This website is a parody of City Bible Church. We are not owned or operated by Frank Damazio or affiliated with City Bible Church. Please do not send us your tithe.
It is not by grace that one enters the kingdom of heaven, but by tithing.

- Damazio 3:16


Archive for the 'Biblical Parody' Category

Act like a Business, Get Sued like a Business

Posted on July 10th, 2008 by catalyst into the Biblical Parody category

A couple readers sent in this article about a man who is suing his church after he got "slain in the spirit".

Now he wants Lakewind Church to pay $2.5 million for medical bills, lost income, and pain and suffering.

Matt Lincoln is suing after the church's insurance company denied his claim for medical bills, he said.

The 57-year-old has had two surgeries since the June 2007 injury but still feels pain in his back and legs.

He said he was asking God to have "a real experience" while praying.

Lincoln said he has fallen from the force of the spirit before but has always been caught by someone.

Lawyers for the church said other congregants saw him on the floor laughing after his fall. They said he failed to look out for his own safety.

I'm sure this will settle out of court, but this is one case I would love to see go to trial. First person I would call to the witness stand would be the pastor, and ask him to explain his power to "slay people in the spirit".

And remember sir, you're under oath.

How to bring more people to Christ?

Posted on May 16th, 2008 by catalyst into the Biblical Parody category

Protest Starbuck's old coffee cup logo. A group of Christians in San Diego is challenging the sexual content of an old Starbuck's logo that the company is now placing on some coffee cups.

I do believe this is spelled out in the Great Commission in Matthew 28:19,20.

"Therefore go and find unimportant, uncontroverisal issues, protesting in the name of James Dobson, Pat Robertson, and Kenneth Copeland. Teach America to become increasingly annoyed with your lack of priorities and your obsession with wealth. And surely I am with you always, though embarrassed by your inability to understand the basics of grace and compassion."

Photo Caption Contest

Posted on April 2nd, 2008 by catalyst into the Biblical Parody category
bob_and_frank_talk_money.jpg
Add your caption to this photo, in the comment section, and win a prize from the City Business Church prize closet.

Dr. Frank Damazio

Posted on March 14th, 2008 by catalyst into the Biblical Parody category

Uh, so according to the New York City Church website, in April,   Dr. Frank Damazio will be a guest speaker. 

As you can imagine, this gives me pause.  I'm not so surprised at the speaking in New York, but at the "doctor" in front of Frank's name.

I didn't know you could get a Doctorate in tithing.

I'm actually genuinely curious to know where he got his degree. 

In any event, I suspect he is a doctor like Dr. Phil is a doctor. And Dr. Laura is a doctor. Basically, really good at telling you how to live your life, but not so good at helping you in an actual medical emergency.

Update: A reader informed me that Frank got his Doctorate from Oral Roberts University. As ORU is pretty much ground zero for the Prosperity Doctrine, this kind of makes sense.

Donny Swaggart

Posted on January 7th, 2008 by joebib into the Biblical Parody, joebib writes category

Don't know if any of you have seen this recent video of Donny Swaggart condemning the Prosperity Preachers, but it is pretty good.

It's in three parts total, and here is the first one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIdTFSIj8AI&feature=PlayList&p=01B905C7DDF1517A&index=0&playnext=1 .

Enjoy.

-joebib

Are all sins the same? (aka Justin beats an issue to death.)

Posted on August 14th, 2007 by catalyst into the Biblical Parody category

Recently, a church in Dallas Texas refused to hold a memorial service for a church member's brother, after finding out the brother was gay. The pastor, Gary Simmons, defended his decision this way:

High Point Church opposes homosexuality, and there was no way the church could host a service that appeared to endorse it, Mr. Simons said.

"Can you hold the event and condone the sin and compromise our principles?" he said. "We can't."

While I disagree that homosexuality is a sin, I'm down with letting churches preach what they want. (Unless, of course, they preach about tithing, and then I WILL RELEASE MY UNHOLY WRATH ON ALL INVOLVED!) …but I digress…. anyway, Mr. Simmons goes on to further explain the churches decision…

The issue was not so much that Mr. Sinclair was, from the church's perspective, an unrepentant sinner, he said. It's that it was clear from the photos that his friends and family wanted that part of his life to be a significant part of the service.

The pastor said that he could imagine a similar situation involving a different sin. Perhaps a mother who is a member of the church loses a son who is a thief or murderer, Mr. Simons said. The church would surely volunteer to hold a service, he said.

"But I don't think the mother would submit photos of her son murdering someone," he said. "That's a red light going off."

This, of course, begs the question, "Is homosexuality a victimless sin?"

“I look forward to Armageddon”

Posted on July 26th, 2007 by catalyst into the Biblical Parody category

Here's a fun video of a recent Christians United for Israel Tour, which is a conference for Christians devoted to helping Israel.

The video was created by a left leaning individual, so it's not exactly your typical Christian video. But it's interviews with the conference participants are absolutely priceless.

Cannonball Baptism

Posted on July 11th, 2007 by catalyst into the Biblical Parody category

The title kind of gives it away, but still pretty funny.

Cannonball Baptism

(Thanks living life.)

Paying to Pray

Posted on June 13th, 2007 by catalyst into the Biblical Parody category

A new website has been established by the International House of Prayer and God TV, called The Prayer Room. The site allows a person to join in prayer over the web anytime of the day.

And, as luck would have it, the organizers of The Prayer Room are offering a free three day trial.

We want to invite you to become one of the thousands that believe with us that God’s agenda includes Global Intercession. This includes touching those in secluded parts of the world with a stream of anointing. With this tool, which was once unknown and hidden is now open to all, the poor and hungry of the Earth.

As a special gift, we are offering a FREE TRIAL to our new High Quality webstream. We trust you will be blessed and encouraged as you join with us and thousands of others around the world, in Day and Night prayer.
 
Until He Comes,

Mike Bickle And Rory Alec

I suspect that when He comes, He is going to be pissed that Bickle and Alec were using His name to charge the poor to pray.

Your Monday Morning Bitterness

Posted on June 4th, 2007 by catalyst into the Biblical Parody category

The blog Monday Morning Insight has linked to David's recent post and offers the following analysis:

Repent, Pastor Frank! 
I agree with Perry Noble when he says that he doesn’t pay attention to his blog critics; but what if the blog in question is one that is specifically set up to bring down your church and your ministry?  How should you respond.  Case in point. What would you do if you were Pastor Frank?  Ignore?  Confront?  This type of thing is starting to do major damage in many churches.  Don’t underestimate the power of the rouge blogger.  (By the way, I don’t know any of the situation of this church, or this blogger… I just use this as an instance to make you think about what you’d do if this type of thing happened in your church.

QUESTION:  If you were Pastor Frank, how would you respond?  Or would you at all?

The comments underneath the blog post are fantastic. As you all know, if you criticize the church, you are bitter and angry and hateful and kick puppies and root for the Lakers and like spam.