I should have seen this coming, but there is a huge market for Christian Fantasy books. Books that revolve around a fantasy world but don't mention, you know who…

For a Christian family who's a little skeptical of some of the messages in the Harry Potter books, then they would find my books safe," said Wayne Batson. Batson's Door Within series features teenager Aidan Thomas, who is suddenly plunged into an enchanted world.

For whatever reason, Christians just aren't cool with Harry Potter.

The use of magical powers by humans is a controversial theme for Christian writers and readers. They cite this biblical verse from the book of Deuteronomy in the Old Testament: "Let no one be found among you who sacrifices his son or daughter in the fire, who practices divination or sorcery, interprets omens, engages in witchcraft, or casts spells, or who is a medium or spiritist or who consults the dead."

As everyone knows, I subscribe to the "If it's in the Old Testament, it's only half-right" philosophy. But I'm cool with this verse.  People really shouldn't be sacrificing their children in the fire, or you know, casting spells. But especially that first part, no burning kids.

My deal with Harry Potter is I never saw the difference between those books (which I admittedly never read) and the Lord of the Rings Trilogy (which I also never read, but did see the movies). However, for whatever reason, the Lord of the Rings novels get a pass from the Christian community.

So can someone who has read both novels, tell me the difference between Harry Potter and Gandolph.

I've started reading through the New Testament, I'm not sure how far I will get, but I thought I'd blog my findings. Today I started with the Book of Matthew. Now in order to be forthcoming I should tell you that I haven't "read through" (chapter by chapter) the New Testament in years (probably 12) and I'm not sure what I'm really going to find, but it could be interesting.

Matthew 1

VS. 1-17 - A record of the genealogy of Jesus Christ. Verse 17 says "Thus there were fourteen generations in all from Abraham to David, fourteen from David to the exile to Babylon, and fourteen from the exile to the Christ". I find this odd. Fourteen, fourteen, fourteen…I wanted to research this a little more and find out why 14 mattered, but instead I couldn't stop thinking about this joke my Aunt Marilly used to tell when I was very young

            Once a man was walking down the street and he heard a voice on the other side of the fence singing "Fourteen, fourteen, fourteen". Curious to find out who was singing the man bent down and peeked into a small hole in the fence. As he got closer he was suddenly poked in the eye and then he heard someone singing "Fifteen, fifteen, fifteen".

That may not be funny now, but you should hear Marilly tell it, her laugh can be infectious. Anyway, I would have researched this more, but I got distracted. Moving on.

VS. 8-25 The Virgin Birth.  The book kinda just cruises through the virgin birth like it was no big deal. 7 verses briefly hitting the key details…Mary was a virgin, she was "found to be with child through the Holy Spirit"…the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream and said don't divorce her…and then Jesus is born. (I've decided now to mark things I find odd with an asterisks point…found to be WITH CHILD through the Holy Spirit??? Asterisk on that verse. And Fourteen, fourteen, fourteen gets an asterisk as well…maybe some of you scholars want to try and explain things more clearly for us)

Verse 25 really stood out to me as one that I've read before but never really grasped it's concept.

            (vs. 24) Joseph…took Mary home as his wife (vs. 25) BUT HE HAD NO UNION WITH HER UNTIL SHE GAVE BIRTH TO A SON.

I've been married almost 8 years now, I have 3 children of my own, and I know how rough "union" can be with a pregnant woman…but for 9 months? That is some serious waiting. Would it be inappropriate to insert a joke here about following the Holy Spirit in bed??? Probably…lets just mark verse 25* and move on to Chapter 2.

Matthew 2

VS. 1-12: Jesus is born, 3 wise men go see him and drop off some gifts, King Harod wants to kill Jesus, the wisemen are warned in a dream about this, and so they leave a different way then they came.

VS 13-15  Joseph flees to Egypt to protect Jesus, AFTER being warned in a dream,… I'm curious why the so called "Wise-Men" didn't just say something. They had already had this dream. Would it have been too hard for them to just say "Hey Joe, grab your camels, you're comin' with… Harod wants to kill your baby." Instead they just leave and make Joseph have another dream. Not so wise now are they?

God seems to speak a lot through dreams…hmmmnnn, maybe my mother is on to something after all.

VS 16-18 Harod "orders to kill all the boys in Bethlehem and its vicinity who were two years old and under"… That's some sick sh*t right there (asterisk intended).

VS 19-23 Harod finally dies, an angel appears to Joseph (in a dream of course) and says "Go back to Israel". Joseph takes the fam to Israel and then realizes that Harod's son is ruling and he gets scared…yet another dream warning him…and he ends up in Nazareth. Not sure why he couldn't have gotten that info in his first dream, but no matter…all's well that ends well, right?

That ends chapter 2 and Jesus is safely hiding in Nazareth. In chapter 3 we get to find out about John the Baptist. I'm psyched.

For all the weird things mentioned in the first 2 chapters, Matthew just moves through them like no one would ever question things. I was raised on this stuff, so it always seemed normal to me, but I can't imagine being an adult and hearing this for the first time. I would imagine the response would be "Whoa, whoa, whoa…back up a minute…Virgin Birth…impregnated by God…can I get a little more info please?"

No.

…well, almost.

The New York City Caravan will soon be leaving Portland, en route to New York City, to establish a new church in Manhattan. (Though I suspect most of them will then promptly leave Manhattan to live in Jersey). 

Senior Pastor Ed Schefter explains:

The team is set to leave on July 28th and 29th, and furious packing is under way.  The Schefter home and Eternity offices are set up temporarily, and all getting loaded that weekend, along with the belongings of Joy Seif, JR Nunez, Mike and Julie Grubbs, Marian Morton, Delilah Tate, and Camesha Christie.

Yeah, you read that correctly. My cousin Marion is one of the founding members of the church. This, of course, makes me feel a little guilty for mocking the whole ridiculous enterprise. But, eh, well, that's kind of how my family roles.

Anywhoo, here's the NYC travel itinerary:

We will be taking the central route right through the middle of the country, and driving through ID, UT, WY, NE, IO, IL, OH, PA, and NJ, to finally arrive in NYC by Sunday, August 5th. Anyone know of anything fun to do in Wyoming?  What about Nebraska?

Uh, no. I did this trip four years ago driving from Portland to DC, and it took me exactly two and a half days, because, there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do in between.  If anything, it gave me a new found distaste for middle America. 

Here's an amazing story about a potential mugging in a Capitol Hill neighborhood near my house. Recently, a hooded man came into the backyard of a dinner party, pointed his gun at a young girl and demanded money:

The five other guests, including the girls' parents, froze — and then one spoke.

"We were just finishing dinner," Cristina "Cha Cha" Rowan, 43, blurted out. "Why don't you have a glass of wine with us?"

The intruder took a sip of their Chateau Malescot St-Exupéry and said, "Damn, that's good wine."

Then he tucked the gun into the pocket of his nylon sweatpants.

"I think I may have come to the wrong house," he said, looking around the patio of the home in the 1300 block of Constitution Avenue NE.

"I'm sorry," he told the group. "Can I get a hug?"

Rowan, who lives in Falls Church and works part time at her children's school, stood up and wrapped her arms around him. Then it was Rabdau's turn. Then his wife's. The other two guests complied.

"That's really good wine," the man said, taking another sip. He had a final request: "Can we have a group hug?"

The five adults surrounded him, arms out.

Wendell Smith in a recent sermon had this to say about September 11:

I believe that tens of thousands of lives were saved that morning because television sets came on and people all across American began to pray. Did you pray? Because we prayed and interceded. I believe people escaped those buildings. And people escaped those streets. And I believe the other plane went down and did not go into the place where it was intended all because of intercession.

I'm sure the families of those on United Flight 93 are comforted to know that Wendell's prayers caused that plane to crash.

The title kind of gives it away, but still pretty funny.

Cannonball Baptism

(Thanks living life.)

"Guess who's back? Back again. Cotton's back. Tell a friend."

As some of you may recall, several months ago Doug Cotton was removed from his church Christian Life Fellowship on charges of abuse. Many of Mr. Cotton's parishoners felt he behaved in an inappropriate manner, and they convinced the elders of CLF to remove Cotton from his pastoral position.

Mr. Cotton felt wrongly ousted and went to Minister Fellowship International, asking for their help.  Wendell Smith, who is the co-chairman of MFI,  threatened to sue the church if they did not re-instate Mr. Cotton.

The elders balked, and a reader offers this insight into what happened next:

Subsquently, Wendell held a meeting with the CLF elders. During the meeting he asked the elders to trust him. When it was pointed out that he threatened to sue the church and the elders individually, he admitted his threats were a bluff.

Now, according to this same reader, MFI is going to re-instate Cotton in a new church in Gray's Harbor.

I don't have a problem with Doug Cotton starting another church. If he can convince people to follow him, than so be it.

I do, however, have a problem with MFI backing an abusive pastor over the church elders and its members.  I am rather surprised that some ministers continue to maintain membership in MFI, an association that puts power over accountability. (Yeah, I'm talking about you Bob MacGregor).

Anyway, it will be interesting to see how this plays out. Will Doug Cotton be able to convince the residents of Gray's Harbor that he's changed? Will anyone in MFI ever stand-up to Wendell Smith?

Stay tuned.

There is a new Christian ministry that reaches out to the porn industry, and it's called XXXCHURCH. The "church" appears to be a twofold ministry: One, helping those who work in the porn industry and Two, helping those who struggle with pornography (which is rougly 95% of the male population).

A reader of this blog recently emailed me to share this about XXXChurch:

These guys came and spoke at our church today (Living Hope Church - we got out of the CBC bubble, in case you hadn't heard the good news!). They set up booths at the major porn conventions and handed out NT Bibles with covers that say "Jesus Loves Porn Stars". I love it. The guy who came today had a lot of good things to say.  

I questioned if guys would be really be able minister to porn stars at a porn convention, and she followed up with this:

They have girls working their booths, too. Not porn star looking ones, but girls. It's actually pretty interesting…they have one female team member that spends all day in the women's bathroom, because that's the only place the female porn stars can go to be away from the men, and they eat their lunch in there. She spends all day in there talking to the girls and sharing about God with them.

I've read through the XXXCHURCH material, and while it's somewhat graphic, it's also an honest discussion about pornography. Anyone who has ever been involved in a Men's ministry knows that pornography is the one thing that everyone (especially it seems, the pastors) struggles with, and yet, it's rarely discussed in practical terms. So this is probably a good thing.

According to the local media, our dear little City Bible is holding a conference next month dedicated to helping homosexuals. The conference, called Love Won Out, shows gays how not to be gay.

This is the natural follow up to City Bible's legislative efforts to keep gays single. Once you ensure homosexuals can't get married, the next logical step is provide them with an avenue toward matrimony, namely, heterosexuality. 

That said, I tend to cut City Bible some slack here. They clearly believe homosexuality is a sin, and so this conference isn't really anything new.

I have a good friend who is gay and grew up in a conservative evangelical environment in Southern Oregon.  She is constantly defending Evanglicals to her gay friends.  She is comfortable being gay, but also doesn't harbor any bitterness or anger.  She grew up in the church, so she understands why some Christians believe homosexuality is a sin. She disagrees with them, but she's cool with it.

(Fun side note: I met this lovely young lady when we both worked for the same firm in Washington DC. And when I found out she grew up in the church, I started singing Oh Ancient of Days to see if she would recognize it. She did, and promptly joined in for the seond verse of "Every tongue in Heavan and Earth shall declare your glory." We've been great friends ever since.)

So, if City Bible wants to hold a "Don't be gay" conference on their property. Whatever. I don't really care. No gay people are going to attend anyway. It's just going to be a bunch of Conservative Christians re-affirming what they already believe. No different than any other event up there. 

Of course, I wonder if City Bible is going to charge attendees of the conference to park. I mean if you're going take advantage of Believers, I see know reason that gays shouldn't get the same treatment. Charge those homos the same price to park as you do the Holy Rollers. Let's be honest, City Bible sees all people the same, as dollar signs.

(Also, I recongize that I'm in the minority on this one. Most of our readers still think homosexuality is a sin, including my brother and co-blogger Johnpaul.

 Whatever.)

I wasted a lot of time in high-school listening to youth pastors.

That's the lesson I took away from GC Pastor Wes Dunn's recent 40 minute diatribe errr sermon he called  Five Lessons on Authority. 

Here they are:  

1. Ask for help and listen
2. Surround yourself with authority who will help you get where you want
3. Learn to be teachable
4. Allow leaders to come in and cut away things
5. Honor your parents

Yeah, doesn't make much sense to me either. And Mr. Dunn spent the majority of that sermon telling stories about food. Which, of course, led me to imagine a rather portly Mr. Dunn huffing and puffing around the stage.

But here are a few random unrelated thoughts  I took away, while the preacher weighed the pro's and con's of using a simmering sauce over a dipping sauce: 

- The GC folk call their small groups, "Cadre's". This is, to put it mildly, lame. It is clearly one of those words the pastoral staff thought up, and then convinced all the kids that it was a normal word, and so it no longer sounds weird to them. But to me, listening to it for the first time, it sounds kind of creepy. Like, "Let's go out in the woods  and drink Kool-Aid" creepy.

- Mr. Dunn compares getting a tattoo to circumcision. He says they're the same. hmmm. At the risk of revealing to much info, I will admit that I have no personal experience with tattoos or circumcision. I will say; however, that given a choice, I will take a tattoo EVERY FREAKING TIME. I will take getting an intricate life-size portrait of the Mona Lisa tattooed all over my back, before I let anyone get close to me with a circumcision knife.

That's just, you know, an fyi.

- As in all sermons involving authority, Mr. Dunn tells the kids they need to let their leaders cut out certain parts of their life.

(He says this after the Tattoo/circumcision comparison. So I'm wincing and reaching down to protect myself from any hypothetical circumcisions that might take place at my desk.) 

And in all such "authority sermons", the aspects of life that need to be cut out are relationships and music. However, Mr. Dunn also includes an interesting twist and ads clothes as something to be cut out, leading to this statement:

Have you ever heard God say, "Get rid of those Jeans, I don't like them?"

WHAT!?!

"Um, No. I haven't. Because I'm NOT CRAZY."

Mr. Dunn ends the lesson with some soft piano music playing in the background and a prayer.

I felt manipulated in high-school listening to these sermons. And I feel manipulated now. Seriously, it was a waste of my time.