Purity Ball or Creepfest? You Decide.
Posted on July 23rd, 2008 by catalyst into the Uncategorized category
Yeah, I know. I can't let this topic go. Time Magazine has a new article discussing the Purity Ball. This is an event where fathers and daughters get dressed up, go to a dance and tell each other not to have sex. …good times …good times (Side Note: I guarantee half of the families are homeschooled. Just sayin.) And of course, the Time article is accompanied with pictures. Check em out. They make you uncomfortable, right? All I'm asking is, Fathers, please FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS SACRED AND HOLY, take the sexual vibe out of the event. Stop calling it a Ball. And stop treating your daughters like they're your girlfriends. You can still have the event, and you can still tell your daughters to avoid sex. Just call it a Purity Banquet. Or have a father-daughter Purity Breakfast. Or have a Purity Picnic. Whatever. I don't care. Just take out the sex. It's creepy.
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July 23rd, 2008 at 7:22 am
Well maybe its because we read Oedipus Rex in high school.
From a female perspective, I would absolutely hate it and be humiliated. It´s like throwing a party if I had my first menstrual period. ugh! Recently, I talked to a couple of mormon girls that went through this. It was interesting.
And apparently, there is a equal version for the guys where they have an event with their mothers. They sign a pledge to be pure in their lives. This hasnt been getting much media attention.
Either way, that is legalism at its finest and a good money making scheme. Someone is benefitting from that.
July 23rd, 2008 at 8:49 am
I’m anti-CBC but can’t see anything “sexual” in the photos. Do you not hug or touch your daughter in public?
The idea of a “purity ball” or “purity banquet” or “purity” anything makes me barf. It creates a taboo around physicalness all together and not only creates shame in the family member who may fall prey to the sex devil, but raises children that are judgemental towards the “unpure”.
Its good for parents to talk to their kids about sex. In my family, Mom and Dad are together when we talk, without discussing graphic detail, so as not to freak out anyone. Most of the issue we address is how the emotions that go with physical intamacy can be overwhelming and therefore physical intamacy should be slow and cautious.
In grade school I went to “father-daughter” banquet for Camp Fire Girls. It wasn’t at all wierd…. but it wasn’t centered around the “s” word.
July 23rd, 2008 at 10:15 am
I must also object to this so-called “promotion” of sexual purity.
It seems that once again, people interpret the sexual ethics described in the Bible as prescriptive, rather than descriptive. The Old Testament is clothed with the “semiotics” of ancient patriarchy, and that is not something that we should replicate.
The concept of purity is very closely tied, in my mind, to the buying and selling of goods. Since, in patriarchy, woman are essentially purchased and who would want a “used” product? Thus. virginity is connected with a view of human beings as property, not as free decision making beings.
Teenagers should be exposed to the good and bad sides of all of the options presented to them. But, I definitely do not think that there is a need to re-establish patriarchy and female oppression with these “purity balls.” Women do not need a man to protect them.
July 23rd, 2008 at 10:56 am
These “purity balls” and father/daughter events totally skeeve me out! I think pledging to your parents to stay pure is ridiculous. I don’t even know if its fair to use the terms “pure” and “unpure” when it comes to a person’s sexuality. The whole thing is emotionally manipulative. The church focuses WAY too much time and energy on the whole premarital sex subject. A majority of those kids are going to do it anyway, but once they do they’ll be so… ashamed that the last thing they would do is talk to their parents about it, obviously! Wouldn’t it be better to put less pressure on that subject and keep the lines of communication open between parents and teens? Why not focus on self respect and safety? And making such a huge deal of it, especially for girls, just sets them up for self esteem issues down the road if (WHEN) they do end up having premarital sex. Many girls who grew up in church, myself included, end up feeling unnecessary shame and guilt for “giving away” (another tacky, churchy term) the one thing they’re taught means the most to God and to their future husbands. REALLY??? I don’t think that your virginity is THE most important thing to God or to a future husband, where does that come from? If that is THE most important thing to your potential husband then you should seriously reconsider your taste in men. If this concept is biblical, by all means please tell me where to find it. This idea gives the impression to young girls that their sexuality is the only thing they have to offer! That’s just super messed up, and I’m surprised that parents and church leaders are still buying into the whole “purity pledge” deal. It’s sad.
July 23rd, 2008 at 5:39 pm
I love christianese. I’m hoping I “fall prey to the sex devil” tonight.
July 23rd, 2008 at 6:19 pm
The sex devil does not have purity balls.
July 24th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
and we all love pure sex.
July 24th, 2008 at 6:45 pm
Huh? There is dancing at the purity ball, dancing. We all know what that leads to. The ball is doomed!
July 24th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
I think we need to promote purity to our children for many reasons. The most important one being that I believe God tells us things to spare us from alot of heartache and unessasary problems. However I think talking about reasons why purity is important without making your child terrified to talk with you if they mess up is also important. Guess this means out with the purity ring and in with the purity ball!
July 25th, 2008 at 6:24 am
One more thing, from personally meeting homeschoolers they are surprising not bad at all. Most Christian (and non Christian) homeschoolers I meet are actually well aware and socially adjusted. Generally speaking, it´s actually the ones who go to certain Christian schools that are the sheltered, naive and have the traits associated with homeschoolers. There are some excellent Christian schools out there but then there are the ones like City Christian.
I believe making a big deal of virginity is also sexualizing women.
And heres one disgusting “Christian” man that I went on a date with. After getting the vibes, he finally asks me out. I hear from others that he´s a godly man etc… and he seemed like it. So in our first date, he started asking me questions about my calling. I share a bit but I hate that question. Then he right away asked me if I was a virgin. Excuse me! I asked him why is he asking such a personal question right away. He kept pushing it. He said a few things and then said, “I always ask a girl this because if she sins, it will affect our relationship because I´ll have to carry her baggage and it´ll flow into me.”
Seriously, WTF?
I then looked at him and asked, “What about grace and forgiveness of God for past sexual sins. It´s one thing if a Christian is continually struggling in sexual sins and cheats on her husband but what do you say about a girl that made a mistake because she wasnt a Christian or raped, sexually abused?”
His reply: (He puts on a fake, patronizing pitying type of tone) “Thats terrible. If a girl has been hurt she´s like a delicate flower that´s been stepped on. I´d treat her very gently, love her and do everything I can as a husband to restore her… So tell me, what happened? How did it happen and who did it to you?”
I´m feeling very uncomfortable and especially when this conversation occurs during the first hour of our date. I tell him strongly, “No one did. I´m just asking you that´s all.”
“You´re testing me? Thats very rude”
“Oh and asking a girl extremely personal questions when you first meet her is NOT rude?”
“So did you do it…”
“Look, I´m not answering your damn question. Its none of your business because there is nothing going to happen between us. I dont want to see you again.” I was flaring up but remained calm. I wanted to slap him right in front of everyone in The Olive Garden.
“That´s fine. But before you make any decisions, please make sure that you are hearing from the Holy Spirit.”
“Huh?”
“I think it´s God´s will for us to be married. God spoke to me about us…”
That´s when I had enough and I started laughing at him. “And God spoke to me and told me to stay away from guys like you. Bye.” I got up and grabbed my purse and things to leave.
“So you´re ending this.” (Yes, moron. Isnt it obvious?) “Can we be friends and maybe later…”
I raise my voice a bit. “HELL NO. And dont every call me again.” I get up and walk out. Looking back, I sometimes wished I slapped him in front of everyone.
Ugh! I felt very disgusted the whole time. The way he asked me about my virginity made me very uncomfortable and just as bad as though he wanted a casual hook up! I dont believe this guy is a believer but rather a self righteous jerk. Ladies, I also heard that there are certains perverts out there that go to churches to pick up women because they are supposed to be virgins and to them it implies that there are naive, virginal like Snow White. I´m wondering if he´s one of them.
FOR THE RECORD: He isnt from CBC or any other MFI church. He doesnt even go to church. Sorry but this is another tale of crazies out there.
July 25th, 2008 at 6:36 am
Speaking of DC Talk songs…
So she slapped me in the face and said boy you must be crazy…d-d-d-different from the one before… she’s that kind of girl.
Good times, Good times.
July 25th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
I have to say that always associating weird or nerdy activities with homeschoolers is hypocritically judgemental. Yes, there are some stereotypes that fit some homeschooling families but not all homeschoolers are mal-adjusted, short pants wearing, nerd-wads anymore than all public school attending kids are drug using, whore mongering punks.
That said, the Purity Ball is a bit ridiculous, IMHO.
July 28th, 2008 at 8:45 am
Ahem… um, Hey ChurchGirl,
I find that your position is quite similar to my own. You wouldn’t happen to be single… and between the ages of 21-26?????
(:
I’ll promise never to take you to a purity ball! I have great blogging skills and a prodigious vocabulary!
Ok, I’ll stop now
July 29th, 2008 at 10:27 am
C.T.P. - Single, yes, but I have a few years on you… sorry! lol
July 31st, 2008 at 9:40 am
Damn!
July 31st, 2008 at 3:34 pm
There is’nt a VBC (virgin by choice) in this group.
people need to stop using starving kids in africa as an excuse to lose faith the prutiy ball with suffice.
has any one made any jokes about balls yet or will I have to stoop to that level, and after all the mother daughters teas i went to dad couldnt take me to the purity ball. gosh darnit
~yours truly dougy~
August 1st, 2008 at 10:23 am
Huh?
August 1st, 2008 at 10:34 am
Although I can imagine a drink (or twelve) might give you the courage you need to post a comment, it might be best to sober up a bit before you post… this really doesn’t make sense, JOEL!
August 1st, 2008 at 10:56 am
sorry sorry next time ill try to add a couple scriptures, and a couple obama references to better relate. Its just this used to be funny and now i think some of you actually think your making a difference or people care about your opinion.
so i guess in that sense maybe it is still funny. (that was sarcasm church girl so you can better understand)
~dougy~
August 2nd, 2008 at 2:06 pm
ChurchGirl INVENTED sarcasm…
August 3rd, 2008 at 8:20 pm
I’m finding that a lot more people do read and do care then I ever realized. We are in a time when a large population of Christians are so fed up with the American church that they would rather never go then be apart of something so vial. So it’s a balance. You have to mix sarcasim and parody with truth and reality. Sorry we can’t be immature all the time.
August 4th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
I’ve read your post’s and here is how I view it.
1. your not smart this is someone else’s blog that you latched onto
2. your not creative you even stole the blog creators name
3. your not funny (sorry your not)
but hey your mature that counts for some thing so as immature as I can possibly be your a giant poopy diaper.
August 5th, 2008 at 7:11 am
Reformer is doing a great job. He’s gotten us more links in the last few weeks, then we had gotten in the last several months. And I think you need a balance of writers to appeal to a wide audience.
August 5th, 2008 at 8:24 am
Thank you for your fine criticism. I humbly accept your opinion. And for the record I never expect to please everyone on this thing, not my intention or my goal. But if you stop and think, there is a reason why I was asked to join this group and there is a reason why I get more positive feedback then negative. Plus, you have the freedom to completely ignore me and this blog, so don’t be too upset when you make the choice to log on and read what I write. It’s your decision to subject yourself to my smartless, uncreative, unfunny posts.
Thanks Cat. I appreciate your support and letting me join the leadership at CBC. Do I need a holy oil anointing session though?
August 5th, 2008 at 8:28 am
you two have to be friends. justin is that robert!
August 5th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
c’mon give me an obama bump said:
you two have to be friends. justin is that robert! (HUH?)
AND YOU’RE A DOUBLE GIANT POOPY DIAPER!
August 6th, 2008 at 7:13 am
when you dont understand a comment that’s because its not meant for you. not because it doesnt make sense
August 6th, 2008 at 7:50 am
I think you deserve an honorary doctorate.
August 6th, 2008 at 8:26 am
umm you earn that honor based off the originality of there thesis.
notice the word originality.
August 6th, 2008 at 8:50 am
Actually… umm, do you notice the word “there” should be “their”. I know you’re not talking to me, but I couldn’t let something like that go, I’m just sayin’!
August 6th, 2008 at 9:00 am
thank you but i would only care if i took myself as seriously as you do.
August 6th, 2008 at 9:12 am
I don’t take you seriously at all actually! lol
August 6th, 2008 at 9:23 am
wow your retarded thats what i just said i dont take myself seriously, but thanks for making my point again. it must have been hard for you being the loser at a church full of losers no wonder you angry. it’s ok though your obviously ugly and that only last forever, but keep correcting peoples grammer and maybe your prince will come.
August 6th, 2008 at 9:38 am
Come on on man, now that’s just uncalled for.
August 6th, 2008 at 9:39 am
Oops…I know, typo
August 6th, 2008 at 9:44 am
Catch up! I’m just making fun of you… I assumed you had a sense of humor. Clearly my bad. Couple of things… I am not “the loser at a church full of losers”. If you consider me a loser, that’s your perogative, but I don’t go to church so there (not “their”)!
And I’m certainly not angry. I’m feeling pretty good today actually. I mean if anything your comments suggest that you just might be… lets see, I don’t want to accuse you of being “angry” but definitely a little on the pissy side. And did you really just call me “ugly”… seems a little off considering we can’t see each other. Do you know who I am? Obviously not. That one’s not even worth defending because it’s just silly. Lastly… maybe my prince will come??? Wow, the material this blog produces, that’s just golden! Oh I get it, you were homeschooled, weren’t you? lmao
August 6th, 2008 at 9:51 am
I’m sorry, Reformer, I know my comebacks are not helping matters any. I’ll let it go… Peace!
August 6th, 2008 at 10:00 am
c’mon give me an obama bump said:
August 6th, 2008 at 9:23 am
wow your retarded thats what i just said i dont take myself seriously, but thanks for making my point again. it must have been hard for you being the loser at a church full of losers no wonder you angry. it’s ok though your obviously ugly and that only last forever, but keep correcting peoples grammer and maybe your prince will come.
Hey Einstein, I think they are trying to correct more than your grammer. Get a clue!
August 6th, 2008 at 10:37 am
Okay, you guys. This discussion isn’t going anywhere. Let’s just move on.