Category Archives: Things Dougie wouldn’t do

This catagory is full of post that are exactly what the title says they are…THINGS DOUGIE WOULDN’T DO. Try to not let your mind wander too far when reading that.

Questions for City Bible

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The folks from A Year of Sundays are visiting City Bible Church this weekend.

On her twitter feed, Amanda asks if anyone has any stories about City Bible Church, good or bad?

We managed to fill a whole blog with stories from that church, so I do not think we should overwhelm her on that front. However, she also asked if there were any questions we would like her to ask when she visits the boobies on the hill.

I'm throwing this out to you folks. Any questions you would like Amanda to ask when she visits City Bible Church?

You can post the questions below and then I'll point her to this blogpost before the visit.

You can also follow Amanda on twitter feed here.

(Thanks to Pcurtain for the heads up.)

Strippers Protest Outside Church

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Not sure how many of you have seen this story, but for the last several years a church in Ohio has been protesting outside a nearby stripclub. The church, New Beginning Ministries, stands outside the club with signs. They also videotape guys going into the club and post their license plate numbers online.  At some point, the strippers had enough and they staged their own protest outside of New Beginnings Ministry, complete with signs and bikinis. 

I was all set to write some snarky comment about how this probably would increase attendance at church or about how much Jesus loves glitter. But then I watched this video of the two women protesting outside, and I was like, "Ouch."  Because, in theory it sounds funny and odd. But in reality, let's be honest, these women need real help. Girls don't get into stripping because they have great homes lives. These clubs aren't filled with Harvard grads and Doctors. Your typical stripper didn't grow up in a warm household with a father who loved her unconditionally. These girls are desperate. And they're likely stripping because it's the only way they can make decent money. And they're probably supporting a drug habit as well.

So why is the church harrassing these girls. Is this really what Christ had in mind when he said, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone". The church folks shouldn't be protesting outside the club. They should be reaching out to these girls. How many times do you think those girls have been invited over to someone's house for dinner. Or how many times has someone offered to babysit their kids or buy them groceries. You want to stop these girls from selling their bodies, then how about actually helping them find a way out of the situation they are in. Sharing God's grace is going to influence these ladies a lot more than condeming them.

But condemnation is easy. And compassion is hard. So, I guess I shouldn't be surprised that the church took the easy road.

Jumpin on the Grace Bandwagon

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The theme for the 2009 Generation Church Conference is: Embrace Grace

It's nice of the City Church to finally start talking about grace, eight years after it became a popular concept.

Of couse, knowing Judah Smith, the sermon will be 50 minutes of Judah focusing on the word embrace and telling mildly procative stories about how to embrace a lover. Followed by a 10 minute anecdote on how being the star of his high-school basketball team taught Judah to be gracious to the less talented guys on his team. And it will end with him losing a piece of jewelry in his hair. (that hair always cracks me up)

But still, it's better he focus on grace than on cash. So, I'm actually kind of impressed. Good for him.

CENTSPORTS.COM

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For all you degenerates out there who, much like me, enjoy sports and gambling about as much as they enjoy CBC bashing than this is the site for you. CentSports.com gives you a dime and lets you bet away. If you are good you can turn that dime into a dollar…and if you are bad you lose your dime and have to start all over.

 I just started with this last night and am currently betting 100%…thank you Portland TrailBlazers. I'm up to 12 cents and well on my way to my first million.

 Check it out here:http://www.centsports.com/?opcode=280852

No Manipulation Here

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Reformer, This comment you made was so dead on I thought it deserved more attention and so I am posting it again. The letter that Frank sent out about the Lasit's church plant was so full of manipulation…it was hilariously ridiculous. Thank you, Reformer, for pointing out exactly what Frank Damazio was trying to say: 

Pastor Frank Damazio says: If God speaks to you about being a part of this church plant team, we have learned from experience that it is better for everyone involved that you talk to your district pastor or an executive pastor first before talking to them. We are asking you to follow this process so that we can all be confident we are discovering God’s will in this together. We will not start this procedure until February so we can let emotions settle before plans are made. It would be wise not to assume who will go on this team and not to give your assumptions to others.

Are you kidding me? I just love this stuff. His actions make writing in this blog so easy. What he meant to say was:

“We have learned from experience that if we announce that a very popular youth pastor is leaving (a la Wendel Smith, Steve Carpenter, Bob McGregor, Eric Knox, etc.) that a huge majority of are tithing faithful will want to leave with them. Because this hurts our ability to throw big conferences, lease more needless buildings, buy new suits and drive luxury cars, it’s important that you tell us of your intention to leave so that we can talk you out of it by means of guilt and manipulation. We are waiting until February so that we have enough time to prep all of our district and executive pastors on how to do this. Please do not share you knowledge with others about who is leaving because we don’t want it to get out that some very popular families are tagging along, since that would mean others might decide to join. Trust us, we know what God’s plan is for your life. So please continue to sit in our pews, write checks to the order of CBC, and remain silent.”

Good bye Lasits?

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So…rumor has it that Doug & Donna Lasit will be moving to Denver to start thier own church.

 A friend of mine mentioned that and said "It had to be Denver. With all the scriptures in the Bible that talk about rivers and mountains there really isn't much choice".

Which really is funny. I ran a quick Biblegateway search and its amazing how many "confirming scriptures there are" (i.e. Genesis 22:14 "On the mountain of the LORD it will be provided.")

Personally, I think this is a big loss for City Bible Church. A lot of people really like Doug and Donna and I think CBC's image takes a hit when they leave. I mean really, if I'm going to be honest, I'd have to say that even I like Doug, we may not agree on much, but from a strictly social standard I've always like Doug and he has always treated me well. I don't know Donna from a Prophetic Violin so I can't speak to that, but I like Doug.

Of course, this may not be true…after all…how many CBC rumors are actually false…oh thats right…none.

Well Doug/Donna… happy trails.

This of course begs the question: Who's next in line to take over the great big hype maching that is Generation Unleashed?

Dutch Sheets Apologizes for Failings of the Charasmatic Church

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Here is an email from Dutch Sheets apologizing on behalf of the charasmatic community.

It's a little long winded, and he gets into an issue with the Lakeland Church that I don't really understand. But his points at the end are excellent:

1) We, the leaders of the charismatic community, have operated in an extremely low level of discernment.

That is correct.

2) We, the leaders of the charismatic church, spin our involvement and fail to acknowledge our responsibility when other leaders fall – all of which stems from our self-preservation and pride.

Uh, fo shizzo.

3) Our procedures and standards of accountability are incredibly inadequate. We have provided camaraderie, not biblical accountability. 

But you all have pretty hair, so I think Jesus is cool with it.

4) We, the leaders of the charismatic church, have built on hype, sensation, innovation, programs, personality and charisma.

Apology accepted.

Thanks to Henri and Pastor Burt.

Updated:

Oh, and I almost forgot.

TOUCH NOT THY ANNOINTED! 

A little history

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I found this old post I had written awhile back and never posted. It begins to touch on the social awkwardness of my youth which ultimately lead to the formation of this blog. Anyway, here is a little Morton Family History.

I grew up in an extremely anti-abortion Christian family. My father was heavily involved in the "Operation Rescue" movement which led to our family spending most weekends outside of an abortion clinic. I learned to love protesting and I learned to hate abortion. At the age of 12 I started "Rescuing" (blocking doors to abortion clinics so that patients could not get in) right next to my dad. If you want to see a bunch of riled up heathens, let your 12 year old take a stand against abortion. I couldn't begin to count how many times I heard someone yell out "Your parents are brainwashing you"…yeah, whatever.

My mother spent a couple years (approximately) picking up a group of kids every Wednesday and driving them down to an abortion clinic on Broadway where we would stand out with our signs and take a lot of abuse. I have 3 fond memories of these Wednesday trips (actually 4, but now that I am married I shouldn't mention how much I enjoyed getting crammed next to Jessica Zimmer in my mom's minivan)…anyway, those three memories in no particular order are:

  1. Having a dirty diaper thrown at me from a car passing by. It missed by a mile.
  2. Being told every week by a complete stranger that they "wish my mother would have aborted me"…to which I would often respond, "She's standing right there, you can take it up with her".
  3. When Portland Trailblazer Danny Ainge drove by, stopped his car, honked and waved!!! I still get goosebumps thinking about it. Later, during our homeschool English class my mother had us write letters to Danny thanking him for his support. A couple weeks later my brothers and I all received autographed pictures of him. I still have mine and consider it to be one of my most prized possessions (us homeschoolers are easy to win over).

When you are insulted as much as the Morton Family was, and for such a long and consistent period of time you begin to get tough skin. Combine that with the fact that we were home-schooled and didn't actually have any friends that weren't named Morton and you can begin to see where the social issues would start to set in. In fact the most outgoing activity that we ever did were these Wednesday Protest Trips.

I'm struggling now to remember some of the signs we used to hold…Abortion Stops a Beating Heart…Be A Hero Save a Whale, Save a Baby Go to Jail (which my father did frequently)…then there was always someone holding the extremely grotesque picture of an aborted baby (Hey Mom, I've got some real anxiety issues related to seeing or hearing about sickness… and this bloody fetus is helping at all!)

Anyhow, i don't want to drag this story on for to long and by now you may be wondering how we avoided a life of bombing abortion clinics and instead chose a life of anti-CBC blogging…well, the truth is…CBC is far more fun to pick on than those pesky Pro-Choice'ers. And really, a protest is a protest… I love them all…I do miss dodging diapers though.

JM…Have at it.

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JM, a big fan of our little blog here, recently wrote in this comment: 

Thanks for the tip Reformed Pope about the link.

Although after seeing the photos I am even more perplexed that you would lead a blog that makes fun Of Judah's hair.

Here is good parody… put a photo of yourself up and let's see what readers think of it!

Ok, JM, you've been trying to set that comment up for quite some time now…however, you clearly don't know or understand the Morton Family…there is nothing that you or anyone else could say about my appearance that would bother me. I have 6 siblings and we are tougher on each other than anyone else could ever be…so have at it. Enjoy this photo of me…and as a bonus, I've even included the rest of my family. Go for it…my clothes, my hair, my family, its all fair game.

For further understanding of how I work please see this post: How to lose friends and piss off people

Johnpaul Morton and Family

Say Thank You.

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I'd like to take a quick moment to say thank you to all the faithful contributors to this blog. Over the past few months our little blog has averaged over 500 unique visitors each day. I don't know why you are coming by and I don't care. You can love us, you can hate us, you can just be so damn bored at work that you need anything to give your self a break…it doesn't matter. To any and all who stop by…Thank you.