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It is not by grace that one enters the kingdom of heaven, but by tithing.

- Damazio 3:16


Archive for the 'Things Dougie wouldn't do' Category

Ye have not, because ye ask not

Posted on May 6th, 2008 by catalyst into the Things Dougie wouldn't do category

I file this under, "Sure, why not."  

"Someone's making a lot of money and it's really, really wrong," added Twyman, who founded the Prayer at the Pump movement last week to seek help from a higher power to bring down fuel prices, because the powers in Washington haven't.

The half-dozen activists — Twyman, a former Miss Washington DC, the owner of a small construction company and two volunteers at a local soup kitchen — joined hands, bowed their heads and intoned a heartfelt prayer.

"Lord, come down in a mighty way and strengthen us so that we can bring down these high gas prices," Twyman said to a chorus of "amens".

I sincerely hope this movement replaces See you at the Pole, where students pray in front of the flag pole every morning before school. And instead, I hope we get, "See you at the Pump", where the working class gather around their local gas station every morning before work, asking God to lower gas prices.

As a believer in the Power of Prayer, I figure if God wants to lower prices, He certainly can. Of course, I'm not so sure God actually wants to lower gas prices, but I suspect this has a better chance of keeping oil prices low than, you know, invading Iraq.

At the Shell station, Twyman had dire words of warning for those who are raking in profits from high gas prices.

"Woe be unto those people that are really greedy and taking advantage of American families," he proclaimed from his pump pulpit.

"These prices will come down, just like the walls of Jericho came down in the Bible," he said, as another chorus of amens punctuated the sound of cash flowing out of the gas pumps.

Sounds like a fun and practical preacher.

Was Moses high?

Posted on March 11th, 2008 by catalyst into the Things Dougie wouldn't do category

Reader MH, sends in this newsclip of an Israeli professor who claims that Moses was actually high on drugs when he heard God give him the 10 Commandments.

"As far Moses on Mount Sinai is concerned, it was either a supernatural cosmic event, which I don't believe, or a legend, which I don't believe either, or finally, and this is very probable, an event that joined Moses and the people of Israel under the effect of narcotics," Shanon told Israeli public radio on Tuesday.

Of course it turns out the professor himself is a bit of a druggie.

Moses was probably also on drugs when he saw the "burning bush," suggested Shanon, who said he himself has dabbled with such substances.

Shocker, huh.

Pastor exhorts congregation to have sex every day

Posted on February 21st, 2008 by catalyst into the Things Dougie wouldn't do category

Good Times!

YBOR CITY —A southwest Florida church issued a challenge for its married members this past Sunday: Hanky panky every day.

Relevant Church head pastor Paul Wirth says the 50 percent divorce rate was the catalyst for The 30-Day Sex Challenge.

“And that’s no different for people who attend church,” Wirth said. “Sometimes life gets in the way. Our jobs get in the way.”

Oh, and the flip side of the challenge? No rolling in the sheets for the unwed.

Church member Tim Jones and his fiancee agreed to take on the challenge, though he acknowledges it’ll be a tough month. But he added: “I think it’s worth trying to find out other things about each other.”

It would be nice if pastors stopped treating sex as some type of taboo subject. I think you can take a conservative stance on sex, and still recognize that everyone is having it.

I am all for promoting abstinence, but uh, as someone who graduated from a Christian Highschool, let you me tell all you parents out there, it is not a very effective message.

(Thanks Chris)

You can’t touch this

Posted on January 9th, 2008 by Reformed Pope into the Things Dougie wouldn't do category

Touch Not God's Anointed.

I can hardly count how many times someone has come on to our blog and made that statement. Unfortunately they never follow it up with much substance. A quick scripture or two is quoted and then the conversation is over. Just once I would like someone to stand in and give that sentence a little substance…but it never happens.

MFI and other Prosperity type churches beat this line into their congregation's minds over and over and over until they can all quote it in their sleep, but really…what does it mean?

Touch Not God's Anointed? Well of course not, and here is why:

1 Chronicles 16:22

 "Do not touch my anointed ones;
       do my prophets no harm."

But don't we need more explanation than that? I mean really, shouldn't they have to:

A: Define - "Touch Not"

and

B: Give a list of what qualifies someone as "Anointed"

Unfortunately they can't do it. And the reasons they can't do it is this:

In order to define "God's anointed" they either have to include "All Christians" or "All Leaders" and once they do this they open themselves up for obvious ridicule.

"All Christians" would include those of us on this blog…who clearly have been "touched"…

"All Leaders" would inevitably lead to someone saying "Touch not Hitler"…which is terrible I know, but it is what would happen.

Just for arguments sake, let's say that "God's Anointed" can be defined as "All Christian Leaders" and let's say a "Christian leader" is defined as anyone in a position of authority over at least 300 people (or someone who can bring in $500,000 annually for your church). So now we've got God's Anointed as being pastors of Medium Sized churches and up…

Here's the problem. There is a story floating around Portland that a certain head pastor of a rather large (maybe not quite mega) Christian church has been molesting children…

If we follow the statement "Touch Not" (as it is commonly used) then we would have to tell those poor young boys and their parents to "KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT". Do you see where I am going here? So then we move the line back to say "Touch Not, except for in cases of Molestation" but then once you start moving the line whose to say where it stops?

What about a Pastor who has a Meth Addiction and perhaps is "Gayish"…should we move the line again?

And what if you know your Pastor is outright stealing money from the church offering bucket…another line move?

And if they happen to distort the word of God…can we move the line a little further? No? Ok, I just thought I would try.

I would honestly appreciate it if ANYONE could help me better understand the phrase "Touch Not God's Anointed". Until then, the next time someone tries to manipulate you with that statement, be sure to say:

"Define Touched… Define Anointed".

Transparency in Budgeting

Posted on December 26th, 2007 by catalyst into the Things Dougie wouldn't do category

A reader sends in this link to a church budget. 

The Evergreen Community, a church in Portland, Oregon, posted their entire 2008 budget on the website.

As the readers says, "utterly refreshing".

But I would also add, "extremely effective". The pastor breaks it down to show that every adult pays $16 a month to support the church. If I was a member, I suspect I might chip in $20 next month, just to help them out a little more. 

In my opinion, trust is a more effective form of fundraising than guilt or fear.

Update: I guess the $16 isn't what the church makes per congregation member, but is instead what the pastor is looking for in an increase. Still, knowing that the church is being completely open with their financing somehow makes me much more comfortable giving them my money.

Grandmother shares Christ while being robbed

Posted on December 11th, 2007 by catalyst into the Things Dougie wouldn't do category

In my ongoing attempt to be a little more positive,  here's a nice story:

An elderly grandmother who was robbed at gunpoint ends up sharing Christ with the robber.

Jacobi had just finished putting her groceries inside her car at a Dyersburg Wal-Mart when a man jumped into the car through the passenger's side door. He told Jacobi he had a gun and that he would shoot her if she didn't give him money.

"I'm not going to give you my money," Jacobi said.

In fact. She told him "no" three times.

Then she started to talk to him.
 
"As quick as you kill me I'll go to heaven and you'll go to hell," Jacobi said she told the man. "'Jesus is in this car and he goes with me everywhere I go."

"He just looked around and the tears just began coming down his eyes."

She told him to ask God for forgiveness and ministered to him for 10 minutes inside her car.

"He says, 'I think I'll go home and pray tonight,'" Jacobi said. "I says, 'You don't have to wait until tonight. You can pray anytime you want to.'"
 
As tears were rolling down the man's face, Jacobi voluntarily gave him $10. All the money she had.

Somedays, I feel like I'm that grandmother and Pastor Frank is the gunman…

Reason #128 why Christians can’t get married

Posted on November 12th, 2007 by catalyst into the Things Dougie wouldn't do category

….they post crazy ads like this on Craigslist:

Need 2 Dates for Dec. 7 Church Event 

Seeking two normal, single, available, 30-something Christian guys who are respectful, interesting, and not into playing fantasy internet games because they can't handle interacting with the real world kind of people. Only single men who have a real personal relationship with Jesus Christ and seek to know Him every day should inquire. My house-mate and I are looking for two nice guys that would accompany us to a classy musical church event on Friday, December 7th. It would be a cheap date too, 10 bucks each! We would probably want to meet up before the event just to make sure you are reasonably presentable, not creepy or wierd, and can carry on an appropriate conversation. It would be nice if you would send a photo of yourself in your reply. Bonus points for anyone over 5'6, steadily employed, musical, active, and outdoorsy.

Hat Tip Chris, who I have no doubt has already responded to this ad and will be in the front row of this musical singing along excitedly with his two dates and the rest of the congregation.

Please Contact Your Senator

Posted on November 8th, 2007 by catalyst into the City Boobie Church, Things Dougie wouldn't do category

Pasted below is a letter that I believe should be sent to NW Senator's Gordon Smith, Ron Wyden and Maria Cantwell. 

Dear Senator:

I recently noticed in the news that the Senate Finance Committee, of which you are a member, is holding an investigation into the financial practices of mega-churches throughout the country. As an Evangelical Christian and former member of a mega-church, I applaud this investigation and commend the committee for taking this initiative.

As a concerned citizen, I would also like to call attention to a mega-church in Portland, Oregon that I believe may also be violating non-profit tax codes. The church is City Bible Church (9200 NE Fremont Portland, OR 97220) and is pastored by Frank Damazio. This church preaches the Prosperity Doctrine and promises their members great wealth if they only continue to give the church money. In addition, there is a significant lack of transparency with the finances of this church, as it is very difficult to determine how the pastoral staff spends their "tax exempt" income.

I strongly encourage the Finance Committee to include City Bible Church in any future investigations.

Thank you for your assistance in this matter.

Instructions on sending this letter:

Click on the Senate links below and fill out the Email Form. 

Choose the subject "Taxes" and then cut and paste the letter into the message field.

Washington residents can substitute "The City Church" in place of "City Bible Church" in the letter.

Here are the links:

Oregon Senator Gordon Smith:

http://gsmith.senate.gov/public/index.cfm?FuseAction=Contact.Home

Oregon Senator Ron Wyden

http://wyden.senate.gov/contact/

Washington Senator Maria Cantwell:

http://cantwell.senate.gov/contact/

The Cookie Lady

Posted on August 23rd, 2007 by Reformed Pope into the Things Dougie wouldn't do category

There was an excellent article in the Portland Tribune last week about Sarah Modrall, a wonderful woman who has spent the past eight years working to help people on the streets. We talk a lot about the negative side of Christianity and constantly point out how it fails to meet any real needs in the world, so it's nice to get a chance to focus on someone who gets it right.

In my opinion, Sarah is a great example of how a Christian should live. She has sacrificed a ton, and she doesn't do it to "prosper financially", she doesn't do it for some level of fame, glory, or power…she does it because it is what Christ has called us to do. Here's a quote from the article:

Modrall's kindness, which was first distributed along with bags of homemade cookies, became a key ingredient in a charitable effort that now includes a well-staffed outreach center, partnerships with social service agencies and three Portland-area homes - including her own - that house street kids in transition.

What's surprising is just how unlikely a candidate she might seem for the role she's chosen. A pretty, Texas-born minister's daughter whose own children are grown, she wouldn't be out of place at the country club or relaxing at a vacation home somewhere.

But she found herself called to the rough, seemingly asocial youths who are an indelible part of the downtown landscape, the ones who inspire reactions ranging from pity to annoyance to outright fear.

Sarah is an inspiration to me.

What’s up with Youth Pastors?

Posted on July 25th, 2007 by catalyst into the Things Dougie wouldn't do category

The Slog has a list of youth pastors who were recently caught abusing kids. It's the type of list I suspect you'll find anytime you type the words "youth pastor" into Google News. Which is to say, it's sad, but probably par for the course.

The comments underneath the blog were both for and against youth pastors, and they were quite enlightening. (I should ad that they also drop the F-bomb more than a few times. ) 

Here are a few of the better comments:

It's not that all youth pastors are necessarily pedophiles, any more than all priests or all Boy Scout troop leaders are…it's more that those who have leanings in the pedophiliac direction will be drawn to vocations or avocations where they have access to children.

The real trick is to teach your kids to tell you when anyone, no matter how "trusted" a position they may be in, starts getting a little too touchy-feely or making the kid uncomfortable. If you, as a parent, tell little Madison to hush and not say such nasty things about Pastor Dan when she tries to tell you he makes her feel weird, then you just taught the kid to shut up and do what Pastor Dan wants.

Here's one from a former youth pastor:

I don't mean to be rude, but I was a youth pastor who didn't screw anybody or touch anyone. I met some cool kids who grew into cool adults who now eat the crappy food that my wife cooks for us when they're over for dinner.

To say all youth pastors are child molesters is the same as saying all gays get AIDS.

If you don't like church, fine. Don't go. I don't like Purr or Our Place. But I'm not going to bitch about it.

And here's one that should be a segment on This American Life.

I had sort of the opposite experience with a youth pastor, but he was still a total douchebag.

I was raised Unitarian, so my church was all about abortion rights and gay weddings and winter solstice services. This pastor (gay, in his early 30s) very clearly hated children/teens, but because most churches have the stupid idea that gays + kids = ARMAGEDDON, this guy was going to be the youth pastor to PROVE EVERYONE WRONG. He wanted parents to be angry and us junior high kids to be shocked when he fake-casually mentioned his boyfriend. Since it was a gay-friendly church in the first place, he didn't get the attention he was looking for.

At least it taught me that gay people can be bitter assholes just like anyone else.

My own experience with youth pastors is that most of them are well-intentioned. They're just not that bright.