Spanking your Wife for God

You gotta check out this website that promotes loving wife spanking.

It's called Christian Domestic Discipline.

A domestic discipline marriage is one in which one partner in the marriage is given authority over the other and has the means to back the authority, usually by spanking.

A Christian Domestic Discipline marriage is set up according to Biblical standards; that is, the husband is the authority in the household.  He has the authority to spank his wife for punishment, but in real CDD marriages this is taken very seriously and usually happens only rarely.

And to really get you in the mood, here is a wife's desciption of her recent Discipline:

I'm not kidding, I felt my stomach drop when I saw my husband bring out a heavy belt.  It is one of those old ones that came with a silver buckle and had a name stamped on it.  He doesn't wear it much anymore because it is to heavy for style today.  I only got seven, which I have to admit I thought was lenient although I was howling the whole time.  I don't get a discipline often and it is amazing how quickly I forget how much it hurts–just a blinding pain.

Unbelievable! And kinda kinky.

(H/T – Sneth & The Merc)

80 thoughts on “Spanking your Wife for God

  1. I hope MfI doesn’t get wind of this! It’s sounds like something they would be interested in. They’ve already got the “husband is the authority “part.

  2. This makes me sick to my stomach.

    Not much different that people in countries like India, where they set the wife on fire, or Iran where they stone the wife.

    Any woman that would allow themself to live in this type of environment does not have a sense of self.

  3. I wonder why they are selling “Satin and Lace Crotchless Pantaloons” on their website?

    Oh, I would guess because of this comment:


    Though we recognize by its very nature this subject can be erotic, we will keep this website as clean and wholesome as possible. However, we will not seek to deny the erotic nature of some CDD marriages as we believe it is a natural consequence of following God’s plan. After all, He created eroticism to be enjoyed inside a Christian marriage.”

    Which was, of course, preceeded by this comment:

    “In CDD, the husband has authority to spank the wife.
    The wife does not have authority to spank her husband.”

    Face it, this is a bunch of men who like swatting their wives for erotic purposes and are distorting the Bible to back up their desires.

  4. Face it, this is a bunch of men who like swatting their wives for erotic purposes and are distorting the Bible to back up their desires.

    Yeah. That’s exactly it.

  5. wow. kinky kinky kinky.
    I knew that people could make scripture fit anything they wanted to believe, but S&M is a new one for me!
    But at least they have some standards when it comes to the romance novels they shill:
    Stories need not always be overtly Christian, but must never glorify or condone behaviors disallowed by the Holy Scriptures or that may offend a large portion of our Christian readership.
    We will not accept manuscripts containing the following:
    Premarital sex
    Explicit sex
    Foul language
    Relationships other than Man/Woman
    Relationships with woman as head of the relationship
    We are cautious about accepting manuscripts with spanking of underage children.
    We are cautious about accepting manuscripts that contain alternative Punishments many find extreme (soaping, enemas, etc.). If accepted, these will be rated “severe”.

    oh baby, I hereby soap you in the name of the L-rd J-s-s Chr-st

    Maybe I could join their guitar or worship life groups:

  6. I’d be willing to bet my tithe that the women authors are merely pseudonyms for men who fantasize about practicing CDD. The blog where the woman details her punishment also details her diet results including her current weight. What real woman would do that???

  7. I truly don’t know whether to be sick or laugh till i pass out. Perhaps I’ll do both. Imagine a bunch of doe-eyed sm types “belting” out hymns. I will dominate for jesus bumper stickers…..this is really just too fertile of a subject.

  8. Sooo freaky you posted this. I was coming here to see if you posted anything on Paula Whit getting divorced or Juanita Bynum getting beat up by her busband. These clowns are getting exposed left and right.

  9. Something that has come up here recently is asking for a spanking. That has always been allowed in our DD relationship. I can ask for a BG if I am feeling guilty about something, a stress-buster, a reminder, or even a GG. And I have before. The only rule we have in place on that is once I’ve asked, I cannot change my mind or back out.

    Now, this sounds easy, right? Need a spanking, just ask. Nope, it’s not. It’s hard! For one thing, Helloooo! Spankings hurt! And it seems that when I know I need one the most, my stubborn pride kicks in. It would appear that I would rather earn one through misbehavior than admit my need for one.

    Well, once again, we are out to umm… “cure” this. For the next two weeks, I have to ask for a spanking everyday sometime between the time he gets home from work and 9 pm. If I fail to do this, it will classify as disobedience and as you can see from yesterday’s post, he is not giving me any wiggle room with that either. So, not only will failure to comply earn me a disobedience spanking, I will then be required to ask for two spankings the following day.

    The idea here is to overcome my pride at asking for a spanking and trusting that he will know or ask what I need. So, I have to ask, not knowing and trust him to do it. So, I could receive a punishment type spanking, a GG, a reminder, or even just a light spanking to show he’s paying attention.

    Yesterday, I was bound and determined to start this well. I went up to him as soon as we had a free minute and told him I was ready. Apparently, that does not count as asking for a spanking. “Are you asking me for something?” he says. “You’re not really going to make me say it out loud, are you?” I question. “Yes, I am. That’s why it’s called asking for a spanking.” I tried to use the excuse that there were kids in the room, but he told me I could whisper it in his ear if I needed to ask him something. After being told more than once to ask for it, I chose to leave the room instead. So, when I finally did make myself ask, he informed me that I had also earned a disobedience spanking for not asking like he told me to.

    After the spanking I asked for, he carried out my spanking for disobedience and then told me I had five minutes to put everything away and gather myself. Five minutes came and he came in to find me just starting to put things away. Remember, no wiggle room, so the strap came back out and I tearfully lowered my panties once again and received double what he had just given me. Needless to say, my next five minute warning was carefully heeded and I did as I was told.

    This is not going to be easy!

    Why in the world would people spend their time doing this?? Am I missing something?!?

  10. anom —

    LOL. Great sense of humor…you’re hubby’s a lucky guy!

    Seriously, on a similar note, I remember back about 30 or so years ago when AA was a pastor over in Bend, he told us how he used to “discipline” his kids using what he referred to as the “scriptural method,” which consisted of giving them 39 whacks, from a board, I believe! Seriously. Can you believe that?

    Child abuse, it my book, period. I’d be rather interested in knowing how his kids turned out.

    I later heard KRI eventually succeeded in convincing him to lower the count substantially, to 7, max, I think it was.


  11. joebib:

    Seriously, on a similar note, I remember back about 30 or so years ago when AA was a pastor over in Bend

    Is this the same AA that’s now in Beaverton? I used to babysit his kids back in the day. No wonder they were so perfect!

    As for the article: it’s sick. I can’t see the Lord thinking this is the proper way for men and women to relate — and even worse, write about. (retch)

    I was regularly disciplined abused with a belt when I was young, as were my little sisters. None of us would accept this from a spouse, never, ever. I left home at 15 because of it — and they probably would have too except that he up and left them first.

    Men who do this to women and children are evil.

    (Gee, this article touched a sore spot!)


  12. [Comment ID #28239 Will Be Quoted Here]

    Sorry, I know this was a while back ago, but I felt the need to comment… But an abused woman WOULD do that.

  13. HAHAHAHAHAHA! This is so funny….

    There is no denying that women were considered second class citizens by OT Biblical law. If the Bible says you can literally beat your children and your “servants” (slaves), then it’s not a far reach to beat your wives.

  14. catalyst: I have a complaint. this wife spanking deal sounds like an excuse for these people to get their kicks from discussing Christian porn.

    I think this discussion is KINKY

  15. I have read past blogs and the comments about sexual positions, doing it, how many times etc. show that a some of our brothers and sisters have a problem with lust of the flesh. A thread like this only helps to feed their desires and we should not be writing about it. If we cause one of these brothers to stumble, is it worth it?

  16. Word in time……Is that you Wouldy? Hiding behind your ‘stage name’ again? Shame on you!

    After telling the rest of us that you and two others were the only ones with any credibility because you had the courage to use your ‘real names’ ?

    Well Wouldy, I hate say it but your credibility just went down the toilet!

  17. Sounds like some of us have a problem with “subjection” to our husbands. Now I’m not one who encourages wives to submit to brutality, but if you are in subjection, you will submit to what is fair, and to the rules set up between husband and wife. I’ve been married for 12 years, and live according to “wives, be in subjection to your husbands”.

    I ALWAYS know what to expect, NEVER surprised, because the rules NEVER change. I am “middle aged” (guess :) ) and have NEVER been paddled unless I deserved it, or broke one of the rules we established as a “corporal punishment infraction”. I will say, the paddling leaves me EXTREMELY sore, and burns like it did in school, and is MUCH more humiliating as a grown woman to have to follow the instructions in getting prepared for the paddle.

    I would say, on average, I have NEVER been paddled more than once a week, but I WILL say, I have NEVER asked for a paddling. I WILL submit to any infraction I have committed and T K has knowledge of. I will NOT lie, if asked about an infraction. The infractions range from a simple seven lick punishment, and I have received (only once thank God) sixty licks over a period of one hour. That hurt beyond words.

    This works for us, but may not work for ANYONE else. I take pride in making my husband smile. He also goes the extra mile for me, and I will do NOTHING that would jeopardize our relationship. I just know that when T K gets home today, he has informed me that I over-spent the budget last week, and that I will be freindly with the paddle twenty-four times, with palms flat on the little stool. I dare say, I won’t do that again for a long time,

  18. living life, I said it is most likely not for everyone. What is “normal” today? If you knew the harmony within the walls of this home, you would not be so accusatory. I am madly in love with T K, and he with me. NEVER has a wife been treated like a queen in any way, more that I. We just choose to handle conflict in a “set” pattern, with the “consequences” FULLY set forth, IN ADVANCE. It is a matter of “choices”,,,,, if I make a wrong choice, I know the price-tag. Just like when you go to the store, get milk, you know the price. You DON’T have to get the milk. I knew what I was doing last week, and KNEW the consequences would be twenty-four licks, I knew the position, the dress requirement, and the humiliation involved, along with the pain. I weighed that against what I wanted to purchase, and chose. It’s not like we did not have the money. We do NOT hurt financially, I just have a budget, and must adhere or suffer the paddle. I was over the budget by $240, thus $10 per lick with the paddle, I KNEW full well what awaits, and chose to make the purchase.

    If you do not feel this is “sane” to live the way I choose, no-one forces ANYONE. I have freedom, my own vehicle, am free to do what I enjoy, as long as it does not cross any of the boundries we both agreed to. Have you and your husband EVER had a “fight”? I would dare say, if so, YOU may not have handled things the way others would. This works for my husband and myself, and I love the results of being in “subjection” to my Prince, and he loves his Princess, and NEVER fails to show it. One thing for sure, WE will not be in court fighting in a divorce.

    I guess many do NOT believe in “punishment” any more. It’s just like when you speed in your vehicle, you KNOW the WRITTEN consequence is a hefty fine, and your insurance increases, yet it is choice. So, if you know the price for the action, and you feel the consequence to speeding is not so bad provided you get where you are going on time, it is YOUR choice. BUT the punishment is ALREADY spelled out.

    I dare say many here have NEVER been spanked, and feel it is in-humane to even spank children. Sad, no wonder we have police officers in every junior high school in America. I have NEVER had a speeding ticket, so my lifestyle harms NO-ONE. It certainly doesn’t harm me. Oh, it burns like my bottom is ablaze, but that passes in a day or so usually, but only makes me wish I had made better choices.

  19. Lea,

    Anyone who equates voluntary excessive physical pain with love and affection is in need of psychiatric help. Your story clearly demonstrates that you want to be physically punished in order to experience a closer bond with your husband. You misbehaved on purpose knowing it would create an opportunity to interact with your husband. It was simply a means of getting the attention you crave so desperately. That is and never will be healthy or normal, and you’re not going to convince anyone here that it’s OK. Any man who enjoys hurting his wife is not a good husband.

    Jesus accepted a terrible beating in order that you wouldn’t have to.

  20. Troll bait, me thinks …

    If you do not feel this is “sane” to live the way I choose, no-one forces ANYONE.

    Funniest blog statement candidate there … “no-one forces anyone” says she on the receiving end of a 24 “licks” with a paddle. :(

    Since the scripture that tells women to submit to their husbands, is PRECEDED by “Submit to ONE ANOTHER” (Ephesians 5:21), and followed with “Husbands, lay down your life for your wife, the way Christ laid down his life for the Church” (Ephesians 5:25) … I have to wonder IF Lea’s paddle-happy hubby practices what he preaches?

    Specifically, since scripture makes it clear that submission is MUTUAL, and Christ’s example for the husband to follow is to take upon HIMSELF the punished meted out to others, I wonder how many times Lea’s hubby has submitted himself to the punishment intended for Lea?

    Or is submission and Christ-likeness just a one way ticket in such marriages?


  21. Lea- so do you guys have some sort of price or score sheet set up ahead of time? For instance if you DID CHOOSE to get a “SPEEDING ticket” how MUCH “PUNISHMENT” would you “receive”? Or what if you didn’t WASH the DISHES?

  22. Thanks for all the concern. It does my heart good to know so many care. Thanks Samaritan for your heartfelt concern. I would dare say your concern should be for people like Juanita Bynum, who was “beaten” by her husband. I am not “beaten”. There IS a difference, but I can see it is a waste of time to share that with you. When people are fixed that their interpretation of something is different, we ALL feel WE are the one that is right. I KNOW I am right, this has worked flawlessly for over 12 years for us, and I would put my marriage up against ANY of you who feel this is wrong. Just know, I am Blessed to be in the marriage of my dreams, have the husband I always dreamed of, and be living an abundant life, so much better than the lost wives in this world. Many do not know what real contentment and peace and love is. Sad.

    Ladies, you keep living your lives according to the Scriptures as you see them, and if that works for you as well as mine and T K’s marriage, you will be more than Blessed. And the answer to your question, which you are wondering right about now, I’m all paid up, and soooo Glad.

    I just hope you wives have at least half the joy, and love and blessings I enjoy, if so, don’t look down on me. I love this life, and enjoy everything about it. I wish the same for you, but in YOUR own way of joy…….. Lea

  23. Dear Lea,

    I’m certain you will agree that substitutionary atonement is the central message of the gospel, no? Us husbands are commanded to do the same for our wifes, that Christ did for the church: i.e., gave himself over to punishment in our place (Ephesians 5:25).

    So, when was the last time your husband took upon himself the punishment you had coming to you?

    Thanks for answering! Sam

  24. I suggest that topics be closed to new posting after 3 months or some such thing. This getting rehashed by trolls over and over is pretty lame.

    If Lea likes being treated like an imbecile by her even greater imbecile husband and pretend it is in the name of God, so be it. They are kookier than SPFD, et. al.

    BUT… do you really think she is true in what she says or feeding us all a line to see what happens??

  25. BUT… do you really think she is true in what she says or feeding us all a line to see what happens??

    I think she’s legit. I think she’s a bit of a sadomasochist, and she uses the Bible to justify it in her mind.

    And honsetly, if you’re into being dominated during sex, I’m cool with it. Though, I don’t really want to hear about.

    I just find it odd though that she uses the Bible as justification. That part creeps me out to be honest.

    Anyway, if it continues to feel like a post that’s just being trolled, I can end it.

  26. You don’t have to worry about me messing up your site again. It is obvious that everyone feels I am a troll, and “sick”. That is alright. I hope you all have a Glorious Christmas, and that God grants you the desire of your heart. God Bless,,,,,,, Lea

  27. I think this subject is like picking your nose or breaking wind;
    do it in private and keep your mouth shut. No one wants to hear about it.

    Lea, didn’t your mother ever tell you it was none of the neighbor’s business what you and your husband did behind closed doors? Shame on you for your exhibitionism!

  28. [Comment ID #29832 Will Be Quoted Here] I will get a paddling if I need it from my wonderful, loving, hard working husband. It was my idea. We were fighting alot because I would do things I knew were wrong then get defensive. Our last arguement broke my heart. I wrote a bad check on purpose because I wanted cable TV. He said I could go to jail and wanted to know what he was suppose to do w/o me. Now, he will paddle me if I get out of control and I have enough respect for him to accept it and move on!! no more arguments. I am 41 by the way……

  29. We practice it sometimes in our marriage. Not punishment more as foreplay just using hands. It does add something to it sometimes.

  30. Blondie said:
    September 6th, 2008 at 1:46 pm

    We practice it sometimes in our marriage. Not punishment more as foreplay just using hands. It does add something to it sometimes.

    Blondie is the perfect name for you that’s for sure! Get a clue! I agree with Just Curious.

    Just Curious said:
    December 5th, 2007 at 6:02 pm

    I think this subject is like picking your nose or breaking wind;
    do it in private and keep your mouth shut. No one wants to hear about it.

    Lea, didn’t your mother ever tell you it was none of the neighbor’s business what you and your husband did behind closed doors? Shame on you for your exhibitionism.

  31. Ridiculous. I’ve heard of it. Comparing it to picking your nose is pretty funny. The only problem I have is when they expect everyone else to do it because it’s the “biblical” and right way.

    I dont want to know what happens behind closed doors. A persons sex life is none of my business and I dont want to know.

  32. The fact of the matter is these people are just plain nuts or they are a bunch of junior high kids having a good time messing with people on a blog. The immaturity is astounding.

    What cult does this crap come out of? And who is the MAN (leader) who thought up this one? Hilarious!

    They need to call the Jerry Springer show and get in front of an audience that would appreciate this sort of thing.

  33. [Comment ID #34778 Will Be Quoted Here]

    Never a bad idea to chip in…no matter if others agree or disagree. That’s the point. I like an opinion of ideas brought to the table, just don’t get upset when people don’t agree.

  34. I am in a CDD marriage. It was my idea. We did the kink thing but I wanted something more. I wanted accontabilty with REAL consequences. When the bible talks to submitting to each other it was talking about everyone and then proceeded to say that wife submit to your husbands and husbands to God. My husband will have to answer for my transgressions one day and God gave him the authority of our home. Authority without means to enforce it is false authority. Imagine if you sped on the highway and the officer could not give you a ticket. Would you stop speeding? Then imagine that officer had to account for all the speeders without having a way to stop the speeding. Is that exactly fair. God gave husbands the authority of the house (he is the CO, I am the XO) I don’t feel anymore like a child than i did being disciplined in the military but my CO. Yes they used to slap you around in the military when you screwed up because you could kill someone. I liked the regiment and we decided on rules and regs and punishments if they are not followed. We decided this TOGETHER!, but now I submit to his authority because I am NOT the one who gave it to him. BtW I had to talk him into it. Just as a parent disciplines their child BECAUSE they love them, my husband disciplines me because he LOVES me and Cherishes me.

    God Bless


  35. As a husband I do not feel I have the right to beat my wife for her transgressions. That would be treating her like a child when she is an adult. The bible makes it clear that we are equal heirs in christ. It is true that on a horizontal level she is subject to me, but that is addressed to her not me.

    You seem to imply that the husband will get his punishment at the end for not laying the law down with his wife, but that ignores the fact that we are both human beings living in the now and are subject to the same treatment by God now.

    You decisions are your own and you cannot say they are based on scripture which we are all subject to.

    I suspect that you may have had a troubled upbrining perhaps involving punishment which became sexualised? That wouldn’t be your fault but what you do with it is.


  36. I hope Amanda reads the replies. In hopes that is true, I have a question for her:

    Amanda, let’s say you had a particularly PMS grumpy day, and ended up being a total witch to your family, husband included. In a CDD relationship, your husband has a perfect right to chastise you for it.

    In a nonCDD relationship, the wife is responsible to let her conscience convict her, ask forgiveness of her husband and family, and allow the Holy Spirit to work on the fruits of righteousness.

    In such a scenario, a CDD husband can give as good as he got and “make her pay.” A nonCDD husband will have to practice grace, and love his wife anyway with NO penalty.

    In one relationship, love and submission is coerced. In the other, it is voluntary. Which relationship is Biblical? Which is the more difficult — for both husband and wife?

  37. To answer your question. I was abused, raped, and molested as a child many times in my life. I was with an unbelieving husband that abandoned me after three years of marriage. That has NOTHING to do with my need for real accountability to grow as a Christian woman. I tend to want to control because of my abuse and I am learning not to have that as my first instinct. by the way how is it NOT abusive to my husband if i belittle him, ignore him, and kick and scream until I get what I want, because I had to claw my way through life before? Just because I am used to it doesn’t make it right, and just because I was abused doesn’t give me the right to do it to my loving husband.

    ok first of all I submit myself FULLY to my husband voluntarily. Second my husband is kind and gentle. He is a VERY loving man. He loves me more than himself. He protects me FROM myself, which more often than not is my worst enemy. He gives my accountability for my actions. Not just spanking but other ways as well (including military style discipline) . How much does “talking” deter me? If it were that simple I wouldn’t do it in the first place. I look at it when I joined the military I agreed to a WHOLE new set of rules and regulations and the consequences that were enforced if I disobeyed any LAWFUL order I was given. Some of the punishments in the military are WAY worse than anything my hubby or the local authorities could dream up. Yet all were a possibility if a dare broke any of the 100s of rules in the UCMJ (uniformed Code of Military Justice). i loved the regiment and discipline of the military (even though it HURT ALOT at times) and felt I benefited from it in the highest and asked my husband to consider CDD. He was also military.

    Also about my husband before we instituted CDD my husband was FAR from spiritual let alone the leader. He didn’t care if I went to church, if the house was clean, if anything outside of sanitary was done, he was like my third child. When he returned from a business trip (lasted 3 months) we renewed our love for one another. He cared all of a sudden, he took his role in our Godly marriage seriously and I asked him about CDD. We researched it together, and read the passages in the bible for ourselves together and come the the conclusion together. I do not feel abused, I feel loved, cherished, protected, and safe (even from myself). Since we instituted CDD in our marriage, we have grown closer, and he has taken his natural seat as the Head. He is not demanding in fact most of the time he does more for me, because he wants to. I am not demanding because I respect him more and do not let my frustration consume me. He is truly a leader now to his core and it has helped him outside the house as well. He is confident and resolved in his belief in his role and in God. He is a new man, a better man because of CDD. This has to be GOD’s influence. If we were truly wrong why would God create such a profound and wonderful change in my husband and myself.

    About the PMS issue, if he didn’t reprimand me a little I would go crazy. The knowledge that he will “use the rod” when needed is enough to keep me under wraps. So that he really doesn’t have to. The threat is enough. i have horrible, painful periods and I tend to lash out at my family. CDD keeps me in check and keeps me from having to ask for forgiveness once a month. Also I used to think it is better to “ask for forgiveness than ask permission” and would dismiss my husbands opinion as being too conservative or boring. Now I truly know the opposite is better and way more beneficial.

    I would like to say though I think it is more than the act that is important. I think it is the motive behind the act. Few would say that if I liked to be spanked to “get it on” in our marriage bed it was wrong even if the pain were the same or more. For some reason it seems weird that if a woman wants her husband to hold her accountable for her unGodly ways and to help her grow in Christ through real physical chastisement along with prayer and other methods that is wrong. Nothing he EVER punishes me for is selfish and for his own gratification, but for my own good and for the family. He always puts our needs ahead of his own, as he should, as our protector. You are also assuming that I am the only one that pains when I am disciplined. It hurts him to, but he says he is willing to teach me as long as I am willing to learn. He will correct me as long as I submit to such correction.

    God gave him the authority, I didn’t. I submit and am subject to his authority because God says so. Authority without consequences for disobedience is NOT true authority. It is a figurehead, God does not give false authority. I have gone back and forth in my own head and I figure If I do not feel abused, how is it abuse. Gentleness is not the absence of pain but understanding. I am kind and gentle to my son but I do spank him. I do inflict pain when he needs it. Not much because he is little and it doesn’t take much. is that abuse? or unGodly? I hope you all understand that this choice is like being Amish or the like. It is different than what society says is the norm, but is rooted deeply in our belief in what God commands of a wife to be in subjection to her husband. We do not follow the ways of the world, but the ways of God. I understand it is not for everyone, but how can anyone understand this way of thinking if they don’t talk to anyone that lives it.

    God Bless

    PS I will be looking for other responses.

  38. I am looking forward to what Anna says about all this. I knew you had a troubled childhood though. You think maybe it is right for some? I am not really sure. I don’t think a mature person with self control would need it. Marriage is not the military which you seem to be fond of. I know it would not work in my marriage. It would be an extreme disrespect to my wife if I did it. She aims to produce the fruit of the spirit, love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, self control, faith against which there is no law. She would not need me to beat her. Her self control is the fruit of her ongoing walk in christ. Are you sure this is not mixed up with your sexuality? Besides a husband is not always the best judge on what is right or wrong. I get it wrong lots of times and am capable of misunderstanding. If things are not clear we pray. It is true sometimes my wife gets it wrong and exhibits a temper or anger but so do I. Who spanks me? She comes round on her own and apologises and sets an example to me. Hitting her would be rediculous and would be training me to be a tyrant I feel.


  39. Let me be clear. My husband does not beat me. He does not disrespect me, in fact he SHOWS me more respect than ever.
    I speak my mind respectfully and he listens and reallly hears what I am saying. I am not saying my husband is perfect but he is very close. He doesn’t lie, cheat, steal, covet, break the law (Gods or mans), and strives to be a better husband and mentor everyday. When he does something that I would be punished for he reprimands himself. He tells me to do it, and ever since I have asked him to hold me more accountable he is more prayerful and aware of his actions as they relate to me.

    He is very careful that we separate discipline and sex. Although I have to admit his “air” of confidence and authority is sexy and really makes me feel feminine whereas before I felt like the man. I gave the orders, I kept track of everything that needed to be done and it overwhelmed me. I am the first to say it doesn’t work for everyone but I am saying don’t condemn people who it does. We are all different. We have different personalities, disorders, and paths. I am bipolar and have ADHD. Sometimes I feel I can’t control myself and I shutdown mentally. My husband was made for me and understands me fully. He understands what I need. i know God does not condemn physical punishment because it is used by authorities in the bible and God did not condemn it then I am sure he does not now.

    The perfect issue is not one that holds water. I am imperfect and yet I discipline my children. The Government is imperfect yet they have laws and consequences on those who choose not to obey those laws. Believing in God does not keep me from being punished by them nor should it keep me from the chastisement at the loving hands of my authority in the home. Much of my walk with CDD has taught me is that when my husband IS wrong he apologizes and corrects his behavior. i have the right to defend my actions or myself and I have the right to be considered innocent until proven otherwise. He ALWAYS gives me the benefit of the doubt and when I am innocent, I am innocent. That is the end of it. When I am guilty I would rather take my licks, apologize, and be forgiven feeling like I paid the price. Then to let my husband let it fester until he leaves or loses his temper and I feel terrible too until I feel I have paid my dues. Just because I have a heavenly authority does not negate my earthly authority and disobeying him is the same as God. My husband loves me more than himself and he deserves that level of respect.

    God Bless


  40. Amanda, from your description, I wouldnt call your marriage a real CDD or BDSM. You are just experimenting in the bedroom and exploring sexuality. There’s nothing wrong for a married couple to try new things & explore sexuality together. But don’t tell us anymore details about your sex life because we dont want to know.

    A true CDD does more than that.

    if you & your husband both enjoy BDSM go for it. But why do we need the CDD label or need to imply that accountability is needed for every Christian. There is no difference between BDSM and CDD except for the “christian” label. Please, why do we need “Christian” labels for everything.

    I have no issue with what u do in the bedroom. And please keep the details to yourself!!! For 1, we don’t need to know & dont care. And 2, I feel it is disrespectful to yourself and husband to blab personal details about your sex life to strangers in an internet forum. 3, it makes you sound like u are desperate 4 attention.

    But I have an issue when Christians use the name of God and expect personal convictions to be applied to all Christians. I have an issue with you saying that during judgment in heaven – God will look at how you lived CDD, which is implying that other Christians who are not in a CDD marriage are not as “good” Christians or not following God as well. That is what offends others here. It’s each to his/her own.

    There are certain things in the Bible that are directly a commandment against God such as beastiality, idolatry etc…. and then there are gray areas. I think CDD may be a gray area. For gray areas, you shouldn’t treat it as though it is a direct command.

    As for accountability, you are forgetting the scripture “Submit to each other” and the Bible also requires accountability in men.

    As for your original post, what about single women? If a woman’s prime source of accountability is her husband, where does a woman that chose celibacy get her accountability from?

    Also, you are contradicting yourself. Accountability can happen without the need for CDD.

    So, if me and my husband prefered an egalitarian relationship — Are we doomed for hell?

  41. No of course you are not bound for hell. CDD is a work of obedience. WORKS are not required for salvation. Salvation is a gift. I spoke out because I heard what y’all were saying about a practice none of you have ever tried. I do not believe everything because it is told to me and as I said this is something that we feel works for us. How can you criticize anything that you have talked to no one who practices this lifestyle. It is NOT about sex. It is about accountability. In fact my husband will sometimes not agree to sex on a night I have been disciplined to keep the two separate. So BDSM has nothing on DD. I have been in both types of relationships and would not choose BDSM again. I try not to be judgmental and I would hope as Christians you would choose to be the same way.

    For the record I am real. I do not want or need attention. I was just trying to set the record straight. Surely what I think most Christians would practice loving acceptance of other people’s practice without condemnation. Clearly you are not able to do that.

    God Bless


  42. CDD a work of obedience? — lol. wow, i needed a good laugh. Thank you very much.

    And yes I can say what I want to. It is called a fricking opinion.

    FYI, I have talked to people involved in both BDSM & CDD. I took college psychology classes, including human sexuality. For a sexuality class, I wrote a research paper on this topic.

    So, yes I know what I’m talking about.

    And girl, please chill out. This topic can be funny. So yes you’re hear sarcastic comments.

  43. Amanda you said that you felt you had paid the price when you had been punished. Why do you feel you need to pay the price? If we confess sin God is faithful to forgive our sin because Christ has paid already with His blood. Christ atoned for our guilt.

    The civil authorities you speak about are there to contain evil. This is different from a married couple. To equate marriage with keeping the laws of the State is a bit off the track. The law is impersonal. We should all keep it or pay the consequences, but it cannot make us good it only restricts bad behaviour.

    Accountability is what you have in decipleship and one certainly doesn’t need physical punishment in this. If you have a decipleship relationship with your husband that is up to you, but it is not really the model we see in the scriptures. It says to the woman be subject to your husband. It says to the man love your wife. What you are reading into this is far more than what the scripture says.

    If you feel you need this that is up to you but I bet you keep it a secret in church which speaks for itself.


  44. There was a time that people were publicly flogged for crimes committed.

    You said laws are to punish “evil” people. So you think people who cheat on taxes, or speed are evil? Laws are for boundaries. Punishment is to enforce the law.

    Romans 13 says that authorities (doesn’t specify which ones) have the right to punish those who don’t obey their laws and sin.

    Since the husband falls into the chain of command and has authority he is included in that statement.

    Again like the military this lifestyle is NOT for everyone I am just saying don’t condemn the practice or those that partake in it.

    God Bless


  45. Romans 13 says that authorities (doesn’t specify which ones) have the right to punish those who don’t obey their laws and sin.

    Since the husband falls into the chain of command and has authority he is included in that statement.

    Following that logic, does your husband’s employer beat him when he screws up?

  46. The arguments seem very legalistic and lack spirit in my view. I think it is an excuse to be punished because of a childhood problem. Marriage is about love. True some like spanking in the bedroom but this punishment thing smacks of something not right to me.


  47. Marriage does not fit into the state or authorities in the country. This is to do with government. Nobody else has the right to punish. This will happen occasionally through mob rule but that is not justified in peacetime. As Unscrupolous said this would almost infer that your employer could beat you. You are making dangerous precedents Amanda that could justify battering your wife because you have the authority to. Sorry your reasoning just does not hold water. No man has the right to hit you. In your case you have given him that right for your own reasons but I don’t think you can justify it by quoting the legal system, otherwise a lot of wives would be in danger.

    I think you had a childhood problem and cannot seperate sex from punishment. If you could do that you would be a lot freer. I know spanking can be arousing but to mix it with a punishment ethic is dangerous in my opinion.


  48. I think you had a childhood problem and cannot seperate sex from punishment. If you could do that you would be a lot freer. I know spanking can be arousing but to mix it with a punishment ethic is dangerous in my opinion

    Furthermore, any man who would CONSIDER beating his wife for any reason has serious issues with control and a low opinion of women in general (either due to having a father who also beat his wife OR having an abusive, domineering mother).

    I can see where a married couple might incorporate light spanking into their “play” (well, I SORT of see because it’s something WE’D never do in our marriage), but any other scenario is sick beyond belief. Something isn’t right in the psyche of the “spanker” and the “spankee”. :(

  49. I don’t think there is anything wrong in a woman spanking her husband for arousal but not for discipline or CDD as you describe it.


  50. PS dominatrix speaks of domination and has no place in marriage in my view. It is more a part of the immoral world and should never figure in a marriage.


  51. If as a wife you are naughty, you certainly deserve to be spanked. I hope your husband continues this very necessary practice, and increases the spanking if your naughty behavior does not improve.

  52. This actually has more to do with women than one might think. I am a young, Christian woman and I discovered this while surfing the blogosphere some months ago, began researching it and it appears that women tend to be more into this than men and are often the ones who coax their husband into the lifestyle. For instance, the majority of the women practicing this lifestyle who’s stories I’ve read described ‘spanking’ as something that they had always been obsessed with, even from adolescence and that they actually NEEDED a swat on the butt from an ‘authority figure’ as an adult to cope with day to day life.

    I’m a psychology major and I later found out that this is an actual form of psychosis in the adult female brain brought on by the absence of a father figure or lack of affection from a present one. This is telling of how someone who claims to be a Christian is coming along with her walk with God in my opinion. Because it was my experience, growing up as a someone without a father my entire life, that the closer I felt to God, the less and less I yearned for an ‘earthly’ father figure.

    So while I don’t necessarily agree that this is an entirely sexual thing, I definitely agree that it shouldn’t be categorized as something the God of the Bible has ordered (when he clearly has not) simply because this is a lifestyle that some people would like to partake in. That is called twisting scripture, and it is a sin, like it or not. However, I AM quite weary of some husbands not being weirded out by this, although I tend to think that most of these ‘CDD’ stories we often read on the internet, whether submitted by a man or a woman, are entirely fictitious.


  53. It’s not just women Katie. A lot of men have this as well. Maybe women talk about it more. You are right they do seem to be the ones to instigate this lifestyle.

    My own view is that it can be a legitimate sexual expression as any other which has been affected by a punishment thing probably entering in childhood, maybe a loss of father or some fear operating in their enviorment. (Many who have this will not fit into your analysis). Why people need to be punished is anyones guess. Maybe low self esteem. I am no good and deserve it? My conscience has been purged after it?


  54. [Comment ID #28240 Will Be Quoted Here]

    I for one can certainly read this glossary and “see it for what it is”. To sum up, it’s a mutual and private arrangement between two consenting adults in a monogamous relationship. They have agreed consensually that one partner will take the lead in the relationship and will occasionally enforce mutually agreed rules by spanking his partner. It doesn’t involve beating, punching etc or any form of domestic violence. It is agreed mutually and wanted by both partners and it isn’t based on eroticism although many couples find that an added benefit is that the masculine versus feminine aspect is an enhancement to their sex lives.


  55. Wow this one has been going on for some time. Well I have a few thoughts for those that care to read them.

    1) If you believe that any kind of corporal punishment is abuse that’s all you need to say. After that your further comments are of no use to the rest of us.

    2) God created marriage and where talking about Christian domestic discipline. If you’re not Christian understand your views as an individual are appreciated, but ultimately don’t have much relevancy to this discussion.

    Now that where down to Christians that accept corporal punishments as a valid education tool and discipline enforcer I will speak to the issue

    3) Yes God calls on wives to submit to the head ship/authority of her husband over her. This is not a position in envy my wife, but on the other hand it is sometimes beats being the sacrificial lamb. I, the head of house, am accountable for all my wife’s worldly transgressions. She over spends I deal with it. She pisses off the guy next door, he had better deal with me. If she doesn’t take care of her responsibilities then I am to blame.

    4) Every house hold where there is a head of house there is accountability. The two are inseparable. There may only be a stern look, a lecture, or the look of disappointment in his eyes but there are consequences.

    5) Each person responds to reinforcement differently. For some a lecture will do it. For some self guilt is enough. I accept that some people need a more firm hand. You see this in some young men entering the army. outside there a total mess, while inside they are the model of personal responsibility due to a more firm hand of uncle Sam.

    6) Here in the U.S. any striking of an adult is illegal…. unless…. it is consensual. regardless of the reason for the consent, if it is consent, there can be no abuse.

    7) While I have never struck my wife, not even the one time she hit me, I have wondered if the best way to help her with the self discipline problems is to give her a spanking consequence.

    8) When I say spanking I mean hand or other stereotypical spanking item applied to the butt

    9) BDSM is sick, that’s not love.

    10) In a perfect legal system, actual child or wife beaters should be shoot dead within the hour of conviction. I have no tolerance for those that abuse their authority. It is a sacred yoke of service that God calls all husbands to.

    11) Bottom line wife’s submission is a call from God. Husbands responsibility to keep his family on the right path is not optional. It is conceivable that in some case the only means by which a husband can do that is a spanking, and the wife should accept such an action, from a loving slow to temper husband, as proof that she is far out of line. However, I would hope that such a thing is the exception rather than the rule.

    12) lastly, judge not lest ye be judged.

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