Addressing Abuse
Posted on October 24th, 2007 by Samaritan into the Uncategorized categoryIn the Power thread Dan Wood posted the following:
Mark 9:42 made some insightful comments last month asking whether an abusive church leader can be restored and whether being restored meant to fellowship and/or leadership.
I am interested in … [discussing] … such questions as Mark 9:42 has posed and related questions about how to prevent recurring abuse, how to prevent abuse in the first place, and how to deal with abuse that has occurred.
We can't offer a face to face meeting as Dan originally requested, but surely we can throw some ideas around about how abuse can and should be addressed in a church situation.
The rules are simple, keep it civil, remember it's brothers and sisters we're talking with. I'd hate to have to thump someone. 
Any ideas?
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October 24th, 2007 at 5:36 pm
I think there’s somewhat of an unhealthy nepotism/favoritism in church leadership that elevates the leaders to a place that can make them almost “untouchable” or beyond reproach. Ever notice the leaders of a church all share pretty much the same exact views? It reminds me a little of the way the mobsters operated at one time. Those with no authority can’t question those with authority because those in authority are almost always surrounded by others in power exactly like them. If you no longer go with the group, you no longer have authority.
Although we would expect our church pastors and leaders to be moral guides for our congregations, I’ve found that it is often the case that the pastor/leaders are held in such high esteem (or surrounded by relatives) and that they are never questioned and are not adequately given sincere criticism. That’s when it becomes both a danger and a potential source of abuse for the church.
You know how we have “secret shoppers”? We need to have company like that for churches; an impartial expert who can properly evaluate leadership and give a report based on factors such as member satisfaction and basic Biblical leadership guidelines.
Or make a standard rule like some companies do…no hiring of relatives.
P.S. Samaritan, how do you thump someone through the computer? Just curious…
October 24th, 2007 at 6:26 pm
I dunno … but if I need to, I’ll find a way.
BT, it must be different in charismatic churches - the selection of pastor, at least. In the non-charismatic mainline denomination churches I grew up with, pastors were typically picked from a pool of candidates, by a search committee, and finally the candidate was put to vote of the congregation.
Leaders promoting leaders / replacements seems to be unique among independent churches, particularly charismatic.
…
As for Rhema 9:42’s questions, IF a leader has to be removed / sat-down from leadership for the cause of abuse, I don’t think they should be restored to leadership directly, but to service / fellowship and with the accountability of an elder working along-side. Abuse of the flock is a terrible breach of trust, so in my way of thinking, the process of restoration is a 2 way street - the trust of the flock must be restored in the demoted leader, as well as the leader be restored to a position of leadership. Too often it seems like a leader is restored to position, before trust is restored in the congregation.
As for preventing abuse, there is no better protection from that than avoiding 1:1 situations. I suppose that’s why scripture provides for just one 1:1 encounter, before the aggrieved party confronts the offending brother with a witness, and ultimately brings it before the assembly.
One of the ways I have come to look at Jesus teaching, concerns relationships … originally, man had an unhindered and mature relationship with God, but sin entered, and man’s relationship with God was broken - call it “dysfunctional” if you will … suddenly man is hiding behind falsehood (covering up) with God, etc. Jesus comes along to help restore our relationship with God and each other, with some practical tips on dealing with conflict.
Among the things Jesus / Paul taught, that is hard for me, is “speaking the truth in love” and “go to and confront the brother who offended you”, etc. It is hard for me, for several reasons - I’m generally non-combative / confrontational; I fear that IF I confront someone or speak the truth it will hurt or end the relationship, or make them angry, etc. More often than not, it comes down to fear. And so submitting to my fears causes me to put up with crap from people. It causes me to wonder - where scripture tells us to “boldly approach the throne”, why is it we don’t also “boldly approach our brother” when we have a problem with them? Why do we shrink back from being honest and forthright?
BT, you suggest someone or a consulting firm survey a church - and that’s a neat idea … if a pastor really desired to be conformed to the likeness of Christ and be a servant to the flock, I would think the pastor would want the honest feedback of the people in his care … Hmmm … I’m vaguely remembering an old Og Mandino book - I think it was called the “Greatest Salesman in the World” or something like that … vaguely, I recall it was about Paul, and the personal fires he went through to become the apologist for the gospel that he was … what I recall from the book, is that Paul let the feedback of people influence the development of his character …
That’s a radical idea, albeit, an old one.
October 24th, 2007 at 6:35 pm
I just looked up the Og Mandino book above, and it’s not about Paul - so my memory if faulty. Sorry for the misinfo on the book.
Sam
October 25th, 2007 at 2:31 am
Well, don’t let it happen again, bucko.
FYI, I have figured out how to thump someone through the internet. They just sort of go away…
Take Betty B/Fox Hole Christian, for instance. She made fun of my name and POOF!…she’s gone.
Reckon I won’t let her back till she’s learned some respect. 6 months oughta do it…sometime next Spring.
-joebib
October 25th, 2007 at 7:02 am
A good place to start would be to define “abuse”. At a minimum, the use of others for ones’ own purposes/pleasure in the areas of sex, finances, or emotional dependence ought to qualify as abuse.
A “leader” ought to be leading people to Christ, not to themselves. John the baptist thought he ought to decrease while Jesus should increase.
October 25th, 2007 at 7:29 am
I have a question for anyone who wants to answer. Why do we think that we can place a time limit on someone’s “restoration”. For instance, when someone falls into sin, how much time is “required” before they are allowed back into some aspect of ministry. I don’t think Jesus put a time limit on restoration. Another example could be King David when he was caught in the sin of adultery, he faced the consequences for his actions, but was never removed from leadership.
Now, I am not advocating someone in leadership in this day and age not having to go through some type of restoration; but who says when it is a good time for the leaders’ return to ministry.
Does it depend on the severity of the “sin”? And who decides if it is a sin or if it is just one “sheep” who got their “undies in a bundle” and is complaining?
October 25th, 2007 at 7:32 am
whatHEsaid,
I’ve read enough of your comments to recognize a brother whose also outside the camp … not having attended an IC church for 7-8 years now, I’d have thought abuse would be a thing of the past, but, it always seems IC folks / religionists are casting lines and hooks to snag and reel in any believer they can, as they are not content to let someone simply abide in the river of life, or walk with the Lord, 1:1.
Of course, there’s no abuse with Jesus as shepherd, only with men. And in walking with Jesus, there’s no question about who is the leader, and who is the follower - only joy to be with Him and learning from Him.
But for those still in an IC situation, it would sure be a breath of fresh air, to find a servant leader, someone who walks in humility, who would actually wash people’s feet, oh, and actually yield the floor to the work of the Holy Spirit or to the congregation, that they might share the portion of Christ in them, via the prophetic gifts, tongues and interpretation, etc.
Lord knows I never found such a place among IC churches.
October 25th, 2007 at 8:35 am
Hi Prez,
Concening David … He was God’s choice, made known through the prophet Samuel, to lead theocratic Judah.
Who among the MFI church leaders, was chosen by God via an established / recognized prophet and anointed to lead a people who accepted God’s sovereign choice of a leader, without putting God’s choice to a democratic vote of the elders and/or congregation?
From my knothole, a person has to ask whether the IC is of God, or of men? Whether the leaders of the IC are appointed by God or men, whether they lead/rule as ordained by God, or by man’s law / bylaws, or some mixture of the two?
If said leader is God’s choice, and is operating in covenant / promise of God, then discipline is in the hands of God. But if the leader is man’s choice, by democratic election, operating a religious organization per the laws of men, then it seems like men have say in how the leader is disciplined and restored.
October 25th, 2007 at 1:35 pm
OFF TOPIC….
What is the book from the early 1970s that was about Baptism in the Spirit? The Holy Spirit and You” ?? or something else. . i did a search and got by Dennis Bennett.. but for some reason am thinking Larry Tomczak wrote the book i am thinking of.
WAY back then it was white.. blue letters i think.. maybe tongue of fire on the bottom of the front??
October 25th, 2007 at 1:54 pm
Howdy Sam,
You raise a good point. I guess my answer to your question is a question so forgive me. How do we know that the pastors from MFI/IC churches are not appointed by God? As far as I know (and I could be wrong) FD wasn’t chosen by some vote, rather he was appointed by DI. And if he was appointed by DI then the next question would be whether DI heard from God. I guess I think questioning his decision is like questioning someone’s Christianity. Who are we to judge whether or not someone heard from God and even how can we?
And as far as discipline being in the hands of God, I do believe that because the Bible is very clear about that. But, I also believe that every man should have some sort of accountability. So if he is a senior pastor of a non-denominational church then not only does he have some type of eldership, but he also should have someone who has “oversight” on him. Someone who he respects, yet will speak into his life. Like Nathan did with David.
October 25th, 2007 at 2:41 pm
Also a good point, Prez. It’s hard to tell whether the appointment was from/by God. It might have been at first, but over time, the person became corrupt?
Yet, there’s a number of scriptures which suggest that God gives people just what they ask for, to teach them a lesson … people wanted a king, He gave them Saul … people wanted meat instead of manna, so He gave them quail, until it would “come out of their noses” … in making an ungodly choice, they learn the lesson that it would have been better to accept God’s choice …
About whether or not a pastor is God’s choice, one need just look at the fruit, I think … sermons such as the one cited by B. T. Beauty here, suggest the god being served isn’t the One God, but mammon.
It reminds me of the scripture:
Wish that BTB would have reported that a number of people walked out when they did that … but I’m willing to bet an auditorium filled with people just blindly followed the lead of greed …
October 30th, 2007 at 2:31 am
Thanks Sam, I have enjoyed your input here a lot. I’ve only ever found 2 or 3 places where there was the kind of freedom you mention. Never has been in an IC. A couple of house churches, and a couple years being taught by Theo Johnson. (www. healingtouchministries.org)
I also liked your website and the articles there. Your series on tithing is a light in the dark. When I first read it, I knew the Holy Spirit had been leading me in the correct direction…I was hearing the same thing, but had not gotten as far into it. Keep plugging away, it all helps!
November 6th, 2007 at 1:23 pm
My general observations are as follows:
Satan knows everybodies strengths and weaknesses
He constantly tries to tear the beloved away from the fold in logarithmic proportion to their effectiveness as leaders in the Kingdom. So all he has to do is get Father to barf a pew-warmer, while he, satan, sends entire legions to tear at the fabric of the righteous and hard-worn warrior for Christ.
Simultaneously, he (satan) sets up little false kingdom trap churches and imitators to undermine the reputation of His (Father’s) Church, and plants divisive people in the Congregation of the Almighty. So this is what makes it so difficult to discernd God’s chosen. They, while under attack, can so easily be confused with the goat in sheep’s clothing. They require an assist.
My experience tells me that satan devours a fair amount of the called and the chosen through pride, coveteousness, power, hurt, etc. He is a wily one, he is.
I am not put off by the pastor that surrounds himself with his family in the ministry. Oftentimes, it is a sign of a man who has loved his family into the kingdom. I do have difficulty when the family shows an entitlement mentality, or has been neglected for the sake of the “church”.
Though I look for the wise and the seeker of knowledge, I am not put off by the imperfect pastor, who might not read well, or might not speak well, provided he cares. I look for the leader with the humble and contrite heart, who is not put off at having to discuss anything with anyone from the congregation. I look for the person who does not surround himself with the yes men, but breaks bread with the troubled, the outcast.
I watch what is done in the out-of-sight. I have observed pastors repeatedly scowling at children from across the room, then praising “little Timmy” while glad-handing his parents after service. Sometimes, the pastor was just locked in thought, but sometimes the pastor really does not suffer the little ones to come. Look at the budget for the kids. Where is the money spent?
We all need to wear the preparation of the gospel, praying, soaking in His word, and pleading for grace and discernment. Father will vanquish the scorpions and serpents. We must avoid the very same traps that many of our leaders fall for (sadly, personal experience) and be ready to comfort the broken, wash the sick, pick up and sometimes even carry the fallen.
We need to lay down our rocks of judgement and pick up the manna of the Holy Spirit, doing those things that need to get done for the Kingdom’s sake.
If we do those things that Jesus encourages us to do, I am sure we can make good of what was intended for evil.
November 7th, 2007 at 1:46 am
Well put, MD.
-joebib