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It is not by grace that one enters the kingdom of heaven, but by tithing. – Damazio 3:16
Samartin already has one: “Look, this one has room for a few more zeros, Frank.”
My entry is: "Bob, those aren't checks. Those are pink slips for the non-tithing staff."
FRANK: “Hrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnn”
(And in the background we hear: ffwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeieee)
BOB: “Did you just fart?”
FRANK: “Blessings from Heaven, Bob, blessings from Heaven.”
“Buu Buuu But Frank! I had to pay the mortgage this month. Three months in a row and they will start forclosing proceedures.”
Frank, ” Where’s your faith? God will take care of you. You still owe “me” a couple of more zeros. Do I have to use the old guilt trip thing again? Come on, pay up!”
“Hey Frank, check out the title on my new MFI business cards”
“Wow! Look at this! Another soul won for Christ at Eternity. Do we follow up with them?”
“No, there are a lot of spelling errors. Obviously not someone too bright. You know what that means, right?”
“Yep. Not much education.”
“Which means”?
“Not a good paying job.”
“Which means”?
“NO MONEY! I gotcha now! Moving right along…..”
EDITED TO SAY: Oops! I forgot the church member fills out the eternity slip, so:
[Comment ID #32143 Will Be Quoted Here]
“Wait a minute….didn’t you complete that card? “
“Yeahuh. Pastor Dick signed it right here.”
Bob: “Make an ‘s’ sound like this – ‘sssssssssity harvessssssst’”
Frank: “sccccchhhhhhhhhhitty harvesssssssshhht”
Bob: “No, no, hold your lips like this – ‘sssssity’”
Frank: “sccchhity”
Last minute coaching before Frank’s American Idol tryout.
[Comment ID #32147 Will Be Quoted Here]
LMAO… so I’m not the only person who would snicker everytime he referred to “Schitty Bible Church”???
Frank: “The IRS is on the phone right now? No way!
Bob: “Yessir, see the number’s right here!”
Frank: “Ok–shee what you can do to get right of them, could you Bob?”
dang.
that last line should read: …shee what you can do to get RID of them…
Look I asked for people’s most pressing questions, but none of these have to do with tithing! Here put this one in, it’s about prosperity.
Frank…
What…
it’s signed by…..Drank Famazio?
Yeah…..I…I found it on the ground…really
(raising voice)….Drank Famazio!….
Put it in or the Lord might desire a higher lover offering this month….Bob
(sigh) Whatever you say….Drank
“Bob, thank you for putting all 30 points of my sermon on individual cards!”
BOB: Frank, look how little this person pledged.
FRANK: I see that, do we call in the bouncers now or ostracize him publicly?
“Scratch and sniff – it’s the latest in offering envelope technology.”