I stole this headline from CNN, because I love that they use "bitter" and "prosperity" in the title. I guess it IS okay to be bitter, you know, if your pastor is ripping you off.

Excerpts from this fantastic article:

And so the 53-year-old accountant from the Tampa, Florida, area pledged $500 a year to Joyce Meyer, the evangelist whose frank talk about recovering from childhood sexual abuse was so inspirational. She wrote checks to flamboyant faith healer Benny Hinn and a local preacher-made-good, Paula White.

Only the blessings didn't come. Fleenor ended up borrowing money from friends and payday loan companies just to buy groceries. At first she believed the explanation given on television: Her faith wasn't strong enough.

"I wanted to believe God wanted to do something great with me like he was doing with them," she said. "I'm angry and bitter about it. Right now, I don't watch anyone on TV hardly."

The silver lining to the upcoming US recession is that more people are going to realize that God doesn't necessarily want them to be rich.

The article continues:

The modern-day prosperity movement can largely be traced back to evangelist Oral Roberts' teachings.

That explains Frank's obsession with wealth.

Critics acknowledge the idea that God wants to bless his followers has a Biblical basis, but say prosperity preachers take verses out of context. The prosperity crowd also fails to acknowledge Biblical accounts that show God doesn't always reward faithful believers, Palmer said.

The Book of Job is a case study in piety unrewarded, and a chapter in the Book of Hebrews includes a litany of believers who were tortured and martyred, Palmer said.

One of my first posts on this blog was a study in the life of Job. 

If you want to believe in the Prosperity Doctrine, fine, go for it. But you're going to be a very disappointed person. A much better "Doctrine" to follow is the "Job Doctrine".

"Naked I have come from my mothers womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." - Job 1:21

(H/T to Locutus)

I finally got around to watching the movie Jesus Camp, and yes, it stirred up a lot of emotions for me considering the fact that I lived that movie (as did many of you all I'm sure…it really shows what life is like growing as a "Charismatic Christian"). I don't really want to take the time to dig into it too much, but I did want to share two quick thoughts that I had:

1. Levi (from Jesus Camp) is Judah Smith (from The City Church). If anyone should be able to relate to that movie it should be Judah Smith. He and Levi are one and the same person. Raised from a very young age to be a preacher…with the heavy emphasis being put on passion and emotion rather than sound Biblical teaching.

2. How did anyone NOT know that Ted Haggard was gay? He only was in the movie for a short time, but it was a short gay time.

If you haven't seen the movie, go rent it and enjoy the trip down memory lane.

…and hilarity ensues.

Once a week, The Washington Post Date Lab sets up singles in the DC area. And this week they picked conservative Christians, Megan and Timothy, delighting me to no end. These two managed to fulfill every possible cliche.  Her favorite book, The Case for Christ. His: The Bible.

Here is a wonderful sample of their date.

Megan: I was glad that he was Christian. But he does things that I don't do, like dancing and drinking and going to movies.

Timothy: It had come up that she graduated from Bob Jones University. People who graduate from Bob Jones are definitely more strict. If she's absolutely against dating someone who likes to go to the movies and have a beer every once in a while, I have to respect her views on that. [But] Jesus never hid from the secular world, and I don't think I'm going to Hell for watching "The Office."

Needless to say, it didn't work out.

This should be a case study on why some Christians can't get married.

According to one lawyer, yes:

A judge agreed in a decision published this week to hear arguments on the claim, and he ordered a financial appraisal  of the church. Lawyers involved in the case said it could represent the first time anyone in New York state has tried to treat a religious institution as a marital asset. 

The wife argues that her husband of 31 years used his Brooklyn church as a “personal piggy bank,” setting his own income, spending the congregation’s tithes as he pleased and running a catering business from the building, according to an account of the claims in state Supreme Court Judge Arthur M. Diamond’s decision….

The wife said $50,000 of the couple’s money went into starting the church, and she should share in value.

“That church is no different than any other business he might have opened,” said the wife’s lawyer, Robert Pollack.

But as you know, God wants everyone to be rich. So move along people, nothing to see here.

(H/T - Chris)

From the Facebook group, I Appreciate Christian Pick Up Lines.

Here are some of the best:

1) "nice bible."

2) "is this pew taken?"

3)  "im a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am."

4)  ''you put the 'cute' back in persecution…''

5)  "so, my parents are home, you wanna come over?"

6)  "welcome to the christian family… the only family where brothers and sisters can marry each other"

7)  "i'm a proverbs 32 kind of guy and you're a proverbs 31 kinda woman…"

8)  "im interested in full time ministry, and not only that… i also play the guitar."

9)  "i'm pretty much considered an elder in the congregation these days"

and my absolute favorite… 

10)  "look, you're nearly 22. most christians are 3 years into marriage by now… just settle for me."

Here is an article from Colorado Springs gazette.com discussing the return of Ted Haggard. It would appear that his previous email discussing his need for financial support and his plans to return to "the Ministry" was not approved by his…well…I don't know what they are…the article calls them the pastors overseeing his restoration…which of course is just the Christian way of saying "sponsor"…anyway Ted's sponsors did not approve of this email being sent out.  Here are some quotes from the article

Disgraced minister Ted Haggard’s e-mailed plea for money and his announced intention to return to religious work was “unacceptable” and “inappropriate,” according to a statement Wednesday by pastors overseeing his restoration.

The four pastor team of overseers said in the statement that Haggard must seek secular employment to support himself and his family.

Sounds like Ted might be a bit of a loose cannon…even with a four sponsor team he still is out running wild

Last week, Haggard, who moved to Phoenix after he was fired by the Colorado Springs megachurch, sent an e-mail to ABC affiliate KRDO about his plans to work in a faith-based halfway house known as the Dream Center. The Dream Center is run by Tommy Barnett, one of Haggard’s spiritual mentors and head of the 15,000-member Phoenix First Assembly of God, which Haggard now attends.

Haggard asked for two years of monthly support while he worked and lived in the Dream Center and he and his wife finished earning degrees at the University of Phoenix.

This is just my opinion, but I don't think anyone should let Ted near a halfway house…let alone let him work there. When you also have addictions it's not called "counseling" it's called "networking". Can you imagine how a counseling session with Ted would go?

Ted: So…you've got a drug addiction…and you've gotten so desperate that you started selling your self out as a male prostitute?

Patient: Uh…no…I'm not a male prostitute…and I’m not here for…

Ted: But you would consider selling yourself…if the price were right…wouldn't you?

Patient: No…That’s ridiculous…I would never…

Ted: Suppose I was to put $1000 dollars in your pocket right now…are you saying that you wouldn't let me…

Patient: What the hell is wrong with you, are you even a real doctor?

Ted: I need to see how strong you are, so this is just a test, but look…here are ten $100 dollar bills…now…very slowly, I'm going to need you to…

Patient: (Runs out of the room)

The good news is that Tommy and his Dream Center are a bit smarter than old Ted gave them credit for

The announcement came as a surprise to the overseers and the Dream Center.

According to the overseers’ statement:

“After their fact-finding was complete, they (overseers) informed Mr. Haggard that his plan and his communications about it were unacceptable. Mr. Haggard’s solicitation for personal support was inappropriate. It was never the intention of the Dream Center that Mr. Haggard would provide any counsel or other ministry. Mr. Haggard will not be moving in or working with the Dream Center. He will not be doing any ministry. He will be seeking secular employment to support himself and his family.”

Edge: Dream Center

You gotta check out this website that promotes loving wife spanking.

It's called Christian Domestic Discipline.

A domestic discipline marriage is one in which one partner in the marriage is given authority over the other and has the means to back the authority, usually by spanking.

A Christian Domestic Discipline marriage is set up according to Biblical standards; that is, the husband is the authority in the household.  He has the authority to spank his wife for punishment, but in real CDD marriages this is taken very seriously and usually happens only rarely.

And to really get you in the mood, here is a wife's desciption of her recent Discipline:

I'm not kidding, I felt my stomach drop when I saw my husband bring out a heavy belt.  It is one of those old ones that came with a silver buckle and had a name stamped on it.  He doesn't wear it much anymore because it is to heavy for style today.  I only got seven, which I have to admit I thought was lenient although I was howling the whole time.  I don't get a discipline often and it is amazing how quickly I forget how much it hurts–just a blinding pain.

Unbelievable! And kinda kinky.

(H/T - Sneth & The Merc)

Faithful reader (and City Business General Counsel), Locutus, sends in this link to a Christian video-sharing website called:

GOD TUBE!

And yes, it's as wonderful as you might imagine. Just try searching under the word "homeschool".

Read this story about Benny Hinn from TheStar.com. I've never been a big fan of his and this isn't helping.

After the prayers, songs and preaching from the charismatic minister, Hinn tells the crowd he is getting a message from God that people in the audience are being cured, and he asks them to come to the stage. The Fifth Estate used hidden cameras to show staff screening audience members coming forward, ensuring none with obvious physical ailment get near Hinn.

"It's always somebody that has some kind of illness that can't be readily seen" that makes it to the stage, Justin Peters, a Baptist minister in Mississippi who studied Hinn, tells the CBC.

Hinn says the cures take place in the audience, not on stage, so no one still in a wheelchair is allowed on stage. God, he says, has obviously not cured these people.

"I won't let them up, because they haven't been healed," he says.

The CBC tracked down some of the people claimed to have been cured, only to find that they were either still sick, never had the condition they were supposedly cured of, or had died.

Speaking to the Star, Hinn says he is forced to rely on the word of those coming to his crusades to tell him they are cured.

"It's not my job to claim that they are healed. I have never done that," he says. "I'm not a doctor."

Anytime you put on a rock show (read: worship service) complete with loud music and flashing lights you will find someone who has had a touch from God…loud music, light shows, inspirational talk may give you the warm fuzzies, but it doesn't make the feelings real. Far too many people are suckers who can convince themselves of anything…of course maybe I'm just a pessimist.

Has anyone here been "touched" at a Benny Hinn Concert?

A megachurch in the DC area will begin telecasting their Sunday morning services in a local movie theater.

McLean Bible Church said yesterday that it will take over the theater's giant screen on Sunday mornings for worship services. The church plans to beam its Sunday services from its McLean campus, where 13,000 people worship on average, onto the Uptown's screen for D.C. congregants who want to pray closer to home.

I have been to a few church services in movie theaters, and I'm not a fan.  I find myself craving popcorn and Juju fruits during the entire sermon. And I always walk away from the service feeling as though I just saw a bad film.

I get that using movie theaters is an economical way to provide church, and I'm cool with that. I just don't like watching my pastors on a screen. No matter how big the screen, I always feel as though I'm missing something real.

McLean Bible also has goals to expand beyond just the Theater:

McLean Bible's move to the Uptown is the church's first foray into the District and a linchpin of its plan to create a "spiritual beltway" around the Washington area by opening nine satellite locations

"Spiritual Beltway", "Satellite Location", where do these pastors come up with this stuff? How come every non-denominational mega-church sounds the same? Is there a manual someone passes out?