you, professor.
And my conscience is clear - I’m pretty sure I heard the Holy Spirit chuckle when I wrote that.
April 23rd, 2007 at 12:19 pm
Reform I tried to make the instructions simple enough. He should be able to figure them out……………eventually
I was going to make them even easier to understand but that would be an insult to my intelligence and everyone else here.
April 23rd, 2007 at 12:23 pm
“Reform I tried to make the instructions simple enough. He should be able to figure them out……………eventually I was going to make them even easier to understand but that would be an insult to my intelligence and everyone else here.”
Yeah, well, the “COWBOY CURE” works every single time.
Ignore them, and they will go away.
April 23rd, 2007 at 12:25 pm
He was a KENNEDY?
April 23rd, 2007 at 12:26 pm
It sounded more like a “Guffaw” from here.
April 23rd, 2007 at 12:30 pm
“I am in this blog again because Jennifer is screwed up and hurt from being so naive in the church”
No, you said you were here to fight the good fight for Judah Smith until you meet with him next month. That’s what you said in the other blog. Now stop changing your reason. I don’t want or need your help. I would rather have my dog pee on my bare leg.
“I guess you all are losers with no job. I have an excuse for being here, what are your excuses for wasting time on the internet?”
Well like you said I’m a stupid girl so I’m just wasting away my time at a very good college here in NYC.
“ALso, I am retired military, teach part-time college, and soon will be starting a new career this week.”
Now Schniedt, when you teach do you use your black voice or your white voice that you discussed in the other blog? Whoa whoa wait a minute you teach!?!?
April 23rd, 2007 at 12:31 pm
So, how ’bout them MARINERS?!?
April 23rd, 2007 at 12:39 pm
“You have Jennifer and all hurtness and feeling sorry for her pain from the church, boo hoo. Oh I forgot, she knows it all, likes to be sarcastic, but deep down inside, she hates it when white folks challenge her, she really does. Then calls them racists to escape any form of debate on real issues.
You have the Pope, who likes to be an unemployed construction worker, taking your tithes to keep his stupid site open
You have Heathen, yourself, a real follower and a real heathen that can’t debate your way out of a garbage bag.
You have Scrupe, who is a backsliden Christian like me, but just off parole and likes to stir up trouble in the blogs.
You have Samaritan, who thinks he is saying and doing all the right stuff, but can’t even tell his own shit stinks.
You have FICM, who likes to be funny, but is just one of Pop’s ass kissing chronies and doesn’t realize he too has racist views, admit it.”
I did debate you and owned your butt and only called you a racist after you said you could tell black people and white people apart on the phone and made it all-inclusive and then said you act different with everyone person you met and believed in every stupid stereotype under the book WHILE claiming to relate to black people because you lived in the “hood”. Which makes you an ignorant racist schizophrenic. Throw your computer out the window like I told you to and go take your meds.
April 23rd, 2007 at 12:39 pm
Nathan Bedford Forrest was retired military too.
He was the first Grand Wizard of the KKK.
April 23rd, 2007 at 12:42 pm
I don’t think they have “Meds” strong enough to cure what he has.
April 23rd, 2007 at 12:46 pm
“I don’t see your true loving attitude, why so much attitude, anger, and discontent with me. Are you still harbing ill feelings and think I am a racist”
I left you alone but then you came here in this thread and started up once again because you’re crazy. Now once AGAIN I am going to ignore you on ANOTHER thread. Do not follow me. Do not mention my name in your posts again. Stalkers are not cool and schizophrenics are only fun some of the time. Goodbye.
April 23rd, 2007 at 12:50 pm
Hey Jennifer… know how to win an arguement with a psychopath?
Let him argue with himself.
April 23rd, 2007 at 12:54 pm
“Nathan Bedford Forrest was retired military too.
He was the first Grand Wizard of the KKK.”
Yeah I read about this.
“I don’t think they have “Meds” strong enough to cure what he has.”
My boyfriend is a doctor I will ask him but I don’t like to discuss meds with him. He tends to go off into a long tirade about the meds, insurance, the medical community and so forth lol. Annoying to hear him rant but he looks so cute doing it.
I loves him lol.
April 23rd, 2007 at 12:55 pm
:) He and I could go on a LONG TIME about insurance companies.
April 23rd, 2007 at 12:57 pm
Yeah I’m doing that now. Arguing with him was fun at first but now it’s just boring and tiresome. I don’t like to waste brain cells on the mentally-impaired. I’d rather watch paint dry.
April 23rd, 2007 at 1:00 pm
“:) He and I could go on a LONG TIME about insurance companies.”
You sound like my mom. She has been in the health care industry for over 40 years (she had me very late). She could tell you some stories. She doesn’t like the fact that I am dating a doctor now lol.
April 23rd, 2007 at 1:08 pm
Yeah, it’s fun at first, but then it’s just BORING.
April 23rd, 2007 at 1:09 pm
I deal with them every day at my job.
I hate insurance companies.
April 23rd, 2007 at 1:12 pm
A classic sign of a wife-beater is intense apologies from them when the woman says “ENOUGH!”
The intent of the wife-beater is for the woman to take them back, so that they can batter her again.
April 23rd, 2007 at 1:13 pm
Car insurance?!?!? (Please say car please say car lol)
April 23rd, 2007 at 1:17 pm
Holy shit! WTF happened on the blog?
God, I leave for the weekend and some jackass spams the place to death. No way I’m reading all this crap.
April 23rd, 2007 at 1:18 pm
I’ll never tell.
April 23rd, 2007 at 1:20 pm
It’s almost as bad as when “Cowboy” was here.
A whole lot of B.S. and no substance whatsoever.
April 23rd, 2007 at 1:21 pm
Dude you missed it oh man did you lol. It’s all good now. Everyone has the crazy racist schzo on ignore. I accept his apology but I don’t have to speak to him. Go read the judah smith generation unleashed posts then these for a full understanding on what went down.
April 23rd, 2007 at 1:23 pm
Cmon I need some car insurance advice lol. My parents played me and won’t put me on their policy LMAO!!!
April 23rd, 2007 at 1:28 pm
Why do I visualize that guy in a “Wife-Beater” shirt?
April 23rd, 2007 at 2:19 pm
I visualize something else. Don’t worry it’s white like a white beater, made of cloth too, and people down south often wear to special communty meetings with guys named Cleetus and Bubba. LOL!
Anyways back to the car insurance…………
April 23rd, 2007 at 2:23 pm
“I visualize something else. Don’t worry it’s white like a white beater, made of cloth too, and people down south often wear to special communty meetings with guys named Cleetus and Bubba. LOL!
Anyways back to the car insurance………… ”
White? Well, with the mud stains anyways..
Peaked hood? Red cross in a circle on the left side of the chest?
Eyeholes?
Yeah, that’s him.
As far as car insurance goes……
~~~
I don’t mix business and pleasure, and this blog is pleasure.
April 23rd, 2007 at 2:44 pm
“I don’t mix business and pleasure, and this blog is pleasure.”
Boooo! YOU! Let’s say a little boy named Jamal needed to get car insurance and his parents won’t put him on their policy even though they promised for years they would. Now if Jamal’s folks own a home in New Jack City and South Carolina can Jamal get insurance in South Carolina even though he pays her taxes in New Jack City. I mean can this be done legally??? Or is it completely illegal. I mean if you have a place of residency down there why can’t you get insurance down there.
Also, I have a 1956 Chevy that needs repair. Anyone know of a place where I can get it repaired on the east coast that won’t completely take me to the cleaners please by all means recommend away. I found one place upstate NY but they want an arm, leg, liver and a first born child lol. I am willing to drive the car there—Anywhere from Boston Mass down to Georgia. Maybe branch a little out west to Chicago/Ohio but that’s it.
April 23rd, 2007 at 2:55 pm
I have no idea what the answer is.
April 23rd, 2007 at 2:58 pm
… ohhh, heh. I was talking about Reformed Pope.
April 23rd, 2007 at 3:19 pm
ok…..:(
April 23rd, 2007 at 5:20 pm
SIR>>>>>>>>> can you like block the A*** schnedt from posting.. he is putting so much CRAP in here…
April 23rd, 2007 at 5:47 pm
He apologized but we shall see what the future holds.
April 23rd, 2007 at 6:12 pm
Not that me or ‘Scrupe saw … we’re backslidden and not showing love … even his apologies were laced with back-handed insults / judgments.
Sam
April 23rd, 2007 at 6:33 pm
You mean JUDGEMENTS like THIS?
“I will pray for my own sins and those in this blog”
April 23rd, 2007 at 8:21 pm
This place could use a little poop.
April 23rd, 2007 at 11:51 pm
Mwahaha esta Triumph! : I kid, I kid:
April 24th, 2007 at 9:01 am
I don’t comment to often on this blog, although I read it quite a lot. This posts by and responses to schneidt1 are disturbing to me. I have found the information on this blog about city church very useful, but I am reminded of this scripture when dealing with difficult posts (like the convearsation above):
I don’t want to preach here, since I know this blog is a satire and a lot of people are hurt (myself included), but I just had to thow my hat in the mix. God knew these types of situations would come up with people, and He told us how to react to them.
Just a friendly reminder….
April 24th, 2007 at 9:09 am
That’s a great post, Daniel!
Thanks for the reminder.
April 24th, 2007 at 11:52 am
This is and has been a fun blog and sometimes an information source. I have learned many things about my surrounding community. (church). Getting over that, there has been lots of humor and many great laughs. both about CBC and ourselves. Let’s try to keep it that way. I know, every once in a while some nut comes along with his or her agenda and turns a fun thing into ugly. I would like to suggest that maybe Jennifer and the rest of us refrain from even dignify comments from the likes of Schneidt1.
Like other brat kids, if ignored will either change attitudes or go away.
Come on, lets get back to the fun stuff, like City Business Church stuff.
Oh, by the way. the word, “schneidt ” is a German language slang word for sexual intercourse.
Thank You For Your Time
April 25th, 2007 at 4:38 pm
“Like other brat kids, if ignored will either change attitudes or go away.”
I agree.
“Oh, by the way. the word, “schneidt ” is a German language slang word for sexual intercourse.”
I think it translates directly to “No-Tell Motel Sheets” but I may be wrong.