So is there any more interest?

There still seems to be lots of readers and a whole lot of comments.  I say we bring it back.  Any votes for yes?  There's still so much to talk about.

Thank you one and all.

Greetings, fellow Netizens! It is I, Belteshazzar, your newest and latest contributor to all things tithing here at City Business Church. I've been a long-time reader and commenter here and the Mortons have kindly asked me to lend a hand in creating new content. I've been commenting under the name Former Inner Circle Member (FICM), which was a rather vain moniker I'll humbly admit. I've decided to change my alias for a couple of reasons, mainly to get rid of the old awkward one, and also I was jealous of the other bloggers for having such cool super-hero sounding names. In the end, I chose "Belteshazzar" because it's a pretty good hint as to my true identity without giving it away completely. I have good reasons for remaining semi-anonymous, so I will neither confirm nor deny any guesses. If you think you know who I am, look me up on Facebook or email, I'm not hard to find. If you don't know who I am, well, it's probably not important.

I was a part of Bible Temple/City Bible Church for over 10 years. I went to a Christian High School and aspired to be in full-time ministry so I promptly went to Portland Bible College. That worked so well, after my first year I quit to spend the next year working off my tuition debt and figuring out what the heck I was going to do next. But I was still drinking the kool-aid and spent the next decade working my boney butt off trying to please God and the leaders of the church. Man, I did it all, youth ministry, music, mission trips, outreaches, small group leader, started a student group on my college campus, and spent 3 services on Sunday and 2 nights a week in meetings, on top of working at a Christian company and going to a real college. I did everything but actually take a paid staff position at the church. I say all that so that when people have reason to question me or the legitmacy of my complaints at CBC and MFI, or as they call it my "lack of unity", I want people to know that I'm not making this stuff up because I was offended by some off-hand remark or don't understand how things really work there under the big bubbles. I tried it all, and despite all the normal dysfunction of being in a church being run by imperfect people there is one "doctrine" they still teach that I am unable to forgive. I've forgiven all the other petty things done to me or said about, heck, I really don't care what they think of me. But I can't help but feel righteous rage that they still teach and promote tithing and prosperity over the Gospel of Christ. It's something I won't back down on, and I'm not about to apologize to them or anyone else for criticizing, mocking, or satirizing the teaching of tithing=wealth.

So, in the spirit of that, I'll leave you with something I hope you will think is funny or at least though provoking. There was an episode of South Park a few years back where the kids discovered that the Underpants Gnomes were stealing…well, underpants . When confronted, said gnomes gladly shared their business plan:

1. Collect underpants

2.  ?

3. Profit

With a little rearranging, we get…

1. Tithe

2. ?

3. Prosperity

For all the Bible quoting they do about how God will bless you if you give, phase 2 seems to be remarkably absent from this business plan. Next post, I discuss how tithing could actually be costing the church money in the long run.

I found this old post I had written awhile back and never posted. It begins to touch on the social awkwardness of my youth which ultimately lead to the formation of this blog. Anyway, here is a little Morton Family History.

I grew up in an extremely anti-abortion Christian family. My father was heavily involved in the "Operation Rescue" movement which led to our family spending most weekends outside of an abortion clinic. I learned to love protesting and I learned to hate abortion. At the age of 12 I started "Rescuing" (blocking doors to abortion clinics so that patients could not get in) right next to my dad. If you want to see a bunch of riled up heathens, let your 12 year old take a stand against abortion. I couldn't begin to count how many times I heard someone yell out "Your parents are brainwashing you"…yeah, whatever.

My mother spent a couple years (approximately) picking up a group of kids every Wednesday and driving them down to an abortion clinic on Broadway where we would stand out with our signs and take a lot of abuse. I have 3 fond memories of these Wednesday trips (actually 4, but now that I am married I shouldn't mention how much I enjoyed getting crammed next to Jessica Zimmer in my mom's minivan)…anyway, those three memories in no particular order are:

1. Having a dirty diaper thrown at me from a car passing by. It missed by a mile.
2. Being told every week by a complete stranger that they "wish my mother would have aborted me"…to which I would often respond, "She's standing right there, you can take it up with her".
3. When Portland Trailblazer Danny Ainge drove by, stopped his car, honked and waved!!! I still get goosebumps thinking about it. Later, during our homeschool English class my mother had us write letters to Danny thanking him for his support. A couple weeks later my brothers and I all received autographed pictures of him. I still have mine and consider it to be one of my most prized possessions (us homeschoolers are easy to win over).

When you are insulted as much as the Morton Family was, and for such a long and consistent period of time you begin to get tough skin. Combine that with the fact that we were home-schooled and didn't actually have any friends that weren't named Morton and you can begin to see where the social issues would start to set in. In fact the most outgoing activity that we ever did were these Wednesday Protest Trips.

I'm struggling now to remember some of the signs we used to hold…Abortion Stops a Beating Heart…Be A Hero Save a Whale, Save a Baby Go to Jail (which my father did frequently)…then there was always someone holding the extremely grotesque picture of an aborted baby (Hey Mom, I've got some real anxiety issues related to seeing or hearing about sickness… and this bloody fetus is helping at all!)

Anyhow, i don't want to drag this story on for to long and by now you may be wondering how we avoided a life of bombing abortion clinics and instead chose a life of anti-CBC blogging…well, the truth is…CBC is far more fun to pick on than those pesky Pro-Choice'ers. And really, a protest is a protest… I love them all…I do miss dodging diapers though.

I'm running in the Hood-to-Coast relay this weekend with some friends and family, and thus won't be blogging much for the next several days.  I'm both excited and horrified at the prospect of running from Mt. Hood to Seaside, Oregon. But I subscribe to the theory that you only get one life and everybody dies, so you might as well challenge yourself, try new things and see what happens. (and by "see what happens", I mean, regret ever signing up for this thing)

In the meantime, let me leave you with this fun little article sent in by reader, FICM. The article from Christian Post proposes the theory that everytime we watch television or movies in our home, we allow terrorists to visit our family. It's a classic, why people think Christians are Crazy, article. And I certainly heard similar sermons when I was a child. It's so ridiculous, I like it.  

Best quote:

Take the practical steps to remove these terrorists from your home. Limit T.V. viewing. Screen the media your kids want to engage in before you let them do so. This includes T.V., movies, and music. Be careful not to let them have T.V.’s in their bedrooms. Instead of family movie night, have family game night. Not only can you do that, but you must. It is the only hope your children have in the midst of a culture that is bombarding them with missiles of deadly assault at a velocity once unthinkable but now a bitter reality.

Love it!

Hello Bloggers!

I have been invited to join City Business Church as a registered user allowing me to post along with our fearless leaders Catalyst and Reformed Pope (who I attended high school youth group with back in the mid 90s).  I have been a huge fan of this blog since its inception and posted as far back as 2004. Recently I felt God urging me to begin speaking out again so I am pleased to have this opportunity and I will do my best to bring new ideas and prospective to the forefront.  For those of you who know me (formerly ex-City Bible Slave) I look forward to having some in depth discussion about faith, grace, and the call on young people to start a new reformation in the church.  For those of you who don't know me, I look forward to sharing my many good, bad and crazy experiences with you.  I am 30 years old, been married for 9 years, have a 1 year old daughter, grew up in Portland, Oregon, currently live in Los Angeles, California and work in the legal affairs department of a movie production studio.  I truly believe it is time to take a stand against false prophets, heresy, and the destructive Word of Faith/Prosperity lie infiltrating American churches today.  Now I know there will be plenty of haters who try to bring me/us down as they always do, but I'm used to dealing with ego maniacs and never shy away from a good debate.  I know God has bigger things in store for us and this blog, so lets pull together and usher in some change to these destructive places that call themselves a church. Looking forward to a lot of fun.

Sincerely,

The Reformer

Well, at least I am…

After five wonderful years in Washington DC, (the birthplace of City Business Church) I have taken a new job in Chicago, and I will be moving there next week.  It's a great opportunity, and I am very excited about the future. However, this is also likely going to cut into my blogging time. New job, new boss, new city, actually having to do work, well they all add up to a lot less free time for me. Thus, if my blogging is sporatic over the next month or so, that's the reason. But bear with me, I suspect it won't take long for me to figure out how to do nothing and get paid for it, at which point I'll be back to forcing my love of Obama on you, and regaling you with my great tithing jokes.

Also, I feel I should add that ever since I started this blog several years ago, my financial position has improved dramatically. I'm not bragging, I just want others to know that just because you question your pastor and church, that doesn't necessarily mean God is going to curse you. He may in fact, bless you! If the last few years are any guide, God evidently considers blogging the new tithing.

Anyway, thanks for all the support!

Pam over at How God Messed up My Religion just nominated this blog for The Subversive Blogger Award, or something like that. 

Here is her explanation:

3. City Business Church
Not for the faint of heart. These wayward brothers of a local megachurch take to task through biting satire and razor sharp insight the corrupt messaging of the prosperity gospel and overpaid clergy. You have been warned.

Now, I'll be honest, usually when I see the words "Not for the faint of heart" and "You have been warned", I think I'm about to stumble upon some pretty dirty porn.  But uh, evidently those terms apply to this blog as well.  I thought about this for awhile, and decided that Pam was absolutely right. This blog is subversive, and you know what, that's quite alright with me. My goal in blogging is to undermine the Prosperity Gospel and the churches that preach it.

And you know who else was known as subversive, a young messiah I like to call "Jesus Christ".  Calling out the pharisees wasn't exactly the Status Quo at the time. And the Roman Government didn't crucify Christ because he was complimenting them on their excellent management style.  Christ spent the majority of his life, showing people a better way to live. And they killed Him for it. Jesus was a Subversive Savior.

So, thank you Pam. I genuinely appreciate the compliment.

Zetaman is a real life super-hero living in Portland, Oregon. Like most superheroes, Zetman wanted to fight crime. But he found that "fighting crime" in Portland wasn't as easy as it looks.

Heroes in Florida and New York claim to have no trouble finding street crime, but Portland’s darkest alleys are a safety zone by comparison. Zetaman tried patrolling in the parks around Portland State University (don’t people get mugged in parks?). Still no dice.

His 70-plus nights on the street have led him to the conclusion that in Portland, the homeless are the real people in need. Now he wears a backpack stuffed with blankets, hats, gloves and socks to give away. He lugs bags of food and soda. One night last month he gave out five double cheeseburgers and five chicken sandwiches from McDonald’s, along with a 12-pack of Shasta cola.

So know, Zetaman uses his superpowers to help the homeless. But how did Zetaman get his start, you ask.

Zetaman’s origins date back to 2006, a time when he was going through a rough stretch in his personal life. Both he and his wife had temporarily lost their jobs, and at the same time they were hit with thousands of dollars in medical bills when his wife suffered a miscarriage. As the couple sank into debt, collection agencies turned nasty, filing claims against them in court for more than $5,000.

But the Portland megachurch they were attending put more of an emphasis on money than other churches they had gone to, pushing the faithful to give at least 10 percent of their pre-tax income to receive the full blessings of God. The couple couldn’t put up that kind of cash. Friends began praying for them.

“We felt like we were charity cases,” Zetaman says. He made a vow. “I’m gonna find a way to make my name for something. I’m basically gonna stick it to the man. That’s how it started off.”

You know what? That's how this blog started as well. A desire to "stick it to the man". It's amazing how motivating that can be.

(Thanks to Norm!)

Sorry about the lack of posts lately. I am fairly busy at work, and there doesn't seem to be much religious news for me to write about.

Though, for some fun, listen to Dick Iverson's recent sermon at the City Church where he tries to promote Portland Bible College by mentioning a bunch of teachers that no longer work there or were fired by Frank Damazio. Also, when he starts listing all the great teachers, he deliberately cuts himself off as he's about to mention Frank Damazio. It's high comedy. And clearly, he is concered about the direction of that school.

However, I'm not here to discuss PBC. I'm here to discuss HTC. The Hood to Coast Relay. Basically, I have a group that is running the relay this August, and we have an opening for a couple more participants. So, I thought I would throw out an invitation to any of you runners who are interested in doing this.

If your idea of a great Summer weekend is cramming into a van with 12 other people and running in a 196 mile relay from Mt. Hood to Seaside, then email me and we can work out the details. My email is justin.morton (at) gmail.com. This invitation is open to anyone.

Thanks again to everyone who reads and participates on this blog. My intense anger and bitterness wouldn't be possible without you.