This website is a parody of City Bible Church. We are not owned or operated by Frank Damazio or affiliated with City Bible Church. Please do not send us your tithe.
It is not by grace that one enters the kingdom of heaven, but by tithing.

- Damazio 3:16


Stuff White People Like

Posted on March 4th, 2008 by catalyst into the About Us category

I just found the greatest blog ever. It is called Stuff White People Like and is devoted to, you guessed it, stuff white people like.

Number 2 on the list is:

Religions their parents don't belong to:

White people will often say they are “spiritual” but not religious. Which usually means that they will believe any religion that doesn’t involve Jesus.

Popular choices include Buddhism, Hinduism, Kabbalah and, to a lesser extent, Scientology. A few even dip into Islam, but it’s much more rare since you have to give stuff up and actually go to Mosque.

Mostly they are into religion that fits really well into their homes or wardrobe and doesn’t require them to do very much.

So true.

Other stuff white people like includes:

Oscar Parties

- Having Black Friends

- Bicycles

- Having two last names

- Marathons

- Making you feel bad about not going outside

The blog could alternatively be called, "Portland, Oregon."

7 Comments To This Post

  1. joebib said:    

    I don’t know how you always come up with these sites, cat, but this one is great! I haven’t laughed that hard in days. In fact, I’m adding it to my Favorites list.

    These were among the best:

    (#48) Whole Foods and Grocery Co-ops…

    White people need organic food to survive, and where they purchase this food is as important as what they purchase. In modern white person culture, Whole Foods has replaced churches and cathedrals as the most important and relevant buildings in the community.

    All of these stores are pretty much the same - lots of vegetables, grain fed free range meat and eggs, and soy everything. They are also characterized by an outrageously large section of vitamins, supplements, and natural oils.

    Many white people consider shopping at Whole Foods to be a religious experience, allowing them feel good about their consumption.

    (#61) Bicycles…

    A good place to find white people on a Saturday is at a Bike Shop. Bike shops are almost entirely staffed and patronized by white people!

    But not all white people love bicycles in the same way, there is much diversity. They are also easily customizable with expensive things Aerospoke rims, Phil Wood Hubs, and Nitto Parts.

    The combination of rare bicycles and expensive parts makes it easy for white people to judge other white people on the quality and originality of their bicycles.

    This is important in determining if someone is or isn’t cooler than you.

    (#62) Knowing what’s best for poor people…

    White people spend a lot of time of worrying about poor people. It takes up a pretty significant portion of their day.

    They feel guilty and sad that poor people shop at Wal*Mart instead of Whole Foods…

    It is a poorly guarded secret that, deep down, white people believe if given money and education that all poor people would be EXACTLY like them.

    (#63) Expensive sandwiches…

    In most cities, if you need to find a cache of white people get yourself to a sandwich shop. Generally these places aren’t open for dinner, have a panini press and are famous for their bread. There are always vegan options…

    The waiters and waitresses in these places are highly coveted by the white population. They are not quite as cool as bartenders, not quite as snobby as coffee shop workers, but still artsy, young…

    If you are in the position where you need to take a white person to lunch for business or pleasure, saying “I know a great sandwich shop,” will always bring out a smile. The white person will then tell you about the great sandwich shop in the town where they went to college.

    (#70) Difficult break-ups…

    Prior to engaging in divorce, most white people train for it by engaging in a series of long term relationships that end very poorly. At some point, you will likely encounter a white person who is in the middle of a difficult breakup with a boyfriend or girlfriend.

    The suffering of heartbreak is universal, but it is important to be aware that white people thrive during these trying times.

    The majority of white person art is created after a difficult breakup; films, indie music, and poetry are all kicked into high production during the end of a relationship. This helps train white people to prepare for the pain that is coming.

    Once breakup proceedings have been initiated, a white person is immediately thrust into the center of attention in their circle of friends…

    (#78) Multilingual children…

    All white people want their children to speak another language…

    They dream about the children drifting in between French and English sentences as they bustle about the kitchen while they read the New York Times and listen to Jazz.

    As white people age, they start to feel more and more angry with their parents for raising them in a monolingual home.

    This guy who owns the blog, clander, really knows white people…maybe he should give Hillary a call.

    I’ve made it about half way through the list, and so far, I’m batting almost 1.000.

    -joebib

  2. ex-City Bible Slave said:    

    Ha ha, this is halarious. Great find. Don’t forget TV shows with weird mystery like LOST and Star Trek, goofy cartoon shows like The Simpsons and South Park, and movies with all sorts of crazy characters like Star Wars or based on comic books like the Fantastic Four.

  3. checkmarks said:    

    I lol’d.

  4. Kim said:    

    Check this one out:

    http://stuffwhiteparentslike.com

  5. ex-City Bible Slave said:    

    So I met a guy the other day who is friends with one of the creators of this blog “Stuff White People Like.” Turns out it was put together by a couple of Hollywood script writers who were finding it difficult to get work. Well because of the success of the blog they have inked a six-figure book deal and are in talks with some major studios about developing a movie. Go figure. To quote an old movie legend, “life is like a box of chocolates….you never know what your gonna get.”

  6. Samaritan said:    

    Even as we speak, ex, JohnPaul and Cat are inking a deal to produce a sitcom about City Business Church … talk is, Frank is going to be played by Chevy Chase … Christian Siriano has been tapped to play Judah …

    Sam

  7. anna said:    

    Priceless, Sam…. :lol:

Leave A New Comment

Enter the validation code from the image