In a recent episode of "How to Lose Influence & Alienate your Congregation", Pastor Hank mentioned that he doesn't respect all religions, and then proceeded to list the Ku Klux Klan and White Slavery as religions. (I think he confused the movie Taken with The Mission.)  Nevertheless, I think his initial question is interesting:

What religions do you respect?

Do you respect Methodists, Catholics, Mormons? Do you respect Jehovah Witnesses, Muslims, Buddhists?

Now you know, I pretty much have no use for any organized religion. But I understand from the comment section that a lot of you crazy zealots, think differently. And I'm genuinely curious to hear which religions you respect? Or more specifically, which religions do you think will get into heaven? Do Jews get to go to Heaven?

If I remember my teachings at City Bible Church correctly, most Methodists will go to heaven and some Catholics, but that was about it. Mormons and JW's are a cult. And Muslims and Buddhists are straight up the enemy.

Anyway, genuinely interested in what you all think on this issue? And what is the deciding factor that seperates religions you respect from religions you don't?

Franky D has a new strategy on raising money. Attract the bigots. Last Sunday, August 15, he exhorted his congregation to be proud of their bigotry.  In the middle of his sermon he goes on a lengthy rant refusing to respect all religions. And then he says, and I quote: 

"The problem with that, if you talk to many people the way that I am preaching they will say 'You're a bigoted narrow-minded Christian.' And all you need to do to respond to that is say, 'Thank you very much, that's exactly what I am.'"

The only conclusion I can come to is that Frank got ahold of some informing showing that bigots tithe on a much higher percentage than non-bigots. And thus, he's beginning a 10 month series on attracting bigots to your church. Brilliant! How does he do it? Such a smart pastor. If the members of MFI were thinking properly, all the pastors would stop preaching immediately and just simulcast Frank's sermons directly into their own churches. 

I can just see Mike Servello addressing his congregation, "I was going to speak on having a fire and passion for God. But I just got word that Frank is starting a year long series entitled "Got Bigotry?" And by golly, that's gold. So pay close attention folks. Because after the sermon, we're going to burn some crosses, beat up some homos and then fly down to Hollywood and personally deport the entire cast of The George Lopez Show. Now repeat after me: God is good…."

Way to stay classy, Frank.

(You can view his remarks at www.citybiblechurch.org The lower right hand corner of the front page shows Franks latest sermon. Fast forward to about the 25 minute mark, and you can witness his smooth and professional preaching style in all it's glory)

For high comedy visit www.FrankDamazio.com and check out his Welcome Letter.  If you read it in a yoda voice, it's even better.

The farther I get away from City Bible, the more I'm convinced it's a low level cult.

So its snowing here in Portland (yes, Portland Snow…which isn't much, but will eventually turn to ice and then we will all be stuck in). And it's Sunday morning so I went to my churches website to see if they have canceled today's service or not…of course since my church is rather small they haven't bothered to update the website yet. No big deal…my next thought was to go to City Bible's website (so what if i'm mildly obsessed with the boobs on Rocky Butte) to see if they have canceled their service…and then to see if they are still asking for money.

OF COURSE THEY ARE.

A week can not go by where Frank Damazio doesn't ask someone for a handout.  He's like a successful version of the guy standing on the street corner holding the sign.

"Will preach for food".

"Bet you can't hit me with your tithe"

"Faith Harvest Vet…Anything Helps"

"Why lie…I need a bigger church than that bastard Wendall up in Seattle"

 You've all seen the signs. Anyhow, here is CBC's Snow Day announcement:

Dear Congregation:

Due to the snow and poor road conditions there will be no 11 a.m. service on any of the campuses today, Dec. 14. Spanish and other International Ministry services are also canceled . We will be posting a video of the 9:00 a.m. service on our website this evening.  Remember that you can give online as well.

For those with Blessing Tree gift tags, please return those gifts with the tag to the church by Wed. of this week.

Thanks so much for being a great congregation and may God bless you richly!

In Christ,
Pastor Frank Damazio

Remember that you can give online as well…How could they ever forget?

Reformer, This comment you made was so dead on I thought it deserved more attention and so I am posting it again. The letter that Frank sent out about the Lasit's church plant was so full of manipulation…it was hilariously ridiculous. Thank you, Reformer, for pointing out exactly what Frank Damazio was trying to say: 

Pastor Frank Damazio says: If God speaks to you about being a part of this church plant team, we have learned from experience that it is better for everyone involved that you talk to your district pastor or an executive pastor first before talking to them. We are asking you to follow this process so that we can all be confident we are discovering God’s will in this together. We will not start this procedure until February so we can let emotions settle before plans are made. It would be wise not to assume who will go on this team and not to give your assumptions to others.

Are you kidding me? I just love this stuff. His actions make writing in this blog so easy. What he meant to say was:

“We have learned from experience that if we announce that a very popular youth pastor is leaving (a la Wendel Smith, Steve Carpenter, Bob McGregor, Eric Knox, etc.) that a huge majority of are tithing faithful will want to leave with them. Because this hurts our ability to throw big conferences, lease more needless buildings, buy new suits and drive luxury cars, it’s important that you tell us of your intention to leave so that we can talk you out of it by means of guilt and manipulation. We are waiting until February so that we have enough time to prep all of our district and executive pastors on how to do this. Please do not share you knowledge with others about who is leaving because we don’t want it to get out that some very popular families are tagging along, since that would mean others might decide to join. Trust us, we know what God’s plan is for your life. So please continue to sit in our pews, write checks to the order of CBC, and remain silent.”

Well folks…Frank is not off to a good start. In CBC's last bulletin (from Dec 1^st) Frank said "Please join with us during this December series "The Gift" as we preach the grace of God." As I mentioned earlier, I was very excited to hear the "grace of God" (often referred to as "the Gospel") preached from a City Bible Church pulpit (there are 3 you know). Alas, as it turns out, Frank seems to think that the "grace of God" is Love. Now, I'm not trying to knock the "love of God" which led to the "grace of God" which was sending Jesus to earth to pay for our sins…Love eventually gets us to that wonderful story of the Gospel and grace of Jesus…at least it should…of course at CBC it doesn't always work that way.  

I will now sum up for you what Frank Damazio said in his sermon:

"Love. Love. Love. Love. Love."

Followed by an un-cute anecdote about someone loving someone else, which was then followed by Frank telling you how much God loves you…

…right…God loves us so much so that He…come on Frank…that He sent…you know the story PF…that He sent His only…begotten…damn it Frank…you don't know do you?

That's right people he never got there. This was in fact one of the most boring Frank Damazio sermons I have ever heard…unless you feel the need for someone to tell you meaningless stories followed by saying (as inconvincibly as possible) "God loves you", don't waste your time. (I'm really not trying to belittle God's love here…Frank just didn't convince me that he believes what he was saying…it was rather robotic). Anyway, since this blog is all about entertainment, allow me to point you in the direction of something more enjoyable:

…the remainder of this post has been removed by the author due to conviction of the Holy Spirit (with the help of Joebib).

Just when I thought I had seen every comment out there, James goes and says this:

All religion, spirituality, and any “just causes” set aside, you are really doing an impressive job at ruining this man “Frank Damazio’s” life. Good luck with everything.

I don't quite know what to say about that….so I'll move on to address another comment from Frustrated:

Let’s say for the sake of argument, that you are right. Frank Damazio is a cheater. He steals and manipulates. He focuses way too much on tithing and leaders and minimizes the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Allow me to set the record straight. I, Johnpaul Morton, do NOT (let me stress the word NOT)…I do NOT believe that Frank Damazio is a cheater. I do not believe that he Steals. I do NOT believe that he does anything illegal. I happen to believe that Frank is deceived. I believe that Satan has worked his way into the American culture so much that he has many pastors (PF et al) believing that God wants them to be wealthy. Their eyes are blind to the truth and they have been distracted from teaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ. This does NOT mean that they cheat or steal. People CHOOSE to give them money of their own free will.

Pastor Frank Damazio of City Bible Church in Portland, OR is not an evil person…he just happens to be mislead. Please pray for him. 

Have a Happy Thanksgiving.

I would like to take a moment to update everyone on Faith Harvest. I, naturally, have been listening very closely to all of Frank Damazio's Faith Harvest sermons (this year he started prepping his congregation early with the "Surplus" series which he has carried right into "Faith Harvest" which he titled something like Supernatural Supply…). I've heard them all.

I want to revisit this, even though I already posted it once before…this time though, I'd like to issue another challenge with it. This challenge is for all PBC students who read this blog (and for Ben Windle).

Can any of you explain to me how Frank can get away with telling his congregation that Surplus is a good Bible word that means God wants us to have more than enough? Please take into consideration that when I run a Bible Word Search for "Surplus" I can't find any mention of the word in the NIV or the NKJV, and when I find mention of it in the NASB it is only in the following story from Mark 12:41-44:

The Widow's Mite

 41And He sat down opposite the treasury, and began observing how the people were putting money into the treasury; and many rich people were putting in large sums.

 42A poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which amount to a cent.

 43Calling His disciples to Him, He said to them, "Truly I say to you, this poor widow put in more than all the contributors to the treasury;

 44for they all put in out of their surplus, but she, out of her poverty, put in all she owned, all she had to live on."

Please answer these question:

1. Does this scripture, with the word "Surplus" in it, support Frank Damazio's sermon series titled "Surplus"?

2. Does this scripture teach the opposite of what SPFD is teaching in his Surplus series?

3. What should you do about it?

Any good Bible College Student (or youth pastor) should be able to answer those questions…after all we are all searching for the truth….right? Wouldn't it be safer to say that Surplus is a Frank Damazio word that he has attached to the Bible to make it sound more believable?

Please help me understand how this all works. Thanks.

It's the most wonderful time of the year for us at City Business Church…recently Pastor Frank and I had this conversation:

Frank Damazio:  John? I need to see you right away. It's important.
Reformed Pope: [Walking into Frank's office] What's going on?
Frank Damazio: [sighs] We got three big weeks ahead of us. It's Faith Harvest Season, kid!
Reformed Pope: You sandbaggin' son of a bitch!

Reformed Pope: We are gonna have tons and tons of opportunities to meet gorgeous businessmen that get so aroused at the thought of Surplus that they'll throw their inhibitions to the wind.
Frank Damazio: And who will be there to catch them?
Reformed Pope: Grab that net and catch that beautiful butterfly, pal! What do you like better, Christmas or Faith Harvest Season?
[RP raises his hand]
Frank Damazio: Mr. Pope?
Reformed Pope: Yes. The answer would be, um, Faith Harvest Season?

That's right people, it's Faith Harvest Season…grab that net and catch that beautiful butterfly. Frank actually had a warm up sermon last week to get us prepped for Faith Harvest…but before we get to that…did anyone else read this from the Bulletin a couple of weeks ago?

Today's Thought

There was a great need. A starving crowd of humanity. Thousands of children, women, and men, had not eaten for days and now their stomachs were rumbling. There was a great problem. There was nowhere to buy food. No restaurants, no Red Robin, no Winco, and no money. To give each person even a crumb seemed impossible.

Jesus solved the problem, and He solved it with surplus. He took a little and made a lot. With 5 loaves and 2 fish given to Him by a child, Jesus fed the multitude. In fact, not only did He feed them but they were able to eat as much as they liked.  But notice what happened when everyone had eaten. The disciples collected the left overs and it filled 12 baskets. All the doubters were now collecting left overs.  The miracle was not in the feeding but the message was in the left overs. Left overs are a picture of surplus.

Jesus used this situation to not just feed their stomachs but to feed their minds. It was an object lesson that applies to our lives today. Whenever there is a lack, a need, a crisis, an impossible situation, when God intervenes it is not by the skin of His teeth. God doesnt hold His breath and hope that there is almost enough.

Rather, those 12 baskets are the surplus God has for us. Have a 12 basket mindset. When God meets a need it is always in abundance. It may not be food that we need, but for every need in our lives God is able to go beyond a mere covering of our lives that brings our account to neutral. God is able to bring profit, overflow, more than enough, 12 baskets full surplus to our lives.

I'm really really hoping that is a typo…it could be, there are a number of misspellings as well…but I can only take things as they are written, so…

The miracle was NOT in the feeding??? But the message was in the left overs??? Uh…right. I'm sure as Jesus is feeding the thousands and thousands of people they were all saying:

"Ok, sure he can feed us…5,000 or so…but the real test is if he can have any left over"

"I'll just bet that when the last one of us is fed, he runs out of food… some miracle"

"No Surplus, No miracle".

Give me a break. The miracle was in the feeding…the message was in the feeding…the left over "Surplus" is exactly that…left over extras.

Stop trying to force the scriptures to fit what your pastor wants…instead try standing up and saying, "You know Frank, Surplus isn't really a Bible word in the sense that you want it to be". In fact when I run a Bible Word search for "Surplus" in the NIV I come up with…no results…when I search in the New King James Version (CBC's standard reading as I recall) I come up with…"no results"…when I search in the NASB (my favorite version) I come up with…1 result…shall we read it?

The Widow's Mite

 41^(AH)And He sat down opposite ^(AI)the treasury, and began observing how the people were ^(AJ)putting money into the treasury; and many rich people were putting in large sums.

 42A poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which amount to a cent.

 43Calling His disciples to Him, He said to them, "Truly I say to you, this poor widow put in more than all the contributors to the treasury;

 44for they all put in out of their surplus, but she, out of her poverty, put in all she owned, all she had ^(AK)to live on."

That's right Frank, the one Surplus scripture that I found teaches the exact opposite of what you have been teaching. Please stop misleading your congregation and please start teaching the truth. Frank says "you can't give what you don't have" and I say "Erroneous".