This website is a parody of City Bible Church. We are not owned or operated by Frank Damazio or affiliated with City Bible Church. Please do not send us your tithe.
It is not by grace that one enters the kingdom of heaven, but by tithing.

- Damazio 3:16


Archive for the 'Uncategorized' Category

Are We Witnessing the End of the Religious Right?

Posted on June 22nd, 2010 by catalyst into the Uncategorized, Other Blogs category

Ted Haggard thinks so. This is from his twitter feed.

  • I believe we are at the end of what church historians will, in the future, call the Billy Graham era.
  • I believe we are also nearing the end of the "Religious Right" representing Evangelicalism.
  • My prayer is that over the next 10 years, there will be a Love Reformation and the Gospel will retake the Bible-believing church.

Of course, Ted Haggard isn't the greatest spokesperson. The guy got busted cheating on his wife with a prostitute and taking illegal drugs. He reminds me of the quote, "A liberal is just a conservative who's been arrested."  That said, I do agree that we are nearing the end of the Religious Right representing Evangelicals. 

However, I tend to think it's more a generational thing than anything else. Baby Boomers grew up in the free-love sixties and seventies, without a lot of rules and a serious distrst of authoirity. And then when the Boomers became adults and had kids, they got terrfied and leaned on a legalistic view of the Bible to help keep everyone in line.  Conversely, Gen-X and Millenials grew up in the more conservative 80's and 90's and don't have the same fears of openness and tolerance that Baby Boomers do.  It's not that Christians under 40 are advocating more sex and drugs, they just approach the issues differently. And I expect they will want their churches to approach these issues differently as well.

I suspect that the moral beliefs of the church will remain pretty much the same. The Modern Church will still oppose pre-marital sex. Alcohol and drugs will be frowned on. Homosexuality will probably still be considered a sin. But the difference will be in how these issues are approached in the church. There is gonna be a lot less condemnation and a lot more compassion. Because let's face it. We all sin. And we all need forgiveness.

Signs of an Insecure Pastor

Posted on June 11th, 2010 by The Reformer into the Uncategorized category

A recent comment about a well known pastor got me thinking about what is wrong with many of the churches we talk about on this blog.  The most common thread I found is insecurity.  Insecure pastors do whatever they can to build themselves up, while simultaneously tearing others down. So I did some research.  What I came up with is this list:

Ten Signs of an Insecure Pastor.

10. Micro-Managing:  If a pastor must know what's going on, in every area of ministry, at all times, they are insecure. Having to know what each person and ministry under them is doing and always trying to direct or lead each and every aspect is a practice to ensure that no one out shines them or gets credit for what they have done. This keeps the pastor as number one.

9. Improper Placement:  An insecure pastor usually places people in areas that they are not good at or not very interested in so they won't do it too well. This includes giving people positions they have no business being in so they won't ask questions or leave the church all together. This keeps people looking to the pastor for all of their leadership needs and makes them the focus of the ministry, with all the power. That way church members rely on the pastor for direction rather then God.

8. Spys and Plants:  When someone has a gift or calling and other people are drawn to it, an insecure pastor will often plant a person to come around and sniff it out. They don't want others gifts or calling to take the attention off of them, so they have to watch people with a spy to tell them what they are up to and to ensure that they stay in their place.

7. Always at Church:  Secure pastor invests in family time and allow freedom to their church members to enjoy their lives and pursue other outside interests.  An insecure pastor never leaves the church. They love to call meetings, counsel everyone and spend most of their free time within the four walls. They require their workers to do the same, often burning people out and demeaning them for poor performance.

6. Wrongful Dismissals:  An insecure pastor will ask people to step down from ministry for no apparent reason. They will stop people from doing a good job or who get too much attention because they fear that people will somehow lose loyalty to them if members see someone else as "the next in line." These pastors will often shift people around so as not to allow any one person to be too successful in one area of church ministry.

5. Public Disclosure of Private Facts: An insecure pastor will often bring up members private issues from the pulpit. They will counsel with people, then preach about it the following Sunday. Sometimes they will even call people up to the front and embarrass them by dealing with personal sins before the whole church, making them look bad and keeping them in their place.

4. Yes Men:  An insecure pastor has all sorts of people running around them fixing their clothes, giving them water, even wiping sweat from their foreheads. These pastors won't open their own doors, carry their own bible, or drive themselves around in their own cars. They require others to prove how much they love them before they acknowledge their servanthood, and by then it's too late for any independent thinkers to be apart of the team.

3. No Other Ministry:  When a pastor doesn't believe in or support outside ministry, they are insecure. This is why they never support anyone that does anything outside of their church. They don't create other ministries outside of their control because they fear losing members to them. They keep everything in house and tear down anyone who tries to leave.  And when someone does leave, they make them feel like they are disobedient and going to hell because of it.

2. Artificial/Phony:  An insecure pastor usually puts on a mask to seem spiritual and deep. They refuse to be or seem common with the everyday people because they strive to be worshiped, adored, and even feared by the membership. They depend on their reputation for perfection to create an invisible barrier between them and their members. They have to make others feel less so they will feel important. Their love and respect is artificial.

1. Too Trendy:  The number one sign of an insecure pastor is that they are always worried about what people think of them. They are constantly trying to look and act cool, compare crowd and salvation numbers with other churches, and avoid as much controversy as possible so as to not offend or make people feel uncomfortable.  Their ministry is always politically correct and usually follows trends and the hot flavors of the month.  They foster an environment of hip and cool, rather than real and life changing.

The bottom line is that we must all seek God's wisdom before submitting to any pastor or church. Be careful that you never follow an insecure pastor. It will only lead to bondage and spiritual entrapment.  We must all make sure we are on board with genuine people.  Leaders that cannot admit mistakes or appear as though they never mess up will almost always take us down a path of hurt and deception.  And be sure you are not leading with any of these characteristics yourself.  Let go of the control and rest in what God has already planned for us.  There is no perfect human and a secure person has the ability to say "I was wrong"!

Westboro Baptist to protest at City Bible Church

Posted on May 15th, 2010 by catalyst into the Uncategorized category

Our prayers have been answered. According to the Willamette Week, Westboro Baptist Church will be in Oregon over Memorial Day weekend. WBC is the church that goes around protesting at the funeral of soldiers and such. They will be protesting at several places in the Portland Area, including City Bible Church. The reasoning I guess is that City Bible Church contains faux Christians. (apparently they just don't hate gay people enough). 

http://blogs.wweek.com/news/2010/05/14/look-what-hate-group-is-returning-to-town/ 

Lord knows I have criticized City Bible Church, but if I have to choose between CBC and Westboro Baptist, I'm choosing CBC everytime.  City Bible while manipulative and greedy is at least not evil. Those WBC followers are just genuinely bad people. Seriously. Not good human beings. 

Anyway, what would be a good sign for a counter protest at City Bible? Something that combines both City Bible and Westboro Baptist. Something along the lines of "God's hates Christians who don't tithe"  or "Repent! Your skirt is really tacky." or my personal favorite, but it doesn't really have to do with Westboro Baptist "No Tithe for Oil". 

What do you all got?  

I’m Teabagging 4 Jesus

Posted on May 4th, 2010 by catalyst into the Uncategorized, Biblical Parody category

Here's a little something to keep you all entertained, while I spend my day not blogging. That's just how I roll.

Why Complete Obedience is Dangerous

Posted on March 26th, 2010 by catalyst into the Uncategorized category

It's coming out that the problem of child abuse in the Catholic Church was quite widespread. The most recent accusations involve a priest in Milwaukee, Wisconsin who molested hundreds of deaf children: 

To many, Father Murphy appeared to be a saint: a hearing man gifted at communicating in American Sign Language and an effective fund-raiser for deaf causes. A priest of the Milwaukee Archdiocese, he started as a teacher at St. John’s School for the Deaf, in St. Francis, in 1950. He was promoted to run the school in 1963 even though students had disclosed to church officials in the 1950s that he was a predator.

Victims give similar accounts of Father Murphy’s pulling down their pants and touching them in his office, his car, his mother’s country house, on class excursions and fund-raising trips and in their dormitory beds at night. Arthur Budzinski said he was first molested when he went to Father Murphy for confession when he was about 12, in 1960.

“If he was a real mean guy, I would have stayed away,” said Mr. Budzinski, now 61, who worked for years as a journeyman printer. “But he was so friendly, and so nice and understanding. I knew he was wrong, but I couldn’t really believe it.” 

Just a reminder, but when you preach complete obedience. When questioning authority is a sin. When it's improper to report the sin of a pastor. You create situations like this. Where a person in power can abuse people without consequence. 

And of course, they're often nice wonderful people, in public.

“Darlings of the City Church”

Posted on March 23rd, 2010 by catalyst into the Uncategorized, Comments From Others category

Here's a quick note from another very satisfied reader:  (Changed a little; to hide the writers identity)

My friends are darlings of the City Church up here in Seattle. Reading their posts on social media sites disturbed me–ALWAYS hyper positive (I mean literally they never have a bad day it seems), scripture quoting, and City Church praising. Not to mention frequent bubblings about how God wants us to have whatever we want. I could go on and on about the myriad of other beliefs they have but it would take hours. Suffice it to say this site was a breath of fresh air for me, providing the affirmation that I'm not crazy and this really isn't a sound church organization. At least I know I'm not the only one who hates hypocrisy and craves justice. Anyway, thanks for listening to my incoherent blabbing. 

Thanks for this blog!!! One post a month would be enough!

ONE POST A MONTH! Now you're getting greedy. I was leaning toward two posts a year, both of them focused primarily on my boozing habits.

And by "This blog is a breath of fresh air", I think the writer means "This blog reeks like the stale pungent aroma of a cheap cigar."  

I'm actually surprised that people still find this blog. It's a testament to the power of the internet, I guess. 

This guy didn’t start a blog; he sued his pastor. And won

Posted on March 11th, 2010 by catalyst into the Uncategorized, City Boobie Church, Comments From Others category

I love this story. From the comments:

I found your website and well just say it’s a blessing for me, liberating to be exact that I’m not the only one. Not saying that ur pastor’s an ass, just the thought that it’s ok to questioning the church authority and getting them responsible of it. I did, my ex pastor stepped down a few months ago, now being investigated of fraud. Nice guy, just forgot that he’s serving God not the goods… well anyway what i did to my (ex) pastor was :

Step 1. Questioning him privately first, bluntly in his face (we had lunch, my mom’s one of the church’s biggest donor, he loved us.. a lot), he denied my accusation and play the angry card, accusing me i was a bitter young guy in need for a big-time repent. Then apparently he told everyone about the evil me, hence the asst. pastor calling me -not by name- (quote) “the thorn” in a Sunday service sermon in front of 5000 people, sent by the devil spreading rumors to shake and hurt the “God-Anointed man”.

Well something just ain’t right in the equation about the first class “mission” family trip to Maldives, Hawaii, Baha etc, new SLK & S-Series, ,”the Canaan” (20k sqf mansion, with a private bowling alley thank you) and of course the old time favorite & repeated tithing sermons…
I’m OK with people getting rich, but not with my money (well to be fair, my mom’s mostly) in it and there’re people in the church losing their job, fighting bankruptcy and with illness, yet being told to tithe tithe tithe!
And yet here’s another 45k$ Patek Philippe for the “god anointed man” doing nothing really with no real job but being fat and speaking about how everyone need to give him more $$$.

Step 2. Feed up. I had enough. So I talked with people, convince my mom to take action, looking for affirmation (one of the affirmation was form this lovely site.. again THANK YOU!), yes there’re a lot of people told me to mind my own business, that I’m just a young rascal (was 25 back then) and somehow kept hearing that it is a sin to question “god’s anointing”, well I know a tiger when i see one.

Step 3. I collected all my guts left in me (after been brutally eaten by the church pack) and we (me and some of the elders, my mom included) reported him to the financial committee. Filed a lawsuit (thanks to my mom’s company legal team) and there you go, now he’s spent $$$ paying for the legal fees, bye2 mansion, and sorry Mrs. pastor no more visit to the plastic surgeon…

Am I evil or what? :) Well tell that to the “man of god” who stop funding the elderly home, shutting it literally, denied financial assistance plea from a mother with breast cancer (told her to pray harder, tithe more and god will send miracle depending on how much she will put a seed of faith in here tithing, saying it’s by grace she’ll be healed, she died a few month after unhealed) and bought a new 150k church sound system instead (which cost only 100k, he tithed 50k for himself apparently), not that the one we had broken, it just the Hillsong singers coming and we need to bling up. And oh yes… he gave the infamously evil CA’s props8 tons of $$$ (move away mormons, he gave approx. 215k of the church money) denying people the rights to love and be equal… and we’re not even in USA! (the devil’s own friend, rev. jerry falwell & soon-to-go rev. pat robertson will love this guy company in hell surely).

After the legal huricane, new pastor got in, so this one better keep his hand off my money and use it for the right cause.
Yes you heard me “my money”, I don’t be believe in tithing as a return of God’s money thing, no way, in the The Parable of the Talents, it’s said that the master will taken us into account of the money (skill, etc) entrusted in us… so no way I’m gonna deposit mine in some crooks (who happened ran a money-hunger church) and do nothing about it. Never my intention to dictate pastor what to do, i just expect them to do the right thing as church supposed to do: To act love.

Money (or other things) is not the source of all evil, it’s the willingly evil human hearts, any human hearts are vulnerable including the so-called “anointed one”.

My point is maybe everyone should man up and talk to these pastors in the face, and enjoy the wild ride :)

I Can’t Quit You City Business Church

Posted on March 3rd, 2010 by catalyst into the Uncategorized category

I had no intention of renewing my ownership of citbusinesschurch.org. I was going to let this website go gently into that good night. But they sent me one last reminder; I had a week to renew. A calm came over me, I blacked out, and when I came too, citybusinesschurch.org was back in my hands for another year. 

Meh. 

The problem is I have really lost all motivation to blog about City Bible Church. Mostly, because I feel like we won.  A quick perusal of their website confirms things are not going well financially. The website looks like it was a high-school sophomore computer project. And they're not holding a lot of their usual conferences. That church is definitely in trouble. And I don't want to kick them when they're down.

I've thought about focusing more on the Anti-Christ of the Northwest, Judah Smith. But his most recent twitter account said, and I quote, "Shopping with @frankdamazio…I luv outfitting a man of God!" I can't compete with that. How can you make fun of someone, who with no shame, admits he loves dressing up other pastors like dolls. You can't. 

Then there's always the fun little issue with MFI. Dick Iverson decided to marry his long-time mistress secretary. And the pastors in MFI were none too pleased. They asked him to step down. He declined. And now it appears that City Bible Church and the City Church are both starting their own separate "networks".  I suspect they're making a move to disafilliate with MFI. I wish I cared. 

This is all to say, I renewed the domain. The eight people that still read this blog have another exciting year of no blog posts. At least from me. 

Part of the problem is that the Wordpress we're using is old. And the site doesn't really work all that well. Henri has been an amazing help. But I don't really want him to have to invest a lot of time and money into a blog that I only mildly care about. I am tempted to try to move the blog to another website. But we'll see. If any of you have any suggestions for what to do in the future. Let me know.  

God will make you rich, your ex-wife gets half

Posted on February 18th, 2010 by Belteshazzar into the Uncategorized category

Our long time nemesis Benny Hinn had his wife just file for divorce. 

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100219/ap_on_en_tv/us_televangelist_divorce

"ORANGE, Calif. – The wife of televangelist Benny Hinn has filed for divorce from the high-profile pastor, whose reputation as an advocate of prosperity gospel has attracted millions of followers and criticism from lawmakers and watchdog groups over his lavish lifestyle.

Suzanne Hinn filed the papers in Orange County Superior Court on Feb. 1, citing irreconcilable differences, after more than 30 years of marriage. The papers note the two separated on Jan. 26 and that Hinn has been living in Dana Point, a wealthy coastal community in southern Orange County."

Of special interest is that his wife filed for divorce in California, a no-fault divorce state, so she is likely to get half of everything. I wonder how he is going to fit that into his health & wealth theology? As much as I'd like to point and say "Ha Ha" with my finest Nelson Muntz impression, half of a huge pile of ill-gotten money is still a lot of ill-gotten money. But if I know conservative Evangelicals, his followers will suddenly start closing their wallets over this. We can only hope.

On a side note: This blog has been languishing for awhile. At first it was a technical glitch, and then we just ran out of ways to mock tithing churches. Self-parody eventually takes the fun out of parody, and after awhile you just stop caring. But I couldn't pass on a story that smacked of poetic justice. With that said, I go back into the void…

City Church Sells Rowhouse in DC

Posted on February 18th, 2010 by catalyst into the Uncategorized category

Last September, the City Church sold their DC rowhouse, for 1.6 million dollars. They bought the home in 2006 for 1.4 million and sold it three years later for 1.6. If there was nothing funny about the mortgages (big if), and depending on how much money they invested in the property (they definitely invested a little), then they may have made a nice little profit. Which, you know, good for them. I was clearly projecting a loss on that investment.

I'm not sure why they purchased the home in the first place. I suspect it's because it was during the peak of the Christian Right's influence in Washington, and Wendell wanted to get in on the action. But those days are over, at least for awhile. 

They still have a church in DC, but they are meeting in the auditorium of the American University Campus. Which is probably, what they should have started out doing in the first place.