Responding to a great question from David about making friends at Portland Bible College, a reader writes:
I had a few but distant friends. Most of my peers are VERY sheltered in the church bubble and have no idea how to relate to newer Christians and especially those with a background like mine. The same people brag about their calling to the inner city and reaching out to the lost etc… Like good ol’ charismatics, its all about talk. I stuck to a small group. There was another person i opened up the most to. I didnt trust others. I couldnt relate to the Christian culture bubble. For crying out loud, i speak English not Christianese. And people make judgments and decide who to be friends with and who is worthy to talk to based on outward spiritual lingo, cuteness & clothes you wear.
I want to highlight this comment, because it's true. The thing about spending all your time in Church and with Church friends and going to Christian concerts and wearing Christian t-shirts and worshipping your pastor, is that you totally lose your ability to relate to anyone that isn't Christian. *cough* CULT *cough* So many Christians spend all their time in Church asking God for the ability to reach the "lost", and yet never make any actual attempt to reach anyone outside the church. Maybe the answer is a little less Church-time and a little more world-time.
But we know why that doesn't happen. It's hard. It requires a level of vulnerability. And Christians, in my opinion, are by and large, some of the most insecure people I know. Most are not strong enough to step outside the Church environment. So they go to Portland Bible College, and stay comfortable for four more years.
which is why so many are busting down the church gates which have become barricades. the trendy word for this is Missional. (google it)
I wonder if in our busyness to be Christian we lose sight in being Jesus to our communities. A few summers ago I felt this very strongly about my own life. I was Miss Ministry at my church. Pastors loved me, depended on me. Ministry leaders could count on me to be a team player. I’m quite gifted, ya know.
But then I unplugged from the ministry machine. After detoxing for about 9 months I realized that I really am into helping people, that’s real in me, as it is in most people. So instead of rejoining a church-based-keep-the-empire humming position, I looked out into my community for a non-profit I could be a part of. After a while, Write Around Portland came onto my radar. They are an amazing group that has done much to make our city a better place. I have been thrilled to get to know them. Because of Write Around I’ve had opportunities to learn and listen from all kinds of people. Writing is a natural way of discovery not only about yourself, but also about others. Write Around helped me in many, many ways during a pivotal time in my life to shed my unhealthy, isolationistic religious bent, and to get back to the passion of my life: connecting with people who are way different than I am. I look very forward to continuing to collaborate wit this amazing community group.
So there ya have it…
Pam, I think it’s great that you have found a meaningful “outreach” – if you don’t mind me using the word.I think that Christians need to do the same.
It’s interesting that you posted this comment. I know someone who wondered if he should get more involved in the local (mega) church he was attending or get more involved in a para-church ministry. One day, he came to the church to talk to a pastor and found that he had to use the intercom at the door. He couldn’t even go through the doors of his own church without permission from the office. This was it for him and he began to offer his talents to a wonderful ministry to the poor and needy called Good Samaritan Ministries (GSM) located in Beaverton, Oregon. (As I understand it, all of their ministries are offered free – and God supports them through sovereign voluntary donations.)
By the way, GSM has been the only ministry ever that sent me a copy of their entire annual financial report after I sent them a one-time offering in the mail of $50.00! To me, that was very impressive.
i think i know what church you’re talking about. yes, the intercom thing bothered me, too. especially one day when i was standing outside chatting with some church friends during office hours and an unfamiliar young woman with posters in her hands approached the door. of course it did not open and this confused her. we pointed out the intercom. when the secretary, who was only doing her job, asked “Can I help you?” the young woman replied that she had some posters about employment opportunity in the neighborhood and could she post one in the church to let people know about it. “No thanks. We don’t have anywhere you can put one.” The young woman, standing outside the locked glass door of an enormously huge and mostly empty building filled with mostly empty walls looked startled. “Don’t you have a community bulletin board or something to let people know about job opportunities?”
“No, we don’t. I’m sorry.”
As the young woman left I was struck by the absurdity of the moment.
I did not cuss at that time, as I do now, but if I had been a cussing Christian that morning I would have been thinking or saying WTF?
The businesses around that particular church do not have locked doors. The restaurants and nearby bars do not have intercoms to screen visitors.
The business of religion creates absurd behavior.
right on right on right on ——— i love all this. My decision to leave my local church cult is the best thing I’ve ever done. My coherts are saying the same thing. we’are still detoxing but not quite in the same state of paralysis that we were in when we first jumped ship.
Pam: I do think detoxing takes more than 9 months but then again we are all on different paths so, whatever. there is no formula for it, that’s for sure. I suppose it depends on how long the person was immersed in the Christian Cult Culture. But if you feel the need to proactively get involved somewhere again, no matter how long the detox takes, this is the way to do it. Great food for thought!
David: I bet your friend is so much more satisfied and fulfilled by making the decision to help out GSM instead of another church (dysfunctional) organization. I bet he sleeps well at night.
Cat: I’m so glad you are highlighting Christianeze and what it does to people. It’s is one of my major beefs with Christians. It’s infernally cheezy and revealing of a person’s true hungers. The Christian lingo ppl are still addicted to weird religion and are prone to quote ppl from TBN. I try to give grace, but am finding that I go out of my way to avoid situations where I’m in a room with people of my same faith unless I already know his or her voice is sensible and discernible. We used to ask of ourselves ‘I wonder if he’s a Christian?’. Now we ask ourselves ‘I wonder what kind of Christian she is?’
I know this comes off as judgmental. But in mind and heart it’s a value judgment I now have to make just for protection. If not, I could be cornered by well-meaning weirdos at any given time on any day of the week, especially Sunday. Some Sunday’s I can’t bear the thought of running into them so I opt out of going to church. My day and week is better for it every time!
Pam, very well put!
I just began reading a book titled, Amazing Grace: a Vocabulary of Faith by Kathleen Norris. I bought it because I am always interested in how I can make the Good News more relevant and understandable to the non-Christian (or, as Graham Cooke puts it, the “pre-Christian.”). So far, this book looks like it will help me do that. FYI.
I think we miss the point entirely when we focus on who is a Christian and who is not. Here’s a good quote from the book I’m reading right now:
“I distrust the word Christian as an adjective; it has become less an adjective than a label, separating those who call themselves Christian from the rest of the world. How can those who would follow Christ assume that they are more beloved of the Creator than any other part of his Creation, when God created everything, and saw that it was good? And if God created man in his own image, male and female, then all, all of humankind is part of that image, known or unknown, served or betrayed, accepted or denied. God loves every single man, sings the psalmist. Perhaps it is more blessed to be aware of our part in the Image than not, but Jesus made it very clear that sometimes it is those who are least aware of it who serve the image best.”
(from And It Was Good, by Madeleine L’Engle)
I think the point is to focus all of our energies on the poor and the outcast, and only worry about the condition of our own soul.
well, you’ll notice that I did not return to church ministry at that time. only recently have i treaded back into helping with tasks in the much smaller (and poorer) faith community my family is now connected to. and that’s what they are: tasks and community building efforts (as opposed to Church building!).
I have that book on my shelf. She’s a very insightful Benedictine oblate, isn’t she? I love this quote on page 110:
This is a God who is not identified with the help of a dictionary but through a relationship.
I would agree with you Jeremy but when it comes to protecting myself from well-meaning Christians who, more often than not, slime me with their version of what I should be doing with my life, it behooves me to keep my spiritual antena up while I’m doing the work God has called me to do which is helping the poor in my own way. I may not be at the soup kitchen, but I am out and about in the city touching people’s lives because of doors (the Lord has) opened for me.
How can you separate guarding ones’ heart and worrying about the condition of our own souls?
How we speak is certainly a window into our souls. God may not be rolling his eyes at the Christianeze verbage, but could it be that he would like to teach us how to talk without alienating people? Isn’t the whole idea about communication making yourself heard and understood?
With all that said, I am personally working toward a way to be on guard from the well-meaning Christianeze types while trying to eliminate any judgmental angst they arouse in me. After all, as Christians we are called to love one another as Christ loves us. But just because I care about this dilemma (what to do to keep these people from sliming me) doesn’t mean I’m consumed with it. It’s just part of the distinguishing factor that helps me filter who I’ll share my personal heart with.
I think it’s safe to say that I’m not being a bad Christian just because I’m guarding my heart. In fact, the Bible admonishes us to do that. (Even though M.L’Engle says it’s a good thing to suck at being a Christian, I’m trying to make a point.) Further more, since I’ve chosen to get off the Christian Culture merry-go-round, and trying to shed the religious layers I accumulated by being a part of it for so long, I feel there is HOPE FOR ME YET to become the KIND of Christian that I think is pleasing to the Lord– one who is fruitful, compassionate and energetic about helping others in need. The opposite of that would be the KIND of Christian who drives people away with weird lingo due to laziness and being too selfishness to take the time to change my speech a bit.
De-tox church group: That is exactly what I am going through. Trying to avoid the weirdo fake-and-bake Christians just to keep myself safe from them, while trying not to have too much angst. The reason I see through their talk so well, I guess, is because I was one of them of sorts at one time. Someone in this thread mentioned “insecurity” and that is exactly the cause. Most of these people are just too insecure to be themselves, which is sad, really. If only I could just keep that on the forefront of my mind… but instead, I usually just make fun of them… oh well…
Down with Christianese!
Rocky Road~
Love your name cuz it CAN be a rocky road at times. I just had a 15 min conversation on the phone with one of them the other day. We knew each other from FORMER life. I was able to speak intelligently and be pleasant but inwardly I kept wincing waiting for the questions. He DID ask a few and I gave him the extremely edited version (what-he-doesn’t-know-won’t-hurt-him-version) in answering and even got a chuckle or two from him. Happily I was able to ‘sew a seed’ or two about the changes that seem to be happening in the (collective) church and he actually listened and had a little input of his own. I was glad I didn’t have an aversion toward him but it WAS a phone call instead of face-to-face. Baby steps I guess!
I’m glad you’re “reachin’ out” detox. Condescension is the only way to win converts afterall…
My name came from a discussion my sister and I had about what kind of ice-cream we and other people we know would be if we were ice-cream. We concluded that I would be rockyroad. Today I had a discussion with the same sister, wondering if we should join the machine of organized religion or not. We decided a good start would be to stop avoiding the church-goers we know. Yes, baby steps my friend, baby steps…