This website is a parody of City Bible Church. We are not owned or operated by Frank Damazio or affiliated with City Bible Church. Please do not send us your tithe.
It is not by grace that one enters the kingdom of heaven, but by tithing.

- Damazio 3:16


Archive for the 'Seasonal' Category

FOOLISHNESS OF THE CROSS FOR EASTER

Posted on March 18th, 2008 by joebib into the Seasonal, joebib writes category

I was interested in this article from yesterday's The Christian Post, and I must say I agree with the majority of it. The "foolishness of the Cross" refers to Paul's statement in 1 Corinthians 1:17-25 regarding what our emphasis is to be in presenting the Good News of Jesus to the world.

I can't remember the last time I was in an IC that didn't preach a seeker-friendly, purpose-driven, watered-down, I'm-OK-You're-OK "gospel." 

Conversely, neither can I recall the last time I heard a sermon on the Cross, on Hell, or on the sinfulness and depravity of man, holy living, coming Judgment, man's need to repent, or even self-sacrifice — unless it was sacrifice in regard to the giving of money to that particular IC. 

Don't get me wrong…I'm not saying every sermon has to be on the aspect of all this gloomy stuff, as my flesh doesn't enjoy it any more than the next person does.  I, too, prefer to hear about all the good stuff, the blessings, benefits and rewards of serving Jesus.

But as I have sat week after week in various LCs over the years, I've noticed their slow and subtle movement toward preaching only that which offends no one, but instead strokes the hearers…

3 For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires; 

4 and will turn away their ears from the truth, and will turn aside to myths. (2 Timothy 4:3-4, NASB)

I am reminded that the one Person who spoke more on accountability, punishment, and Hell than anyone else in the Scriptures was none other than the lowly, love-filled Jesus. In fact, according to scholars who pay attention to these things, preaching on Hell was Jesus' #1 favorite subject. Surprised

Apparently to Him, warning others of impending judgment constituted the highest manifestation of love for mankind.

Here are the high points of the article:

Many Christians will arrive at Easter this year celebrating only half of what the holiest day in the Christian calendar signifies. "

Easter Sunday is not only a most appropriate occasion for celebration, but it also serves as a yearly sobering reminder of a topic that many people work hard to avoid – the harsh reality of death," said C.J. Mahaney, president of Sovereign Grace Ministries. 

Mahaney was speaking to hundreds in Orlando, Fla., this past weekend at Ligonier Ministries' annual national conference, which concluded Saturday. 

Death is a topic most people like to distance themselves from, Mahaney told the crowd on Friday, including during the Easter celebration. On Easter Sunday, when churches expect fuller pews and higher attendance numbers than usual, people expect to hear messages that are cheerful in tone. 

But that's not what Easter is only about. 

"If we don't understand the harsh reality or theological significance of death, we will never truly celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ," Mahaney stressed. 

Just ahead of the start of Holy Week, which marks the last week of the earthly life of Jesus and is considered the most important week of the year for believers, speakers at the Orlando conference spent three days expounding on Scripture passages that spoke of the cross and resurrection of Jesus. 

Bluntly stated, the cross is bloody, it's an offensive message and it's a shameful death in the ears of the world, said Steven J. Lawson, senior pastor of Christ Fellowship Baptist Church in Mobile, Ala., during the Ligonier conference. 

The word of the cross is foolishness. In other words, it's nonsense, pointless, idiotic, and mindless. "That is what the cross is to the natural man," Lawson noted. 

Even though foolishness to many, a straightforward delivery of the message of the cross and the crucifixion of Jesus is power to those being saved, and it is desperately needed in the church today, he added. 

"It is a distasteful announcement that the herald brings and yet, he is responsible to God to discharge his duty to bring the entirety of the message," Lawson said, noting that heralds are marked by the straightforward delivery of the message regardless of what the results may be. 

"We need heralds. We need to come back to the foolishness of preaching," he emphasized to hundreds as he denounced modern trends of replacing theology with theatrics and expository preaching with entertainment. 

Ligonier Ministries president and founder R.C. Sproul believes many churches are following modern trends and that the church has failed to preach the biblical Gospel. 

"Instead of preaching about mankind's depravity and the truth that citizenship in the kingdom of God comes only by the imputation of Christ's righteousness, we hear about a powerless and insipid Creator and the cheap grace He lavishes upon all," he said in an introduction statement for this year's conference, which was aptly themed "Evangelism According to Jesus." 

And the result of failing to preach the biblical Gospel is evangelism that introduces people to the wrong Jesus, Sproul noted. 

I love Sproul, and "the wrong Jesus" he refers to is doubtless the man-made, Santa Claus "Jesus" of the WOF/Prosperity Movement that wants to give you any- and everything your covetous little heart desires, from a nice big house to expensive, fancy cars in the driveway, and designer sunglasses and clothes, all in exchange for — and dependant upon — you giving all your money to the Senior Pastor's latest monument to his pride, otherwise known as the "building program."

Which is not unlike, it seems to me, the pyramids in Egypt, constructed for the sole purpose of memorializing the Pharaoh-kings who had them built on the backs of the over-burdened people. 

Gone are the sermons of yesteryear Pastor Lawson mentions which actually used to contain biblical theology and expository preaching from the Word, as we see exemplified in the Book of Acts.

I really wonder how many Local Churches will preach a message this Sunday that actually resembles anything Jesus and the Apostles would recognize as glorifying the Cross and His Resurrection? Oddly, one would probably have to go to one of the much vilified, mainline, "high churches" to hear such a sermon. Wink

-joe   

Iowa, baby!

Posted on January 3rd, 2008 by catalyst into the Seasonal category

My predictions:

Democrats

1) Barack Obama

2) John Edwards

3) Hillary Clinton

Republicans

1) Mike Huckabee

2) Mitt Romney

3) Ron Paul

Your thoughts?

Merry Frankmas

Posted on December 24th, 2006 by catalyst into the Seasonal category

I probably won't be blogging again for a couple of days. So I just want to take this time to wish you all a wonderful Christmas.

Happy Thanksgiving

Posted on November 23rd, 2006 by catalyst into the Seasonal category

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving.

 And in the spirit of this fun holiday, I give you:

The Farting Pastor

Yes, yes, I know. We're not exactly a classy bunch.

Thanks Henri

Faith Harvest Follow Up

Posted on October 13th, 2006 by Reformed Pope into the Pastor Hank, City Boobie Church, Seasonal category

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Faith Harvest let me explain:

Faith Harvest begins every year (at CBC anyway) in November with a month of sermons on giving. This is followed up by December in which they speak on giving. And finally reaches its peak in January which is celebrated by a month of sermons on giving. (For those of you doing the math, that's 3 solid months or 1/4 of the years sermons dedicated to giving)

This is how it works. They tell you to give them money so that God will in turn "bless" you. While they never say exactly what that "blessing" is, week after week they have someone stand up and tell a story about when they gave to Faith Harvest they received ________ (fill in the blank with one of the following: Random Check in the Mail, Inheritance, Promotion, Pay Raise, etc). This obviously implies that if you give them money (above and beyond the tithe) God will give you money back. They won't say it, but anyone willing to think logically about the situation will clearly see it's a "give to get" program.

The best is when someone gets up and tells about how they received an "Inheritance Blessing". I can't help but think, "Oh joy, praise the Lord, someone close to me just died and I got paid. Hallalujah."

Of course it's not just a one-time gift they are looking for. No. Instead they want you to write down a pledge to give, over the course of those three months. "Stretch yourself" they tell you, "God honors faith."

They even have you bring your pledge card forward (together) so they can pray over it, asking God to bless you for your gift. Never mind what the Bible says about "letting your left hand know what the right hand is doing". It works though. Look at the beautiful campus that they have (make that multiple campuses). Two Espresso makers with in 50 feet of each other, fancy lighting, and plasma screen TV's all over the lobby. I guess its just more proof that the Bible is legit:

Mathew 6:2

So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full.

A Break for the Holiday

Posted on April 12th, 2006 by Reformed Pope into the Seasonal category

City Business Church will not be holding its regular Sunday Celebration Service this week due to Easter. We feel that this time will be better spent allowing families to come together. As you may know, it takes many people to run a church of this size and our volunteer's deserve a break.  Please enjoy this holiday weekend and be sure to join us on April 23rd when we resume our Sunday Celebrations.

And don't forget to mail or drop off your tithe checks to:

City Business Church

c/o Frank Damazio

9200 NE Fremont

Portland, OR 97220

Bracket Time

Posted on March 20th, 2006 by catalyst into the Seasonal category

I would just like to congratulate Mr. Snethen and Fezzik for NOT picking UNC to win it all. You both are obviously much more intelligent than I. 

Go George Mason!

We are not alone

Posted on December 7th, 2005 by Reformed Pope into the Seasonal category

It’s good to see that we are not alone and it’s a shame to see that they are not alone.

Apparently, there are many mega churches out there that are not holding services on
Xmas. Check out this article from USA Today: http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2005-12-06-christmas-churches_x.htm

Here is a quote from the article:

This is a consumer mentality at work: ‘Let’s not impose the church on people. Let’s not make church in any way inconvenient,’" said David Wells, professor of history and systematic theology at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, a leading evangelical school in Hamilton, Mass. "I think what this does is feed into the individualism that is found throughout American culture, where everyone does their own thing."

I HOPE YOU ARE OFFENDED

Posted on March 29th, 2005 by Reformed Pope into the Favorites, Seasonal, Biblical Parody category

To those who were offended by my last post I would like to say…

Great. Good for you. You should be offended. It is, after all, completely revolting. It disgusts me.

Yes, my story was irreverent. Yes, the thought of Jesus “Tithing on the cross” is distasteful, and yes to do it all on Easter is sickening. The line has completely been crossed…

and…

that’s why we blog.

You see, we truly believe that this is what many churches and Christians have done. They have taken what Christ sacrificed at the cross and traded it in for “the American Dream”. Instead of preaching on forgiveness, they teach that God will curse you if you don’t tithe. Instead of teaching grace they tell you to “Tithe for protection”.

It’s disturbing really. I believe that the gospel of Jesus Christ is the most important part of my walk with God. After all, without it I wouldn’t have a walk with God. Once you get past the gospel you have a religion that puts man in control and that’s pretty scary.

So what does the gospel mean to me?

Everything.

I believe that I am a sinful being, completely unworthy of salvation. I deserve to spend eternity in hell. When Jesus died on the cross, he took my sins and paid for them. I didn’t have to earn His love, and I don’t have to work to keep it. He showed me that no matter what I’ve done He still loves me. How comforting is that? To know that the creator of the universe is on my side. To know that He sacrificed His son so we could spend eternity together. That’s extremely comforting.

I used to try to earn God’s love. I wasn’t any good at it, but I would try anyways. I would look around the church and see all these other people that seemed much better at it than me. Look at that person pray, wow, God must really love them. Look at that one worship, God probably loves them more than anyone. If only I could learn some self control, then I would be on track to heaven…but then I learned that there is no track to heaven, no ladder to climb, no buying your way in. I learned that God’s love for me gets me in. It’s all I need. He sacrificed so I don’t have to worry about it anymore. I just accept the fact that God is in control and try my best to live a life that honors Him.

So I’m glad you were offended,

now what are we going to do about it?

THE PASSION OF THE TITHE

Posted on March 27th, 2005 by Reformed Pope into the Favorites, Seasonal, Biblical Parody category

Recently I asked my son Aiden what Easter was all about. "Candy" was his reply.
I then realized that many people may not know the real Easter story. Lets pull out our City Business Church storybook and re-cap the story of Easter.

There once was a man named Jesus who came to save the world. He went around performing miracles: healing the sick, raising the dead, and turning water into wine. The elders of the local church became angry with Jesus because he called himself the Son of God but never tithed. The went to him and pleaded for his money.

"Don’t you know the scriptures?" they cried, "Malachi and the curse"? "If you truly were the Son of God you would be giving the temple a full 10%. Instead we find you at parties turning water into wine. No, the real King of the Jews would be a successful businessman. You are not the Christ; you are an imposter."

At this point they saw how he was hurting their image so they began to plot to kill him.

Later, they found him in prayer and said to him. "Jesus, we just went over the Member Tithing Report and saw that you haven’t given enough, because of this we must kill you."

They made Jesus carry a large cross in the shape of the letter "t" in order to symbolize Tithe. As he passed through the town the villagers mocked him yelling "Tithe or Die"; they spit on him and made fun of his cheap clothing.

When he reached the top of the hill they nailed him to the Tithe. As he sat upon the cross he cried out "Father forgive me, I haven’t given to the Faith Harvest Offering" and with that he breathed his last.

Three days later his disciples went to his tomb and saw that he had risen from the dead. Later he appeared to them and said "While you thought I had died, I really was in heaven tithing to the temple. And now know this: He that tithes shall gain all and he that doesn’t shall die. It is for this reason that my Father in heaven has sent me."

"I tithed so you might live"

From that day forward the tithe bucket was always full.

This is the reason for Easter. It is a time to remember the tithe. I pray that you all have been touched by this story and will now bring a tenth of all you own to CBC in celebration of the resurrection of the tithe.

May the curse of Malachi never be upon your household.