Since this is an election year and there has been a recent debate about the conservative stronghold over Christians, I figured I would join the party. I've often thought how easy it is for a political candidate to get Christians to vote for them, and since most evangelicals love five-step methods, here are the five ways to garner political support from the religious right:
1) Claim you have been going to church for years and believe in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior (obvious I know). However, it's also key to release some kind of videotape of yourself praying or speaking at church. (With just that alone you will win 75% of your targeted support).
2) Speak out against gays and abortion and state that you will work to overturn Roe v. Wade and restore prayer in schools (knowing that both are impossible, but hey your potential followers don't know or really care to learn how our legal/political system works).
3) Claim that families are a centerpiece to a "better America" and you will make the restoration of family values your top priority while in office. Don't forget to haul your spouse and 2 to 5 kids on stage with you to show everyone what a family oriented person you are (even though you only see them once or twice a month because you are always on the road and most likely your kids are drug addicts and/or partying alcoholics who sleep around, and you and/or your spouse are in a flirtatious relationship — if not a full blown affair — with one of the cute campaign aids).
4) Make guest appearances on Fox News (especially Sean Hanity or Glenn Beck) and talk about how the liberal media is not giving you fair coverage (even though the local/national news on NBC, ABC, and CBS have done a story on you at least once a week).
5) Claim that any negative press that contradicts your public appearance (i.e. cheating/affairs, drugs/alcohol use, partying/wild past, poor academic record (or lack of one at all), a-hole/diva attitude towards others, dysfunctional family problems, etc.) is all part of a witch hunt by the devil and liberals to destroy you because you are God’s chosen candidate.
6) BONUS POINT: Write a book that tells of your childhood growing up in church, confesses your sins as a teenager/young adult, and promises your commitment to govern with faith over anything else. (The book should win over that last 5% to 10% who doubted you because of the stories about your involvement in some weird cult like group while in high school or college.)
You could add support for the Faith Based Legislation. My brother worked in the Bush White House Office of the Faith Based Initiative and found that Republican support in front of the media quickly turned into a nasty knife fight behind closed doors.
Of course, the greatest Conservative Leader of all time–Ronald Reagan–never went to Church in 8 years and allowed his schedule to be determined by Psychics!
And the key to it all is to put this on your Facebook page–of course, this is after you have one of your aids set it up for you and remind you that it is called “Facebook”, and not “Facebooks”.
Yes, it’s very important to have your facebooks appear on the internets so all the young people can see how relevant you are to their generation.
Great list Reformer!
However, you may want to warn them to be careful who they lift speech material from. Palin-backed Congressional Candidate, Vaughn Ward, (here in Boise) lifted some of Obama’s 2004 Convention speech! Here’s an article if you are interested.