Ted Haggard’s Back!
Posted on November 24th, 2008 by catalyst into the Biblical Parody categoryTed Haggard is returning to the church. However, this time he's coming back, not as a pastor, but as a Christian Businessman. And as many of you know, a Christian Businessman is just like any other businessman, except when he loses money, he blames the devil.
From the article:
– "Earlier this month, a guest took the pulpit at Open Bible Fellowship in Morrison, Ill., a 350-member church surrounded by cornfields. The speaker was an insurance salesman from Colorado named Ted Haggard.
The former superstar pastor, disgraced two years ago in a sex-and-drugs scandal, had returned — this time as a Christian businessman preaching a message that was equal parts contrition and defiance. Haggard linked his fall to being molested in second grade and apologized again." –
You see. Haggard didn't cheat on his wife, lie to his church and use illegal drugs because he's a sinful human being. No he did all that because he was molested in 2nd grade. And as many of you church-goers understand, the key to success in the ministry is to be molested at an early age. Update: Because that last sentence seems to have hit a nerve, let me just say that this is something JP and I have been joking about for years. Primarily because our youth pastors at City Bible Church (Bobby Mac and Dougie) both admitted to being abused when they were children. It's as though past abuse is a pre-requisite for becoming a youth pastor.
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