Category Archives: Pastor Hank

Yes, we believe Pastor Hank is really pastor Frank Damazio of City Bible Church, but no one is really sure.

White Party

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That's the title of City Bible's Origin party this Friday.

An alert reader points us to City Bible's website where they the promote event as such:

Yeah, Yeah we know… 
The statistics say that people in their 20's and early 30's have left the church.*
The stats say that Portland, OR is one of the least church attending cities in America**

However, we think something is changing in Portland, OR…

On Friday, April 22nd (Good Friday) we are asking the young adults of Portland, Oregon to celebrate Jesus! Please come down to the Pearl District wearing something WHITE – or all white if you've got the swagger.

You might also be interested to know that the statistics say Portland is one of the whitest cities in America. Heh.  

CBC also mentions the party on Facebook, where their own members take them to task over the title of the party.

Honestly, the party sounds kind of fun. But if I still went to that church, I would hit up Good Will and try to find a couple of those Love Sees No Color T-shirts from the 90's.  Or if I wanted to be a complete ass, I would come dressed up like I was attending a Klan Rally, and then be like, "What? What? I thought this was a white party?"

Which Religions do you Respect?

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In a recent episode of "How to Lose Influence & Alienate your Congregation", Pastor Hank mentioned that he doesn't respect all religions, and then proceeded to list the Ku Klux Klan and White Slavery as religions. (I think he confused the movie Taken with The Mission.)  Nevertheless, I think his initial question is interesting:

What religions do you respect?

Do you respect Methodists, Catholics, Mormons? Do you respect Jehovah Witnesses, Muslims, Buddhists?

Now you know, I pretty much have no use for any organized religion. But I understand from the comment section that a lot of you crazy zealots, think differently. And I'm genuinely curious to hear which religions you respect? Or more specifically, which religions do you think will get into heaven? Do Jews get to go to Heaven?

If I remember my teachings at City Bible Church correctly, most Methodists will go to heaven and some Catholics, but that was about it. Mormons and JW's are a cult. And Muslims and Buddhists are straight up the enemy.

Anyway, genuinely interested in what you all think on this issue? And what is the deciding factor that seperates religions you respect from religions you don't?

Bigots Are Apparently Excellent Tithers

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Franky D has a new strategy on raising money. Attract the bigots. Last Sunday, August 15, he exhorted his congregation to be proud of their bigotry.  In the middle of his sermon he goes on a lengthy rant refusing to respect all religions. And then he says, and I quote: 

"The problem with that, if you talk to many people the way that I am preaching they will say 'You're a bigoted narrow-minded Christian.' And all you need to do to respond to that is say, 'Thank you very much, that's exactly what I am.'"

The only conclusion I can come to is that Frank got ahold of some informing showing that bigots tithe on a much higher percentage than non-bigots. And thus, he's beginning a 10 month series on attracting bigots to your church. Brilliant! How does he do it? Such a smart pastor. If the members of MFI were thinking properly, all the pastors would stop preaching immediately and just simulcast Frank's sermons directly into their own churches. 

I can just see Mike Servello addressing his congregation, "I was going to speak on having a fire and passion for God. But I just got word that Frank is starting a year long series entitled "Got Bigotry?" And by golly, that's gold. So pay close attention folks. Because after the sermon, we're going to burn some crosses, beat up some homos and then fly down to Hollywood and personally deport the entire cast of The George Lopez Show. Now repeat after me: God is good…."

Way to stay classy, Frank.

(You can view his remarks at www.citybiblechurch.org The lower right hand corner of the front page shows Franks latest sermon. Fast forward to about the 25 minute mark, and you can witness his smooth and professional preaching style in all it's glory)

It’s raining, It’s Snowing, The old pastor is worried he won’t get paid this week.

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So its snowing here in Portland (yes, Portland Snow…which isn't much, but will eventually turn to ice and then we will all be stuck in). And it's Sunday morning so I went to my churches website to see if they have canceled today's service or not…of course since my church is rather small they haven't bothered to update the website yet. No big deal…my next thought was to go to City Bible's website (so what if i'm mildly obsessed with the boobs on Rocky Butte) to see if they have canceled their service…and then to see if they are still asking for money.

OF COURSE THEY ARE.

A week can not go by where Frank Damazio doesn't ask someone for a handout.  He's like a successful version of the guy standing on the street corner holding the sign.

"Will preach for food".

"Bet you can't hit me with your tithe"

"Faith Harvest Vet…Anything Helps"

"Why lie…I need a bigger church than that bastard Wendall up in Seattle"

 You've all seen the signs. Anyhow, here is CBC's Snow Day announcement:

Dear Congregation:

Due to the snow and poor road conditions there will be no 11 a.m. service on any of the campuses today, Dec. 14. Spanish and other International Ministry services are also canceled . We will be posting a video of the 9:00 a.m. service on our website this evening.  Remember that you can give online as well.

For those with Blessing Tree gift tags, please return those gifts with the tag to the church by Wed. of this week.

Thanks so much for being a great congregation and may God bless you richly!

In Christ,
Pastor Frank Damazio

Remember that you can give online as well…How could they ever forget?

No Manipulation Here

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Reformer, This comment you made was so dead on I thought it deserved more attention and so I am posting it again. The letter that Frank sent out about the Lasit's church plant was so full of manipulation…it was hilariously ridiculous. Thank you, Reformer, for pointing out exactly what Frank Damazio was trying to say: 

Pastor Frank Damazio says: If God speaks to you about being a part of this church plant team, we have learned from experience that it is better for everyone involved that you talk to your district pastor or an executive pastor first before talking to them. We are asking you to follow this process so that we can all be confident we are discovering God’s will in this together. We will not start this procedure until February so we can let emotions settle before plans are made. It would be wise not to assume who will go on this team and not to give your assumptions to others.

Are you kidding me? I just love this stuff. His actions make writing in this blog so easy. What he meant to say was:

“We have learned from experience that if we announce that a very popular youth pastor is leaving (a la Wendel Smith, Steve Carpenter, Bob McGregor, Eric Knox, etc.) that a huge majority of are tithing faithful will want to leave with them. Because this hurts our ability to throw big conferences, lease more needless buildings, buy new suits and drive luxury cars, it’s important that you tell us of your intention to leave so that we can talk you out of it by means of guilt and manipulation. We are waiting until February so that we have enough time to prep all of our district and executive pastors on how to do this. Please do not share you knowledge with others about who is leaving because we don’t want it to get out that some very popular families are tagging along, since that would mean others might decide to join. Trust us, we know what God’s plan is for your life. So please continue to sit in our pews, write checks to the order of CBC, and remain silent.”

“The Gift” of a Relevant Pastor or …

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Well folks…Frank is not off to a good start. In CBC's last bulletin (from Dec 1st) Frank said "Please join with us during this December series "The Gift" as we preach the grace of God." As I mentioned earlier, I was very excited to hear the "grace of God" (often referred to as "the Gospel") preached from a City Bible Church pulpit (there are 3 you know). Alas, as it turns out, Frank seems to think that the "grace of God" is Love. Now, I'm not trying to knock the "love of God" which led to the "grace of God" which was sending Jesus to earth to pay for our sins…Love eventually gets us to that wonderful story of the Gospel and grace of Jesus…at least it should…of course at CBC it doesn't always work that way.  

I will now sum up for you what Frank Damazio said in his sermon:

"Love. Love. Love. Love. Love."

Followed by an un-cute anecdote about someone loving someone else, which was then followed by Frank telling you how much God loves you…

…right…God loves us so much so that He…come on Frank…that He sent…you know the story PF…that He sent His only…begotten…damn it Frank…you don't know do you?

That's right people he never got there. This was in fact one of the most boring Frank Damazio sermons I have ever heard…unless you feel the need for someone to tell you meaningless stories followed by saying (as inconvincibly as possible) "God loves you", don't waste your time. (I'm really not trying to belittle God's love here…Frank just didn't convince me that he believes what he was saying…it was rather robotic). Anyway, since this blog is all about entertainment, allow me to point you in the direction of something more enjoyable:

…the remainder of this post has been removed by the author due to conviction of the Holy Spirit (with the help of Joebib).

What are you thankful for?

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Just when I thought I had seen every comment out there, James goes and says this:

All religion, spirituality, and any “just causes” set aside, you are really doing an impressive job at ruining this man “Frank Damazio’s” life. Good luck with everything.

I don't quite know what to say about that….so I'll move on to address another comment from Frustrated:

Let’s say for the sake of argument, that you are right. Frank Damazio is a cheater. He steals and manipulates. He focuses way too much on tithing and leaders and minimizes the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Allow me to set the record straight. I, Johnpaul Morton, do NOT (let me stress the word NOT)…I do NOT believe that Frank Damazio is a cheater. I do not believe that he Steals. I do NOT believe that he does anything illegal. I happen to believe that Frank is deceived. I believe that Satan has worked his way into the American culture so much that he has many pastors (PF et al) believing that God wants them to be wealthy. Their eyes are blind to the truth and they have been distracted from teaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ. This does NOT mean that they cheat or steal. People CHOOSE to give them money of their own free will.

Pastor Frank Damazio of City Bible Church in Portland, OR is not an evil person…he just happens to be mislead. Please pray for him. 

Have a Happy Thanksgiving.

Frank’s Harvest…a Natural Supply

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I would like to take a moment to update everyone on Faith Harvest. I, naturally, have been listening very closely to all of Frank Damazio's Faith Harvest sermons (this year he started prepping his congregation early with the "Surplus" series which he has carried right into "Faith Harvest" which he titled something like Supernatural Supply…). I've heard them all.

Basically Frank's sermons have been the same as in years past…a bunch of junk about "seed faith" and "giving to receive", which he most likely learned while studying at ORU. Frank has, however, mixed in a new twist to this years teaching…I'm trying to figure out why, maybe you can help.

For starters PFrank said… "You can't give your way out of a bad debt"…my jaw dropped to the floor when I heard that. I'm fairly certain that in years past the whole Faith Whatever teaching WAS to give your way out of any problem…is Frank starting to get honest?

He followed this up by listing a few OTHER principles that you need to follow in ADDITION to giving him money in order to procure the blessing of God. This is not word for word what he said, but this is the general idea (you can check it out for yourself by listening to the last Surplus message from 3 weeks ago and then his first FH message). Here are some of the other principles you need to follow if you want a financial miracle from God in your life:

  • 1. Get a job…and the work really hard at it.
  • 2. If your first job doesn't pay enough…don't just leave for another job, pick up a second job…and work really hard at it.
  • 3. Cut EVERYTHNG that is in excess out of your life…Don't buy things you don't need.
  • 4. Save your money…spend less than you make.
  • 5. Be a good steward of your finances…You can't give your way out of bad debt.

These are essentially the main points Senior Pastor Frank Damazio brought up during his last few sermons. I shall now sum up my thoughts on PF's teaching:

*No Sh*t Sherlock*

Uh, Frank, so what you are saying is that if we work really hard at our jobs, and spend less money than we make then we will have money left over??? Yeah, that's not really groundbreaking news, buddy, that's just common sense. Oh, and we can't get out of debt by giving you all our money…are you sure about that?

Frank also mentioned that you have to give money to CBC (I think that fell under points 6 & 7). Of course I couldn't help but wonder…if we are cutting out everything that is in excess in our lives, wouldn't Faith Harvest be a good place to start? Frank, I would love to give to your Faith Harvest Offering, but it happens to be "In Excess" so I'm just going to save the money instead.

And Frank mentioned that the reason you may be having financial problems could be "out of your control"… That's right, out of YOUR control. He listed a poor country, in the midst of a famine, with a political party that is controlling all the food as an example of out of YOUR control. Um…I'm thinking…thinking…thinking…yeah, aren't we talking about…to quote you Frank…a "SUPERNATURAL SUPPLY". Would the term "Supernatural" sort of take things out of our control? Frank, are you suggesting that God can NOT supply for those in poor countries or that he WON'T…I think they would like to know.

Frank is going to spend the last few months of this year speaking on Faith and right here you can see how much Faith Frank has himself… God can only perform the same kind of miracles that Tony Robbins (sp) can. Good job PF, just when I thought you couldn't be any more boring you go and do something like this…and TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELF.

Ok, my last thought on the subject…I believe the reason Frank has put so much effort into talking about working hard and keeping your job (he spends a good sermon and a half encouraging everyone to be better employees) is because he recently cut the wages of all of his staff and is afraid that they are all going to quit and go find work at a church that appreciates them.

Maybe they should just get a second job at a church that appreciates them….

A challenge for PBC…and Ben Windle

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I want to revisit this, even though I already posted it once before…this time though, I'd like to issue another challenge with it. This challenge is for all PBC students who read this blog (and for Ben Windle).

Can any of you explain to me how Frank can get away with telling his congregation that Surplus is a good Bible word that means God wants us to have more than enough? Please take into consideration that when I run a Bible Word Search for "Surplus" I can't find any mention of the word in the NIV or the NKJV, and when I find mention of it in the NASB it is only in the following story from Mark 12:41-44:

The Widow's Mite

 41And He sat down opposite the treasury, and began observing how the people were putting money into the treasury; and many rich people were putting in large sums.

 42A poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which amount to a cent.

 43Calling His disciples to Him, He said to them, "Truly I say to you, this poor widow put in more than all the contributors to the treasury;

 44for they all put in out of their surplus, but she, out of her poverty, put in all she owned, all she had to live on."

Please answer these question:

1. Does this scripture, with the word "Surplus" in it, support Frank Damazio's sermon series titled "Surplus"?

2. Does this scripture teach the opposite of what SPFD is teaching in his Surplus series?

3. What should you do about it?

Any good Bible College Student (or youth pastor) should be able to answer those questions…after all we are all searching for the truth….right? Wouldn't it be safer to say that Surplus is a Frank Damazio word that he has attached to the Bible to make it sound more believable?

Please help me understand how this all works. Thanks.