This website is a parody of City Bible Church. We are not owned or operated by Frank Damazio or affiliated with City Bible Church. Please do not send us your tithe.
It is not by grace that one enters the kingdom of heaven, but by tithing.

- Damazio 3:16


Archive for the 'Scriptures' Category

Verse of the Week

Posted on September 4th, 2005 by catalyst into the Scriptures category

Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. - Matthew 24:40

Verse of the week (or last 5 months)

Posted on August 8th, 2005 by Reformed Pope into the Scriptures category

Romans 10:1-4

Brethren, my heart’s desire and my prayer to God for them is for their salvation. 2 For I testify about them that they have a zeal for God, but not in accordance with knowledge. 3 For not knowing about God’s righteousness and seeking to establish their own, they did not subject themselves to the righteousness of God. 4 For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to everyone who believes.

Scriptures from above

Posted on June 13th, 2005 by Reformed Pope into the Uncategorized, Scriptures category

Genesis 2:7 & 18-22 & 25 (New International Version)

7Then the LORD God formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.

18Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him."
19Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name.
20The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him.
21So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place.
22The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man.

25And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

Genesis 3:16 (New International Version)

I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.

Holy Cow, It’s the BIBLE!

Posted on February 4th, 2005 by Reformed Pope into the Uncategorized, Scriptures category

Eccles. 5:10-11 (NIV)
Whoever loves money never has money enough;
whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income.
This too is meaningless.
(Church Gal would like to know what people do with that scripture? No picking and choosing now.)

[11] As goods increase,
so do those who consume them.
And what benefit are they to the owner
except to feast his eyes on them?

Isaiah 52:3 (NIV)
For this is what the Lord says:

"You were sold for nothing,
and without money you will be redeemed."

Acts 8:20-21 (NIV)
Peter answered: "May your money perish with you, because you thought you could buy the gift of God with money! [21] You have no part or share in this ministry, because your heart is not right before God.

Hebrews 13:5 (NIV)
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,

"Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you."

Matthew 19:24 (NIV)
Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."

Disclaimer:
Having lots of money is not a sin, in my opinion. I like to compare money with alcohol; they both are a lot of fun to have, but if you let them control you they can destroy your life.

Lost Scriptures - Part 1

Posted on February 2nd, 2005 by Reformed Pope into the Scriptures, Favorites, Biblical Parody category

I was doing my nightly Bible study and reading up on the beatitudes. I carefully went through each one. "Blessed are the poor in spirit, Blessed are those who mourn, Blessed are the meek…

I got to the last Beatitude "Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness" and became confused. I frantically turned the pages because I new that there had to be more. Where were the other scriptures we have always been taught? What happened to:

Blessed are generous givers,
for they shall inherit great wealth

Blessed are the faithful tithers,
for theirs is the riches of earth

Blessed are the businessmen
for they will be first in the kingdom

Quickly I went to my handy Bible reference guide to show me what had happened to these "Cornerstone" scriptures. My first thought was that it had something to do with those pesky gays, but then I realized that’s silly; gays don’t read the Bible. Then I thought maybe my son had ripped that page out of the Bible, but no he doesn’t read the Bible either. Then I thought those scriptures must only be able to be seen by the highest level of Christian businessmen, but again I don’t think they read the Bible either.

Suddenly, like the curse of Malachi, it hit me. I fell to the floor screaming "Dear God, Noooooooooo." It had just been made clear that those verses aren’t in the Bible. "Smite me now Lord" I yelled, "I have spent my entire life trying to buy happiness and now there is no reason left to live. If I can’t purchase heaven, then I am definitely going to hell"

A voice called out to me "John, or do you go by John-Paul? Is it all right if I call you JP, John-Paul is awful hard to say?"

"Um, God," I responded ‘If you came here to annihilate me will you get on with it."

"My son," the boice boomed "as much as you deserve to be wiped clear off this earth, I will spare your life, but only if go around and educate people on the truth in scripture."

So, here it goes:

Matthew 5:3-10 (NIV)
"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
[4] Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
[5] Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
[6] Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
[7] Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
[8] Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
[9] Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
[10] Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

JESUS TODAY (in a post Measure 36 world)

Posted on January 31st, 2005 by Reformed Pope into the Scriptures, Biblical Parody category

John 8:1-11 (NIV)
But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. [2] At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. [3] The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group [4] and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. [5] In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" [6] They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.
But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. [7] When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." [8] Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.
[9] At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. [10] Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"
[11] "No one, sir," she said.
"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."

I would like to translate this into a modern day story. Lets pretend that Jesus was here on earth living with us today and he was faced with another sexual sin.

But Jesus went to the Butte of Rocky. At dawn he appeared again in the former temple where all the people gathered around him, and He sat down to teach them. Then the pastors and elders brought to Him a man caught in homosexuality. They made him stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this man was caught in the act of homosexuality and would like to marry his sinful partner. Now Measure 36 has been designed to keep this man from redefining marriage.” “Will you vote yes on Measure 36?” They were using this question for political gain, in order to pass the measure.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the new and updated carpet. When they kept on questioning Him, He straightened up and said to them, “He who is with out sin among you, let him vote yes first.” And again He stooped down and wrote on the carpet. At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the man still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked him, “Man, where are they? Has no one voted against you?” “No one, sir” he said. “Then neither do I vote against you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

It is important to note that when Jesus was confronted with this sinner, he did not condemn her, but he also did not condone the sin. He said "Then neither do I condemn you, go now and leave your life of sin." This is grace in its truest form. Here was a woman who was caught in a sinful and immoral act. According to the law she should have been stoned. Her death would have been justified, however Jesus bestowed His grace upon her life. Can you see the parallel to what He has done for you in your life?
Homosexuality is a sin, that should not be denied. I believe that homosexuals are sinful humans, but I also believe that Johnpaul Morton is a sinful human. Do I deserve more grace, because the sins that I have committed are more socially acceptable? No, I deserve hell just as much as the homosexual does. The difference is that God has revealed his grace to me and now I believe in the work and the cross and that has freed me from the penalty of death. The poor homosexual hasn’t had that revelation yet; but don’t think that God can’t forgive their sins the same way he forgave ours.

The problem that I see with today’s church is that they have flipped Christ’s example around. Jesus spent his time on earth rebuking the church and loving sinners. Today’s church spends it’s time rebuking sinners and loving itself. Why are we trying to make the world a more “Christian” place?
Jesus said, "My kingdom is not of this world. If it were, my servants would fight to prevent my arrest by the Jews. But now my kingdom is from another place." John 18:36

God has blessed us with grace to cover our sins, but this doesn’t give us a free pass to sin whenever we want. God is calling us to treat the worldly man with love, just has He treated the adulterous woman. We simply can not allow pride to get in the way of the cross.

"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."

Disclaimer:
I do not approve of homosexuality or gay marriage, in fact from a political standpoint I support the Defense of Marriage Coalition. My main complaint is that this political battle was brought inside the church and turned into a church vs. gays battle. Jesus won people over with love and compassion not by lobbying against them politically. I simply wish that we would treat people with the same love and compassion Christ showed us.

Romans 5:8
But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

Verse of the Week (Dec 23rd)

Posted on December 23rd, 2004 by Reformed Pope into the Scriptures category

1 Timothy 5:19-20 (New International Version)

19Do not entertain an accusation against an elder unless it is brought by two or three witnesses. 20Those who sin are to be rebuked publicly, so that the others may take warning.


Bible Verse of the Week

Posted on December 16th, 2004 by catalyst into the Scriptures, Biblical Parody category

When it was almost time for the Jewish Passover, Jesus went up to Jerusalem. In the temple courts he found men selling cattle, sheep and doves, and others sitting at tables exchanging money. So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple area, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. To those who sold doves he said, “Get these out of here! How dare you turn my Father’s house into a market!”

John 2:13-16

Here is Reformed Pope’s Translation:

When it was almost time for NW Breakthrough Conference, Jesus went up to City Business. In the parking lot he found men charging $20 for parking, and others selling sweatshirts and water bottles. So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the domes; he scattered the cash of the parking attendants and overturned their orange cones. To those who sold shirts he said, "Get these out of here! How dare you turn my Father’s house into a market!"

Bible Verse of the Day

Posted on December 4th, 2004 by catalyst into the Scriptures category

Then said Jesus unto his disciples, "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God." - Matthew 19:24